Childless by Choice people making rude comments about kids, to people who have kids.

[connorlevismom]

I have this girl at work who has no kids (am quite frankly, I am glad) and tells people about how they are never going to have kids. She hates kids and really sees no purpose for them. Ok cool, I really don't care if people choose to have kids or not. There was a time in my life where I thought I would never have kids either.

This particular person makes rude and mean comments about kids all the time to me. I have a 5 year old and I am pregnant with #2. Why on earth would you make comments like "I don't know why anyone would voluntarily have those things" (I got that one yesterday after she had just babysat her 2 month old nephew). She is always making comments about how horrible, annoying, gross, loud.....kids are. I just look at her like, why would you say something like that? I would never say to her that people who don't have kids are selfish. Now, I don't think that but even still, I would never say it even if I did.

So is there a double standard with this?

Kristine

 

[dgr1973]

She's just rude and maybe jealous. Does she have anyone in her life? Is she married? Maybe she can't have kids and is trying to convince herself that she doesn't want any. Who really knows! All I can say is be the better person and don't let it bother you, and if you must say something politely say well I guess you're glad your parents didn't feel that way!

 

[crocko]

I have this girl at work who has no kids (am quite frankly, I am glad) and tells people about how they are never going to have kids. She hates kids and really sees no purpose for them. Ok cool, I really don't care if people choose to have kids or not. There was a time in my life where I thought I would never have kids either.

This particular person makes rude and mean comments about kids all the time to me. I have a 5 year old and I am pregnant with #2. Why on earth would you make comments like "I don't know why anyone would voluntarily have those things" (I got that one yesterday after she had just babysat her 2 month old nephew). She is always making comments about how horrible, annoying, gross, loud.....kids are. I just look at her like, why would you say something like that? I would never say to her that people who don't have kids are selfish. Now, I don't think that but even still, I would never say it even if I did.

So is there a double standard with this?

Kristine

The NOT POLITE response, "Too bad someone didn't tell your mom that!"



Sorry.....not something I would actually say to someone, but people like that make me want to sometimes.

Just remember...kids are great!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

She's just selfish and inconsiderate. Some people who choose not to have kids because they are "horrible, annoying, gross, loud....." aren't willing to put others before themselves and I can bet kids aren't the only thing that bug her. She sounds like a really unhappy and miserable person in general.

I'd ask her politely to keep her comments to herself. Just because she doesn't like kids, her comments won't sway other opinions and that you find it offensive because you find kids warm, loving, and caring people. Also her comment of volunteering to have "those things" is extremely rude and inconsiderate considering you are pregnant. That's a stab at you, her coworker. Say something to her and if that doesn't work, maybe talk to your supervisor.

I'd be offended if I overheard her as a consumer and would definately report her to management. It's not professional to spout off about others in the workplace, especially patrons. Does she do this in the public ear or behind closed doors?

 

[2binak]

We were at a work outing w/our families a couple of weeks ago when a co-worker's husband looks at DH and our 18 month old DD playing and says to me, "They're so not worth it. I can't imagine giving up sleep, and the energy they require too is just too much. Definitely not worth it." My response, "To me, she's totally worth it. When I wake up in the morning and go into her room and see that beautiful smile and she puts her arms out for me to pick her up and says, "Mama!", it's totally worth it. Worth every minute of sleep loss, every minute of childbirth pain, every backache during pregnancy, every worry, all of it is worth it for that one moment, every morning."

Now, this couple had been trying to have a baby for a long time so I kept that in mind when I responded because I think he was saying it in a way to convince himself that he doesn't need a baby in his life, but I also wanted to get my point across that he shouldn't look at other people's kids and say they're not worth it. It was a balance of "I understand your pain of not being able to have a child" with "That's my baby and she's worth it to me."

If your co-worker makes further comments like that while you're around I would just ask her to not make them around you.

 

[MiniGirl]

I have this girl at work who has no kids (am quite frankly, I am glad) and tells people about how they are never going to have kids. She hates kids and really sees no purpose for them.

Okay, this actually gave me a giggle. Really? No purpose for procreating? Good thing there weren't lots of people like her before we were all here, huh?

Personally, I'd tell her that EVERYONE knows how she feels. She has made it clear, so there is no need to repeating it. If she can't say something nice, than she shouldn't say anything at all. If she says you're being rude, blame it on the pregnancy hormones and then ask her what is her excuse.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

The NOT POLITE response, "Too bad someone didn't tell your mom that!"

If she makes her comments in front of a known mother, she is intentionally insulting that mother and deserves a comment like this...

 

[tam626]

Hmm, I believe at one point she was a child. Did she hate herself? How would she have felt to have an adult say those things she is now saying in front of her when she was a child? What a moron!

 

[crisi]

No there isn't a double standard. People who choose to be childfree will tell you that there are some parents who make similarly rude comments to them about their choices - simliar to the selfish comment - and often much worse.

The reality is....some people are rude. The polite response is to say "I beg your pardon" or "excuse me" - if she explains herself say "oh, I understood you, I just was having a hard time believing you actually said that aloud."

 

[ekatiel]

The NOT POLITE response, "Too bad someone didn't tell your mom that!"

ROTFL!!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Why do you talk to these people?

 

[justhat]

I think I would feel the need to remind her that she was a child once too so she should stop ragging on kids. Unless she was born at her current age then I see no room for criticism.

And I totally think having kids is a choice and not one everyone wants and am so fine with that. I am having a 3rd kid right now, some people want 1, some want 6, some none. None of my concern. I can't imagine telling someone all that stuff contantly, particularly cause no one really cares about her opinions.

