Children left in cars

[BellePrincessBelle]

I often wonder if this isn't the perfect murder? How many of these parents who leave infants to die in cars get prosecuted, and if so, how long they actually spend in prison? Certainly not as long as for manslaughter.

The most unpopular opinion however I tend to agree with you. We'll get slammed for it but I'm a big girl & wear flame proof panties.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

I often wonder if this isn't the perfect murder? How many of these parents who leave infants to die in cars get prosecuted, and if so, how long they actually spend in prison? Certainly not as long as for manslaughter.

I think was actually was a CSI episode once. (A very, very sad ep. If I'm remembering right, the parents had lost a son to a (painful? drawn-out?) congenital disease. This was their second child, and they thought he had the same disease. They wanted to spare him the pain and suffering. Turns out he didn't have it after all.)

 

[Acklander]

I often wonder if this isn't the perfect murder? How many of these parents who leave infants to die in cars get prosecuted, and if so, how long they actually spend in prison? Certainly not as long as for manslaughter.

Probably not a "perfect murder". In almost all cases where a parent has murdered a small child it's done in a spur of the moment/the parent snapped/went crazy type thing. Not a carefully thought out plan that takes several hours.

 

[Acklander]

She remembered to bring the doughnuts inside didn't she? IMO there is NEVER an excuse for forgetting your child. It's not a purse or cell phone it's a part of you.

And I'm sure the parents who have been in this situation used to think the exact same thing until it happened to them.

 

[Liberty Belle]

She remembered to bring the doughnuts inside didn't she? IMO there is NEVER an excuse for forgetting your child. It's not a purse or cell phone it's a part of you.

I think that is extremely dangerous thinking. If we make these people into monsters, we are saying we're different and it couldn't happen to us. And that is what causes tragedies.

 

[Pooh Crew]

Our news ran a story last night on a two yr old left in a car. The dad was watching five children (no clarification on whether they were all his or not), and just forgot about the two yr old for several hours. The temp in the car was 130 degrees when police arrived and there was evidence that the child had tried to get out. What a horrible, horrible way for a child to die.

 

[jodifla]

Anybody who thinks this couldn't happen to them should take the time to read the 2010 Pulitzer prize-winning piece "Fatal Distractions" by Gene Weingarten of The Washington Post.

It is one of the most harrowing, haunting and horrible things you will EVER read as a parent, and then you will know how it can happen to ANYBODY. And when you realize that, you can take the steps to prevent it.

Besides the parents, Weingarten talks to memory experts on why parents forget. These conversations are very revealing.

Also, these cases are on the rise. Why? Because instead of sitting beside you like small children USED to do when I was growing up, they are sitting in the back seat. And instead of facing you, they are turned, so you only see the back of a car seat. The children are often asleep. And if they wake up, the locks are child-proofed. This has been the downside to all the safety regulations we now have.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dy...27/AR2009022701549_2.html?sid=ST2009030602446

Here's an excerpt.

"Death by hyperthermia" is the official designation. When it happens to young children, the facts are often the same: An otherwise loving and attentive parent one day gets busy, or distracted, or upset, or confused by a change in his or her daily routine, and just... forgets a child is in the car. It happens that way somewhere in the United States 15 to 25 times a year, parceled out through the spring, summer and early fall. The season is almost upon us.

Two decades ago, this was relatively rare. But in the early 1990s, car-safety experts declared that passenger-side front airbags could kill children, and they recommended that child seats be moved to the back of the car; then, for even more safety for the very young, that the baby seats be pivoted to face the rear. If few foresaw the tragic consequence of the lessened visibility of the child . . . well, who can blame them? What kind of person forgets a baby?

The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist.

Last year it happened three times in one day, the worst day so far in the worst year so far in a phenomenon that gives no sign of abating.

The facts in each case differ a little, but always there is the terrible moment when the parent realizes what he or she has done, often through a phone call from a spouse or caregiver. This is followed by a frantic sprint to the car. What awaits there is the worst thing in the world.

Each instance has its own macabre signature. One father had parked his car next to the grounds of a county fair; as he discovered his son's body, a calliope tootled merrily beside him. Another man, wanting to end things quickly, tried to wrestle a gun from a police officer at the scene. Several people -- including Mary Parks of Blacksburg -- have driven from their workplace to the day-care center to pick up the child they'd thought they'd dropped off, never noticing the corpse in the back seat.

