Christmas drama

[Magic Mom]

I am so angry right now. Feel free to flame me all you want, but I have to get this out or I am going to say something to my step mother that I might regret.

Dh has been overseas for 3 years. He went to Germany, and we stayed back because DS was in the middle of his senior year. Then when DS was graduated and settled at college, we found out Dh was going to Afghanistan later that year, so we stayed in the states. Why sell the house, quit my job and uproot dd to live alone overseas...then after Afghanistan they extended his Germany tour a year. It was very stressful for all of us. We have a lot of relationship building to do.

He came home for good in Nov. At Thanksgiving we went to his family's house (11 hours away). That was a flippin circus...not what we needed, but he felt he had to go because he hadn't seen them in so long.

Now it's Christmas. My mom usually comes up, but since Ds can't come home because of work, she wanted to stay in Florida so he could spend Christmas day at her house. So my dad and his wife call and suggest we drive down to Florida for a "Big family Christmas" with all the cousins. I said NO. I explained that Dh and I needed to stay home. We need to regroup, but they were welcome to come up here since mom isn't coming. My step mom made a "joke" that I didn't want to drive, but was OK making the "old people" drive. Only we both know it wasn't a joke. But it was settled, they were coming.

So tonight I am on the phone with my mom and she mentions that she is sorry, my dad won't be coming to visit. "What?" She said my step mom called and told her they weren't coming because it wasn't fair that I "expected" them to make the trip. I didn't expect ANYTHING. She made the same "old people" comment to my mom as she made to me. She made a big deal that I was being thoughtless.

I tried to call them to ask them if the plans have changed, but no answer at the office or at the house. You know I'm fine if they can't come. I completely understand, but don't make me feel guilty for taking care of my family...and don't bad mouth me to my mother (and I'm sure the rest of the family if history is any indication of current actions).

Give me advice, flame me, tell me I'm a piece of garbage, I don't care, I am about to burst I am so angry. That woman knows how to twist a situation and I am sick to death of how she gossips about me and my brother. He has cut them out of his life. I cant do that to my father though.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I am so angry right now. Feel free to flame me all you want, but I have to get this out or I am going to say something to my step mother that I might regret.

Dh has been overseas for 3 years. He went to Germany, and we stayed back because DS was in the middle of his senior year. Then when DS was graduated and settled at college, we found out Dh was going to Afghanistan later that year, so we stayed in the states. Why sell the house, quit my job and uproot dd to live alone overseas...then after Afghanistan they extended his Germany tour a year. It was very stressful for all of us. We have a lot of relationship building to do.

He came home for good in Nov. At Thanksgiving we went to his family's house (11 hours away). That was a flippin circus...not what we needed, but he felt he had to go because he hadn't seen them in so long.

Now it's Christmas. My mom usually comes up, but since Ds can't come home because of work, she wanted to stay in Florida so he could spend Christmas day at her house. So my dad and his wife call and suggest we drive down to Florida for a "Big family Christmas" with all the cousins. I said NO. I explained that Dh and I needed to stay home. We need to regroup, but they were welcome to come up here since mom isn't coming. My step mom made a "joke" that I didn't want to drive, but was OK making the "old people" drive. Only we both know it wasn't a joke. But it was settled, they were coming.

So tonight I am on the phone with my mom and she mentions that she is sorry, my dad won't be coming to visit. "What?" She said my step mom called and told her they weren't coming because it wasn't fair that I "expected" them to make the trip. I didn't expect ANYTHING. She made the same "old people" comment to my mom as she made to me. She made a big deal that I was being thoughtless.

I tried to call them to ask them if the plans have changed, but no answer at the office or at the house. You know I'm fine if they can't come. I completely understand, but don't make me feel guilty for taking care of my family...and don't bad mouth me to my mother (and I'm sure the rest of the family if history is any indication of current actions).

Give me advice, flame me, tell me I'm a piece of garbage, I don't care, I am about to burst I am so angry. That woman knows how to twist a situation and I am sick to death of how she gossips about me and my brother. He has cut them out of his life. I cant do that to my father though.

BOOOOOO families stink sometimes.

I totally get what you and your family want.

As children from divorced parents that was the FIRST thing DH and I decided when we got stationed here. We are NOT going home for Christmas. If they want to come visit....FINE....but we are staying home, opening gifts and relaxing. Something neither of us were able to do because of all of the running from house to house we did.

You SHOULD NOT feel guilty. I don't think you did anything wrong.

You explained to them WHY you are doing things the way you are and they need to understand and accept that or else....OH WELL.

I hope you have an excellent, RELAXING holiday with your WHOLE IMMEDIATE family. I think people should do that more often.

 

[cluvsdisney]

Wow...what a way to create something out of nothing. I am sure people your step mother is talking to has her number and that she is stirring up trouble.

Enjoy your Christmas. At home. With your DH.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

You and DH should feel free to spend Christmas at home and regroup. You can go to Florida at Easter.

 

[ChristmasElf]

Ya know what? Sometimes you just have to let it go by just simply not even bothering to respond. I know its hard, especially when you are so mad right now.
Nut it sounds like maybe your step mom is the one looking for a fight as she knew that by telling your Mom what she said, that chances were good your Mom would tell you, causing you to get mad.
Then the step mom could say "Oh that Magic Mom had a lot of nreve calling to yell at me" or some such nonsense as that.

