Christmas gifts ugh!

[marie1203]

I just got an email from my SIL saying that for christmas her parents will like ipods so she will like to split it therefore it will be $100 per person which means for me and DH is $200. They don't even own a computer so how is the ipods any good? Ugh I am so sick of this share gifts of her. Last time she bought her mother a $550 ring for mothers day and decide to tells us how much we owe her. And for her parents 25 wedding anniversary she plan a party wanted us to giver her $600 plus our airfare and she change the dates to dates we couldn't even make it. We were not planning on spending $200 for christmas gifts just for her parents. Does anyone else deal with this in your family? The worst part is she "borrows" the money from her grandparents and never paid them back.

 

[Swimalie]

You can get an iPod for $139 at Costco for the basic model so it shouldn't cost that much for you all to help chip in. The Shuffle starts at $49. Your sister in law should be asking a lot less from you all.

 

[hambirg]

Yeah, I wouldn't like that. I would just tell her you already bought them gifts. "Gee, sorry. Seeing as we already bought their gifts, we won't be contributing to the Ipods."

 

[Ava]

I would point out to her that they can't put music on an Ipod without a computer, so if they don't own a computer they won't be able to use the gift.

 

[scrapquitler]

Yeah, I wouldn't like that. I would just tell her you already bought them gifts. "Gee, sorry. Seeing as we already bought their gifts, we won't be contributing to the Ipods."

This is what I would do, too.

 

[3boymthr]

IMO a waste of money for someone who doesn't have a computer but...With the touch they can download music and apps directly to their ipods but they would have to have internet service at home or go to wifi hotspots. That's probably why you're looking at so much money an 8 GB touch is $229. She's probably also not looking at the 8 GB touches but the 16 or 32, which again IMO is way over the top for someone without a computer. You only need that much memory if you have a ton of apps on there (I have over 100 and 250 songs and have not even used half of my memory and I have 8 GB).

I'd call her and tell her no way you're not participating and that if she wants to get them she can but you'll be going with something a little more practical and a lot less expensive.

 

[uk_wildcat]

I think if you let her take advantage of you, she will. I would tell her that I am not interested in sharing a gift and will be buying my own gifts this year. She can spend the money on the iPods all by herself if she really wants to get them. She can't force you to pay her for something you have not agreed to buy.

 

[fakereadhed]

I don't think it's wrong of her to ask if you want to participate in a group gift, but telling you to participate is rude. Either way, it's your choice. If you don't want to do it, just tell her no thank you.

 

[Ephany]

My BIL used to pull this, I finally played the big bad witch card and said no more. The worst part was that the gifts were always something he thought my in-laws should get, not what they actually wanted or needed. Tell her no, you'll be doing your own gifts this year and from now on. It's a great relief to be no longer involved with their drama. If she gets upset, too bad. She'll get over it.

 

[SILLYANDI]

I think if you let her take advantage of you, she will. I would tell her that I am not interested in sharing a gift and will be buying my own gifts this year. She can spend the money on the iPods all by herself if she really wants to get them. She can't force you to pay her for something you have not agreed to buy.

I agree with PP- "Sorry, WE already have something in mind for them so we won't be participating in a group gift." Should be sufficient.

I say WE because obviously this is DH's parents and he has to be on board with it in order for you to avoid the drama. Maybe even have HIM call sis and tell her it's not going to happen.
That is quite rude of her to assume you would pitch in on something SHE wants to get them. It would be different if it was approached in a "Hey mom & dad want ipods so I was thinking about getting them for Christmas. Would you be interested in splitting the cost?" Not "Your portion of the tab is $200".

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I know what you mean. My SIL did this for her parents 40th anniversary party. She threw a huge party with tons of food, and and expensive present, and expected us to pay for half the cost of everything. We hadn't planned on it, so it was hard to come up with the money.

I think the thing that bothered me most was that I could have had the same party with the same food for half the price. I don't think SIL has ever heard of sales and coupons. Then she kept all the leftovers including several bottles of wine that we had helped pay for. She could have at least offered to send some home with us!

Since it was DH's sister, I just went along with it. I don't want to rock the boat with inlaws.

 

[richmond282]

I agree. Just tell her no. It may cause drama in the here and now, but in the grand scheme of things it may be for the best.

 

[Kay1]

If you let her shake you down this way, she'll do it again and again. It's fine if she wants to give out expensive gifts but she should be prepared to pay for them herself.

 

[marie1203]

I agree I just wish it was easy. She always blows it up of proportion and makes a huge issue. Last time it was the party that we told her we are not paying for it because she change the dates on us and we are not going to pay for something we are not part of. She call all her family made up all kinds of stories and everyone was upset. When we told our part of the story every understood and they told us she never told them that . I got the feeling this year is going to be the same thing with her is her way or the highway.

 

[marcemc]

Yeah, I wouldn't like that. I would just tell her you already bought them gifts. "Gee, sorry. Seeing as we already bought their gifts, we won't be contributing to the Ipods."

At some point, you are just going to have to say NO! In a very nice polite way of course

 

[Tinkerbellie16]

Pull a Nancy Reagan - Just say NO!

I agree with some of the other posters that have said if you continue to let her tell you what you will get HER parents, she will do it. You do need to tell her no but you can do it well like saying you already bought them gifts. Or you could pull a switcheroo and tell HER what SHE is going to pay YOU for the gift Beat her to the punch.

 

[shortbun]

If you let her shake you down this way, she'll do it again and again. It's fine if she wants to give out expensive gifts but she should be prepared to pay for them herself.

ITA! Call her and tell her after some honest thought you will not be participating in this gift. Then tell her that in the future you would like to be consulted prior to any and all decisions. Ask her how she thinks her parents will use their IPODS without internet/computer to download or link to things. If you don't calmly speak to her about this, she will continue to do it.

 

[Fyrefly]

Clearly this isn't a one-time faux pas. SIL sounds like she belongs in Etiquette Hell (http://www.etiquettehell.com/), IMHO.

Just be civil about it, say you had another gift in mind. If you really want to be diplomatic about it, let her know about the sales and price options discussed here.

If you don't put your foot down at some point she's going to keep bullying all of you.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I agree with the other posters about just say no. I also agree with the PP who said it needs to be your DH who just says no. I think it will end up a dust collector if you get them a iPod and they have no idea how to use it and no computer. Or maybe you could go the other route and say well we have already set our budget for christmas shopping and we have set aside xyz for MIL and FIL's gifts? We can contribute that amount toward the gift.....

Gah...Xmas time is STRESSFUL!

 

[tlbwriter]

I agree I just wish it was easy. She always blows it up of proportion and makes a huge issue. Last time it was the party that we told her we are not paying for it because she change the dates on us and we are not going to pay for something we are not part of. She call all her family made up all kinds of stories and everyone was upset. When we told our part of the story every understood and they told us she never told them that . I got the feeling this year is going to be the same thing with her is her way or the highway.

They've probably figured out by now that she's a liar. Don't let her bully you into doing things you don't want to do. In fact, I'd get the jump on her next year and call her in July. "We've decided to buy Mom and Dad a DVC membership for Christmas. Your share is $5000."

(Also, am I the only one wondering if she's planning to "borrow" those iPods?)