 

[Sparx]

I think there is a big difference between a tragic accident like this and the idiots who just leave the kid in the car for convenience or out of laziness. I don't know why the 11 year old didn't say anything but they are 11. They could have been distracted by their mom's reaction to the news, maybe they were sad about their grandfather's death, maybe just didn't think about it since, well, they are 11.

I'm sure that mom will punish herself way more then any law enforcement can, nor do I think that an accident warrants criminal charges in this case (provided of course we know the whole story).

I agree with this. If we're not saying, "How could this grown woman not remember to get this child out of the car" we should definitely not be saying, "How could this child not remember to get another child out of the car."

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

Anybody who thinks this couldn't happen to them should take the time to read the 2010 Pulitzer prize-winning piece "Fatal Distractions" by Gene Weingarten of The Washington Post.

It is one of the most harrowing, haunting and horrible things you will EVER read as a parent, and then you will know how it can happen to ANYBODY. And when you realize that, you can take the steps to prevent it.

Besides the parents, Weingarten talks to memory experts on why parents forget. These conversations are very revealing.

Also, these cases are on the rise. Why? Because instead of sitting beside you like small children USED to do when I was growing up, they are sitting in the back seat. And instead of facing you, they are turned, so you only see the back of a car seat. The children are often asleep. And if they wake up, the locks are child-proofed. This has been the downside to all the safety regulations we now have.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dy...27/AR2009022701549_2.html?sid=ST2009030602446

Here's an excerpt.

"Death by hyperthermia" is the official designation. When it happens to young children, the facts are often the same: An otherwise loving and attentive parent one day gets busy, or distracted, or upset, or confused by a change in his or her daily routine, and just... forgets a child is in the car. It happens that way somewhere in the United States 15 to 25 times a year, parceled out through the spring, summer and early fall. The season is almost upon us.

Two decades ago, this was relatively rare. But in the early 1990s, car-safety experts declared that passenger-side front airbags could kill children, and they recommended that child seats be moved to the back of the car; then, for even more safety for the very young, that the baby seats be pivoted to face the rear. If few foresaw the tragic consequence of the lessened visibility of the child . . . well, who can blame them? What kind of person forgets a baby?

The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist.

Last year it happened three times in one day, the worst day so far in the worst year so far in a phenomenon that gives no sign of abating.

The facts in each case differ a little, but always there is the terrible moment when the parent realizes what he or she has done, often through a phone call from a spouse or caregiver. This is followed by a frantic sprint to the car. What awaits there is the worst thing in the world.

Each instance has its own macabre signature. One father had parked his car next to the grounds of a county fair; as he discovered his son's body, a calliope tootled merrily beside him. Another man, wanting to end things quickly, tried to wrestle a gun from a police officer at the scene. Several people -- including Mary Parks of Blacksburg -- have driven from their workplace to the day-care center to pick up the child they'd thought they'd dropped off, never noticing the corpse in the back seat.

I have actually read that & I still stand by my thoughts. If one is so wrapped in their own world maybe they are not in a postion to have children. If your career(in some of these cases) is so important maybe it was not the right time to have a child. These children not only died but suffered a horrible, painful death because of neglience of the adult who was supposed to protect them at all cost. Said adult, however, was too wrapped up in their own issues to care for that child. Plus I can add that I with 100% certainty have never & will never forget my child. I have been as stressed and sleep deprived as they come & ALWAYS remembered my child. I may never know where my phone is but I ALWAYS know where my children are.

 

[krcit]

I think that is extremely dangerous thinking. If we make these people into monsters, we are saying we're different and it couldn't happen to us. And that is what causes tragedies.

I remember once when my ds was a baby, we went to the grocery store. As we were pulling out of the parking lot I yelled to DH "Where's the baby?" He was in his car seat fine and well but for a second, I thought I had forgotten him b/c DH put him in his car seat instead of me. I won't judge anyone who this tragedy happens to. Some moron who knowingly leaves their child in a car so they can go gamble or shop or meet their boyfriend? That's a different story but a tragic accident like this Nope, that poor woman will have to live with this for the rest of her life. I cannot even imagine.

 

[FireDancer]

I often wonder if this isn't the perfect murder? How many of these parents who leave infants to die in cars get prosecuted, and if so, how long they actually spend in prison? Certainly not as long as for manslaughter.

I'm sure it is possible but I wouldn't immediately think that was what happened. Of course we said the same thing about Susan Smith.

 

[disykat]

There were many times when my kids were little that I would temporarily forget they were in the car with me because they were quietly sleeping or start talking to them when they weren't! I have SOOO many absent minded moments. I remember SEVERAL instances of driving the kids to school and being so focused on where I was going after I dropped them off that I drove right past the turn and had to turn back around. If the kids hadn't reminded me or been capable of letting me know of their presence, would I have been a statistic?

