This is it. The Final Chapter for the saga that is yet to be titled. I have not heard from any big movie companies yet. I am still waiting to sell somebody the book rights. Gentle Reader, your enjoyment is payment enough, although cash is acceptable.
Seriously, it was fun to write and hope you have enjoyed it. I encourage everyone to do something like this. Sometimes you get so caught up in your trip, during your trip, you forget about how much of a good time you are really having. Writing a TR gives you a chance to revisit that time in your life. I really need to get a handle on this sappiness. Sometimes it just sneeks out.
Anyhow...
OK I am warning you now. If you do not have a strong stomach and hate the idea of gluttony, stop right here.
Those of you that are still with me, please join me on this culinary excursion we call Palo.
We dress up a little (think gooder) for this special occasion and arrive at our reservation time. Our table, or rather our buddy Garrish, is not quite ready. We relax in the entry alcove listening to the piano. Our host escorts us to our table where we are greeted by a much amicable Garrish. (Remember, I over tipped for brunch so I am trapped. I cant tip less than brunch.) He thanks me immensely for requesting him as a server.
Garrish recommends some appetizers for us including a pizza. I know Palos is famous for pizza but I can get pizza anywhere and I politely decline. However, bring on the carpaccio of eggplant, the grilled Portobello mushrooms with polenta and of course the calamari you spoke of. Mmmmmmm all of it is so tasty.
Now for our entrees both LOP and I elect the tuna. And because it is lobster night on the ship, my good man Garrish insists we partake of the Palo lobster. Again, who am I to refuse him? We are about half way through our perfectly seared tuna dinners when the lobster arrives. I order tuna very rare and it was done to perfection. I will say the best I have ever had and I have gone on several tuna trips and eaten fish that I caught that morning for dinner. It is also about this time that Garrish sells us on the idea of a chocolate soufflé for desert. It takes about 20 minutes and he should put the order in now if we are to enjoy it. No argument from us.
Constantly he returns to inquire as to whether the dinner is to our liking. What else can he bring us??? I am reaching the point of no return. LOP is not really a lobster fan so I foolishly elect to utilize her lobster also. I also foolishly mention to Garrish that the filets look exceptional and I prefer mine a medium rare. About 10 minutes later he shows up with a filet that I never really ordered. So now I am obligated to eat said filet. Ok so lets recap here, some appetizers, a tuna steak, two lobster tails and now a filet have managed to make their way down my gullet. Garrish also elected to order us a pizza to take with
so our son could enjoy a taste of Palo.
Now I am stuffed beyond all recognition when the desert shows up. Chocolate soufflé with a choice of vanilla or chocolate sauce. We elect for the vanilla. And, some Panna Cotta with the fresh berries. It is all so very, very good. I cannot believe we got it all down. Now I kind of felt like Fat ******* from Austin Powers or maybe more like Chet Ripley (John Candy) in The Great Outdoors after consuming the Ole 96er. I must be pried off of the seat and rolled out the door. Note to
DCL
hire some Oompa Loompas to roll overindulgent fat persons out of Palos like they had to roll Violet after the blueberry pie in the gum incident.
Garrish, my good man, delivers our pizza fresh from the oven and the experience has come to an end. I am trapped, what can I do? Dinner was way better than brunch so I tip accordingly and Garrish is quite pleased. I am thinking forget friends of Bill W., I need to find a Friends of Louie Anderson. If I could just get on Jenny Craig right now
I would probably crush her.
We waddled or I should say I waddled my way down to the Rockin Bar to meet up with our table mates to enjoy the evenings adult entertainment. We wait for XOP to clear the stage for the nights real entertainment. Rich Purpura, the clumsy magician. I already told you, funny guy. We stayed for the 70s part afterward and it was OK. A little overdone, especially since most of the cast members participating in the show were born around 1984. We listened to our table mates complain about the evenings dinner. I guess their lobster night was not very good. What can I say?
I sympathize with you.
We pick up the kids and head to Lumieres for the late night desert buffet. LOP and I are just way too stuffed to eat anything but the pastries are fabulous to look at. What is that at the end? A chocolate fountain? Well maybe we can eat just a little. Another note to DCL
when you have a chocolate fountain, have something besides marshmallows and pineapple for dipping. The banana was OK but freeze it first so it is really cold and hardens the warm chocolate into a gooey perfection. Please also supply some strawberries and some pretzel rods. Just another humble opinion from GrumpyDude, a lover of food, but no expert by any sort.
