Children with Parents in bathroom

[princessmom29]

Gosh, I really don't want to post this since I was just in a similar argument on another thread, but I just want people to be aware. I posted this 5 years ago!!! But I think it's still worth reading. I don't think things have improved.

Hi,
I posted this on another thread, but I feel it's important to post it here. I am a former prosecuter who worked in abuse and neglect court. Pedophiles specifically go to places like Disney, petting zoos, swimming pools, etc. for the sole purpose of seeing/hurting kids. Some video tape kids and some try to touch them in pools, etc. In the last couple of years in my town a 4 year old boy was molested in a popular nationwide chain store store bathroom while his mother waited outside. We had DNA (horrible), but the perp was never found--the store had a camera pointed at the bathroom, but had forgotten to change the tape. We also had a 12 year old boy held down by force and assaulted in a park bathroom. This is scary stuff and it is rare that something like this happens, but the fact is it does happen and you have to protect your kids from it. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and I will be taking them to the bathroom for many years to come. If anybody ever gives me a look or makes a comment, I will tell them the story of these two kids and others and hope that they understand that kids' safety comes before ANYONE'S comfort level. Pixie dust to you all! We are leaving for the happiest place on earth tomorrow!

how many years as a prosecutor did it take to collect these TWO stories? Rare is not the word for how often this happens. Iti s beyond rare, the odds are less than one in a million. More like one is 10 million bathroom visits results in something like this. We cannot go everywhere with our kids and hold thier hands at all times. I don't think it is anyone's place to make a comment about something like this, but if you were to tell a story like this in front of my child in response to someone looking at you I would be highly upset and walk away, or nbarring that being possible probably call for security. I don't apperciate anyone porposely trying scare either me or my child, especially when it is COMPLETELY unnecessary. These incidents do nothing to convince me that children need to be accompanied into the restroom, and are NOT suitable for children, period. I hope you would think twice before repeating them in front of someone else's child.

 

[pacrosby]

how many years as a prosecutor did it take to collect these TWO stories? Rare is not the word for how often this happens. Iti s beyond rare, the odds are less than one in a million. More like one is 10 million bathroom visits results in something like this. We cannot go everywhere with our kids and hold thier hands at all times. I don't think it is anyone's place to make a comment about something like this, but if you were to tell a story like this in front of my child in response to someone looking at you I would be highly upset and walk away, or nbarring that being possible probably call for security. I don't apperciate anyone porposely trying scare either me or my child, especially when it is COMPLETELY unnecessary. These incidents do nothing to convince me that children need to be accompanied into the restroom, and are NOT suitable for children, period. I hope you would think twice before repeating them in front of someone else's child.

Self-restraint is a beautiful thing.

 

[disgrajak]

how many years as a prosecutor did it take to collect these TWO stories?
Rare is not the word for how often this happens. Iti s beyond rare, the odds are less than one in a million. More like one is 10 million bathroom visits results in something like this.
We cannot go everywhere with our kids and hold thier hands at all times. I don't think it is anyone's place to make a comment about something like this, but if you were to tell a story like this in front of my child in response to someone looking at you I would be highly upset and walk away, or nbarring that being possible probably call for security. I don't apperciate anyone porposely trying scare either me or my child, especially when it is COMPLETELY unnecessary. These incidents do nothing to convince me that children need to be accompanied into the restroom, and are NOT suitable for children, period. I hope you would think twice before repeating them in front of someone else's child.

Both of these attacks happened within 6 months of each other.

You are wrong--wish you were right but you are wrong. Clearly you have no actual experience in this. I'm sure the distraught mother of the 4 year old would find your statistic very comforting.

I would never tell these "stories" in front of a child??? (And not because I am afraid of "security" being called) I wouldn't repeat it if my own children could hear. Don't know why you assumed that from my post--maybe you read it too quickly. My thought was that I would take that person aside and kindly let them know why I make the decisions I do. But honestly I don't care what anyone else thinks when it comes to the safety of my children. There are many unreasonable people in the world who only think what they want to think so it would probably be a waste of my time.

 

[princessmom29]

Both of these attacks happened within 6 months of each other.

You are wrong--wish you were right but you are wrong. Clearly you have no actual experience in this. I'm sure the distraught mother of the 4 year old would find your statistic very comforting.

