Childless by Choice people making rude comments about kids, to people who have kids.

[Colleen27]

Honestly, I'd just roll my eyes and move on.

I've known two women who had that kind of attitude about kids. One just genuinely dislikes them, sees absolutely no appeal even in the best parts of parenting (she is very hands-off and has some OCD tendencies, so even little hugs and kisses squick her out). I love her dearly, but she lacks the emotional/mental fortitude for parenting and her dislike of children is probably for the best because she'll be the first to tell you she's not mother material. She isn't insulting about it, though; sometimes it comes up if her nieces have been around or something, but for the most part she keeps her feelings about kids to herself.

The other is a woman who basically divorced over her inability to have children (husband left, hooked up with someone else, and got the new woman pregnant before the divorce was final), so I just let her comments slide because I know it is bitterness/resentment talking.

 

[DISNEYNV]

That is very rude coments to make to a pregnant coworker!!! I would just give her a good snear and go on your way. Obviously she is jealous or would not make those types of remarks. There is something wrong with people who hate kids and animals in my opinion! Not wanting them for their own...completely fine...HATING them..well, I dont get it.

Congrats on your second pregnancy and surround yourself with positive people not the negativity of a "child hating" co-worker

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have this girl at work who has no kids (am quite frankly, I am glad) and tells people about how they are never going to have kids. She hates kids and really sees no purpose for them. Ok cool, I really don't care if people choose to have kids or not. There was a time in my life where I thought I would never have kids either.

This particular person makes rude and mean comments about kids all the time to me. I have a 5 year old and I am pregnant with #2. Why on earth would you make comments like "I don't know why anyone would voluntarily have those things" (I got that one yesterday after she had just babysat her 2 month old nephew). She is always making comments about how horrible, annoying, gross, loud.....kids are. I just look at her like, why would you say something like that? I would never say to her that people who don't have kids are selfish. Now, I don't think that but even still, I would never say it even if I did.
So is there a double standard with this?

Kristine

I would interject and say "You know, I was just thinking the same thing about some adults. Some of them are so rude, obnxious, horrible, annoying, gross and loud. I really don't see the point of people like that. Why would anyone voluntarily be such a life suck? Funny how we were thinking something similar huh?"

 

[Mouse House Mama]

This is sort of off topic, but how is someone who doesn't want kids selfish? I don't get that at all. At least, I don't get how it is any more selfish than someone who wants a kid. You usually want a kid for your own personal reasons, not for the benefit of the world or something, so isn't that selfish? Me wanting 3 kids is selfish too, as clearly that's cause *I* want 3 of them, 1 should be enough for me, or certainly 2 since I have a boy and a girl, so as far as repopulating, we've done our job and 'replaced' ourselves on the planet, so this 3rd kid is totally extraneous and for my own 'wants'.

I'm sure no one here can answer that since I doubt anyone feels that way, at least on this thread, but I'm just curious.

I don't think not having children is selfish. I think that if you don't want children you shouldn't have them. It is not fair to the children or the adult.

 

[SLK1]

I think I would just tell her that it's great she has realized her feelings for children and it's a huge blessing that she will never be a parent. That's it. Agree with her NOT being a parent, but don't agree to her feelings about children. I have to admit though, my kids have been all of those things that she has described!!! But I wouldn't trade them for the world!!!

 

[honugirl]

Straight up, I'm childless by choice. It'll remain that way forever. I'm not mommy material. I know it. I've known it all my life. I also have a rare disease that may have a genetic component, so in order to spare future offspring the horrors of what I've gone through, it's just better to leave them as a glimmer in my eye.

Until you've walked a day in our shoes, it's really hard to understand, much like I will never understand why people seem to find babies fascinating or why some people get a kick out of Einstein's theory of relativity.

The comments I put up with... I still get the "when are you going to get married and have kids?", "aren't you sad your parents won't be grandparents?", etc...

Sometimes I spew some of that stuff just because I'm sooo tired of hearing about little Johnny's bathroom habits and little Emily's first trip to the zoo for the bazillionth time. It's a defense mechanism because the topic of kids is honestly a very confusing and frustrating topic for me. I'm not really sure how to tell parents that it's a really uncomfortable subject. It's kind of like being dropped in Spain and not speaking a lick of Spanish or trying to do higher level mathematics when just plain algebra is confounds you.

It also can be from a fear reaction too. I honestly am afraid of most kids. I don't understand them, never have... Even when I was a kid, I was just naturally drawn to adults. Most of the time I didn't even play like a kid. My favorite recess activity was walking around the running track reading a good book, working in the library, or being a kitchen aide. The only time I ever held a baby stuff spewed out both ends, it wasn't pretty. For me, being around kids most of the time is as scary as someone who's afraid of dogs being put into a kennel full of them.

If it happens again, maybe trying to change the subject would be helpful. Redirection is always good. Good luck! It's not easy to be on either end of the spectrum looking in.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

OP, my SIL says this kind of stuff frequently. If she ever came to visit when the kids were little, she'd announce over and over that it was "good birth control" for her to be around kids. Sadly but not surprising, now that they're older, the guys have zero relationship with her. (Which makes me wonder, anyway: At what point do kid-haters decide they're okay with kids? When they're 18 and officially adults? Out of diapers? When they're 16? 24? Or do they just hate everyone from that point on, because they were once a child?)

