Childfree by choice?

[Mizzoufan]

I have always known since I was little. I wanted children. I know several people that don't want kids and that is wonderful. I think it takes a strong person to know what they want and don't want in there lives.

 

[Serenebean]

Just stumbled across this today - OP, I am 31 and have been married for a little under 5 years now. DH and I have decided not to have kids. He is one of 4 and they all have kids. I love my nieces and nephews to death and I enjoy being an aunt. All my friends have kids - and they were all just over my house yesterday for brunch. I have had to answer the question many times over the years about not wanting kids. I'm a pretty strong willed person, so I usually don't get it from the same person twice. The only person who may become an issue is my MIL, but she's been distracted with 7 other grandkids until now. Now that they are all done, I worry the focus will shift to us (DH is the baby in his family). I do find myself thinking if i am reallllly certain, but I don't think I will regret not having kids. I just want a different kind of life and I'm ok with that. As others have posted, I think if I did get the urge at some point and it was no longer possible for me to conceive, I would really enjoy fostering.

 

[STLDisney_Freak]

The defining moment when I knew that I definitely wanted to have children was when my DH and were trying to have children and I ended up having infertility. The thought of me not ever having at least one child with the person I loved most in this world was heartbreaking.

After 4 years from the dated we started trying I conceived our first child and now years later we have two beautiful teenagers.

 

[North of Mouse]

From the time I was a child I knew being a mother would be the most wonderful thing to happen in my life - and it was!!

I chose one of my dd's names when I was about 10. One of my friends had a new niece and I loved her name, and that's my dd's middle name!

We have 3, and I am the type that 'loves' babies in the house - never minded any of the diapering, night feedings, etc. Were planning on 4, but a very difficult 3rd pregnancy and delivery changed that - was twins and miscarried one early. I would have loved twins - my dad and dh's mom were both twins, and I had twin sisters.

Empty nesters now with 4 grands, and loving this stage of our lives now!

 

[YachtClubWoman]

We did not plan to be childfree but we dealt with infertility. 1 round of IVF and 2 surgeries I had enough and my husband hated giving me needles. We did not want to adopt - this was 17 years ago and I am so happy with our life. My career took off and we are able to travel, my husband was able to retire at 52 and does volunteer work. Most importantly, we raised our neice and nephew when they were 5 and 8 - we were able to totally focus on them for the year they were with us - if we had a child we would have had a 5 year old and it would have been even more difficult to bring 2 kids into our house.

 

[MrsDuck]

Hello everyone! Lately, having children has been on my mind. I'm getting married in a few months and some friends have recently announced pregnancies so I've been thinking about children. I'm very happy for my friends who are pregnant because they've been wanting it to happen, but I just can't see myself being pregnant and raising a child. My fiancé and I are on the same page of not wanting children right now. I'm just wondering if there is a defining moment when you realize that you KNOW that you want kids or don't want kids. Every time I mention that I'm not sure if I want kids, people react as if I just said the most ridiculous thing. Everyone says "you'll change your mind!" But I'm just not sure. How did you decide to either have children or not have children?

DH and I have been married 5 years this December. I never felt strongly about children until I was diagnosed with RA in August and told that if we wanted kids we needed to get moving. I'm currently 8.5 weeks pregnant and due in November. We are very excited. Things can change. If they do, you'll know it. Don't worry - it will happen (or not) the way it's supposed to.

 

[Disney Doll]

I've never wanted kids. I'm only a few years away from it being academic.

The only regret I've ever had is I won't have anyone to take care of me when I get old--and that seems like a terribly selfish reason to bring someone else onto this overpopulated planet (fun fact: planet population has doubled just in the time WDW has been in existence. Consider this the next time you're looking at the crowd calendar). Additionally, my SO and I both have questionable DNA--to put it quite bluntly, we both had felons for fathers, both now deceased.

I have the type of personality (and the type of mother) that means no one has ever bugged me about it. They probably know better, given my tendency to rant about overpopulation.

I'm a nurse. Unfortunately I've seen a number of elderly people with adult children who zero interest in caring for their elderly parents.

So children are no guarantee that you'll have elder care.

 

[godders]

I'm 27 and I've never really been bothered about having kids. I've always thought it would be nice to be a mum but it has never been something I ever felt a need to be. Pregnancy doesn't appeal in the slightest and the over population of the planet means for me the only way I will become a mum is if I decide to foster or adopt.

