Children of Hoarders Support and Steam-Venting

[robinb]

Just wondering if any of you also struggle with cleaning issues because of growing up with that?

I'm so embarrassed because my house is a mess all the time -- not dirty, but just stuff everywhere (though my closets and drawers are empty and sparkling clean ). I don't hoard, but I just never know where to start to clean! I was never really taught any of that growing up. It's not that I don't *know* how now, it's just I get overwhelmed by it inside. My son isn't like that, but my daughter is picking it up. I know I need to make changes, but ugh! It's hard.

Mushy, weren't you following FlyLady (www.flylady.com) for a while? Her program really helps me get over the overwhelmed feeling of not knowing where to start. I will usually concentrate on her "zone of the week" and for 15-30 minutes per day. The other thing that Flylady says is that our houses do not get cluttered overnight, so they won't get clean overnight either. She breaks uncluttering sessions into easy to do 15 minute chunks. Who doesn't have 15 minutes?

 

[Becky2005]

Hmm...well...where do I start -- how about I'm a mix? I *know* my mom thinks I'm a hoarder because well...my house is a disaster area BUT I still say 99.9% of it is kid junk. It's just all clutter & not filthy stuff laying around (We do get rid of lots of stuff, it's just really hard to tell when the kids bring in just as much as you get rid of!) You COULD see the entire floor before I had kids, I have video to prove it. THEN -- my problem is I will clean before company, run out of time and just shove the rest into boxes to be dealt with later & shoved up into my bedroom or somewhere upstairs where the guests aren't going to be at. I DO go through the boxes every once in a great while but it takes FOREVER to shred all the documents. I never seem to have hours on end to just sit there and shred. It just seems you get one area clean & 5 seconds later after the kids get to it, it's messy again -- and sometimes even DH (or ME if it's paperwork -- having kids in school = tons of paperwork with forms I have to fill out & then copies I need to keep). Is it just me or does it seem like if you are doing a big cleaning, it gets messier before it gets better as you are pulling everything out and even with throwing stuff out, I seem to have more piles than I began with until I can put it all back into some semblenece of order. I'm also more than willing to give stuff away/throw stuff out we don't need, is broken junk, is gross, etc... It's just having time to go through everything.

The thing is my grandmother most definitely was a hoarder -- she had paths to go from one area to another -- I think she ended up sleeping in a chair most the time since her bed was covered with stuff. My mother was most definitely NOT a hoarder & I think it drives her nuts that I have Grandma tendencies -- so I guess I fall somewhere in the middle. I don't mind clutter but it does eventually get to a point where I say "enough" and try to purge but usually I'm short on time, so get partly purged. Whenever they get on my case, I just tell them "I'm not as bad as Grandma was."

Now speaking of cleaning, I need to do some of that this morning since it's the first time in about 6 weeks no kids are home (my DD had major surgery so this is her first week back at school & her little brother has preschool this morning. I'm not being at someone's beck & call to help them every 5 minutes!). Plus, I enjoy blasting the music while I'm cleaning and that's hard to do when others are here.

 

[agnes!]

...I'm so embarrassed because my house is a mess all the time -- not dirty, but just stuff everywhere (though my closets and drawers are empty and sparkling clean ). I don't hoard, but I just never know where to start to clean! I was never really taught any of that growing up. It's not that I don't *know* how now, it's just I get overwhelmed by it inside. My son isn't like that, but my daughter is picking it up. I know I need to make changes, but ugh! It's hard.

I remember making a post a couple of years ago because I was upset and didn't know how I'd manage the house when I started student teaching full time. A couple of people got really sarcastic with me like I was an idiot and I remember thinking how wonderful it would be for these things to come easily! I'm a smart and fairly capable person, but when it comes to this house, I'm a blithering idiot.

My family were not hoarders when I was growing up and they aren't now, but we are collectors. Everyone else (but me) in the extended family has a cleaning service or a housekeeper. I also struggle with "where to start", people who instinctively know "where to start" sometimes don't understand that I'd like to posess that info too and be able to act on it easily...it's almost like they got a little extra something to be able to understand how to organize/clean/de-clutter.

