Classmate called my son"weird" What do you do if anything?

[Mkrop]

Ok this has me losing sleep so I thought I would ask for some advice. Just to add this is with my oldest so I know I am venturing into a new phase of parenting.

Ok DS9 was called weird by a fellow classmate back in May. They were playing Sharks and Minnows (complicated tag) and J called my son and another boy M slow and weird. DS9 came home upset that day, we talked about it and he seemed ok. I asked him if maybe he was taunting you to make you lose focus on the game so he could tag you he seemed to like this answer.

Fast foward to last weekend , we are all standing in line in Busch Gardens, dripping in sweat bc it is 90 degrees out, and DS9 turns to us and says "my classmates think I am weird" So DH and I are talking about it with him asking why he thinks that, who has said this, what did he do that someone might have thought was weird etc, we also moved this conversation into some A/C so we could all think clearly. Well it turns out the only one doing this is J and it happened a couple of times. So we tell him not to get upset, he has our permission to tell J to shut up and to get out of his face. We also advised him to go find his other friends and just stay out of J's way. We also stressed to him that the only way to help him is if he comes to us and talks about it. Either we can all just talk about it or if we need to talk to school or anyone else we can decide that together as a family but if he doesnt tell us when something happens it is hard for us to help him.

I aslo have found out that the other boy, M, that DS9 has befriended, left his old school bc he was being abused both verbally and physically by his classmates. I have seen this boy at school and at my house and he does have some social issues and is seen by the school counselor daily bc of his trauma. So I am wondering if my DS9 is being teased bc of being friendly with M, the new kid.

Now why I am so concerned is that DS9 brings this up months after it happened again, we havent seen J since school let out, so I am not sure what else to do if anything. Do I say something to the upcoming teacher, J is in his class for this first time in several years (as well as M), wait it out and hope all is forgotten and J has moved on?????

Advice please?

Also to add I guess I do have a fear bc one of my friends sons (2 years older thand DS9)was being beaten up by his classmates, their son hid it and the problem turned into physical/health issues for their son. They finally figured it all out but after this boy was tormented for a year and they pulled him out. So a fear of my son being tormented weighs in my mind.

I have asked DS9 if he likes his friends YES, is he happy at his school YES, does he want to switch schools NO.

What else if anything should I do?

 

[mrsltg]

For now I think you are doing everything you can. You've shown your son you're available to speak with, and that you will listen. He trusts you so he's talking. Keep the lines of communication open and see where it goes. For now I'd just wait it out and see if this other kid says anything more.

 

[Erin1700]

I would think that your son brought it up now b/c school is starting and that was what he was associating the end of last year with. I would see how it goes, maybe the other boy forgot about it.

 

[LadyJeanPirateQueen]

Sounds like you're doing fine so far. If it were me, I'd tell him next time somebody calls him weird to say thank you. Some of us revel in our weirdness. It's not always such a bad thing you know.

LadyJean

 

[Mkrop]

Sounds like you're doing fine so far. If it were me, I'd tell him next time somebody calls him weird to say thank you. Some of us revel in our weirdness. It's not always such a bad thing you know.

LadyJean

That's a cute comeback!

 

[java]

All he did was call your child a name? right?And really not a bad one imho. Weird? My son was called weird and he replied" Yeah I like being weird"when he was younger. Tell him to not back down. Don't think of it as a bad thing. Let him use this as a chance to learn how to be a quick thinker. Play out scenarios with him. Where you say ok I am being J- "Hey you are weird" And let him come up with a couple comebacks. A kid that stands up for himself is going to have an easier time in school than one whose mommy tells the teacher. jmho. Good luck and this is minor.

edit to add I don't want to sound like I am belittling it- I know how the Mother bear comes out as soon as anyone does anything to your child. I have been there. But helping him work it out will help him throughout life. You are doing great with the communication. Keep it going and let him know you are always there to listen.

Also if it crops up again = ask HIM if he wants you to talk with the teacher. Hopefully they won't be in class together this year.

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't understand -- when he brings it up, is he upset? Or is he just telling you?

I think I'd follow his lead. Maybe he just needs a listening ear right now. Or maybe it'll get to the point where you do need to step in with the school. I have to play that balancing act with my youngest all the time. She's really a huge target for the mean kids and sometimes she can handle it well ("weird" would roll of her back) and sometimes she can't (like when they tease her about her curly hair or her looks in some way).

 

[Sherri]

Do you know if your son and this boy will have same teacher when school starts? If they don't then maybe their paths won't cross as much. I think if this happands at school then you should talk with counslor.

 

[LadyJeanPirateQueen]

You're welcome mkrop. It took me half my life to realize that it's actually OK to be a weirdo.

Some of the greatest people in history were weirdos too, you know.

LadyJean

 

[Mkrop]

All he did was call your child a name? right?And really not a bad one imho. Weird? My son was called weird and he replied" Yeah I like being weird"when he was younger. Tell him to not back down. Don't think of it as a bad thing. Let him use this as a chance to learn how to be a quick thinker. Play out scenarios with him. Where you say ok I am being J- "Hey you are weird" And let him come up with a couple comebacks. A kid that stands up for himself is going to have an easier time in school than one whose mommy tells the teacher. jmho. Good luck and this is minor.

edit to add I don't want to sound like I am belittling it- I know how the Mother bear comes out as soon as anyone does anything to your child. I have been there. But helping him work it out will help him throughout life. You are doing great with the communication. Keep it going and let him know you are always there to listen.