We head back to the stateroom but there is no way I am going to lie down. I change into some shorts and go on a nice slow walk on deck 4
like a dozen times around and I feel better.
By now there is no one at guest services so I figure it is a good time to get my tips taken care of. Marie, good. Sonya, good. Stateroom guy, good. I felt really bad. I had mis-read his name tag earlier in the week and I had been calling him Aaron all week. Nice guy that he was did not have the heart to tell me I was a stupid guest and that his real name was Ardon. Head server dude, give me a break. Yes I tipped, and I tipped them well.
It is about this time that I asked for a copy of my stateroom charges. OUCH. I mean OUCH. That KTTW card can get you into a lot of trouble. I notice on the bill there are 3 charges for $20 for the same thing. Turns out, those little coupon books we picked up during the shopping excursion presentations were $20 a piece. OUCH. I plead my case. We did not know this. We came in late. We are stupid, stupid tourists. We did not even get $20 worth of free trinkets while in port. OK, they agree to take two of them back. I agree, that is more than fair. I am figuring since the nice guest relations lady is being so nice, maybe she will trim my bill a little farther. Hey, how about half off beverages? I ask. Not a chance. How about 40% off from the ship stores? Not in this lifetime. Maybe buy 1 get 2 free photos from Shutters? I meekly request. She just rolls her eyes
her indication that I am not the first to fall victim to the perils of the KTTW Card. What can I say? I tried.
I am settled down, I go off to bed.
We had wanted Mr. KIA to experience the Disney Character wake up call so we ordered one for the next morning for CC. The phone rings and the poor little guy does not even move. I call in another one for like 5 minutes later and he still is dead to the world. I try one more time and nothing. The phone is like 10 from his head and he does not even move. I run up on top and see we are getting close to CC. We all get ready and go up to Topsiders for some breakfast (I cannot believe I was even hungry after last nights incredible dinner). My man Garrish is working the breakfast shift up there this morning. I cannot believe how much these people work.
Anyhow, we grab some trays of food and a table opens up outside on the port side rail. Perfect for CC viewing as I heard they back the ship in. Sure enough, we make the turn and CC comes into view along with the Flying Dutchman from POC II.
We have a great view until this guy with this Big Ole Butt plants himself between LOP and her viewing pleasure. Lets call him BOB for short. BOB continues to stand there obstructing LOP and Mr. KIAs view that we have so rightfully staked out by my shear brilliance in planning. I mention every comment I can think of. Full Moon today isnt it? How do you like your eggs with a side of a$$ dear? Now, BOBs kid joins BOB at the rail just slightly behind (no pun intended) BOB. So now LOP has BOB Jr. right in her face with her breakfast. I am nimble, I am quick. I jump up and start snapping pictures. I place myself directly between BOB and BOB Jr. hoping they will get the message. Alas, my non-verbal communication skills are failing me now. I have used up all my mojo on CLG six days ago back in the terminal. What else can we do? We get up and leave but not before blocking in BOB and BOB Jr. in at the rail with two tables, three chairs and a trash can
err sorry, refuse receptacle. It was juvenile, I know but others on deck thought that was pretty funny. They got it. Not BOB.
We head back to our stateroom to pick up a day bag. Holy cow the stairwells are packed from 4 down to 2 and we must fight our way through the unruly crowd just to get to our room. We grab the bag and wait in the hall until the all ashore is signaled. I feel bad, but we just cut in front of everyone from two up because, hey our room just happened to be on deck two. Now I heard horror stories that CC could be crowded with no place to sit. So we took off. Passing people along the way. Foregoing the tram, I could have used the walk anyway. We stopped for a quick pic with Captain Jack with the Flying Dutchman in the background.
And we made our way to the family beach. I was looking forward to the hammocks on the beach. I sought one and staked out my territory. I run over a pick up a raft and a tube
well not really a raft
some sort of float mat. Either way another couple of bucks on my OUCH bill. I inquire as to how much to rent a wave runner and I am advised that they are for the Eco Tour. LOP is not comfortable with the idea, so I forgo. In hindsight, especially reading some other TRs I wish I had done it.