Two of my friends have just had babies and they came over for lunch yesterday. I was worried I would see them, hold them and see my friends as mums and feel the want to be a parent and have my perspective change. Felt nothing. I mean I like kids and I enjoy giving my friends a break by holding their kids and keeping them entertained but that's about it. I'd much rather buy shoes and go to Disney every year. I'm going to greatly enjoy being an auntie and godparent, buying loud toys they keep at home and indoctrinating them in the ways of the mouse and to be great animal lovers but I'm also going to be really glad when I get my own space back and having a quiet house.

OP, as someone further up the thread, what will be will be. It's totally ok to be on the fence about kids and as long as you stay open and honest with your partner about how you're feeling things will work themselves out. Maybe you end up having kids, maybe you don't. Just make sure it is the right decision for YOU.

 

[SanderMC]

I knew starting in high school that I did not want kids. Still didn't want any children in college and into my 20s. All my friends starting having babies and while it was great to hold them and visit, I still had no interest in children. I was so set in my decision that my mother was resigned to the fact that she wouldn't be getting any grandchildren from me. However, everything changed in my late 20s when I held my niece. I can't really explain it but beginning at that moment I kinda moved into the undecided camp. Getting into my early 30s, that only explanation I have is that I felt my biological clock ticking. I started having this need to have a baby. Needless to say my mother was extremely surprised and thrilled when my husband and I announced we were expecting. Now I keep telling my mother not to expect any more grandchildren from me unless she wants to pay for daycare.

 

[erin1715]

I just wanted to pipe in and say that I'm encouraged hearing the stories of those of you who wanted children but could not have them due to infertility, and are now very happy with your lives. I'm in the throes of desiring children but probably won't be able to have them. We've gone through multiple IVF cycles and the last one that failed was at one of the best clinics in the country in NYC. I'm out of money and out of emotion, and I'm at the stage where I'm glad to be done with the fertility treatment, but my heart's desire for biological children has not gone. Both of my sister-in-laws are currently pregnant and I feel the opposite of most of you. Being around pregnant family members and the children they already have is an extremely painful reminder of what we probably will never have. I find myself wishing past this stage in my life because I just want to move on from this part of life where everyone I know is having babies, but I also don't want to wish my life away either - it's going fast enough.

Having said that, we have a wonderful marriage, a lot of freedom to travel, two awesome bulldogs, and a nice home. So, I have to keep the perspective that our lives are pretty good and there are just some things out of my control. Sorry to derail the topic, but I just wanted to say I'm encouraged by a lot of these posts.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Hello everyone! Lately, having children has been on my mind. I'm getting married in a few months and some friends have recently announced pregnancies so I've been thinking about children. I'm very happy for my friends who are pregnant because they've been wanting it to happen, but I just can't see myself being pregnant and raising a child. My fiancé and I are on the same page of not wanting children right now. I'm just wondering if there is a defining moment when you realize that you KNOW that you want kids or don't want kids. Every time I mention that I'm not sure if I want kids, people react as if I just said the most ridiculous thing. Everyone says "you'll change your mind!" But I'm just not sure. How did you decide to either have children or not have children?

Got pregnant, it can happen even with using BC.

 

[mom2rtk]

I just wanted to pipe in and say that I'm encouraged hearing the stories of those of you who wanted children but could not have them due to infertility, and are now very happy with your lives. I'm in the throes of desiring children but probably won't be able to have them. We've gone through multiple IVF cycles and the last one that failed was at one of the best clinics in the country in NYC. I'm out of money and out of emotion, and I'm at the stage where I'm glad to be done with the fertility treatment, but my heart's desire for biological children has not gone. Both of my sister-in-laws are currently pregnant and I feel the opposite of most of you. Being around pregnant family members and the children they already have is an extremely painful reminder of what we probably will never have. I find myself wishing past this stage in my life because I just want to move on from this part of life where everyone I know is having babies, but I also don't want to wish my life away either - it's going fast enough.

Having said that, we have a wonderful marriage, a lot of freedom to travel, two awesome bulldogs, and a nice home. So, I have to keep the perspective that our lives are pretty good and there are just some things out of my control. Sorry to derail the topic, but I just wanted to say I'm encouraged by a lot of these posts.