I too have a step mother that drives me crazy. I mention her stupidness to my Dad, but choose to just ignore her whenever I have to be around her.

Enjoy a quiet Christmas at home. You will be so much happier in the long run.

 

[SaraJayne]

No flames from me. AT ALL. BTDT

For some reason, the trip here is sooooo much longer for my dad and his (bleeped out for dis censors) than it is for me and my family to go to his house.

Oh well.

I completely understand.

Forget about her and immerse yourself in your blessings this Christmas ~ your husband is home safe and you are with your whole family for the first time in a long time.

 

[Uncle Remus]

It sounds like you dodged a bullet since they're not comin'.

 

[dislaney]

Enjoy your Christmas with your DH and don't feel guilty about it!

 

[lizabu]

bah...who needs em? you will have a happier holiday without them

 

[Magic Mom]

It sounds like you dodged a bullet since they're not comin'.

Maybe, but I do love my dad. I have always let her shenanigans get to me. She always pulls stuff like this.

 

[Pigeon]

Once you get over the irritation, this really is a win-win situation. You and your husband get to have your Christmas at home, and you get to not have your step-mother come stay. Just ignore her because despite all her sniping, she's going a good thing.

 

[honeydiane1953]

Even though it's going to be H A R D don't call them for awhile. Don't play into the step mother's hands and let her know u r hurt, mad, etc. They r having Christmas where they want to and so is your family. enough said!

 

[Art 1]

Don't worry about it. Easy to say, I'm a male. My wife gets all worked up over these things. I try to tell her just to let these things go. She just can't. So my advice, forget it and let it go. Who cares.

 

[manning]

A bit of advice from my dad.


Blowing your stack will make you feel good, not saying anything will drive them crazy.

 

[khertz]

Sometimes, you just have to do what is best for you and your family, regardless of how others handle it.

We had a similar situation last year for Christmas. DH worked offshore and was not supposed to be home for Christmas, and DS was about 2 months old. I made plans to drive the 2 hours to be with my family for Christmas with DS. It was a big to-do because I was worried about driving so far with him by myself for the first time, so my sister was going to make the drive with me, etc. Then DH finds out he is actually going to be home in time for Christmas. Yay! So we move forward with our plans to get up and open presents with DS, go to Mass, and go to spend the day with my family after. His mom FLIPPED OUT when she found out we were not going to be going to her house. Which is 3.5 hours from our house! What she actually wanted was for us to drive 3.5 hours to her house first to "stop by" (sorry, that is not stopping by when it takes that long to get there!). DS was breastfeeding and needed to be nursed every 2 to 2.5 hours at that time, so that long of a drive just wasn't going to work. Then we'd have to drive another hour from MIL's house to my grandmother's house, and still have a 2 hour drive home ahead of us. Why on EARTH she thought we'd want to spend our first Christmas with our son in the car for a total of almost 7 hours is beyond me! She totally went off on DH and didn't speak to him for weeks, and his grandmother topped it off by calling him Christmas morning to tell him he had ruined the holiday. We went ahead with our plans to go to my family's house anyway and tried not to let it put a damper on the day.

After that whole fiasco last year, DH feels pressured to spend Christmas at his mom's house this year, so we are going even though neither of us want to AT ALL. It is purely to avoid the same drama. Although with a 3.5 hour drive to and from her house, we are still looking forward to 7 hours in the car, which is just not worth it for me, and I'd rather just stay home entirely. I'm secretly hoping I can find a way to tick her off on facebook between now and Christmas so we'll have an excuse not to go! It will be difficult entertaining our rambunctious 1 year old for that many hours in the car! And apparently they started picking a "discussion topic" to talk about each holiday. Sounds like a rousing good time to me.

Anyway, do what makes you happy and is the best for you & yours. Everyone else will get over it eventually.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I just want to thank your family for your service to our nation. I admire you for enduring a long distance marriage for so long and knowing what you need to bring it back to its previous strength. May you find peace this holiday season and joy in being together. Take good care, and thank you, all, again.

 

[low-key]

there all idiots, you just stay home with your family and let the old bittys do what old bittys do

 

[101DalmFan]

You're likely going to have a much better xmas than you would have had if she'd been there!!

Just curious......what, if anything, does your dad say about all this? I know in a lot of families, the women are the ones who do all the arrangements etc, but I'm wondering if it's going to be bothersome to him that he and his wife won't be travelling to see you.

 

[GeorgeG]

I think you should do what's best for your immediate family, like you planned and let the rest of the family get over it. Nothing brings stress to any holiday more than family demands and expectations.

Thank you for your husband's service. My grandson just got back from Afghanistan and as much as I'd like to see him, I respect his decision to spend the holidays with those closest to him.

 

[mamajoan]

sorry I have not read all the posts.... but here ya go...

My dear, stay home with your husband, talk, whisper, plan, snuggle up in front of a fire, hold hands, have wild, reckless sex, get tangled up in the tinsel!

and do not, repeat do not give a second thought to any negative vibes. You my dear are not doing one dang thing wrong.. at all.....
Your husband has been away for a long time. It not your responsibility to entertain anyone else at this time. I hope that your step mother will get a clue, support your decision and wish you a wonderful Christmas TOGETHER with your husband.


and this is from a woman who tries to make everyone happy all the time... LOL

May you all have a wonderful Christmas.