Some things that have helped me are
*(don't laugh at this one) is to watch "How Clean is Your House?" a wonderful show from the BBC. We get it on BBCAmerica, the techniques are good. It also makes me feel a bit better to know that my house is nowhere near these places that (really) should be condemned. It is inspiring to see how much better their lives are when their surroundings are cleaned-up.

*Making the decision to de-accession my doll collection. It had been in storage for *years* and I just up & decided to sell everything this past fall. I realized I would never display them and came to the decision that it was time for someone else to enjoy them, time for them to go on to a new home. (Doll collectors will understand what I am talking about.) Some of the dolls were consigned to an on-line doll-auction house - yes, there is such a place - and some have been sold for me by a friend who sells on EBay & in consignment shops. She takes a percentage, I get some cash, unwanted stuff is out of my house...everyone's a winner.

*Making the decision that
If the item hasn't been worn, if I'm saving it for a rainy day and neither has happened within the past year or so? OUT IT GOES. I don't care if it goes to the thrift store, if my EBay friend sells it or it gets chucked in the trash...it is OUT OF THE HOUSE. And that feels really good.

*This next might sound morbid, but I want to deal with my own clutter, I don't want to possibly leave it for others to HAVE to deal with if I should somehow become incapacitated.

*When I'm going through papers or looking through stuff, I ask myself "Does this item or these papers mean ANYTHING to anyone else on this Earth?" If the answer is "No", then I get rid of it. I've actually been cleaning out FILE drawers!!!! AND closets!!!!

Getting proper equipment...
*Buying a good vacuum cleaner. We got a Dyson when Costco had them. I like using it, so I actually *do* use it.
*Finally getting a new refrigerator, one that wasn't a side-freezer and Avocado Green . I looooove my LG bottom-freezer French-door fridge. It's amazing to be able to actually *see* the food that's in there and be able to clean.


My main bugaboo is going through DD's old stuff...I get all teary-eyed looking at her papers & projects & cute clothing from when she was younger. Those baby-toddler outfits, those Kindergarten projects...

agnes!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Just wondering if any of you also struggle with cleaning issues because of growing up with that?

I'm so embarrassed because my house is a mess all the time -- not dirty, but just stuff everywhere (though my closets and drawers are empty and sparkling clean ). I don't hoard, but I just never know where to start to clean! I was never really taught any of that growing up. It's not that I don't *know* how now, it's just I get overwhelmed by it inside. My son isn't like that, but my daughter is picking it up. I know I need to make changes, but ugh! It's hard.

I remember making a post a couple of years ago because I was upset and didn't know how I'd manage the house when I started student teaching full time. A couple of people got really sarcastic with me like I was an idiot and I remember thinking how wonderful it would be for these things to come easily! I'm a smart and fairly capable person, but when it comes to this house, I'm a blithering idiot.

Yes. Even though my mom was almost but not quite a neat freak, my parents just kep acquiring more stuff. Luckily while my mom was alive and working, it was usually some sort of antique or something worthwhile. But now all my dad collects is junk.

It's difficult enough trying to keep my own stuff organized and clean. But trying to get his is usually a lost cause.

 

[EMom]

At least my dad saves all newspapers and magazine and then donates to a local church or school so they can sell to recycling for the proceeds. It's just that all the newspapers gets stacked around the stove.

I looked in the bathroom closet today and said that I need to clean that thing out. There meds and other stuff from the '70's in there that my dad won't get rid of. "It's still good" he says. Uh...No.
I have to clean out the pantry every now and then when he's not home and the next day is trash day. There's stuff that's outdated (and some opened) by more than a year. If I get rid of too much at a time, he starts yelling at me because I'm "wasting money".
me: "No dad. You wasted the money when you bought crap that neither of us will eat. If I'd been able to get to it before it expired, I could have given it away to those that need food. Now it's just garbage."
dad: *grumble, grumble*
I swear. There is a gallon can of olive oil that has been sitting there that my mom bought. She died 9 years ago. But I can't get rid of it.

See my previous post about my MIL attempting to pawn off a 30 y.o. suppository on me. Yes, she tried to get me to put something 30+ y.o. up my butt. That's love.

I have an olive oil story. Once again, bear in mind, MIL DOES NOT COOK!