I would never tell these "stories" in front of a child??? (And not because I am afraid of "security" being called) I wouldn't repeat it if my own children could hear. Don't know why you assumed that from my post--maybe you read it too quickly. My thought was that I would take that person aside and kindly let them know why I make the decisions I do. But honestly I don't care what anyone else thinks when it comes to the safety of my children. There are many unreasonable people in the world who only think what they want to think so it would probably be a waste of my time.

Sadly, I DO in fact have experience with this, but I refuse to let fear rule my life. I would be interested to see you prove my statistic wrong, if you can. I am basing it on the nubmer of attacks reported in bathrooms versus average bathroom traffic. Do you have statistics that are vastly different? I looked at this the last time this topic came up and these are the numbers I came up with. Do you have different ones??
You siad if someone lookedat you or commented that you would tell the stories. There are shildren present in Disney bathrooms alomst all of the time. You said nothing about taking them aside and I don't know why anyone would agree to that in the irst place??

 

[OceanAnnie]

Gosh, I really don't want to post this since I was just in a similar argument on another thread, but I just want people to be aware. I posted this 5 years ago!!! But I think it's still worth reading. I don't think things have improved.

Hi,
I posted this on another thread, but I feel it's important to post it here. I am a former prosecuter who worked in abuse and neglect court. Pedophiles specifically go to places like Disney, petting zoos, swimming pools, etc. for the sole purpose of seeing/hurting kids. Some video tape kids and some try to touch them in pools, etc. In the last couple of years in my town a 4 year old boy was molested in a popular nationwide chain store store bathroom while his mother waited outside. We had DNA (horrible), but the perp was never found--the store had a camera pointed at the bathroom, but had forgotten to change the tape. We also had a 12 year old boy held down by force and assaulted in a park bathroom. This is scary stuff and it is rare that something like this happens, but the fact is it does happen and you have to protect your kids from it. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and I will be taking them to the bathroom for many years to come. If anybody ever gives me a look or makes a comment, I will tell them the story of these two kids and others and hope that they understand that kids' safety comes before ANYONE'S comfort level. Pixie dust to you all! We are leaving for the happiest place on earth tomorrow!

Thanks for posting that.

 

[nrpofp]

how many years as a prosecutor did it take to collect these TWO stories? Rare is not the word for how often this happens. Iti s beyond rare, the odds are less than one in a million. More like one is 10 million bathroom visits results in something like this. We cannot go everywhere with our kids and hold thier hands at all times. I don't think it is anyone's place to make a comment about something like this, but if you were to tell a story like this in front of my child in response to someone looking at you I would be highly upset and walk away, or nbarring that being possible probably call for security. I don't apperciate anyone porposely trying scare either me or my child, especially when it is COMPLETELY unnecessary. These incidents do nothing to convince me that children need to be accompanied into the restroom, and are NOT suitable for children, period. I hope you would think twice before repeating them in front of someone else's child.

I agree. I am a nurse. I see the 1/10 of a percent of surgeries that go wrong. That does not mean I am going to tell a patient thats going in to have her tubes tied that 2 months ago I had a patient that had her tubes tied, and the doctor nicked her bowel and she ended up in icu for 1 month. These things are rare. If I told my 8 year old that he had to go in the female bathroom because bad guys might hurt him he would be scared all the time. I think you have to be careful, but honestly something bad could happen to you or your child at anytime. I am not a believer in living in fear.

 

[Leajess99]

And with all due respect, THIS is when we start to pull stuff out of our hoo-ha's to back up our point.

A women who has had the experience as you describe is not going to be frightened by a 'little boy' in a restroom with his mother. Unless a little boy was the attacker? What do you think? Likely?

And if a teenager had to ask Mom for assistance, for whatever the reason, she is not likely to be screaming over the stall and/or opening the door with her drawers down. Heck, even if a litle boy did somehow overhear her say 'I need a tampon', the kid wouldn't know what the heck she was talking about.

You are acting like these 'little boys' of these women who have described taking their 8/9 yo kids in (again, NOT me) are going to be walking around the bathroom, up and down the aisle, peeking in the stalls, gigling like toddlers. Please. What kind of 8/9 yo do you know? You are right in one regard, most are not going to be happy to be in there. They will feel funny and out of place. Probably more so than you. And what does that mean? It means they are going to try to be invisible and pray that Mom hurries the heck up.

And people have labeled these moms overprotective and paranoid? Now who is acting a wee bit overprotective and paranoid?