I have complete respect for folks who are childless by choice. I believe in everyone living the life that's right for them. But for some people to have such vitriol about one group of humans -- young children in this case -- well, I don't get it. Would it be okay for someone to announce they despise seniors? Another race? Disabled people? What if they hated 40-year olds? I wasn't raised to dis anyone, different from me by age, situation, or otherwise. (Now, some people I give a wide berth, like those who are energy vampires, but I wouldn't knock them as a group. )

But the best you can do is find your own peace and happiness and let others skip down their own paths.

 

[Eeyore's the Best]

This person just sounds rude and horrible. There are definitely people who feel the need to justify their own choices but putting down the choices of others. I am choosing not to have children, I have another co-worker the same, him and I might discuss things like not being able to understand the drive to have and the obsession with children, but we are very careful not to insult or involve those who have them. I have dealt with my whole life the "when are you going to have children?" questions. It's very personal and VERY irritating, while I understand having children is the "norm" but to assume that everyone wants to have them is absurd to me. I'm 35 years old now and still people don't "believe" me, some people go so far as to tell me I am ruining my life by not having any and that I will regret it. I've been hearing this since I was 20 years old...I wonder what age I will have to be before people really think I'm being serious!

 

[Doc CW]

The NOT POLITE response, "Too bad someone didn't tell your mom that!"

Yeah I would say this if someone was mouthing off about how my baby sister isnt "Worth it". That would enrage me, but then again I would assume that if they are continuing to make comments to me about it, that they are jealous or just unhappy and see my happiness and try to make me upset because misery loves company. It takes great strength to be able to put up with that day in and out my respect to you for having that strength.

 

[connorlevismom]

Thank you all so much for your responses. I knew if I posted here I would get some sassy comebacks , some horrible stories of ones own experiences and some honest opinions from the other side.

I do think this person is just an unhappy person all around. She is someone who is never happy about anything and always complaining. So I try not to get to mad about her comments. It is just that I am in my 3rd trimester now which is not really the best time in the world (espeically during summer) so I am already kind of crabby. I don't need someone spewing their hate for kids when I am freaking about this next one coming along.

As far as why people think it is selfish to not have kids, I have no idea. I don't feel that way at all so I don't know where that through process comes from. I do know that I have great respect for someone that can acknowledge they are not parent material. Not everyone is and I wish that more people would recognise that they are not parent material. There are so many people in this world with kids who quite frankly, should never have them. Look at all the kids who are beaten or killed by their own parents.

Kristine

 

[MiniGirl]

As far as why people think it is selfish to not have kids, I have no idea. I don't feel that way at all so I don't know where that through process comes from. I do know that I have great respect for someone that can acknowledge they are not parent material. Not everyone is and I wish that more people would recognise that they are not parent material. There are so many people in this world with kids who quite frankly, should never have them. Look at all the kids who are beaten or killed by their own parents.

Kristine

I could not agree with this more. I have a friend who remains childless by choice. She is far from selfish though, and I respect her for not giving into societal "norms" and having a child regardless. OTOH, my reasons for wanting children had everything to do with ME, so I tend to think we have children for selfish reasons. LOL!!! I guess you can always find someone to argue each side of an issue.

 

[donaldsgirl]

Now see..I would. Some people need to have a "slap in the face" so to speak. I would tell her that her comments bother you and that you think that it is rude to speak of children that way. Depending on what day she caught me on I would definitely tell her "too bad for us that your mother had you." Some people just dont have a clue..and I would dare say that she didnt get very many hugs, loves, or kisses from her parents when she was growing up. A friend of mines girlfriend (now wife) said the samething about my son at his 1st birthday party. Yuck..gross..what a mess..smells funny ect. I told her that I hoped she remembers saying that about my baby to me..and I hope that someone will say the same to her when she had kids..She promptly told me that she WOULD NOT have any children..3 months later she was PREGNANT..(I usually don't take joy in someone being sick..but I laughed for an entire 34 weeks during her pregnancy. She was sick the ENTIRE time.) She now has 2 babies...and she is a great mom..I got an email apologizing to me about her comments. People just dont have a clue as to how hurtful and personal it is to parents when someone speaks negatively about children. She has issues that need to be dealt with..but tell her that her comments bother you..better yet complain to her about how selfish and self centered people who dont have children are and how you feel sorry for their purposeless existance..ect..if she is even half way intelligent, she should get the fact that you are talking about her...Please, no one take offense to my earlier comment..I am just being snide about this particular person( up until age 28, I didnt want/wasnt ready for kids either). I am sorry that you have to work with someone so selfish!!

 

[LUCiD]

Wait, she doesn't say that around your children does she? Surely she has some decorum as not to say that kind of stuff in front of a kid. If she does do that then... I never want to have kids, not because I hate them, I just don't want any, I could never hate kids... so you can rest assured that not all people who don't want to have kids are like that.

