Children of Hoarders Support and Steam-Venting

[Chim Chiminy]

Both my parents are hoarders. Its like they are having a competition with each other. Luckily, I've seen worse on TV though.

Recently, dad started showing me where he keeps financial records and important things. When I asked if he kept money in the house, he just replied to not throw anything away without going through it first. OMG, that thought is giving me nightmares. I can see me yelling at my brother to not toss the expired cereal box because I didn't check it for money yet.

Lord help me when the time comes.

We will probably have to search through things too.
About 15 years ago, I recall my mom stating that we shouldn't get rid of a ridiculously huge stuffed frog. I asked why and she told me to pick it up.
It was heavy and jingled.

She had opened up the frog and stuffed a jar full of old pennies into it!

 

[EMom]

OK...I have never heard of that either but old food DOES get pitched in this house -- we *try* not to do that but on occassion you get that one can that somehow gets shoved to the back of the cupboard only to be discovered years later. HOWEVER....I just end up pitching those -- I hope you didn't OPEN them did you to find the dusty powder? I know you said you shook it, so I'm hoping that is all it was. I would be afraid to open a canned good several years later (unless of course, the expiration stamp said it was good! Then I'd still be iffy and more than likely toss it without a second thought!) I know they didn't start stamping those until what I think of is fairly recently but it could be several years by now -- I have been known to say "that wasn't too long ago" to which DH tells me that whatever X is has been around for at least 10 years but it's one of those "but I remember BEFORE they were a common thing".

No, we did not open them! I had visions of what happened when they opened King Tut's tomb and those ancient spores (or whatever) wound up killing them after they breathed them in. Who knows WHAT substance lurked inside those cans?

MIL grew up with plenty of money, so that's not her problem. In fact, one of the weirdest things about her is that she will assign "value" to a piece of crap and yet treat something that is truly valuable like......crap. We too can never just pick up something and toss it. We must check everything because that scrap of paper could be a vital legal document or a stock certificate, etc. Or it could be a 15 year old expired coupon for a product she'd never have used.

Not long ago, DH found an expired check for something like $17,000 that she had never cashed. She had just tossed it in the floor with all the other junk and forgotten about it after she couldn't find it. (She'd never ask us to hunt for it because she'd have to endure our shaking heads.) I told DH that if someone in my family lost a check for $17, we'd be tearing the house up to find it, let alone $17,000! When we cleaned out her first house, it was like an archeological dig. As we cleared out the trash inch by inch, we went further and further into the past. When she moved out of her last house (lived in it for 8 years or so) she told DD she could have all the change she could pick up off the floor. DD collected several hundred dollars. Not a bad deal. I kept all the Euros and British pounds. She has valuable jewelry that we have never found. I think it likely got thrown away because it was lost in a pile of junk. She's ruined dozens of earrings by crushing them into the floor when she stepped on them.

She's in the hospital now and we've found hundreds of dollars squirreled away in weird places. I have no idea how much more we'll find. And we have to check everything. I have actually stopped collecting because her CRAP made me scared for DD. You see, DD is the only grandchild and really, only great-grandchild. Every antique, family heirloom, piece of china, silver, crystal, collectible, etc. from my generation, MIL's generation and MIL's parents will all someday go to DD. It's overwhelming. Even if she just inherited all my stuff, it would be more than she'd want or need. So we plan to sell most of the rest and put it away for college. My main collection and passion was Wedgwood Jasperware, but when I got to 50 pieces, I stopped. I figure that's a nice enough collection and I've no need to look further. (Although I could find the Waterford Wedgwood store in London blindfolded. ) As she gets older, if she doesn't care for it, I'm going to find out what relative DOES like it, and they will get it when I'm gone. I can't take it with me. I'd rather have memories than stuff.

 

[agnes!]

...We found more than 40 Folger's can stuffed with $1, $5 and $10 bills in the attic rafters and every space they'd fit She'd managed to hoard nearly $60k Grandpapa had no idea

...MIL grew up with plenty of money, so that's not her problem. In fact, one of the weirdest things about her is that she will assign "value" to a piece of crap and yet treat something that is truly valuable like......crap. We too can never just pick up something and toss it. We must check everything because that scrap of paper could be a vital legal document or a stock certificate, etc. Or it could be a 15 year old expired coupon for a product she'd never have used.

Not long ago, DH found an expired check for something like $17,000 that she had never cashed. She had just tossed it in the floor with all the other junk and forgotten about it after she couldn't find it. (She'd never ask us to hunt for it because she'd have to endure our shaking heads.) I told DH that if someone in my family lost a check for $17, we'd be tearing the house up to find it, let alone $17,000! When we cleaned out her first house, it was like an archeological dig. As we cleared out the trash inch by inch, we went further and further into the past. When she moved out of her last house (lived in it for 8 years or so) she told DD she could have all the change she could pick up off the floor. DD collected several hundred dollars. Not a bad deal. I kept all the Euros and British pounds. She has valuable jewelry that we have never found. I think it likely got thrown away because it was lost in a pile of junk. She's ruined dozens of earrings by crushing them into the floor when she stepped on them.

