Child support wage reporting.

[DisneyBamaFan]

...A suggestion: from all of your posts about your troubled friends, I would suggest that you choose them more carefully...

LOL - I have a great many friends. I love them all. You should give it a try.

 

[cheermom1]

The income is for the children not the spouse. Spousal support is a different animal. Given the cost of living in nj where I think this situation is occurring, $1800 is actually a decnt number not completely out of the norm. You figure child care is around $1200 a month for full time, housing another $1200 at least for a decent two bedroom, throw in food clothing medicine your right at $3600. Divide in half $1800.

This is assuming the parents make equal wages. If the mother sah with the child she is likely now makin much less then the husband so her portion of child expenses would be less.
I would be interested in seeing how much of the mothers income goes to providing for the child. Based on what i use to see in my law firm I would guess over 50%.

I wasn't making a point to how much the CS is or how much it costs to raise a child. i was making a point that it is wrong to expect the father to give up his over nights b/;c he can't afford a place to keep his kids when he has them. A REASONABLE person be it mother or father should see that and be reasonable about support. For arguments sake we will say the mother has the child and sees that the father doesn't have a place b/c he can't afford one b/c he is paying a lot of money for CS. She should then find a way to reduce the money or something to help her children see their dad.

As it was pointed out being a parent is hard!!! I do know a mother that did just that, she made sure that her CS was lowered when she saw the father of her child having to live with his parents. She talked to him to find out why. She then did what a reasonable person (parent) should do. She had his support lowered. The they agreed that if he had extra money he would help her and he did. THAT is co parenting!!!

 

[nathalee81]

Yeah, but no one has seen or heard from him in a long while. Money comes occasionally, but we have no idea from where. His parents are distraught. Everyone (except the ex) is concerned. (Well, I guess we can add you to that list. )

You seem to take this personally. I am not sure why, but I hope that you can overcome whatever is causing you this pain.

That was kind of a low blow. We can all agree to disagree on this matter, but why make is personal?
But, while I cannot vouch for other person, you are right that I DO take this personally. You can tell a a lot about society by the way they treat their elderly and their young, and we treat both like dirt. Maybe if everyone took the well being of our children a little more "personally" we might find this world would be little better place to live in.
You feel bad for the dad, I feel bad for the kid. This will shape the kid's whole life and will cause a lot of pain. Coming from a family where I was showered with love and support, I find it incredibly sad that this child will not know that.
I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this matter.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

That was kind of a low blow. We can all agree to disagree on this matter, but why make is personal?

Nothing personal about my post. I simply responded. The other poster made it very clear that he/she doesn't care about my friend and thinks that I should be more careful when picking friends.

Hello!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Seriously? You don't think it costs $1800 a month to house, feed, clothe, and educate a child? Don't forget childcare for after school or weekends, depending on mom's job. Do you really live in New Jersey?

It's an insane amount says the child whose mom got the same $200 per month for 16 years....


$1800 a month is over $21,000.

That's insanity for a firefighter to have had to pay.

Over 17 years, that is over 367,000. (The million dollars to raise a child stories are not accurate for the average child!)

 

[ols386]

Just because I don't agree with you, that doesn't mean I take this story about your "friend" personally. A suggestion: from all of your posts about your troubled friends, I would suggest that you choose them more carefully.
I would guess that his payments aren't coming from the grave-- or that you were mistaken and there really are no payments being made. I hope the law catches up to your "friend."

Just because one is troubled, doesn't automatically make them a less desirable person to have as a friend. We all have times in our life when we have "troubles" or whatever you want to call them.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...But, while I cannot vouch for other person, you are right that I DO take this personally. You can tell a a lot about society by the way they treat their elderly and their young, and we treat both like dirt. Maybe if everyone took the well being of our children a little more "personally" we might find this world would be little better place to live in.

Sorry, you couldn't be more wrong. We spend over one trillion dollars every year on the elderly, and have more laws on the books to protect children than you could count in your lifetime. The problem is freedom - it allows for bad parents. Not sure what you would do to solve that problem, but child support laws are not going to do it.

You feel bad for the dad, I feel bad for the kid. This will shape the kid's whole life and will cause a lot of pain. Coming from a family where I was showered with love and support, I find it incredibly sad that this child will not know that.

I know the kid, so I really do feel bad for him, but much more so because of his mother than his father bailing. His mother will ruin his life. They are not hurting for money.

I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this matter.

I'm totally cool with that.

 

[snowywhite89]

Disneybamma and carly roach there is no use arguing with people who already have their mind made up. Especially if they have never been in that situation. they can't see the other side of the coin.