 

[MinnieTink]

First of all, even if she were my sister, her butt is not babysitting my two month old "thing" as she called the baby.

I was at a BBQ with some of my DH's friends when my son was about 2 months old. Two people sitting across from me started saying stuff like why would anyone be stupid and cruel enough to bring a child into this world, yadda, yadda... Then they looked at me with my infant and said Oh sorry. And kind of giggled as if it were SO funny. I'm not one for confrontation so I just blew it off, excused myself from the table, and thought to myself, too bad your parents didn't do us the favor.

I can definitely see it going both ways though, with rudeness towards childless people. Rudeness is, unfortunately, rampant...

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

This is sort of off topic, but how is someone who doesn't want kids selfish? I don't get that at all. At least, I don't get how it is any more selfish than someone who wants a kid. You usually want a kid for your own personal reasons, not for the benefit of the world or something, so isn't that selfish? Me wanting 3 kids is selfish too, as clearly that's cause *I* want 3 of them, 1 should be enough for me, or certainly 2 since I have a boy and a girl, so as far as repopulating, we've done our job and 'replaced' ourselves on the planet, so this 3rd kid is totally extraneous and for my own 'wants'.

I'm sure no one here can answer that since I doubt anyone feels that way, at least on this thread, but I'm just curious.

I think it comes from the fact that people who don't want kids don't want to put others before themselves *hence* the selfishness. Someone cared enough to have you, put you before them, why wouldn't you want to pay it forward unless you are too into yourself to do so??

Now I will say that I don't believe EVERY childless couple is this way - some people just aren't in to it, but I also feel that those people don't go out of their way to bash, badmouth, and make others feel miserable for having/wanting children.

It's bad form what she's doing.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

My Boss has been married 25 years and chose to not have kids to further her career instead. She is insanely sucessful, but has no clue about work life balance. She expects us to work as much as she does, which is about 18-20 hours a day ( she rarely sleeps based on e-mail sent times). I did this for about 2 years and still work more than anyone should, but I have found some balance. She doesn't understand sick children or daycare issues etc... I have back up plans for those issues, but her secretary is not as lucky and that lady has to put up with a lot everytime something comes up. She left w/ boss's permission to watch her 1st Grandbaby be born and she thought everything was ok until her annual review and the boss blasted her for lack of dedication due to this and leaving for her mom dying that year too for 3 days. she got no raise and a warning for this year. She does not get kids at all and family.

She also makes comments all the time to me about me being a single mother now, like I would not have hired you if I knew you would end up being a single mother, this job is too hard for a single mom. But everytime I ask to step down she won't let me, I would have to leave my company to be able to have a normal life.

 

[ellie+finnsmum]

hi - I'm new to this so hope it works!!

Ignore it, people like that aren't worth it! Having already got one beautiful child and with number 2 on the way - you know the truth......................

Kids are a fantastic gift, enjoy every moment and hope all goes well.

xx

 

[CLR4321]

It sounds like she has some unresolved issues to be acting like that. It is not a way a normal adult would act. A teenager yes, because they don't have the maturity yet to know to keep that to themselves, but not an adult.
I honestly would say that I would tell the person to keep her opinion to herself because you don't want to hear it. If she continues, let her immediate supervisor know that she keeps talking about this topic and that it is bothering you while you try to work. Any decent supervisor would have a talk with her ASAP. Don't worry about being a "tattle tail". If she is being rude to you it is harassment, and you have the right to a harassment free work place. Additionally I would suggest not talking about your kids or pregnancy with this person, because that will prevent her from starting up on her opinions. Good luck with it.

 

[JoshChristineplus3]

Not worth letting her steal your air. Word vomit comes easier to some people than others.

 

[3boymthr]

This goes many ways.

There are people who have children and love them and should have had children.

People who desperately want children or would be really good with children but can't have them or won't have them for a variety of reasons.

People who have children but never should have had them. Yes I've met some, my SIL is one of them; she has bi-polar disorder but refuses treatment - can't take care of herself never mind her sons - first one ended up with his father second one is struggling along with her and will probably end up the worse for it. Her son is now so out of control we don't want him around our DSs. He literally punched then started kicking our middle DS in the stomach one day because DS wouldn't let him keep the new toy DS had just received - SIL was standing right there and did nothing to stop it because she didn't see a problem with this . Her words - he should have fought back .

Then there's people who shouldn't have children and won't have them because of emotional issues (immaturity, emotional illness or whatever) or because they just have other interests that they'd rather pursue.

Personally, after seeing SIL with her kids I almost admire these people for being strong enough - at least to themselves - to admit that they are not really capable of caring for children either thru lack of interest or other issues.

But no matter what reason they don't have kids, even if they don't want kids they shouldn't make comments that are rude or derogatory about kids - because no one has the right to make rude or derogatory comments about anyone and you should feel okay to put her in her place, be calm, not rude, but make her know that you were offended. In fact, maybe just tell her that. "I know you don't like kids but there is no need for you to be rude or derogatory about kids especially since I am one of those people who loves kids."