MIL went on a cruise and it made several stops in Greece. About 7-8 years later, DH and I were going through her cupboard and we came across this gimonganoid container of olive oil. DH asked her why she has a monster size bottle of olive oil....I swear it was a couple of GALLONS! She said she had bought it in Greece. He pointed out that she visited Greece years ago and that the bottle wasn't even opened. Then he pointed out that she doesn't cook, so why would she need even a tiny bottle of olive oil, let alone a King Kong size one? She protested that it was GREEK olive oil.

I had to enlighten her that I can buy olive oil from Greece at just about any store and that I'd seen that exact brand at some places I shop. And I hadn't had to haul a few gallons of it around from one stop to another, let alone on a plane and through customs. "Oh," she said, "Well, it's still good. It hasn't been opened." Then I had to explain to her about oils going rancid and how that olive oil had to GO.

What senior citizen in their right mind (and that is the key) goes all the way to Greece, buys a backbreaking bottle of olive oil, hauls it halfway around the world, stores it for 8 years, never uses it, yet wants to hold on to it.......All the while they could have bought it at Kroger's?

Then there were the canned goods we discovered that had been in there so long that the contents had evaporated or somehow turned to dusty powder. All the liquid was gone, yet there were no holes or cracks in the cans. We could shake the cans and hear the remnants of the contents inside. I had NO idea canned goods could even DO that.

 

[Becky2005]

Then there were the canned goods we discovered that had been in there so long that the contents had evaporated or somehow turned to dusty powder. All the liquid was gone, yet there were no holes or cracks in the cans. We could shake the cans and hear the remnants of the contents inside. I had NO idea canned goods could even DO that.

OK...I have never heard of that either but old food DOES get pitched in this house -- we *try* not to do that but on occassion you get that one can that somehow gets shoved to the back of the cupboard only to be discovered years later. HOWEVER....I just end up pitching those -- I hope you didn't OPEN them did you to find the dusty powder? I know you said you shook it, so I'm hoping that is all it was. I would be afraid to open a canned good several years later (unless of course, the expiration stamp said it was good! Then I'd still be iffy and more than likely toss it without a second thought!) I know they didn't start stamping those until what I think of is fairly recently but it could be several years by now -- I have been known to say "that wasn't too long ago" to which DH tells me that whatever X is has been around for at least 10 years but it's one of those "but I remember BEFORE they were a common thing".

 

[MushyMushy]

Mushy, weren't you following FlyLady (www.flylady.com) for a while? Her program really helps me get over the overwhelmed feeling of not knowing where to start. I will usually concentrate on her "zone of the week" and for 15-30 minutes per day. The other thing that Flylady says is that our houses do not get cluttered overnight, so they won't get clean overnight either. She breaks uncluttering sessions into easy to do 15 minute chunks. Who doesn't have 15 minutes?

I wasn't following it, but somebody recommended it to me and I took one look and ran! I think it was the constant email reminders that scared me off. I wonder if there's a flylady lite?

See my previous post about my MIL attempting to pawn off a 30 y.o. suppository on me. Yes, she tried to get me to put something 30+ y.o. up my butt. That's love.

OMG!!!

That's the funniest thing I've read in a good long time!

 

[robinb]

I wasn't following it, but somebody recommended it to me and I took one look and ran! I think it was the constant email reminders that scared me off. I wonder if there's a flylady lite?

Those emails are brutal! I used to get them but not anymore. Do the program but don't get the email reminders ... you don't need them. Try her "baby steps" here: http://flylady.com/pages/begin_babysteps.asp and look at her "Flying Lessons": http://www.flylady.net/pages/FLYingLessons.asp.

I am the kind of person who starts cleaning one area but then I get sidetracked. Like if I start to pick up the living room and I take a glass to the kitchen I notice that there are a bunch of dishes that need to be put in the dishwasher and then when I open the dishwasher to put the dishes in I realize the reason why the dishes are on the counter is because the dishwasher is full of clean dishes so I empty the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes away and ... where was I? By setting a timer I remain focused on the area I am working on and a LOT can be done in a small 15 minute chunk. Enough that you will NOTICE A DIFFERENCE. With the timer ticking away I think to myself: "I will take care of the dishes in the kitchen when my living room timer goes off." and I give myself permission to leave the glass on the counter so I can finish in the living room.

