Christmas gift giving rant!

[tinkerbellmichelle]

I have little kids and I have NO PROBLEM giving people suggestions on what to give my kids.... when they ask And I appreciate them asking because if they are giving my child something, then I know they want to give them something they want/need and don't already have. Now, I never suggest things that are over $20.... and I always prephase it by saying "you really don't need to get them anything" ... and I appreciate the people who run things by me. I do the same for the most part.


That being said... I've never been fond of giving money or gift certificates... I was always of the mindset that giving a gift is about the thought... and how much thought goes into a money or a gift certificate????? But I've slowly gotten over that... if that's what they want, and I want to give them a gift, then the thoughtful thing would be to give them what they want, right??? That being said, if they asked for money, and I can only afford $10, then they should be happy with that too, right??? ha ha ha ha!

I do think that gifts should never be expected.... and I've taught the kids to be appreciative of whatever they get.... be it nothing, a card, or something else.... but I truly believe that if people are giving a gift for the right reason, then they truly want to give something (within THEIR budget) that the receiver would like to recieve.

 

[seashoreCM]

I may change my mind later but for November 20, 2008 here goes:

1. If others are more well to do than you are then it is acceptable to consistently give them less expensive gifts than they give you.

2. If others often give gifts you find useless then it is acceptable to give them less expensive gifts.

3. Sometimes it may be better to generate an unexcused absence with no reason ever disclosed rather than subject your child to an embarassing situation involving gifts at a school party.

4. Thank you notes are always in order but it is OK to leave some rough edges or paucity in the wording rather than slave over them.

4a. OT: Swamped by email after getting back from your Disney vacation? Feel free to send multiple snippets rather than slave over comprehensive complete replies.

>>> appreciative of whatever they get, be it nothing ...
!!!

 

[dsnymom2003]

What ever happened to the real reason for Christmas?? We are supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus! I think as a country we all need to sit down and think about all of the blessings we have in our every day lives. There is song that says something like this: I have a roof up above, shoes on my feet, food on the table and a fine family! Christmas has turned into one big shopping spree! I know my kids don't need another toy or set of clothes! I would much rather my family help someone this year who has lost a job or can't afford the higher price of heating and food. There are so many children out there who could use a good winter coat or a safe warm place to sleep or a good hot meal and we worry about making our relatives happy with "things" that most of them will not even use and will end up in the trash. Why not gather the family together and have a wonderful meal and share ideas of how you can help those in desperate need this winter and count the blessings that you have!! Adopt a family in your community and give them the makings of the meal that you just shared or adopt a soldier who may not get to see his/her family this Christmas or Thanksgiving and send them a care package? I hope that you all have a joyous and wonderful holiday filled with love and family because that is what is important!

 

[pawla68]

Last year my nephew's wife requested money as her gift. So, we bought play money at the dollar store and wrapped it up for her,plus we gave her a nice gift also. This year, her Christmast list asks for REAL money. Mind you this woman is 28 years old! I find this really annoying!!!! I have no idea what to get her, but I do know that it won't be money!!!

 

[carj]

Last year my nephew's wife requested money as her gift. So, we bought play money at the dollar store and wrapped it up for her,plus we gave her a nice gift also. This year, her Christmast list asks for REAL money. Mind you this woman is 28 years old! I find this really annoying!!!! I have no idea what to get her, but I do know that it won't be money!!!

Maybe you could give her Canandian or Mexican money? She didn't specify U.S. currency did she?

Or, you could give her a single crisp dollar bill.

 

[ksunnenberg@hotmail.]

Last year my nephew's wife requested money as her gift.

Why is your nephew's wife sending you a list? How ridiculous! Your family needs to have the big sit-down discussion where you agree to simplify and pare down on the gifts. Sounds like the meaning of Christmas is very lost in this scenario.

 

[C.Ann]

I refuse to be "instructed", "intimidated", or "blackmailed" into purchasing gifts for anyone..

Only you can make the change.. "Just say no.."

 

[cjackearl]

My DDs 5th grade class is doing a secret Santa exchange, with gifts costing no more than $10. The kids were asked to write their names on a slip of paper along with some things that they liked. My daughter told me she wrote down earings, chocolate and LPS. They then drew names. The slip my daughter picked had these 2 suggestions: $10 bill, $10 gift card. My daughter felt dissappointed that she couldn't pick out a gift for this girl. I told her that she absolutely could. Requesting money is tactless and we won't be feeding that idea. I'm now torn between emailing the teacher and having her get some suggestions from this girl, and letting my daughter pick out whatever the heck she wants, since this girl gave us no direction.

