College son wants to devote a whole year to his band

[GoldieSaysMeep]

a guy I work with is in a successful local band. They play Boston, Cambridge, NYC, and places in CT, RI and NH.

But by day he makes a decent living as an insurance claims person. He doesn't have a degree but does have some school experience.

I think your son will be fine as long as he is realistic.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

Let him do it, let him do it, let him do it!!!!

This is the time to do it, before he has kids, before he has a good full time job. My DH was in a band when I met him and stayed in ones for the next five years. The last couple of years, the were receiving a lot of attention, opening for big national acts, record labels looking at them....But then, responsibilty came into play. We had two kids by then, he worked a full time great job while the rest of the band could practice whenever. Major friction. Ultimately, he quit. Too much tension and the money from the band could never support a family. When it was just him and me, we could live on whatever was earned playing. I think he's always going to live with the "what ifs"....

Your son just has to remember that there are thousands of other bands out there, too. The likely hood of being the next big thing is not in his favor. But, if he loves what he does, and they keep a good crowd base and play wherever they can, they will gain exposure and more income. Being in a band (or a band wife, lol) is definitely not a glamorous life. But it is a wonderful experience and one that has a time limit. This is the time to do it.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Wow you guys are making me feel much better. It sounds like I do think like a typical parent. And I'm not a bad parent for letting him do this. (although he could do it without my permission) I think today I'll pick him up some things for his new place, a box of glasses and a couple towels or something.

am 47 years old. I have an "anxious" mother...a worrywart. I can't tell you how much more difficult that makes a child's life...to always be thinking "I can't do this because Mom will worry" or "I can't tell Mom I'm doing this because she will worry". It's very draining to always be monitoring what you tell or don't tell your mother because you know if you tell her certain things, she'll drive you insane with worry.

Wow thanks for this. It hits a bit ahrd but I can be this way and don't want to.

Support the dream, but perhaps encourage him to have a plan in place if it works AND if it doesn't work, encourage him to protect himself and his band legally, encourage him to consider all the possible scenarios and to prepare for them...what if they aren't successful in a year? What is their "stopping" point? What scenarios will have to be inplace for the band to decide :we've had enough, it's time to go back into the real world and go to school and get a job". What if they are successful in a year? How are the expenses and earnings going to be divided? What if one of them wants to leave the band? How does he get "bought out"?

This is great too because I won't only be bringing up the what ifs if it goes badly. His band is very practical. One of the boys fathers was in a band of moderate success and they all have many musician friends. This has caused them to think through more practical things then the average band. They have a band account and are planning to incorporate to make a vehicle purchase. Their earnings as a band always go toward band expenses and an emergency savings account before they get paid.

one found that what he thought would be a FANTASTIC life of doing nothing but performing for a living lost all of it's joy when he could no longer pick and choose gigs based on his personal preferences. when it became a necessity for him to do ANY job offered to him to pay his bills it became just that 'A JOB'.

This is also interesting because the boys are in their purist phase for sure. They regularly turn down work that won't further their career or that they consider beneath them. But that's when they all live at home. They limited their shows considerably this summer, which should be money time in a shore town, because they were working on their album. A luxury they won't be able to afford now. They tell me it shouldn't be about the money. They should be doing it all for the purity of the music. They'll never be a band that lives to get played on mainstream radio since that is all junk. Hehehe.

 

[ckay87]

You don't want to share the name of their band, do you?

 

[Tiggeroo]

Kickin Bear. Look them up on YouTube and my space

 

[SNylund]

One of my three college kids (ahh stress) is in a band. It has achieved moderate local success, they have a mgr. and are in the process of producing a cd. They can work as much as they want here and make better money then most bands. They have played slightly bigger venues like HOB. It is distracting him from focusing on school and I like the other parents have been torn or bothered by it. They have decided to rent a home together in Manayunk and spend a whole year focusing on their band. They want to get into a bigger city scene and also do some college shows. None of them have much money. They put a good deal of their earnings back into their band including renting a rehearsal space. I am stressing this a good deal. I could easily guilt him about this and possibly convince him not to go. But I also want him to either find success or realize they really tried their best and get it out of their system. They are all good local boys who are close to their families but I envision them getting into trouble.
They are paying for this on their own but I don't really see how. I guess a year of ramen, biking everywhere and no cable or meals out or new clothes would be good for him.
He's an adult and can really do what he chooses. But I want him preparing for being able to support himself. If it doesn't work he'll end up back here, going to school and living at home for a couple more years.

I've been down this very road myself. And I am friends with and know countless others that have as well, some of which are still clinging to this career choice

First off, let him do it and get it out of his system. That way he/you won't have to go through a "hey I could have been a rock star if you would have just supported me" etc., etc.

Second, he is obviously young and has plenty of time to go back to school and get a career going and what not after the rock n' roll career. Go ahead and support him all you can, without putting any of your own money into it.