 

[CF'er]

My mom was a hoarder. She was also a QVC addict. She had a room of empty qvc boxes that she was ashamed to throw away. Her addiction was mostly clothes (she never went anywhere but she never had anything to wear) and kitchen stuff.

DH and I cleaned and organized for her so a couple years ago so I was aware. My DBro was not. They were estranged. So when DM passed and he had to go into the house he was so shocked. Mom had been dead a few days before she was found. Lets just say that it was a nightmare trying to get all that stuff out of the house before they could really get anything done. It was all considered a biohazard and all cloth and paper had to be thrown away. The $$$$ that went into that dumpster was heartbreaking. That and all of it was practically new and someone could have gotten use out of it.

I could go on but it still hurts.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

See my previous post about my MIL attempting to pawn off a 30 y.o. suppository on me. Yes, she tried to get me to put something 30+ y.o. up my butt. That's love.

"Oh," she said, "Well, it's still good. It hasn't been opened."

Those are the exact words my dad says to me when I try to throw something out. Then he says "it's just a way to get us to buy the stuff more often".
Which may be true to a point, but sheesh!.

Then there were the canned goods we discovered that had been in there so long that the contents had evaporated or somehow turned to dusty powder. All the liquid was gone, yet there were no holes or cracks in the cans. We could shake the cans and hear the remnants of the contents inside. I had NO idea canned goods could even DO that.

Yeah. I once opened up something without really looking at the date and it was starting to dry out. I was thinking what the heck? I looked at the date on the can and it was outdated by about 5 years.

My mom was a hoarder. She was also a QVC addict. She had a room of empty qvc boxes that she was ashamed to throw away. Her addiction was mostly clothes (she never went anywhere but she never had anything to wear) and kitchen stuff.

DH and I cleaned and organized for her so a couple years ago so I was aware. My DBro was not. They were estranged. So when DM passed and he had to go into the house he was so shocked. Mom had been dead a few days before she was found. Lets just say that it was a nightmare trying to get all that stuff out of the house before they could really get anything done. It was all considered a biohazard and all cloth and paper had to be thrown away. The $$$$ that went into that dumpster was heartbreaking. That and all of it was practically new and someone could have gotten use out of it.

I could go on but it still hurts.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I remember making a post a couple of years ago because I was upset and didn't know how I'd manage the house when I started student teaching full time. A couple of people got really sarcastic with me like I was an idiot and I remember thinking how wonderful it would be for these things to come easily! I'm a smart and fairly capable person, but when it comes to this house, I'm a blithering idiot.

OMG! That is so me! I like to have a clean house, I don't know how. I have this shelf of books and for some reason it is always dusty. I clean it when I see it but it isn't like I have a natural instinct to dust 2x a week or whatever.

 

[daisyduck123]

Yes, she tried to get me to put something 30+ y.o. up my butt. That's love.

TAG FAIRY.....Where are you???

 

[OctMtnWoods]

Both my parents are hoarders. Its like they are having a competition with each other. Luckily, I've seen worse on TV though.

Recently, dad started showing me where he keeps financial records and important things. When I asked if he kept money in the house, he just replied to not throw anything away without going through it first. OMG, that thought is giving me nightmares. I can see me yelling at my brother to not toss the expired cereal box because I didn't check it for money yet.

Lord help me when the time comes.

 

[minkydog]

I swear. There is a gallon can of olive oil that has been sitting there that my mom bought. She died 9 years ago. But I can't get rid of it.

I have one for you--my own Dear Husband has two jars of some kind of tan jelly that he has been saving ever since his father died. 23 years ago. And he keeps it in my fridge.

 

[minkydog]

Oh, I forgot about my MIL. When she lived in her own home, she had clothes hanging on nails all over the house. Tons of good clothes. All the closets were packed so I thought she just didn't have room to store them.

Nope. She has lived in an assisted care facility for 10 years now and she has--guess what!--clothes hanging on nails all over the room. And a 5 shelf storage closet, a card table with about $500 worth of makeup, a huge wooden lawn chair, a small fridge and 4 small tables, all piled high with pictures of kittens, National Enquirers, and candy. It was so bad that the facility called the Fire Department to come evaluate her 8'x10' room. they determined that she didn't have a fire hazard and there was exactly enough room for her to manuever from the bed to the bathroom with her walker.