While I never left them in the car, I could see it happening easily so I also always put my purse back there.

I totally agree that leaving them purposely is a whole different thing from these horrible accidents that happen. While each incident certainly bears investigating, I do think these things are accidents at times. Each incident is a horrible reminder to all of us that we need to keep distractions from causing us to lose focus on the road, our children, etc.

 

[jodifla]

I have actually read that & I still stand by my thoughts. If one is so wrapped in their own world maybe they are not in a postion to have children. If your career(in some of these cases) is so important maybe it was not the right time to have a child. These children not only died but suffered a horrible, painful death because of neglience of the adult who was supposed to protect them at all cost. Said adult, however, was too wrapped up in their own issues to care for that child. Plus I can add that I with 100% certainty have never & will never forget my child. I have been as stressed and sleep deprived as they come & ALWAYS remembered my child. I may never know where my phone is but I ALWAYS know where my children are.

You know, I bet these many of these parents thought the same thing. It's shocking to me that you could read something so well-documented and not understand that it could happen to ANYBODY.

But of course, there's a portion in the story about parents who are don't want to know the facts because they want to believe they are invincible.

 

[jodifla]

There were many times when my kids were little that I would temporarily forget they were in the car with me because they were quietly sleeping or start talking to them when they weren't! I have SOOO many absent minded moments. I remember SEVERAL instances of driving the kids to school and being so focused on where I was going after I dropped them off that I drove right past the turn and had to turn back around. If the kids hadn't reminded me or been capable of letting me know of their presence, would I have been a statistic?

While I never left them in the car, I could see it happening easily so I also always put my purse back there.

I totally agree that leaving them purposely is a whole different thing from these horrible accidents that happen. While each incident certainly bears investigating, I do think these things are accidents at times. Each incident is a horrible reminder to all of us that we need to keep distractions from causing us to lose focus on the road, our children, etc.

Good post. I've had this happen as well...totally forgotten that he was in the car because he was so quiet. I never forgot him, but it doesn't surprise me that people do.

I think one of the best things that can come out of a terrible tragedy like this is to alert everyone it IS possible it can happen to YOU, and to take steps to train your memory to constantly check. Like the purse in the back seat, or some people use a teddy bear they keep buckled in when the child is not there, and in the front seat next to their purse when the child is with them.

Since I read that story last March, I have trained myself to ALWAYS check the back seat when I get out of the car. I wanted it to be a reflexive action, built into my muscle memory, that I do without even thinking.

 

[NYUBwayBaby]

That's so sad. Was the child sleeping in the car so the mom did not want to wake her and then forgot about where she left her? It's just odd that she said the child was sleeping but left her in the car. I'm not trying to say it was intentional or anything, just saying it's odd. This whole situation is so sad for the whole family.


My mom occassionally left my sister and I in the car together. She'd leave the keys in the ignition to keep the heat/AC on, make sure we locked the door, and run inside for at the maximum five minutes. This was only when we were older, though. Never as infants or toddlers.

 

[bumbershoot]

You know, I bet these many of these parents thought the same thing. It's shocking to me that you could read something so well-documented and not understand that it could happen to ANYBODY.

But of course, there's a portion in the story about parents like you, who are don't want to know the facts because they want to believe they are invincible.

Exactly. And I believe that's the same article I read, just reprinted somewhere else.

I have actually read that & I still stand by my thoughts. If one is so wrapped in their own world maybe they are not in a postion to have children. If your career(in some of these cases) is so important maybe it was not the right time to have a child. These children not only died but suffered a horrible, painful death because of neglience of the adult who was supposed to protect them at all cost. Said adult, however, was too wrapped up in their own issues to care for that child. Plus I can add that I with 100% certainty have never & will never forget my child. I have been as stressed and sleep deprived as they come & ALWAYS remembered my child. I may never know where my phone is but I ALWAYS know where my children are.

If you actually read the article, you would know that that's exactly how the parents felt. Everyone wants to think that they are perfect and will never EVER make a mistake, but we're all just human. And especially if you just think you'll never do such a thing, IMO you're actually more likely to do it, because you won't double-check or triple-check, you won't get that little doubt in your mind similar to the "did I leave the iron on" as you're boarding a plane (even if, like me, you only own an iron b/c you wanted to do some iron-on transfers last year).

Yeah... I can see how a change in schedule or a stressful event can distract someone to having a bad parenting moment.