 

[Teacher03]

My DDs 5th grade class is doing a secret Santa exchange, with gifts costing no more than $10. The kids were asked to write their names on a slip of paper along with some things that they liked. My daughter told me she wrote down earings, chocolate and LPS. They then drew names. The slip my daughter picked had these 2 suggestions: $10 bill, $10 gift card. My daughter felt dissappointed that she couldn't pick out a gift for this girl. I told her that she absolutely could. Requesting money is tactless and we won't be feeding that idea. I'm now torn between emailing the teacher and having her get some suggestions from this girl, and letting my daughter pick out whatever the heck she wants, since this girl gave us no direction.

I am surprised that a gift exchange is allowed at school-especially one with a $10 request! What about the families that cannot afford this, what do they do? But I wouldn't get a gift card either, I would just choose something that a fifth grade girl would like.

 

[ksumn1]

I'm in the middle of campaigning for "draw names" for the kids only instead of buying for all kids and adults. My MIL's side draws names and we buy small gifts for his Mom, BF and little (14) brother. His Dad's side draws names for the kids and does the pass the gift game for adults. Nothing over $10, 1 gift per adult. My mom's side buys for all the kids, and all of the adults. Well, I buy for kids only because we can't afford adults too. I want to draw names for the kids and maybe do the little gift game for the adults. It's fun and everyone gets something they like. If not, they regift it or swap later with someone else.

When people ask what to get DD's I always suggest something in the alloted $$ amount for the gift swaps. But I also add "She loves Hannah Montana, HSM, Tinkerbell, to draw, read and do crafty stuff" so that it's not a get this or else situation and gives suggestions as to something she would like.

For my Mom and MIL, I pick things that I know DD wants that I have not (or will not) get her. Not expensive items but stuff like Floam or Moon Sand. A true Grandma gift that they will enjoy but I just can't bring myself to buy. I try to pick things that I know they will like picking out too. For example, my MIL is a wonderful painter and artist something that I (nor my Mom) are. She would know what to get DD and it's something they can share. I would have no clue what to get or even where to start.

My Mom likes buying DD clothes and always seems to pick stuff my DD loves. My DD always thanks MIL for clothes but doesn't seem to wear them as much as stuff my Mom gets her. My Mom also knows what CD's they like (she gets the joy of watching the Disney Channel every afternoon with them until I pick them up), what stuff is popular and what CD's, movies etc they have and wants.

However, I do NOT offer unsolicited gift ideas. If I'm asked, I'll give suggestions but I would never get upset if someone didn't get them something off the "list". Part of the joy of giving is picking out something for them, not just getting what they were told to. My girls are always appreciative of any gift they recieve. Heck, one of the best gifts you can give them is a suprise bag from the $ Tree!!

 

[Trixie15]

Ugh. My dh's side of the family actually make lists of what they want. When we draw names for the adults, the names are put on their wish lists so that everyone will know what to buy.

I hate it. Whatever happened to putting some thought into it? Why don't we all just go out and spend $50 on ourselves instead? It makes more sense than buying stuff off a list.

 

[okeydokey]

Every year my in-laws ask what my kids want and then ignore it get the kids what they want to get them. This year they bought my 8 year old a bb gun. Sigh.

 

[mjantz]

In slight defense of lists, I give both grandparents a list for Christmas & birthdays because they ask. I also list general things they like. So, for example, for my DS I might say:

-Lego Indiana Jones, Harry Potter or Batman sets
-Gamestop giftcard
-Beatles CDs (He has the #1 Hits one) or Beatles t-shirts

He likes Japanese manga, Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, etc.

So, they have a few specific ideas but if they want to go 'off list' or if they find something they think he might like, they can feel good that it will be something he likes.
And personally, my money is too tight & so is the rest of the familys' to roll the dice & hope that what I bought will be OK. I like at least a little direction.

 

[Vijoge]

Last year my nephew's wife requested money as her gift.

Why is your nephew's wife sending you a list? How ridiculous! Your family needs to have the big sit-down discussion where you agree to simplify and pare down on the gifts. Sounds like the meaning of Christmas is very lost in this scenario.

Until a few years ago, at which time I lost my cool and fired off an email before thinking too much about what I was saying, I received an emailed list every year from my 40+ y/o SIL. The list actually stated, in detail, what everyone in her immediate family (parents, siblings, niece, nephew, in-laws, etc) wanted for Christmas. The final straw, the one that prompted my somewhat sarcastic reply, was when the wish list was received over Memorial Day weekend. Needless to say, we no longer are invited for Christmas Dinner. OTOH, I simplified my holiday shopping immensely. LOL

 

[Vijoge]

Ugh. My dh's side of the family actually make lists of what they want. When we draw names for the adults, the names are put on their wish lists so that everyone will know what to buy.

I hate it. Whatever happened to putting some thought into it? Why don't we all just go out and spend $50 on ourselves instead? It makes more sense than buying stuff off a list.

That was my thought exactly. Un? fortunately, the in-laws didn't see it this way!

 

[lntsmom]

I agree with you...it is wrong to dictate which gifts you are willing to accept and which you aren't.