If it makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, that's fine. I don't understand it, no matter how you might like to justify it, but I'll respect it because that's how 'you feel'. Just please don't put out these crazy examples to try and imply that I'm the one who's being so very unreasonable. The 'other side' has been ridiculed outright for using what some have dubbed extreme examples to defend their position. It really ought to go both ways.

And for the last time.....remember, I don't bring my boys into the ladies room with me

Okay, so now "Women" are the only victims of sex abuse?? Geez, I guess now we should tell all those little girls who have been victimized to suck it up because they don't matter. Very sad that their feelings are not taken into consideration. and another thing, boys of any age can be sexual predators/abusers just ask the kindergartener who was sexually molested by the other kindergartener in my youngest daughter's class. He was a victim and even though he had been in counseling, he victimized at least one other child (he was caught by a teacher and they found out it had happened several times).

As for my being uncomfortable, I am not but I know my daughters would be and they have that right. They are taught from a young age especially at school that the boys do not belong in the girl's bathroom.

 

[Leajess99]

reminds me of my guy friend that frantically called me after 2 weeks of college becuase he had no clean clothes. He had never learned to use a washing machine and needed help!

My son has been taught the basics (cooking, cleaning, laundry) so he can survive. I know there were some females in my basic training that did not know how to do laundry either but from what my males friends said there were many in their basic training that were clueless

 

[Ava]

I feel like I've said this on another thread, but I think it fits here too. If you don't teach your children to handle themselves in the world without you, you are doing them a great disservice. Maybe it's because of where I live - kids here often start riding the subway/bus to school alone in middle school, some even younger. And that takes a whole lot more "street smarts" to handle than going to the bathroom alone.

Could something happen to your child in a public bathroom? Yes, there is always a chance. But there is also a chance your child could be being molested by someone they know. Statistically there is a much greater chance of a child being molested by someone they know than by a stranger in a one-time attack. Personal example: I have 3 friends who were molested as children - 2 of them by a family member (which went on for years), and 1 by a friend of her older brother.

Part of our job as parents is to protect our children, but it's also our job to teach our children how to get along in the world. They can't learn that if we don't give them the skills & knowledge they need, and then have the confidence in them to let them try.

 

[Hannathy]

.

Part of our job as parents is to protect our children, but it's also our job to teach our children how to get along in the world. They can't learn that if we don't give them the skills & knowledge they need, and then have the confidence in them to let them try.

Exactly!!!!

 

[maxiesmom]

I feel like I've said this on another thread, but I think it fits here too. If you don't teach your children to handle themselves in the world without you, you are doing them a great disservice. Maybe it's because of where I live - kids here often start riding the subway/bus to school alone in middle school, some even younger. And that takes a whole lot more "street smarts" to handle than going to the bathroom alone.

I agree with you 100%.

I also don't buy the whole kids safety comes before anyone's modesty argument. You know some parents would use that as an excuse to take their 15 yr old sons into the womens restroom. At some point, you are not going to be able to coddle your child. You need to give them the skills to cope with the big bad world and all of the people in it. Without you there holding their hand.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I feel like I've said this on another thread, but I think it fits here too. If you don't teach your children to handle themselves in the world without you, you are doing them a great disservice. Maybe it's because of where I live - kids here often start riding the subway/bus to school alone in middle school, some even younger. And that takes a whole lot more "street smarts" to handle than going to the bathroom alone.

Could something happen to your child in a public bathroom? Yes, there is always a chance. But there is also a chance your child could be being molested by someone they know. Statistically there is a much greater chance of a child being molested by someone they know than by a stranger in a one-time attack. Personal example: I have 3 friends who were molested as children - 2 of them by a family member (which went on for years), and 1 by a friend of her older brother.

Part of our job as parents is to protect our children, but it's also our job to teach our children how to get along in the world. They can't learn that if we don't give them the skills & knowledge they need, and then have the confidence in them to let them try.

People do not want to believe this. Their comfort comes over that of others. Not the well being of their child to whom they are saying "the boogeyman' is going to get you in there, AND YOU will be that boogeyman once you hit puberty.

I know a dozen boys who have been assaulted in restrooms. All were by people they knew. Teacher aides, teacher, swim instructor and rehab aide.