I ask if snorkel equipment is needed to swim in the snorkel area. I had my own swim goggles and I am not a big fan of fins. All I need is a blowup swimmy life vest and I can swim away, and the blowup swimmy life vest is free. I took a dip out to the snorkel area and located the sunken Mickey right away. I had to take my swimmy vest off to dive down to take some photos with the cheapie Kodak water camera. I lost my vest and got yelled at by Skippy the life guard. I know I know
but I have been swimming longer than Skippy has been alive in way rougher water than this oversized lagoon. And, if I was drowning, there was no way he was dragging my BOB out of the water without about 7 of his closest friends. Hey I just wanted a picture. So I put my blowup back on and continue further out to look for the submarine. I have no idea how any of these photos came out by the way as LOP and I just have not had the opportunity to drop off the camera for film development.
I swim back in and park my butt in my hammock with LOP while Mr. KIA digs holes in the sand. It is about this time that there is a commotion directly in front of us. Some family has taken over another familys hammock/beach chairs and the women were going at it. It was like being back at the Eagles game. I had a front row seat. Finally, a couple of lifeguards and some other CMs had to come over to get all of the families (especially the women) calmed down. It was the best entertainment I had all week. I would have offered them the opportunity to scrap it out every night in the Rockin Bar D if I were director of entertainment.
We venture up to Cookies and there is our girl Sonya working behind the counter. I cannot believe how much all of these people work. So we grab some grub. Again, I was a little disappointed because I had worked myself up so much reading other TRs about how great the food was. It was just OK. We spent some time at the whale dig (another of Mr. KIA favorite things to do is anything in dirt or sand)
and checked out the shops. I especially enjoyed my time in the island bathroom without the Super Suck-O-Matic.
Back to the water we went. I swam out to the jungle gym with Mr. KIA. He had just taken his first formal swimming lessons this summer. So I was mean and made him swim. We played out there for a awhile then came back and I got my float mat raft thing
might as well get my moneys worth out of it. I am floating, I am relaxing and then my Spidey senses start to tingle. It had been overcast all day with a few sprinkles here and there. That is fine with me because had the sun been out. I would have needed the BJs 55 gallon drum of sunscreen. Now it starts to thunder and lightning. I paddle back in to get LOP and Mr. KIA and we pick up our stuff and head off the beach. Now it thunders right over head and the staff is clearing the beach. I know we are not making it back to the ship so I vote to head for the pavilion directly across. LOP follows me but some how Mr. KIA gets caught up in the crowd (he says he dropped his shoe or something) and disappears.
I tell LOP to stay put and I will go look for him. She flags down a lifeguard and gives him a description while I go off in search of him. I start working my way back toward the ship. I check the shop, I check the bathroom and I check the whale dig. I run back to the pavilion and he has not found his way back to his mother. I run off again. Now you have to imagine the mother of all storms is directly overhead. The lightning makes my hairs stand up and the thunder is deafening and I cannot find my kid. I am constantly being advised by Disney staffers that I must seek cover. AND I CANT FIND MY KID. I run half way back to the boat and still do not find him. On the way back to the pavilion I glance into the islands Kids Club and there he is. He knew he was lost and he knew where the club was so he went there and told them he was lost and they just held onto him. We run the little ways back to the pavilion with the rain starting to come down in buckets and Mr. KIA is reunited with LOP. Man, there are like 26 kinds of emotions going on in her right now. She cries, he cries, two ladies who do not even know us, standing there waiting out the storm start to cry and it is just pouring. Finally, finally the rain lets up and we figure by now, the beach is ruined, lets just head back.
We catch a tram this time. We stop to take some photos of the back of the ship and some more of the Flying Dutchman. We stop to mail some postcards to friends and family.
There sits a John Deere Gator. Mr. KIA simply adores anything John Deere. He makes his mom-mom take him to the John Deere store at least once a month. So he just has to go look at it. There is a maintenance guy hanging around and he tells him to go ahead and sit in it. That was it. The highlight of Mr. KIA entire adventure. Forget the plane ride, the fact that he was on a cruise ship and that he went out of the country to some of the most beautiful places on Earth. Never mind the Disney Characters and the food and the friends. It was all about the John Deere.
We board the Magic for the last time. LOP goes back to the room to get cleaned up. Mr. KIA and I head up to the pool. We had not been in the pool all week, they just always seemed so crowded and there were other things we wanted to do. I guess I was just expecting a little more but I was not a fan of the pool. The kid and family pool any way. The family pool was too small and too warm and the water was just kind of icky with a few days worth of sweaty, sun lotioned up people. Mr. KIA and I managed to corner some room in a hot tub and hung out, just relaxing watching the Dumbotron. We went on back to the room to get ready for dinner.
We go to the last show of the week, the Till We Meet Again show. Another attempt at sappy but what are you going to do? Mr. KIA crashes during the show. I carried him all the way back to the room.