I think the problem that I'm having is that it wasn't a moment or even 30 minutes. It was 3 hours. .

But no one is saying that it's just a moment that you forget. It's that there's something out of the norm, and it's always with a sleeping child, not someone babbling and very obviously there with you... You just don't realize that there's someone there, and you don't realize that you're not realizing it. You don't think about it for 3, 5, 8 hours because you thik that the NORMAL thing is going on.

If you work outside the home and little Johnny is always at daycare, and if you are used to not having Johnny in the car with you, if you have that lapse, you're not going to wonder where he is, while you're at work. You'll just KNOW that he's at daycare, like he always is.




This has never happened to me, though one time I passed DS off to hubby while shopping, then had a brief panic b/c I didn't remember that I'd done that. But hubby and son were right there, panic was done with.

But just b/c it never did happen doesn't mean it couldn't have. I'm just not that egotistical to think that I'm sooooo perfect that I'd never forget DS or any other babies we might have. (and since I do believe I'm very very good in OTHER parenting ways, that says a lot! lol)

We go 20, 25, 30, in my case 34 years with *no baby* in our lives, our cars, etc...and then just as we're sleep deprived, distracted by taking care of another human...that's just when we have to never ever be distracted by another human. It's tough! Most of us do it fine. But some do not, and any of us could be part of that "some". It's foolish to think we couldn't be.





As for Susan Smith, IMO (and in my friend's that I mainly hung out with then), anyone watching her on TV should have KNOWN that she was a big ol' liar. If you're going to do a crime like this and try to get away with it, while pretending to cry on screen, *at least* put an onion to your face so that you have *tears*. The big pull your mouth down make your forehead scrunchy thing to look like you're crying might work on stage, but it's not going to get past the cameras. My friend and I knew the instant we saw her that she was lying her butt off and was guilty of it all.

We were actually living in SC at the time, and I had an unfortunate similarity in appearance to her...had to cut my hair and get new glasses so that people would stop giving me weird looks...

 

[Hannathy]

I find it pretty sad that they went 3 hours without anyone checking on this baby. Am I that not normal that there is no way outside of thru the night that I would ever go 3 hours during the day without checking on my baby/toddler even and especially if they were sleeping.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

I find it pretty sad that they went 3 hours without anyone checking on this baby. Am I that not normal that there is no way outside of thru the night that I would ever go 3 hours during the day without checking on my baby/toddler even and especially if they were sleeping.

Having just found out that a parent had died, it is quite possible that the mom was in a state of shock. I can easily imagine how that amount of time could pass without realizing it. It may have seemed much shorter to her, and they only realized how much time actually passed after the fact.

I'm just glad my DDs are past the ages where I need to worry about this. I could easily have seen myself doing this...my kids ALWAYS fell asleep in the car and I tend to be absent-minded at times. Even my own mother forgot me once when I was a baby. My parents were looking at a house, and left me on the counter in my baby seat. After they had left the house, they had to run after the realtor to let them back so that they could get me!

 

[Hannathy]

Having just found out that a parent had died, it is quite possible that the mom was in a state of shock. I can easily imagine how that amount of time could pass without realizing it. It may have seemed much shorter to her, and they only realized how much time actually passed after the fact.

According to the OP 2 other people asked about the baby and she told them it was sleeping. None of them thought to check on the child? That is a long time even with what happened. When you have a baby even with something difficult going on you have to be aware of the child. I do think the 11 yr old is old enough to have thought of the baby during that whole time, some kids are starting to babysit around that age.
I do understand how you could forget a child for a few minutes even a half an hour but not 3 hours or the ones who do it for a whole day. and to those that say it is because it is out of the norm I say that is why it should be even easier to remember BECAUSE it is outside of your normal routine and should stand out.
I hope the baby just slept away and didn't wake up and suffer.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I have actually read that & I still stand by my thoughts. If one is so wrapped in their own world maybe they are not in a postion to have children. If your career(in some of these cases) is so important maybe it was not the right time to have a child. These children not only died but suffered a horrible, painful death because of neglience of the adult who was supposed to protect them at all cost. Said adult, however, was too wrapped up in their own issues to care for that child. Plus I can add that I with 100% certainty have never & will never forget my child. I have been as stressed and sleep deprived as they come & ALWAYS remembered my child. I may never know where my phone is but I ALWAYS know where my children are.

This is a pretty harsh judgment. Noone is saying that these parents were so wrapped up in their world or in their own issues. Something happened that caused these people to have a change in routine, be thinking of something else, to be distracted, and due to this something tragic happened.

I pray that this never happens to you.