 

[Ava]

People do not want to believe this. Their comfort comes over that of others. Not the well being of their child to whom they are saying "the boogeyman' is going to get you in there, AND YOU will be that boogeyman once you hit puberty.

I know a dozen boys who have been assaulted in restrooms. All were by people they knew. Teacher aides, teacher, swim instructor and rehab aide.

It's sad that things like this happen to children, and by adults whom they know & trust. It's also unfortunate that the actions of a few have made all adult men viewed as potential threats to our children.

 

[Leajess99]

I agree with you 100%.

I also don't buy the whole kids safety comes before anyone's modesty argument. You know some parents would use that as an excuse to take their 15 yr old sons into the womens restroom. At some point, you are not going to be able to coddle your child. You need to give them the skills to cope with the big bad world and all of the people in it. Without you there holding their hand.

I was actually reading on the Wendy Show's comments that there are mothers still taking 12 year olds into the woman's bathroom and plan to do so until the kid is 13. WTH?? People really need to get a grip and teach these children some independence.

 

[GinnyEmma]

It's sad that things like this happen to children, and by adults whom they know & trust. It's also unfortunate that the actions of a few have made all adult men viewed as potential threats to our children.

I agree. It is heartbreaking to tell this to your sons. They have to regulate their behavior die to a small percentage of bad guys.

 

[Ava]

I agree. It is heartbreaking to tell this to your sons. They have to regulate their behavior die to a small percentage of bad guys.

Not just sons, daughters too. We know a family who doesn't take their kids to see Santa because the dad is "creeped out" by the thought of his daughters sitting on a strange man's lap. Not that seeing Santa is a requirement of childhood, but the pattern of thinking involved in this decision is sad to me.

 

[mamaLori05]

I was actually reading on the Wendy Show's comments that there are mothers still taking 12 year olds into the woman's bathroom and plan to do so until the kid is 13. WTH?? People really need to get a grip and teach these children some independence.

Those are the kids I feel really sorry for!!! I mean really, those kid will be old enough to drive a car in 3 years, I'm pretty sure they can handle going to the bathroom on their own. I think there would be serious social consequences for making a 12 and 13 yr old go into the women's restroom with their mommy. Kids at that age can be mean already, do you really want to do that to your child. If someone from his school would see him going into the women's restroom with his mommy because she can't let him go, that poor kid would NEVER hear the end of it. yes, you have to think about your child's safety, but you also have to think about how your decisions will effect him socially and mentally, which IMO can be just as damaging.

I REALLY hope those people are just joking around. If they are serious, I seriously hope my daughter's don't marry one of them! YIKES!!

 

[GinnyEmma]

Not just sons, daughters too. We know a family who doesn't take their kids to see Santa because the dad is "creeped out" by the thought of his daughters sitting on a strange man's lap. Not that seeing Santa is a requirement of childhood, but the pattern of thinking involved in this decision is sad to me.

I meant that my sons have to look at their lives and their choices as teens and adults. My middle son helps me with ss class, and I won't leave him alone in the room. He would make an incredible early elementary school teacher, but I don't encourage it. I've heard too many people suggest that there is something weird or sexual in that.

 

[Ava]

I meant that my sons have to look at their lives and their choices as teens and adults. My middle son helps me with ss class, and I won't leave him alone in the room. He would make an incredible early elementary school teacher, but I don't encourage it. I've heard too many people suggest that there is something weird or sexual in that.

Ah, okay, I misunderstood your post. Thanks for clarifying. I agree with you on this, older boys & men who like children are way too often assumed to have some sort of inappropriate motive behind their interest. What I don't understand is, how do we expect our boys to grow up to be good fathers if they are constantly sent the message that it's wrong for them to like kids?

This is kind of veering off topic of the original post, but I do think the trend towards taking older boys into the women's restroom is a symptom of the fear of men that has become so prevalent in our society.

 

[stashbin]

I have girls so it's easy. They just come with me. I allow them to go in by themselves (ages 9 and 6) if we are in a restaurant where I can see the entrance to the bathroom. But no way I am letting them go into a crowded DW bathroom! First, I am scared they would clown. Second, I am scared they would get turned around coming out and get scared.

I don't care what anyone thinks either. If I don't feel comfortable letting them go alone, I trust my gut.

A 12 year old boy in the bathroom wouldn't bother me with stalls. But I do have to wonder why the boy would want to go in there. If the mom is making him I guess that's her parenting priority. Not gonna judge.