I have been on both sides of this, I was a single mom for 10 years with no CS what so ever! I still don't get anything. Now he is in prison and hasn't seen his kids since they were babies. Now I'm married and my poor dh has tried everything he can to stay afloat b/c his ex wants and wants and wants. She even tells the kids that their dad doesn't care b/c he doesn't pay what she wants him to. Not to mention all the other crap she has put him trough not just money either. There is a lot that goes into a decision that a father would walk away and not one that is sudden it takes a long time for that to happen. Pretty much the guy can't even keep a roof over his own head let alone when he has the kids he has no place to take them b/c all his money goes to the ex. So he then feels he has nothing to offer his kids when he has them.

I know I will get blasted for this like you 2 did but like I said you can't reason with someone that doesn't want to be reasoned with much like most of the mothers that these dads walk away from. Which is why they walked.

From your post I gather that both your ex and your new DH both walked away so they could avoid those pesky CS payment.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

You know what a common theme I see for those people who are posting stories about why it is okay for a man to walk on his kid?
It got to be too "hard". Too hard emotionally, too hard financially, just too hard. But, please correct me if I am wrong, isn't being a parent HARD? Isn't it a hard and messy job? Isn't it (at times) a thankless job that saps all your strength and energy? So, dismissing your responsibility as a parent because it is "too hard" (financially or emotionally) is a cop-out.
I guess I simply see these fathers as sperm donors, not parents-because a parent wouldn't abandoned their kid when the going got tough.

Sure it is hard...

However, that doesn't give the mom the right to inflict emotional abuse.

If it were a marriage in tact, the abuse would not be allowed. Why is it allowed in the event of a divorce and one spouse trying to control another.

I would imagine--though tough to understand myself--that the abuse got to a point that was insufferable and the best thing for the child was to stop it.

There is a tale--I can't recall it...

but it is about two women arguing over a baby and a judge having enough of it--decided that the baby would be divided in half so that each woman could have a part of a baby. The real mother declined for she didn't want her child to suffer over the selfishness. In the end, she got the baby for the one who truly loved the child was selfless enough to give it away to save it.

I don't recall the story exactly, but if a parent is that manipulative and abusive, it isn't out of lack of love that the child is abandoned by the other parent.

Perhaps if it was viewed that way, one isn't saying that it is okay to do, but one could see how someone could reach a breaking point from the oppression and just gives up.

 

[MickeySP]

I also have been on both sides of this issue and can say the child is a the loser - always. I am sickened by the parents who use their kids to hurt their former SO.
I just cannot see how you can be so vindictive to someone you once loved. If you hate them that much get therapy and move on, it is more work carrying it around than letting it go.

I raised my DS with no CS, none, not a penny - EVER!! I never said a bad word about his father to him even though his father wanted nothing to do with him. What purpose would it serve. He figured it out as he grew up.

My BF was paying $255 a week in support - no complaints - until he asked the judge to to rescind the order so he could stop paying. Why you ask? Well he had the boys and his ex was in jail for Poos w/int to distribute. She was in for 3 years. Guess what - nope. The judge ordered him to continue paying. So he paid for almost 7 months while he fough tit to a woman who was in a correctional facility.

The system sucks. It needs major revision. I recommend that the Dept who collects Parking Tickets take over, they seem to always get the money. LOL!!!

 

[ols386]

From your post I gather that both your ex and your new DH both walked away so they could avoid those pesky CS payment.

I would presume the ex who is in prison, would have no means to pay cs, now that he's incarcerated.

As far as the current dh is concerned...did the poster say he is not paying cs?

And, I think it is very wrong for any parent to tell their children that the other parent doesn't care for them because he doesn't pay what she wants. Not sure if it's true or not, but even if it IS true, you don't say things like that to a child.

 

[snowywhite89]

Here is a child support calculator for Cheer for Arkansas.

http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/arkansas/

I put in a net income of $2K and 3 kids. The calculator showed support of $632. That is 31.6%. So the dad gets to live on 68.4% or more than twice the support.