She's in the hospital now and we've found hundreds of dollars squirreled away in weird places. I have no idea how much more we'll find. And we have to check everything.

Like I said, check boxes and drawers. Oh! and pockets too.

I have actually stopped collecting because her CRAP made me scared for DD. You see, DD is the only grandchild and really, only great-grandchild. Every antique, family heirloom, piece of china, silver, crystal, collectible, etc. from my generation, MIL's generation and MIL's parents will all someday go to DD. It's overwhelming. Even if she just inherited all my stuff, it would be more than she'd want or need. So we plan to sell most of the rest and put it away for college. My main collection and passion was Wedgwood Jasperware, but when I got to 50 pieces, I stopped. I figure that's a nice enough collection and I've no need to look further. (Although I could find the Waterford Wedgwood store in London blindfolded. ) As she gets older, if she doesn't care for it, I'm going to find out what relative DOES like it, and they will get it when I'm gone. I can't take it with me. I'd rather have memories than stuff.

We're not quite in that condition in my family with DD, but just the same...that's kind of where I am these days.

agnes!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Like I said, check boxes and drawers. Oh! and pockets too.

agnes!

Yes. Also make sure to check for any loose flooring or possible holes in the walls after moving everything out.
And if there's a porch or if there's a crawlspace under the house, check under those. Especially for any dirt that looks like it might have been dug up.

I know someone who died and their kids with my aunt (who helped to take care of him) cleaned out the house afterwards. They found a few thousand dollars of just change under the house. Evidently, there were some spaces in the floorboards that he just put all his change into for who knows how many years.

I know of other people who had small holes in the walls behind furniture or pictures that they just stuffed things into.

I've been trying to get my dad to sit down and write down all his insurance policies, stocks, coins, whatever of real value so that I could have a copy of it if something would happen to him. He has several insurance policies and I have no idea where the paperwork is, or anything. And there is so much paperwork around.

I think the only thing that helps to keep the problem down somewhat is that I do live with him and I try to keep down some of the mess.

 

[Arielle22]

When my grandpa died in 1984 my brother and his bride bought his house. I helped them clean it out. 2 bedrooms you could only get in the door. It took a couple of days but when we got 3/4 of the way through 1 bedroom we found a cherry wood bedroom set. It was my dad's when he was young! The set went to my mom.

Mom and Dad had been married 25 years but she never knew it was there because the room had always been filled up.

The other bedroom had a beautiful hope chest which my sister got.

 

[Diznotyzed]

These posts about old food sure ring a bell, only the old canned goods we cleaned out of my mom's house were all cracked and leaking. How many jumbo cans of stewed tomatoes does one couple need? All of her spices were in the old metal cans from the days long before UPCs were used. When I was cleaning out her dresser drawers I found tons of old candy and cookies, some of which had expiration dates older than 10 years on them.

Apparently if you keep old polyester long enough it turns to gold.

 

[delilah]

My MIL is a hoarder, and I think it runs in families. Don't laugh. My husband is awful. I should have gotten a hint when we first got married. His friends helped him move into the apartment we rented right after our wedding (we got married in Gainesville, FL and immediately moved to Columbus, OH, where we attended graduate school). His friends were laughing about the little bits of shiny paper that he was keeping.

Now, we have been married almost 31 years in June. He has his stuff in both large, walk in type closets in our bedroom. We have a large headboard with storage space. Every bit of his space is totally packed with things. Like others on this thread, I am amazed on a daily basis that he sometimes treats things that are crap like highly valuable jewels, and he treats things that have value like crap. Last week, I was cleaning out the sink in our bathroom in our bedroom, and found all kinds of interesting stuff. There was a bag of little soaps and shampoos from Disney, the old style. Not sure what trip that was from. He had hair ornaments in a bag for his cousin's daughter. They were purchased in 1996. I know, there was a receipt in the bag. She was 15 back then. Her tastes have changed, and the hair ornaments went to Goodwill. I found a receipt for tires for a car we sold in 1997! The receipt was from 1993. It was stuffed behind the drawers in the bathroom vanity. The funny we just remodeled the bathroom in 2005.

What galls me worst is that he continually buys things and doesn't even bother to unpack the bags; he just stuffs them places. He does the same thing if somehow he gets hold of something of mine. Once, I practically tore the house apart looking for a sports bra I had taken on a trip to Florida. He knew I was looking for it, I asked if he had seen it. No, he hadn't. OK. Sure enough, six months later, he finally looked in his suitcase, and there it was. Unfortunately, I had lost 40lbs in the intervening 6 months, and the bra no longer fit. Likewise, he did something with two pairs of my son's jeans three years ago. They were almost new. They were in the wash. When I went to put the laundry away, they were gone. My husband had been sorting through his things, putting away winter stuff, taking out summer stuff. I have a feeling that the jeans are there, somewhere, but, where to look? But the point is moot. My son was 8 at the time, now he is 11. Those jeans would never fit. But, it sure is annoying.

