Child Support

[wiigirl]

I'm a fan of this. I like for the parents to switch off weeks or some other form where they each get to spend equal time with their kids. If each parent has the child an equal amount of time, then they are both equally responsible for providing for the child both emotionally and financially and no child support should end up needing to be paid.

I agree. My sister is divorced, got 50/50 custody but ended up child support to her bum of an ex.

 

[Marionnette]

I'm a fan of this. I like for the parents to switch off weeks or some other form where they each get to spend equal time with their kids. If each parent has the child an equal amount of time, then they are both equally responsible for providing for the child both emotionally and financially and no child support should end up needing to be paid.

This is only true when both parents make about the same amount. In my state, a parent who make considerably more than the ex still pays a modified amount in child support in cases of 50/50 custody.

 

[Disneychix]

. All he does is work and every day off he gets the kids so he feels like he had no life. .

A lot of posters are quoting the above and trying to bash the OP for her son feeling this way. My take is he is feeling (mourning) his old life when he had a wife and kids and a real family. To him it seems like he has 'no life' because the life he had is not there anymore.

 

[minkydog]

Wait, is this the one who does wrestling on the weekends, whose mother picks up.the kids on Friday because dad works in construction?

 

[Mkrop]

Wait, is this the one who does wrestling on the weekends, whose mother picks up.the kids on Friday because dad works in construction?

No different one....



OP first off I am sorry for your loss and I am sure your son is grieving the loss of his dad and the loss of his marriage....lot of emotion going on.

I think you lost people when you said all he does is work, and has no life. Sorry but those are the breaks when you have young kids (or even older ones, I find myself busier now that I am running them all over the place LOL). When he doesnt have the kids, he gets to eat in peace, he gets to take a shower with no one banging on the door. He isnt dealing with the sick kid if it is not his night. It may seem all he does is work and go home, but that is what most of people do who are parents.


He may need to learn to budget better...does he cook, do laundry etc?

I have no dog in this fight, I wasnt a product of divorce, nor am divorce. I have had some friends go through it but that is about it

 

[ccgirl]

Just my .02, but after working in the child support office for over 15 years- child support is to keep the kids in the lifestyle they are accustomed to, not the non custodial parent. Here in Louisiana it is income based and both parents income is taken into account . Unfortunately it is very expensive to raise kids nowadays .

THis. My BiL says he doesn't want to get a new job because "they" will just take more money from him. Umm....your job as a parent is to support the child. If that means you have to move to a 1BR apartment that's what it means.

OP....as I don't know the specifics I can't be sure but I doubt he can't even afford to live. He may have to change the lifestyle he is accustomed to but.....

If you care to share; what percentage of his income was ruled as child support? That may help posters give educated feedback rather than guessing. Does the mom of the children work?

 

[LilyWDW]

Wow, there are a lot of people judging this guy due to a few words. Just sad.

It seems like he has been through a lot recently and was not quite prepared for this news. It is actually natural to mourn or get upset about life and life style changes. It doesn't make you a bad person... it makes you HUMAN.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Losing 25% or more of your income is hard. I'm sure your son will budget and adjust to the reduced amount. Hopefully over time his salary will increase and make it easier for him. Do they split custody, I'm surprised he would have to pay so much if he has the kids 50% of the time.

Is she also getting alimony for a period of time? Around here that is usually only about 3 years to allow a former sahm to get back into the work force. At least then he would know after that time period is up he will have an easier time of it.

 

[Robbi]

I just need to vent. My DS just found out how much he has to pay in child support to his ex and I can believe how much it is. Don't get me wrong he loves his children and wants to take care of them but, after he pays child support he will barely have enough money to support himself. iffeel

This is how a lot of families who are still together have to live. Kids are expensive-schools, clothes, medical, insurance, etc. When families break up, the standard of living, especially for the mother and children, usually falls and they have to adjust their standard of living. Sounds like your son will have to change the way he lives as well.
As for him having to spend time with them on his day off, I don't see why that would be a problem. They're his kids.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[christineann]

And, OP, you probably won't get any sympathy about your son not having time or money for a social life. He will have plenty of time to himself during the week while his children are with their mother. Even if he works a lot, his evenings after work will be free of child care responsiblities. He won't have to help with homework, cook dinner for the kids, pack lunches, lay out their clothes for school the next day, bathe the children each night, read to them before bed and log it into their reading logs for school, take them to soccer or ballet after working all day, etc., etc., etc., He may not have a lot of money to afford a social life and his every other weekend will be taken up with the children but he will probably have a lot more free time than the children's mother, especially if she also works."

Great post, and your post as well, Robbi. The lifestyle of the custodial parent more often than not is harder hit than that of the non-custodial parent. I left an abusive alcoholic who was "voluntarily underemployed" to pay as little child support as possible. I worked three part time jobs (the main one at my kids' after school program so they could attend free of charge and I could get paid for it), but I would do anything for my kids. The ex and his wife made my kids empty their pockets during visitation so they could help pay their way (they were 1st and 4th grade) since "your father pays all that money so your MOTHER can buy herself clothes." The child support was barely enough to cover my meager electric bill, and eventually he lost visitation due to child endangerment and neglect.

Fast forward to 2012....they lost their house in foreclosure (they bought it as soon as my youngest turned 18 since they didn't have to pay "all that money..."). I hate to see anybody lose their house (even them), but I would like to ask her, "How do you like me now?"