 

[Boog's Mommy]

I have a friend who is like this. We have been friends for 25 years. She is very jealous of what others have, so she always finds ways to make comments to put others down. You know to make herself feel better.

I have a 2 year old son and when I was pregnant she actually told me that if we were together in a group setting, it wouldn't be fair to her, if I talked to our other friends about children and kid stuff. Since she had no children, she said she would be left out. Can you believe that $h!t. Rather than being happy for me, all she could do was worry about herself. She didn't even come around me the whole time I was pregnant. She would always want to go out to the bar or nightclubs. I told her I prefer to go shopping, or to dinner or to the movies, etc since I was preggo, but nope she didn't care, so we just didn't hang out. Over the last 2 years, I have realized that she is not worth having as a friend. In the time when I needed her most, the happiest time of my life, she abondoned me rather than being excited for me. Now I would say we are just aquaintences.

When she made those rude comments about kids around me, I have addressed them 2 ways. At first I was nice and told her, while I understand she doesn't want children, she needs to understand that I am a mother and that the comments are hurtful. This worked for a little while, but of course she fell back in to her same routine. So the last time she said she was glad she didn't have kids, I responded by telling her "and the gene pool thanks you for that." She didn't have a comment after that.

I think you should tell your co-worker that you find the comments to be rude and offensive and that you do not want to hear it from her anymore. She can go share her opinion with others, but not with you.

 

[letsgoagainsoon]

She's just rude and maybe jealous. Does she have anyone in her life? Is she married? Maybe she can't have kids and is trying to convince herself that she doesn't want any. ...

That's what I was thinking...

 

[ireland_nicole]

I agree w/ pp's. I'm assuming there was some kind of trauma in her life, or she's jealous, because that strong a reaction and the constant repetition doesn't make sense otherwise. Or, she just might be an extremely narcissistic person. Either way, you don't have to listen to it constantly. The next time she says something, I would either say :luckily your mom didn't feel the same way, or wow, I am stunned that you would say that to a mom, or something else that works for you to let her know it's not appropriate. Congrats on your pregancy!

 

[Dismom55]

I think she is jealous and trying to convince herself, that pretty much is what I told the kids as they were growing up, when someone at school would say something rude, usually about an activity they were going to do.

As adults, I say she has earned a rude comment back, but IT would be couched in such a way as she would have to give it a real long think before she understood the slam. Sorry to be so petty, I just am tired of people thinking they can say anything about anything and no consideration of other feelings. My ex-sister in laws used to do that to me, they kept having babies, it took me 15 yrs to have out first and everytime they had a baby, they really rubbed it in.

 

[bumbershoot]

"I would never say to her that people who don't have kids are selfish."


You might not, but there are SO many people who would, and do, think and say that sort of nonsense.

My brother has never liked kids, not even when he was one. Anyone younger than him was ignored (interesting, as he was still inside the family dynamic when we had 2 very much younger half brothers). He would hide from neighbor kids, when we had any on our street, if they came to play. He has just never liked them. When he met the woman who is now my SIL, he made it clear that there would not be kids; she was on the fence anyway, and agreed.

Now I'm very very lucky that they love my son; it was not expected! SIL has a sister who just had a baby, and while SIL visits them often, she's not yet thrilled about her niece (though when she met DS at 4 months old she was enraptured, so that's interesting).

That said, I only know these things b/c I know them. I doubt many others know the depth of their feelings, b/c they just don't get into taht sort of thing with others.

But because I know them, I know the utter crud that's been spewed at them from family and friends, and strangers, even. Selfish is not what they are at all, but that's the main thing that people who have kids will describe the blissfully child-free as being.


I did have another friend who was over the top anti-children, and I had to slowly cut ties with her. I hated that, but she was almost scary with how much she hated kids, and I saw no point in trying to continue the relationship. I hurt myself to visit her, the first person I drove to see, when DS was new, I spent HOURS with her, and she didn't realize my difficulties and the sacrifice I was making to be with her, she just glared every time I had to go off (and hide) to nurse DS. While there she told me that she'd been forced to apologize to a friend of a friend, b/c they were at a party at a small house, someone brought an infant, and when things got too crowded she made a horrid joke about where they should put him so he'd stop taking up space....

I'm OK with people not liking kids...I'm not OK with that sort of scary stuff...


Anyway, I'd just ask the co-worker to stop, that obviously you don't feel the same way about kids, and that she has to stop insulting you and your family in earshot.

 

[buckirj1]

This ought to be good. I'm sitting here with a half-filled bingo card, and the thread ain't 2 pages long

I'm prudently keeping my mouth shut. Just gonna watch and play bingo

 

[justhat]

This is sort of off topic, but how is someone who doesn't want kids selfish? I don't get that at all. At least, I don't get how it is any more selfish than someone who wants a kid. You usually want a kid for your own personal reasons, not for the benefit of the world or something, so isn't that selfish? Me wanting 3 kids is selfish too, as clearly that's cause *I* want 3 of them, 1 should be enough for me, or certainly 2 since I have a boy and a girl, so as far as repopulating, we've done our job and 'replaced' ourselves on the planet, so this 3rd kid is totally extraneous and for my own 'wants'.

I'm sure no one here can answer that since I doubt anyone feels that way, at least on this thread, but I'm just curious.

 

[Leajess99]

AOL had a board for those ho chose to be childless and some of the stuff on there was horrible. Calling the mothers moo types and they had derogatory names for the kids and the fathers as well. It was sickening but yet kind of funny to read these grown women complaining about kids when they themselves were kids at one time.

Sorry you have to deal with it OP but try not to let it bother you. She is missing out on the joys of motherhood and having a sweet innocent baby to hold.