Christmas drama

[Uptown Girl]

I guess I would stop calling, stop making any preparations that would involve them, plan a nice, quiet, Christmas for you and DH and if they happen to show up, have a list of hotels handy . I would just tell them that since they didn't return your calls about plans you assumed they were not coming and you are sorry you can't accommodate them. Stop acknowledging the immature behavior by the step-mom and just do what YOU want on Christmas.

My parents are "old" too yet they have figured out it's a lot easier for them to drive the 9 hours each way vs having all of the kids bring their families, the presents, make arrangements for pets, etc.

 

[luvflorida]

I just want to thank your family for your service to our nation. I admire you for enduring a long distance marriage for so long and knowing what you need to bring it back to its previous strength. May you find peace this holiday season and joy in being together. Take good care, and thank you, all, again.

Wonderful post and I totally agree! I'm adding my thanks and good wishes for a very happy holiday!

 

[DisneySarah80]

Why is your step mother calling her husbands ex wife and complaining about her children.... That doesn't make sence at all to me.

 

[hereyago]

Why is your step mother calling her husbands ex wife and complaining about her children.... That doesn't make sence at all to me.

Maybe they co exist. maybe boundaries haven't been established. I get along very well my exdh's fiancee, but at the same token, if she started talking smack, I'd have that ability to hang the phone up.

 

[Magic Mom]

Why is your step mother calling her husbands ex wife and complaining about her children.... That doesn't make sence at all to me.

I think that started when they would coordinate things when we went to visit and when my son used to go visit them all during the summers. She often complains about us to my mom. My mom won't say anything, she says it isn't worth her time. I respect that decision.

 

[tlbwriter]

I'm confused - why would your stepmom tell your mom they're not coming, but not tell you? Was she trying to use her as a messenger? Was your mom supposed to talk you into going down there or something?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

No flaming from me! She sounds toxic and I am finally to the point that I don't want toxic people in my life. When I have to deal with them I try to remember that their actions, thoughts, and behavior is a reflection on them, not on me. You are doing what is best for your husband, you, and the marriage. That is and should be your top priority. I'm sorry that she's being such a horse's rear end.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Oops double post.

 

[Magic Mom]

Update!I know everyone is waiting anxiously for an update. They ARE coming. They changed their minds..... They are so excited... Step mom didn't know why mom got the idea they were upset. They will be here Wed. Let the fun ensue!

 

[Mom-to-2-Princesses]

I'm not sure whether to say Congrats or Sorry

So I'll just say I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!

 

[happygirl]

It sounds like to me your mom is trying to stir the pot a little as well, She needs to stay out of the business between you and your dad and step mom. I would think she would know that would upset you.

I hope it all works out and you manage to have a good visit

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't agree that his grumping causes her to do it, people like this just don't suddenly start doing it, they have usually been at it for awhile, that is a learned behavior.

OH yeah, I could be wrong, I'm just going off of what I saw with MIL and FIL. One of them would act OK with something, then grouch about it to the other in private, the other would then come on strong about it, cause a fuss, and the other person had deniability. Those on the receiving ends never ever knew where the other person stood, because by the time the questions started they'd changed their answers...

We just wished that everyone would say what they meant and mean what they say. But that's not how the family works. Very difficult.

 

[hereyago]

OH yeah, I could be wrong, I'm just going off of what I saw with MIL and FIL. One of them would act OK with something, then grouch about it to the other in private, the other would then come on strong about it, cause a fuss, and the other person had deniability. Those on the receiving ends never ever knew where the other person stood, because by the time the questions started they'd changed their answers...

We just wished that everyone would say what they meant and mean what they say. But that's not how the family works. Very difficult.

I think we both were going by our own personal experiences with that one, lol. Mine is my mom, she learned at a young age to twist and instigate and at 78 still trying to go strong with it, bless her heart.


OP: Even though you respect your mom's decision not to say anything to the step mom, I think it would be in YOUR best interest to let her know if she chooses to talk to stepmom and listen to hear talk smack about you, to not share it with you, because she is also perpetuating this behavior your step mom has.

Also, do you drink? might want to stock up, or maybe ear plugs to block out the craziness.

 

[Magic Mom]

I think we both were going by our own personal experiences with that one, lol. Mine is my mom, she learned at a young age to twist and instigate and at 78 still trying to go strong with it, bless her heart.


OP: Even though you respect your mom's decision not to say anything to the step mom, I think it would be in YOUR best interest to let her know if she chooses to talk to stepmom and listen to hear talk smack about you, to not share it with you, because she is also perpetuating this behavior your step mom has.

Also, do you drink? might want to stock up, or maybe ear plugs to block out the craziness.

I'm going to keep her loaded on wine and make her watch hours of videos of DD riding her horse.

 

[hereyago]

I'm going to keep her loaded on wine and make her watch hours of videos of DD riding her horse.

lol I meant you could drink, but your suggestion is better. hey, mess with her while she is drinking, play the video in reverse and slow motion, claim technical difficulties for the non drinking folks.

 

[LuLuO]

Good luck OP. I hope you have a lovely Christmas. Post back and let us know how it goes.

I have a doozie of a family gathering coming up too. I told DH that I want to take separate cars so that I can leave if the tension is too much for me to deal with. I just don't have patience for that stuff any more.