We wake him up for our last night of dinner. We catch a couple of characters we did not get earlier in the week and head off to dinner back to Parrot Cay. Again, cant remember anything I ate except I finally had a Mickey Bar for desert. We just had a really good time with our table mates and servers. I let Mr. KIA give out our tips to Marie and Sonya; he gets a kick out of spending my money.
We lingered, we laughed, and nobody really wanted to go. But we had to. We had late dinner seating and we had not packed a thing. And we had not picked up all of our Shutters pictures yet. And it was approaching 10:30.
Packing easy. Pile up clean clothes, pile up dirty clothes. Clean clothes all in one bag. Dirty clothes in all of the other. Cram in my remaining three bottles of assorted rum so they wont get broken and toss it all out in the hallway for Ardon to take away. We rush up to Shutters with about 5 minutes to spare. And we cant decide. So we stack and decide to return in the morning because we need to go to the two on board stores to pick up some final items. We get kicked out of the stores and back to the stateroom for our last night on board.
I wake up the next morning and I cannot believe we are already docked. LOP and I each shower and it is at this time I realized I have packed all of my remaining underwear the previous evening. I was smart enough to remember some shorts and a shirt but no under-type-garments. Grumpy Dude is goin Commando.
It is a real effort to wake Mr. KIA. He is absolutely spent. We actually dress him while he is sound asleep.
Up to Shutters to make our final decision and LOP decides she wants to order the Christmas card package and the friends and family package for the grandparents. I look at the sign and tell her this stuff needed to be ordered yesterday. Panic sets in. She wants these things. She makes a reasonable request to the staff at Shutters and it turns out that their printers have been running all night and are still running so they can squeeze our order in and it will be ready by 8:30. So we do it. What are a few more bumps on the Ouch O Bill from DCL?
Off to breakfast in PC and again, no one wants to leave. We exchange email and snail mail addresses. Everybody hugs. Can you say group photo. This is really hard. This was my sappy moment. More so than any of the Disney Shows. I could have stayed for lunch. But, they kicked us off. One more stop at the Super Suck-O-Matic and good bye Magic.
I noticed that our disembarkation route was slightly different. You end up in the bottom portion of the terminal. I know that is where they send all of the luggage but I just felt like when I arrived I was escorted through somebodys beautiful front door. When it was time for me to leave, my host made me slink out through the basement or garage. We spotted our luggage, grabbed a porter (well I asked for his help, I did not really grab him) and we were off to the bus. Some final shots of the Magic through the bus window on the way out and it is back to reality.
Now, I can end it here, really I can. But I have a few last parting things to share with you all. We arrive at the airport and the bus only makes one stop. So everybody gets off. Now, we are flying out on Southwest and that is way down the other end of where we were dropped off. So I had to tip an airport porter to cart our bags about 3 miles down to the other end of the airport. Again, just a weird feeling. DCL picked me up right out front
I only had to walk about 10 feet to get on the bus and I did not need to worry about my luggage. When the trip was over, they kicked me off the bus and made me walk those 3 miles to my airline and I had to worry about my luggage because they did not have a drop off service with Southwest. We get to the gate and our flight is after 4pm. It is only 10am. Southwest cannot take any luggage until 3 hours prior to departure. This sucks. So I sit by the counter, counting the hours until I can hand over said luggage and go to the terminal. LOP and Mr. KIA go airport shopping, another of their favorite hobbies. I sit and start reading a book I meant to read for my relaxation portion of the cruise. Finally 1pm arrives and I am released of my burden.
We grab some lunch at Macaroni Grill and head over to our gate. MCO has open wireless internet so I can catch up on emails that I did not review over the week. Our plane arrives and those passengers get off. Then it starts to rain, and rain hard. Our luggage is sitting out on the tarmac waiting to be loaded. Some policy that states airport personnel cant work in thunder storms.
We finally board and head home. Typical rigmarole in Philly. I collect the dampened bags from the carousel and pile everything and everybody outside on a bench while I take my last walk to go pick up the car. Load up and we are off for home. The next morning we start to unpack. LOP opens up a suitcase and everything is soaked. I am talking like a ½ inch of water in the bottom of the suitcase. 47 weeks worth of clothes both clean and dirty must be washed today or they will stink. Souvenirs soaked. Luckily we carried the photos from Shutters or they would have been ruined.
Thats it. The end. I cant believe it. Two days over the long holiday weekend and it is back to reality.
Try there next time for a really memorable, laid back family day at the beach.