 

[Glenn]

my aunt is a hoarder & my cousins are working on her. Some things like old photos, postcards, anything that works is fine but shes also into saving old newspapers, jars, carry out containers. They have found that she will give things away if someone needs stuff like a box or container. They also got her to get rid of some newspaper for a church collection. First she didnt want to until they said lets donate the sections you dont read like sports. And they have gotten rid of old coupons by setting up coupon envelopes so she can find the good ones she needs. That house will take a long time to cleans someday when she's gone.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Two stories I thought about today:

After Grandmommy died, Grandpapa was getting married again and preparing to move in with his new bride. We were going through his book shelf and he tossed a tattered old book in the thrift store box. I almost fainted. It was leather bound bible inscribed by my great-great grandpoppy and given to grandpapa high school graduation. Not being too sentimenta he said I could have it. I showed it to my mother a few days later and she had coniption fit because she thought it should have been passed on the her Fine, whatever. I gave it to her. About a week after I was at her house and spotted the precious bible, tossed aside in "THE PIT OF DOOM" (as we called her junk room) where it stayed for 6 more years

My parents sold their home and became RVers a few years back. I swiped the bible back then when I found it in yet another thrift store box. Since they have limited storage space in the RV I wanted to take the family pictures, organize them and create small albums for eveyone. OH HECK NO!!! She won't give them up to save her life. They are carelessly tossed in a box in the storage area under the RV and she hasn't even looked at them in the 5 or 6 years they've been doing this

 

[wnissen]

My father is a hoarder. Mostly books and papers, though he is capable of throwing out old newspapers. All his egg cartons are saved and numbered. He has phone books from the mid nineties, of an area he no longer lives in. There is only one chair in each room, and one guess who gets to sit in it! It is good to know there are other folks dealing with the same issues.

OK, here is a fun puzzle for you fellow children of hoarders. What is the common household object directly behind my father?

For larger version, click here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/GIsHvDinqxrV6B-FrHlpEQ?feat=directlink

Walt

 

[daisyduck123]

OK, here is a fun puzzle for you fellow children of hoarders. What is the common household object directly behind my father?

For larger version, click here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/GIsHvDinqxrV6B-FrHlpEQ?feat=directlink

Walt

Hmmmm....you got me there....a couch??
(and I'm not the child of a hoarder, but I wanted to take a guess!)

 

[Chim Chiminy]

Looks familiar.
I will say it's a couch also.

 

[wnissen]

Hmmmm....you got me there....a couch??
(and I'm not the child of a hoarder, but I wanted to take a guess!)

Hey, you guys are good. It used to be a couch, but is now a horizontal filing area. I last sat on it about twenty years ago. The dining room table is similar, although one time when his mother was in town we cleaned it off and ate a proper meal on it. I'm sure that was the highlight of the table's life.

Walt

 

[marymrg]

OK...I have never heard of that either but old food DOES get pitched in this house -- we *try* not to do that but on occassion you get that one can that somehow gets shoved to the back of the cupboard only to be discovered years later. HOWEVER....I just end up pitching those -- I hope you didn't OPEN them did you to find the dusty powder? I know you said you shook it, so I'm hoping that is all it was. I would be afraid to open a canned good several years later (unless of course, the expiration stamp said it was good! Then I'd still be iffy and more than likely toss it without a second thought!) I know they didn't start stamping those until what I think of is fairly recently but it could be several years by now -- I have been known to say "that wasn't too long ago" to which DH tells me that whatever X is has been around for at least 10 years but it's one of those "but I remember BEFORE they were a common thing".

This thread inspired me to clean out my pantry. (take everything out, reorganize, wash shelves) Apparently I was a collector of vintage (circa 2006) Jello and Instant Pudding. I must have thrown out 10 boxes. In my defense, they were in the back hiding behind the taller things. I did end up throwing out 1 can of soup (expired 3/09) and a few dessert mixes (circa 2006 as well) that were also expired. I also have two boxes of Shake N Bake (one opened and one sealed) that are living on the edge of expiration.

All in all it wasn't too bad. I think in the past that I had been guilty of using a coupon for items that I don't need more than one of and that I don't buy regularly.

My heart does go out to people who deal with the hoarding issue. (for the family and the person with the illness) I know that a relative of mine has trouble/guilt feelings about throwing away things that come free in the mail. So, she gives them to me and I look through them and then have no problem tossing them out. (after she leaves of course)

 

[Tarheel Tink]

My only brother died suddenly of a heart attack 2 1/2 weeks ago and as his only relative I had to clear his room that he rented. Six years ago when my mother died my brother had 2 rooms at her house filled with his "collections". He refused to move his stuff when I inherited the home and moved in so DH and I filled a large storage unit with his items, paid for 6 months and gave him the key.
As time went on he moved his collection into a garage where it got damaged from water, etc. so by the time he passed on there was a lot less but still daunting. The unusual newspapers, magazines, candy wrappers, crayons, crossword puzzles, mail, ads, etc. were stacked, boxed, everywhere. 1 room= 3 truckloads to the dump and 2 county trash canisters filled.