Also if it crops up again = ask HIM if he wants you to talk with the teacher. Hopefully they won't be in class together this year.

I didnt take it that way. I know he could be called much worse. I guess this all new not like where they are all friends like the younger days.

I am trying to balance where should you step in or not, feeling my way I guess.

And yes unfortunately they will be in the same class this year so I am also hoping that once he gets to know DS9 better that J will think differently.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I'm sorry this is stressing your son out, and it's hard for a parent to watch their child struggle. It's tough for kids because they don't realize that verbal bullies have insecurity issues and want others to feel as miserable as they do. As long as it remains just verbal nonsense with some name calling, I would tell my kid to ignore the bozo and not give him the attention he's obviously desperate for.

 

[Mkrop]

I don't understand -- when he brings it up, is he upset? Or is he just telling you?

I think I'd follow his lead. Maybe he just needs a listening ear right now. Or maybe it'll get to the point where you do need to step in with the school. I have to play that balancing act with my youngest all the time. She's really a huge target for the mean kids and sometimes she can handle it well ("weird" would roll of her back) and sometimes she can't (like when they tease her about her curly hair or her looks in some way).

Both. He has been upset and then also matter of fact like when he was in line. We tried not to make an issue of it, went on the ride, and then since we were all fried went into A/C, and he brought it up again.

 

[Hannathy]

They are 9 yr old boys 9 yr old boys call each other names, so do 19 yr old boys. Let him deal with it unless it involves physical violence or goes way beyond a single name. And let's face it weird isn't that much of a name calling. It is a good time to encourage him to stand up for himself. If I had to deal with every time my DS 9 and his friends called each other a name that is all I would be doing with my time! They work it out. Unless it becomes much more involved I would stay out of it or else they will be calling him more names if Mom butts in and the other boys find out.

As far as the wierd goes to the other posters your right about the weirdness, My DD and her friends have been called a lot worse (they are in the highly gifted program) and they have embraced it and are proud of it! They say right to the other kids - so what or thank you! They have become very strong independent young people with very good close friends.

 

[Stacerita]

Unfourtunately, kids will always call other kids names. Sometimes to be mean and hurtful, other times just because. Just keep building up your son's self esteem and give him confidence. And remind him of that "sticks and stones" saying. I would also remind him that being wierd isn't always a bad thing like a previous poster said. Heck, if someone called the sweetpea wierd, she would tell them thanks. And go about her day.

 

[MareQ]

I know how hard this can be to hear - my DS is a SPecial Needs child - he gets called much worse things than weird unfortunately.

I have an issue with you telling your son to tell this kid to "shut up" and "get out of my face" though. There's "bigger" ways to handle a situation like this that don't involve your son giving the bully exactly what he wants.....

 

[MAKmom]

1) Request asap that they are not in the same classroom

2) do you think your son is weird?

3) again ask him why the other kid is saying this.

DD was told this she was saying things in 3rd grade without thinking. She is very popular now. You do need to teach some kids how not to be weird if it bothers them.

Some mothers just dress their kids weird & that does not help. Tucking in a shirt for a boy is a no no.

 

[Mkrop]

They are 9 yr old boys 9 yr old boys call each other names, so do 19 yr old boys. Let him deal with it unless it involves physical violence or goes way beyond a single name. And let's face it weird isn't that much of a name calling. It is a good time to encourage him to stand up for himself. If I had to deal with every time my DS 9 and his friends called each other a name that is all I would be doing with my time! They work it out. Unless it becomes much more involved I would stay out of it or else they will be calling him more names if Mom butts in and the other boys find out.

As far as the wierd goes to the other posters your right about the weirdness, My DD and her friends have been called a lot worse (they are in the highly gifted program) and they have embraced it and are proud of it! They say right to the other kids - so what or thank you! They have become very strong independent young people with very good close friends.

DS9 is one of the smarter kids in the class, so that might put a target on his back. DS9 doesnt need to be popuar like J just happy with his friends. Name calling as far as I see with all of them is new. And like many said "werid" isnt namecalling but it still hurts him.

I am also concerned about his freindship with the other boy, I dont want him getting teased by association but I also dont want him to abandon a friendship either.

He is very sensitive so I do need to have him develop a thicker skin.

 

[Mkrop]

I know how hard this can be to hear - my DS is a SPecial Needs child - he gets called much worse things than weird unfortunately.

I have an issue with you telling your son to tell this kid to "shut up" and "get out of my face" though. There's "bigger" ways to handle a situation like this that don't involve your son giving the bully exactly what he wants.....

Then give me some suggestions...

 

[WeirdEyes]

My son would actually take being called "weird" as a compliment. However, he's very confident and thinks being a little different is a good thing. I know that a 9 y/o might feel differently. I think you've done what you can at this point as others have said. You're there for him and that counts a lot.

 

[Monte Cristo]

Sounds like you're doing fine so far. If it were me, I'd tell him next time somebody calls him weird to say thank you. Some of us revel in our weirdness. It's not always such a bad thing you know.

LadyJean

I love this answer. I love being different!