It makes me wonder if these adults were catered to as children...when I was a kid we made "wish lists". That's all they were- wishes. Sometimes we got what we wanted. Most often, we got what people wanted to give.

My children have been trained to act thrilled whether they really are or not.

We all had a chance to practice this last Christmas. We went to Christmas dinner where the family does a $20 gift exchange. We were invited to participate. The kids drew names...my younger son drew the name of a 5 year old. When I talked to the boy's mom to ask what he was interested in she gave me a long list of things that she wouldn't allow (???) then said he needed board games. I found that 2 pack-deal at WalMart, so he got 4 traditional board games from my son. My older son drew his cousin, and we got her two Johnny Depp books and a Pirates puzzle (she's a huge fan). In return, two siblings drew my boys. My boys were given used dvds from Blockbuster...older movies at that.

I participated in the adult exchange which was a game. What did I get? A game- Battleship- that cost $11. How did I know? I'd just purchased a copy for my boys because it was one game we didn't have.

Were any of us thrilled...or even really happy with what we got? No. Who would be thrilled to get used items and things that cost a fraction of the amount that should have been spent? There was a clear lack of fair play. But, we acted thrilled. I raved about how I was needing games for my classroom...and the boys acted as if they couldn't get home to watch the movies.

Maybe too many people have been in that sort of situation and just can't deal with the disappointment. I understand...the mom of the kids who gave us used movies went home with a brand new DVD player she got in the exchange. Others went home with crystal glass sets and such. Would I let such things lead me to make demands about what gifts I want. Nope. (But I won't be doing their Christmas exchange this year, either, lol!)

 

[crisi]

My family finally did the "lets not buy gifts" this year. The kids are the only people we are buying gifts for - and even then, its easy stuff - Playdoh and small Lego sets. Its such a relief.

 

[melancholywings]

My SIL is horrid about gifts and money, she gives nothing to our side of the family - because they never have the cash - which isn't true, she just choses to spend her money only on herself - and still feels entitled that everyone should give gifts to her.
So we gave to her and her son (because they celebrate the holiday with MIL) and my mama raised me right. Then SIL had the nerve to complain to us about the gift we got her on the phone on christmas day - no thank you - she just told us how much she didn't like it and didn't think she could use it. Then the following year she made her son complain to us over the phone on xmas day about the gift we got him, we put a lot of thought into it and she made a big deal how he already has something like that. So last year DH told MIL we were only sending gifts to her as the others didn't appriciate all the work I did and we were done with it. Family or no, he's not going to let anyone treat me like that.

 

[EthansMom]

I've said it before, but I think it bears retelling. DH and I have gradually gotten to where we give very few gifts to extended family members (for Christmas, Birthdays, etc...). We do give gifts to each other and our children, but even there we've tried to make holidays more about family togetherness rather than a grab for stuff/money.

As a general rule, we give birthday and Christmas gifts to our nieces and nephews. Usually something in the $20 range. We never receive (nor expect) a "Thank You" for these gifts. As the kids get older, we will likely give a moderate amount of cash or gift card ($20-$25) in lieu of a individual gift. However, gifts to the neices and nephews will cease when they are older (maybe 18?). Certainly, I would never wish to find myself receiving a Wish List from a niece-by-marriage as posted by another poster.

At Christmas, we don't exchange gifts with other adult family members. We give professional photos of the kids to our parents (the kids' grandparents). I also sometimes give a small token gift such as a bottle of wine, homemade bakedgoods, or seasonal plant, especially if we're going over for a holiday celebration at a family members' home but I don't make a concerted effort to intenionally purchase "gifts" for each and every adult.

I do occasionally give gifts to adult family members, but when I do it's because I know the person either really needs something (for instance, if a family member on a fixed income had an appliance die on them) or because I see something that the family member would really like.

DH and I also request that our extended family members not give any gifts to DH or I.... there is nothing we need or want that we could not buy ourselves.

I many people would be much happier if they just said, "We will be doing less gift exchanging this year," and focused on the things that really make them happy at the holidays.

 

[mickeywho?]

My DDs 5th grade class is doing a secret Santa exchange, with gifts costing no more than $10. The kids were asked to write their names on a slip of paper along with some things that they liked. My daughter told me she wrote down earings, chocolate and LPS. They then drew names. The slip my daughter picked had these 2 suggestions: $10 bill, $10 gift card. My daughter felt dissappointed that she couldn't pick out a gift for this girl. I told her that she absolutely could. Requesting money is tactless and we won't be feeding that idea. I'm now torn between emailing the teacher and having her get some suggestions from this girl, and letting my daughter pick out whatever the heck she wants, since this girl gave us no direction.

I would donate $10 to a charity for less fortunate children and give the girl a lesson in what it means to be in need at Christmas and year round - you may want to give the teacher a heads up that you'll be doing this though.