Unfortunately, last month she fell and broke her hip and now resides in rehab.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I have one for you--my own Dear Husband has two jars of some kind of tan jelly that he has been saving ever since his father died. 23 years ago. And he keeps it in my fridge.

I am jealous!

 

[Niagara2]

Many people that grew up in families that experienced the depression, or had memories of it grew to have enough around them to survive. Who know what was around the next corner.
I would guess some people would call me and my mother a hoarder in certain circumstances. My house is as neat as a pin, but I have piles in the cellar that need to be gone through. My closet is my friends delight as I organize it once a year to make room for the new things! That is my one area that I know more is not needed!
Anyway - I would love to visit my Mom's crowded cellar and linen closet. She is not here anymore and some of that "stuff" is in my own cellar right now.
Our home was a safe,clean place but we had too much junk. We love sales. I take after my Mother. That is OK. She was someone we should all take after - the best Mom in the world to us.
Walk into my house and it is beautiful, just do not open drawers and closets. That is OK Couldn't be happier with my life and family.
We are all going to get old one day... hope my kids have the patience needed at that time. We will be the ones you are now complaining about.

 

[almburr]

My mom wont spend any nickle that was made before 1965?, when they were still made with silver. She has kept everyone of my school papers, and every scribble i drew. She has kept all her old clothes wont get rid of them.


My DMIL and late grandmother both grew up in the depression. DMIL grew up in a house of 5 kids, she keeps things but uses them. We we have picnics she saves plastic tableware washes them up and uses them again, there is a set of plastic christmas plates from the 60s. The same goes for trash bags. Really only paper items go in there. She takes the sack out to the can and dumps it and brings it back. yet she saves old appliances when they die.

My Grandmother on the other hand never saved a thing. She was an only child. when she was done with it, it was tossed. I think that is where I get my tossing ability. She did keep old generational items that were passed down.

 

[minkydog]

they die.

My Grandmother on the other hand never saved a thing. She was an only child. when she was done with it, it was tossed. I think that is where I get my tossing ability. She did keep old generational items that were passed down.

My father's mother was like that. Even though Granny & Grandaddy came up threw the depression and were desperately poor, Granny didn't save junk. She had a couple china sets, a few musical instruments, and of course, little old lady dusters, but most things once she was done with it she tossed it. We called her our "Plastic Granny." Nary an antique in sight. She said she didn't want to have to fuss with that stuff.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Just wondering if any of you also struggle with cleaning issues because of growing up with that?

I'm so embarrassed because my house is a mess all the time -- not dirty, but just stuff everywhere (though my closets and drawers are empty and sparkling clean ). I don't hoard, but I just never know where to start to clean! I was never really taught any of that growing up. It's not that I don't *know* how now, it's just I get overwhelmed by it inside. My son isn't like that, but my daughter is picking it up. I know I need to make changes, but ugh! It's hard.

I remember making a post a couple of years ago because I was upset and didn't know how I'd manage the house when I started student teaching full time. A couple of people got really sarcastic with me like I was an idiot and I remember thinking how wonderful it would be for these things to come easily! I'm a smart and fairly capable person, but when it comes to this house, I'm a blithering idiot.

: wave2:

Yeah, I confess. I have no sense of organization and I lived with chaos so many years I don't recognize it now. Good thing is, my friends don't have to clean up when I come over

In my family, all Darden women have "a room". It's supposed to be a guest room. If you could fit a bed in there....Mine is the best organized and cleanest of all of them and I couldn't get a twin bed in here, but I do run an eCommerce jewelry business from it without losing ALL the important stuff.

Now my Grandmommy (Dog rest her little heart), she could put ALL Y'ALL'S RELATIVES TO SHAME

She was a dirt poor, barefoot teenager during the depression and I swear, the woman never threw out a butter tub, cool whip container, pair of panties or scrap of fabric in her LIFE When we cleaned out her house there were home canned goods in the attic dating back to BEFORE she married my Grandpapa and that was 1936! We found more than 40 Folger's can stuffed with $1, $5 and $10 bills in the attic rafters and every space they'd fit She'd managed to hoard nearly $60k Grandpapa had no idea