P.S. She recently filed for a restraining order against him for CDV. Welcome to my (former) world, hon. He's a real prince.

 

[PelletierBears]

I know I will get no sympathy here. And I know the amount of child support he has to pay is to state guidelines. I have no experience with divorce and child support and didn't realize how things work.

I just want to say that you have every right to your feelings in regard to your son. I haven't read the rest of this thread yet but had to stop and reply. From one mom of a son to another... it's okay! I'm sure you love your grankids to pieces but were thinking purely of your son when you posted and how he's going to make his way. He'll be okay. It may be tough as he figures out how to live on his new budget but it sounds like he'll have your emotional support at least.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I hope things look up for you all soon.

 

[sweetdana]

I bet most of it is a lonely home and a different life. He got married forever and unfortunately forever didn't happen. Now a days forever doesn't happen 50% of the time. No wife, no kids, things are different. He will learn to live with the income reduction. Everybody does whether seemingly unfair now to the ex, or the lay off of a spouse. It hurts, time will heel it.
He is probably angry at her, and this is an easy vent. I'll tell you I am married with 2 kids. I work 55-60 hrs a week and I come home to the kids then bed too

If it is possible (and if wanted) to come home from work a few nights early and keep the kids a few nights a week, getting them ready for school n homework ect, stay home when they are sick on his day, split drop off/ pick up of dance/soccer/ ect that he could fight for joint cust. It would be less $$ but more work. Often the parent paying the child support cannot/ will not and the usually mom ends up sacrifices the time and the dad. Sacrifices the $$. It is funny at my work. We have single dads n single moms on my team, Guess which ones show up on snow days nearly 100% of the time?

I realize people break the mold. Just more common for dads to be more willing to give up $$ then all the other stuff. ( and more common for moms to find a way to be home in time for latchkey n getting them out the door. In the am)

If you son is different encourage him to share custody

 

[Lauree]

I can see both sides to the issue. I am divorced, my ex pays minimal support (which I agreed to) but he is very ugly about sharing those extra expenses we are supposed to split 50/50 (extra-curricular sports fees, etc). I no longer ask for the $$ for those things. My boyfriend pays so much support and gives his ex so much $$ he doesn't have the finances to do some things he needs to do (repairs on his car, etc.) Life shouldn't be this difficult, even for those of us who are divorced. I guess, sometimes, adversity just can't be avoided.

 

[castleview]

I have to be honest and say that the money I've seen men ordered to pay in child support far exceeds what DH and I pay for our kids together. I've seen women purposefully not work or work under the table so the support doesn't go away either.

 

[castleview]

Who left who should not even be a factor. Child support is meant to keep the kids in at least close to the living condition they are used to. When people start pointing fingers about who left who and who cheated and who wanted to make it work it turns into a pissing match and the kids are the ones who end up suffering. The impression I get from you and the OP is that since the ex wife is the one who left you feel they shouldn't have to pay as much in child support. That's not relevant at all.

Oh, when you have an affair you lose my sympathy. To me, that suggests the ex is narcissistic and immature and really doesn't care about how her actions effect others and how difficult she is making life for everyone else.

 

[JennyKS]

I share custody 50/50 with my ex. No child support from either. We share costly expenses 50/50. Wouldn't want it any other way.

 

[Disney Doll]

He lives in North Carolina I'm not sure how they figure the amount but, he is really going to have a hard time. Plus the fact I live in Florida and he is pretty much by himself there. All he does is work and every day off he gets the kids so he feels like he had no life. I know divorce is hard on everyone but its breaking my heart to see him suffer.

Well presumably had he stayed married he'd have worked every day and then gone hom to his family including his children to care for them. This is essentially what he is doing now.

 

[Disney Doll]

He works about 55-60 hours a week now. So it might be hard for him. I know I opened a can of worms here and everybody wants to say just shut up and take care of your children. It's just hard for me as his Mother we have had so much to deal with this past year. His Dad was only 50 when he died.

And I can sympathize with everyone's distress at the loss of your husband. But had your son stayed married, he still would have lost his father and he'd still be supporting the same children.

 

[Turn the Page]

Oh, when you have an affair you lose my sympathy. To me, that suggests the ex is narcissistic and immature and really doesn't care about how her actions effect others and how difficult she is making life for everyone else.

I don't have any sympathy for her either but I do have sympathy for the kids. And the amount of child support he has to pay is not at all dependent on who left who or who cheated on who or anything else. It's about the kids which is something a lot of people forget in these situations. Instead, they use the kids as leverage to punish the other. What you're suggesting, and it looks like the OP is suggesting, is that because the ex wife left they shouldn't be entitled to as much child support. Well guess what, it's money to support the kids. If they don't want to have to pay child support then perhaps they should try to get custody. It's not about punishing the ex wife by paying a pittance in child support.

 

[Turn the Page]

I have to be honest and say that the money I've seen men ordered to pay in child support far exceeds what DH and I pay for our kids together. I've seen women purposefully not work or work under the table so the support doesn't go away either.

Yeah, and I have seen men do the same thing. Refuse to work at all, refuse to work more than a minimum wage job, or work under the table so they don't have to pay much of anything in child support.

There are people like that on both sides of the aisle, it doesn't make it right and it doesn't mean child support amounts should go down. All it means is there are a lot of deadbeats out there, of both genders.