Making it in the music industry was very very tough in the music industry's hey day, and near impossible in this day and age. The Miley Cyrus's of the world are as rare as winning the lottery. For every Miley Cyrus there is literally thousands if not millions of musicians struggling to make a living, playing in sleezy bars, or teaching students struggling to make ends meet.

Even the few musicians I've known that have gotten "record deals" went on to lose the deal, lose whatever little money they made and end up back where they started. And even the ones that manage to get the almighty record deal and are doing better than most, may make a decent amount of money for a few years, but things inevitably drop back off, and its back to struggling. The ones I know that are around my age that are still playing music full time are almost 100% reliant on club owners and play at clubs exclusively, eecking out around MAYBE $500 a week for a good week.

I personally came to the conclusion fairly early (around age 25) that the music biz wasn't worth pursuing, was too much of a long shot, dealt too much with pure luck, wasn't worth putting up with other loser musicians/managers/club owners etc., I'm almost 100% sure he will reach this same conclusion on his own one day as well.

BTW, I went back to school at age 25, got my 4 year degree in 2 and 1/2 years, went to law school and am currently practicing, although I'm pursuing other businesses looking to get out of law, (totally burned out on it) so there is good and bad parts to every profession. No profession is written in stone that a person will have success/be happy etc.

 

[kwelch10377]

I would encourage him to do it. It is something that he loves doing and wants to persue. There are a lot of local bands in the Philly area that do very well given that there are a lot of colleges, which means tons of bars.

Maybe you could try and encourage him to take a few classes online, maybe even in music education. This was he is still somewhat preparing for a future just in case the band doesn't work and learnign about something that he has an interest in.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Totally encourage him.

My husband supported himself for years playing in a band. He was in a mildly successful rock band that played up and down the Central Coast of California. He loved it and he misses it now. The band just sort-of broke up over the years.

We both now work in sound for movies and TV. Almost EVERYONE here at work is a musician of some sort. Our parties simply rock. There was a sitar at the last one.

He will be fine. Let him be a rock star. You neer know, he may end up famous or he may end up with some FAB stories to tell his grandkids.

The alternate to supporting him (not monetarily, EMOTIONALLY) is ugly and you don't want to go there. TRUST ME on this one.

 

[Camicar]

I think people should try for their dreams.

If they try and succed, then WOW! They succeed. Fabulous.

If they try and fail, at least they tried and they'll know they tried. No regrets.

If they don't try, they automatically fail. And they will live with huge regrets than can color their entire lives.

The worst regrets are the choices/efforts we did NOT make, not the failures of our efforts.

 

[AKL_Megs]

For what it is worth...

My parents have been friends with a Psychologist/Psychiatrist couple for YEARS... since I was a kid. One of their sons, in high school, started a band. They kept the band going while they were in college (med school), and also had some local and long distance success (in LA, where their manager was located.) They had a CD and a song that played on a local "alternative" station, and also appeared on a Dateline or 20/20 type show about "young musicians" or something like that.

Long story short, once the song was on the radio, they thought they were going to the "big time", and he quit med school. He would be a psychiatrist like his dad now, but instead, he's a loner who is 33 and still lives in his parents basement. He never went back to med school to finish his degree.

I am not saying this will happen to your son, but there are MILLIONS of bands who think they will make it big. Please encourage your son to stay in college.

 

[MrsPete]

As a parent, I'd have a hard time with this. We all know that music is a VERY competative career, and it takes more than talent to make it pay. He's going to have to be in the right place . . . at the right time . . . with the right people . . . making all the right choices . . . and it's still going to take massive luck. At the same time, it sounds like if he DOESN'T do it, he's going to be regretful and wonder, "Could I have made it?"

I think I'd tell him that I'd be supportive of his decision WITH SOME STRINGS ATTACHED:

1. Give it a date. You said a year. Give it 100% for that year. THEN If things haven't happened, if they haven't been discovered, etc., then he goes for Plan B and he throws himself into college with the same fervor he has invested into his music. Make him promise that if on ____ date, IF it becomes clear that music just isn't going to happen for him, he won't chase a hopeless dream for another decade.

2. No debt. Insist that if he's going to do this, he pays for it FOR REAL. It's very easy for young people to fall into massive debt, thinking that they're going to be able to pay it all off next year or the next once they've made it big. If he can't pay the rent and eat, then he can't afford to do this. If he's forced to buy groceries with a credit card, he's living on false hope.

If he tries it and either succeeds or fails, he'll know whether it's a possbility for him. The worst possible outcome would be moderate success; that would mean that he doesn't have a clear vision of whether he has a real chance or not.

 

[jsmith]

If hes over 21 all you can really do is voice and opinion-hes going to do what he wants.. I have a good friend who is a talented musician-and he did this-and at the end of the year he and his band buddies found a way to go back to school-and to maintain there success-25 years later he is still a metal bassist-and-his day job is rocket scientist (i kid you not). So stand behind him-let him live his dreams-thats what being young is about-if it works out-great -if hot-there are no what ifs later in life;