College and Kids

[Lewski709]

As a parent/s, should we consider the amount of children we create by the ability of whether or not we can pay for them to attend college?

 

[Toby'sFriend]

That's an interesting question Lewski

 

[olena]

That wasn't a consideration for my parents, but it will certainly be one of mine. We're not going to start a family, until we can easily afford private school first. LOL.....we may never get there!

 

[caitycaity]

for us, we do not plan on having more children than we can afford to send to college. the key word being plan -- if we had an unplanned child, we'd do the best we could, but i wouldn't give the child up for adoption just b/c we might not be able to afford college.

my grandarents paid for all of their children who wanted to go to college, my parents would have paid for me and my sister, and i fully anticipate being able to send my children to college. higher education is a huge priority in my family.

 

[SeaSpray]

PERSONALLY we feel it's our responsibility to start our children's adult lives and futures off in the best possible way, which will include college. As long as they continue to get top grades, and have the desire, we WILL pay for their college education. I feel that a couple should not have children unless they have the means to send them to college (or train them in a suitable trade if college isn't right for the child).

 

[Kimberle]

I'm pretty sure we'll be able to pay for most of if not all Brittany's college. A college education is very important to her father & I.

My parents paid for 95% of mine and dh paid for his own. (He had a little help from his employer, but mostly, like 90% we paid.) Since he was 30 when he started college, his parents declined to contribute (though we never asked them). They had paid for his 2 brothers.

Having seen both sides of the coin. I do feel that parents need to help their children get the best start in life that they can. If they can't pay for college, well, then the kids will find a way. If dh's parents had helped him out a bit, we might have been able to get married and have Brittany a bit sooner. Then we might have been able to have another child or two. (I was 36 when I had her.) I don't know how my "advanced" age contributed to my pregnancy complications (HELLP) which ended up in her 11 week premature birth.

I think though, that most parents do what they can to help their kids, whether it is helping to pay for college or babysitting while they work..... There are other ways to "help" without giving them money.

 

[ez]

because I got discouraged doing it on my own and never graduated. Now I'm in a job I hate....I think I would be a happier person if I had a better career.
My son got a 75% scholarship and is paying the rest himself, he is working as well and makes good money. He could've gotten 100% if he retook his SAT's and brought his score up 30 points, but he never even tried, so I don't feel bad him paying himself, although if he couldn't afford it, I'm sure I would.
I think a parent should help their kid go to college, but the kid has to realize that might mean a community college/state school. If thats not good enough for them, they need to do so well that they get a scholarship, or pay the difference themselves(school loans, etc) JMHO

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I voted that college costs are the parents' responsibility.

That said, I also think that starts before they graduate from high school. Parents need to help kids understand that academics are important.... studying hard from the beginning may help pay for the college of their choice.

A full or partial scholarship means the funds set aside for college may be a new car, down payment on their first home, etc.

The only way the money is not "theirs" is if they decide NOT to go to college.

Works for us!

 

[Manda1219]

I am currently putting myself through college. I WISH my parents had saved for me. Every now in then, my father throws in $500 or so, but that only pays for some books. Mom payed for most of the first year, but now it's all on me...

 

[RUDisney]

My parents told me when it was time for college that they had paid for me to go to a prep HS, so I was on my own for college. I graduated in 2.5 years because I wanted to keep the costs down and get out as soon as possible. This was coupled with working 35 hours a week to be able to afford to continue my pace. I went to a private university, too.

Needless to say, I hated college. It was the absolute worst time of my life.

I will not do that to my kids. I want them to enjoy their college years and to get the most out of it academically without worrying about paying for it or about having to work too many hours while attending school.

My siblings feel the same way, as they have all paid for their own educations, too.

We have college funds setup for the kids, so we are planning for their future as well as ours.

I will add, however, that my parents were never in the financial position to pay for us. We knew that if we wanted to live "better" than our parents, we would pay for our educations so we COULD pay for our children's.

 

[DemonLlama]

I think it is interesting that most of decide that college is in our children's future before we ever have them. I know this is true of us. However, since I teach freshman composition at a local community college, I also have another perspective.

MANY of my students are not ready for college when they arrive at the ripe old age of 18 or 19. They are interested in exploring their first real freedom, and becoming an adult in many ways, but education is, sadly, not high on that list for a lot of them. When mom and dad are footing the bill, they often slack off, and fail out of the course, or drop later in the semester, and it doesn't cause them any worries -- the parents will pick up the tab each semester, even for courses they may have enrolled in several times.

My favorite students are the ones who get out of high school, work for a couple of years, and learn whether or not they WANT to go to college. Those who go the military route are fantastic. When they enter my class, they are disciplined, engaged, and work hard. They are committed to their education, particularly since they have made a sacrifice (either through military service, or paying their own tuition, or part of it) to get into that class and earn that degree.

So many college freshmen fail out of college, and there are many reasons. Some have talents that are not served by academia, and some will have those talents but need to do some maturing first. But I have met many students who are at college at 18 anyway because mom and dad had this planned for them from birth. It's kind of like the families who scream at their kids that they've spent a lot of money to go to Disney World and now they are going to enjoy it!!

Here's a case in point: one likable young man this past semester came to my class perhaps once every two weeks, tended to turn his early papers in by the deadlines, but didn't do well because he wasn't in class to work through important parts of the assigment so that his essays were on track. Late in the semester, after he had failed to turn in his research paper, he came by my office. His excuse for missing so much class, and the paper deadline, was that his job came first, because he had to make enough money to pay for his car and the insurance. That was his priority. Mom and Dad had paid for the tuition, but he had to pay for the car, so he'd skip class to get to work, or skip because he was tired from work. Some people will try to make the argument that because kids have to work to pay for school, they suffer. But most of my students are not working to pay for school, they are working to pay for fun. And many of my students are not suffering: they're spoiled.