For Bama in NJ

http://www.njchildsupport.org/article.asp?aid=95


"3 - The Combined Net Income - After all the money is decided; the amount that is left to each parent after taxes and deductions (the net income) is added together. Just like a real family that shares their money, both parents' income are put together into a family 'pot'. Then, they look at the Guidelines chart for the number of children in a family and the amount of money in the family 'pot'. The number on the chart is the basic child support award. "


"4 - Splitting the Basic Child Support Award - If both parents have the same net income, they split the amount from the chart equally: 50/50. Usually though, one parent earns more than the other. If so, the law says that the parent with more money may pay a bigger share, like 60/40 or 70/30 (they get the exact share by dividing each parent's income by the total in the 'pot'). In a case where one parent is disabled or on welfare, the other parent may pay 100%! "

 

[tvguy]

It's an insane amount says the child whose mom got the same $200 per month for 16 years....
$1800 a month is over $21,000.
That's insanity for a firefighter to have had to pay.
Over 17 years, that is over 367,000. (The million dollars to raise a child stories are not accurate for the average child!)

Well, I will only add that child support isn't for current expenses only. It is for future expenses too.
I paid $58,000 in college tuition last year for my 2 kids. In my son's case, his tuition so far.....he's still in college, has hit a total $200,000. Throw in the 13 years of tuition for private Kindergarten thru 12th grade, at $10,000 a year, I've spent $330,000 on tution alone on him, without buying a single meal or piece of clothing. So a total of $367,000 for one child is NOTHING over 17 years.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Well, I will only add that child support isn't for current expenses only. It is for future expenses too.
I paid $58,000 in college tuition last year for my 2 kids. In my son's case, his tuition so far.....he's still in college, has hit a total $200,000. Throw in the 13 years of tuition for private Kindergarten thru 12th grade, at $10,000 a year, I've spent $330,000 on tution alone on him, without buying a single meal or piece of clothing. So a total of $367,000 for one child is NOTHING over 17 years.

As I understand it, this is not considered to be a part of child support payments, which is supposed to be for the daily care of the child. There would generally be provisions for paying for college tuition and extending child support payments if the child continues his/her education.

 

[nathalee81]

LOL - I have a great many friends. I love them all. You should give it a try.

So, this wasn't personal either?

It makes arguments less valid when you cannot make an argument without personally attacking someone.

 

[nathalee81]

As I understand it, this is not considered to be a part of child support payments, which is supposed to be for the daily care of the child. There would generally be provisions for paying for college tuition and extending child support payments if the child continues his/her education.

Actually that is dependent on the state you are in, I believe. In the state I reside, according to various websites, the support order does include the "future needs of the child" (which can include college).

 

[cheermom1]

From your post I gather that both your ex and your new DH both walked away so they could avoid those pesky CS payment.

Wait I never said my dh is not paying in fact he is paying and a lot at that! My ex is the one that is in prison and not for cs! He is a true dead beat. i know the difference b/c my ex is one and my dh is not. He has been through so much with his ex He to has thought about just paying CS and be done with it b/c the kids were being put in the middle my the mom. It was so bad that the police where I live and dhs where I live along with her CS case worker told her that if she filed a false case against my dh again she would be going to jail. There are so many things that go into a decision to walk away than just money. My dh truly felt at the time that it would be better for the kids for him not to be around then to have them be torn apart the way were.

My does still see his kids and it was only after dh spanked her in court several times before she stopped the none sense. This is just my dh's story and not the full version, there is way more to it then this.

 

[cheermom1]

I would presume the ex who is in prison, would have no means to pay cs, now that he's incarcerated.

As far as the current dh is concerned...did the poster say he is not paying cs?

And, I think it is very wrong for any parent to tell their children that the other parent doesn't care for them because he doesn't pay what she wants. Not sure if it's true or not, but even if it IS true, you don't say things like that to a child.

Yes my dh's ex did tell that to the kids she even told them that daddy owes her money and she had the right to not let them see their dad b/c of it. When ion reality he did not owe her a penny. As I said there is way more to my dh's story but the short of it is that he got to that point (even though he didn't walk) but I seen it and I understood it. As the only ones that it was hurting is was the kids and he didn't want them to suffer.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Perhaps he should have thought of that before he spent all that money on the house instead of the child.

My DH would happily spend $1800 a month to have a child of our own.

Please - and this is directed at EVERYONE critical of DisneyBamaFan's friend - go back and read his original post. When the friend was working all that overtime, he was MARRIED TO THE CHILD'S MOTHER. He wasn't planning to spend the overtime money on a house INSTEAD of the child, he was planning to use that money as a downpayment for a house FOR THE FAMILY.

Unfortunately, the family broke up before the house could be purchased. Then the wife filed for child support, and the judge used that mega-earnings year to determine that the man could 'afford' $1,800 monthly in child support.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

So, this wasn't personal either?

It makes arguments less valid when you cannot make an argument without personally attacking someone.

Sorry, your point is meaningless in that you are only calling posts from the side opposite yours in a discussion "personal". His/her posts were no more or less personal.