Don't get me wrong, I want my children to plan to go to college, but I'm open to letting them experience the real world, including the burden of paying bills (and tuition) on a low income to learn the value of an education first. Once they are mature enough to accept the responsiblity, I will do whatever I can to help.

 

[Manda1219]

Originally posted by DemonLlama
But most of my students are not working to pay for school, they are working to pay for fun. And many of my students are not suffering: they're spoiled.

I couldn't agree more. While every penny I have goes to school (I haven't bought clothes or anything else for myself in a VERY long time), a lot of people I know, or used to know, whose parents pay for school, spend every penny they earn on beer. I think it's pretty sad. Their parents spend a lot of money, while they party all night long and do poorly in school.
I took a year off from school and got weighed down with a lot of baggage, emotional etc...Helped my mom with bills and went through a LOT of difficulties. During this time I matured a LOT...I reccommend a year off to anyone. Now I take school and work seriously, and know my priorities. Last semester I got 3 A's and a B. The year help me to figure out what was important to me.
A lot of parents seem to push their children into school immediatly, thinking it's what's best for them. But most college students I know have spent this time partying and will get a smack in the face when they come out into the real world.
Paying for myself has made me a lot more concious of my decisions. Don't get me wrong, not every student whose parents pay their way parties all night long and fails out...It all depends on the kid.
My advice is this, save for your kids...But don't get mad if they don't want to do college right away, or even at all. At 18 (and at 20!!!) very few people actually know what they want from life. Maturing takes time. I'm still not 100% sure what I want from life, but I'm taking the steps to get there. Don't push your children, they'll figure it out.

 

[tkyes]

Most of the people that I went to college with that had college paid for by mom and dad were the laziest people at school. They had no desire to be there, they shopped constantly with mom and dad's money and were always calling home for more money.

I do realize this isn't true for all kids, there are plenty that want to be there.

I just think there is something to be said for kids who have to work a little and don't have everything handed to them.

I got loans in school and was forced to save half of my salary while working in highschool.

My parents told me they would pay for 2 years of my loans and I was responsible for the other 2, I thought that was a wonderful thing.


Tamie

 

[Snowysmom]

I believe that parents should help out with college costs to the best of their financial ability. At this point, we are paying for almost all of our son's college (he is a freshman.) He did earn quite a bit of scholarship money from his high school so that is very helpful. He does pay for his books since I feel that he should help out somewhere with costs. DH and I do disagree about DS paying for some expenses. He thinks that it isn't important and I believe that it teaches responsibility and appreciation for his education. Luckily, DS is a very responsible and hard working student. He wants to work during the summer to earn money for school. However, if DH should lose his job, which is very possible in his field, DS would have to take out loans. I paid for my community college degree by working full time and going to school part time. It was hard but definately worth it.

 

[Manda1219]

Snowy, I think you are doing the best thing. Having him pay for his books will teach him responsibility, while he doesn't have to go insane paying for all off his schooling. VERY good decision!

 

[FOJMO]

Originally posted by ez
My son got a 75% scholarship and is paying the rest himself,

Our DD18 starts at USF later this year and she also has the 75% Bright Futures Scholarship in Florida. We also have a Prepaid Tuition Program for her and she will work to supplement the rest.

If she needs money for some things (books, etc.) we'll help the best we can, but she will do the majority. We feel that she will be a more serious student if she knows she's paying for it herself.

 

[Alice28]

Both DH's and my parents paid for college. However, DH went in to the Marine Corps Reserves first and got that out of his system. We both went to a state school and lived at home. I went to a CC the first two years (at that time it was $84 a semester + books----you gotta love California's college systems--and this was only 1990-92) and my last two years at San Jose State (about $500 a semester). DH went to SJSU and it took him 4 1/2 years to get through due to being activated with the military during Desert Storm. I don't think we took advantage of our parents and I am very grateful they paid my way...it was expected that I go to college and work part time to pay for my clothes, going out, etc. My senior year I was faced with either tacking on an extra semester of school in order to finish, or taking 19 units a semester- my awesome parents encouraged me to take the 19 units and not work and they paid for my extras.

As for our kids, we already have 529 plans for both of them, and between us and our parents they are WELL on their way to college....I do expect both of our boys to go to college or trade school, but that money is ear-marked for school.

 

[bsnyder]

In our household, a college degree is considered a necessity. Older son is in his second year, and has scholarships to a private university that pay for the vast majority of it. Younger son is a high school senior, and has been accepted to one school and is waiting to hear from the others he applied to. He qualifies for the 100% Bright Futures scholarship if he stays in-state, but he's hoping to get merit scholarship money at some private universities as well. Fingers crossed!

They are both motivated students, but if they weren't, I would encourage them to work for a while first, and then I'd be happy to help pay for college later, after they had matured a bit. That's what I did, and I was a much better student, in my late 20's. I really wanted to get an education at that point, and I'm grateful that my parents were willing to help me.

 

[aprilgail2]

I opened the NYS college savings fund as soon as I got my daughters social security number. My brother also has one for her that he puts money into every week for her. By the time she goes to college there will be a considerable amount in them both plus my duaghter will own half the house when she turns 18 so she can always sell her half for college.

 

[Planogirl]

We've had a mutual fund set up for DS since he was born. We contribute to it regularly and even though it took a bit of a hit the last few years, I'm hopeful that it will at least help.

I will encourage DS to go to college or some institute of learning when it becomes more apparent where his true interests lie. And we will do our best to help as much as we can.