Child support question

[talulabelle]

Not at all. How can the child be at fault The child didn't ask to be born, that is why the adults have to step up to the plate. And not just with money.

I am surprised that you harbor such resentment for "the kid". I am surprised that you married a man who is not there for his son emotionally. You know how it feels to be abandoned by your father And yet you started a family with a man that did the same thing.

I am sure it is a psychological circle that gets repeated over and over again. Once again, I am sorry for the children that get caught up in this. At some point, an adult has to be the better person and say "My child deserves more" It makes me sick how these children are treated.

That is an interesting point. It sure is interesting that she chose a man that had done the exact same thing her own father did. Like subconciously she feels like she was on the winning end this time. That she is winning a Dad this time from a kid. Like a man can chose HER over something else. Very interesting.

 

[tazdev3225]

After reading through these posts I am going to throw in my experience from a grandmother's point of view. My DS became a father at 16 he was not required to pay support until 18 but did get a job and helped out as well as he could. Both sets of grandparents also helped out but only if the baby was at their house (not my decision, theirs) she got free formula but we had to buy it. DS's ex broke up with him when my DGS was 1 month old. They tried to keep things civil but it wasn't always easy. When my DGS was about 2 years old she had a new BF and told DS he was no longer the baby's father. This was weeks before Christmas. MY DS sobbed all day from a broken heart. His presents sat in the corner of my living room until March when we finally had a hearing on visitation. DS was ordered to pay support based on his income at the time. He could have amended it when he lost his job and found one paying less but wouldn't. He paid support and still had to buy everything his DS needed on visits because she would send nothing for him. He usually came in clothes that were sizes too big or small. One time he had on 4T shorts but he was in a size 8. His clothes are always dirty or ripped. Two years ago she stopped visitation again for no reason. This was in early August and the contempt hearing wasn't until the end of Oct. Three months of not seeing DGS again. DH and I were supposed to take DGS to Disney, with his mother's permission, and actually had it court ordered because I was afraid of taking him without those papers. When DS went back to court in March for yet another custody hearing his ex won because that was what my 8 y/o DGS wanted even though the judge told her she lied about everything. The support hearing was held again and his support was lowered based on his new job. He tried to show the judge papers from a custody hearing for her DD where she flat out said her soul source of income was DGS's support and that it helped support her parents also he just wanted an accounting of where his money went. She can do whatever she wants with the money including buying her cigarettes. My DH and I have always paid for his sports teams and bought him his summer clothes for DS's house because DS doesn't make much and has a new family. His DF loves her future stepson and has always treated him good but it wasn't always easy. I will admit that since the last hearing my DGS's mother has stepped up and has done things she has never done before. This was all my DS wanted and for the 1st time in 5 years both families celebrated DGS's birthday together. It is not easy but we have always wanted my "best buddy" to be number one for everyone and maybe now he will be. Sorry for the long winded story but I read these things and my heart breaks for the child stuck in the middle. I have always told DGS he was dealt a bad hand in life with his parents being so young but he knows that he has me and my mom to get away from it all and a trip to Disney with DH and me again in 3 weeks.

 

[luvsJack]

For Gods sake, that ain't gonna happen, she doesn't even want her Dh to throw the kids some peanuts for support much less actually spend any time with him.

You are so right about that; he's not. Such a sad, sad situation! I just can't help but wonder what this boy must be feeling about it all.


ETA:tazdev3225, you son sounds like a true man that you can so very, very proud of. He stepped up when he needed to and has been there for his son. I am so glad that it sounds like everything is beginning to work out for all of you especially your grand son

 

[Amlee]

Didn't read the whole thread, but your post smacks of the sound of a man that is a dead beat dad. You refer to the child as "the kid" not "my husbands son". Why on earth would your husband not want to continue to help out his own child, even if he is 18? Doesn't he have any contact with him? Wouldn't he want ot help him for a couple more years. You say "they found out" like mom and 'kid' are a team trying to swindle money.

Honestly I can see the post that the "kids" mother would write...."A loser got me pregnant and didn't want to have ANYTHING to do with my child" I had to go to court to get support. I have worked hard as a single mother to raise this child for 18 years and now that the loser has a wife and 2 young children, he doesn't want to have to give one more dime for his first child. He is trying to withdraw support now that he is 18 even though my son wants to try to continue his education. ...."

Wow judge much?!

The OP went into very little background detail. But here you are calling him a dead beat dad? You know what assuming makes you look like.

 

[talulabelle]

After reading through these posts I am going to throw in my experience from a grandmother's point of view. My DS became a father at 16 he was not required to pay support until 18 but did get a job and helped out as well as he could. Both sets of grandparents also helped out but only if the baby was at their house (not my decision, theirs) she got free formula but we had to buy it. DS's ex broke up with him when my DGS was 1 month old. They tried to keep things civil but it wasn't always easy. When my DGS was about 2 years old she had a new BF and told DS he was no longer the baby's father. This was weeks before Christmas. MY DS sobbed all day from a broken heart. His presents sat in the corner of my living room until March when we finally had a hearing on visitation. DS was ordered to pay support based on his income at the time. He could have amended it when he lost his job and found one paying less but wouldn't. He paid support and still had to buy everything his DS needed on visits because she would send nothing for him. He usually came in clothes that were sizes too big or small. One time he had on 4T shorts but he was in a size 8. His clothes are always dirty or ripped. Two years ago she stopped visitation again for no reason. This was in early August and the contempt hearing wasn't until the end of Oct. Three months of not seeing DGS again. DH and I were supposed to take DGS to Disney, with his mother's permission, and actually had it court ordered because I was afraid of taking him without those papers. When DS went back to court in March for yet another custody hearing his ex won because that was what my 8 y/o DGS wanted even though the judge told her she lied about everything. The support hearing was held again and his support was lowered based on his new job. He tried to show the judge papers from a custody hearing for her DD where she flat out said her soul source of income was DGS's support and that it helped support her parents also he just wanted an accounting of where his money went. She can do whatever she wants with the money including buying her cigarettes. My DH and I have always paid for his sports teams and bought him his summer clothes for DS's house because DS doesn't make much and has a new family. His DF loves her future stepson and has always treated him good but it wasn't always easy. I will admit that since the last hearing my DGS's mother has stepped up and has done things she has never done before. This was all my DS wanted and for the 1st time in 5 years both families celebrated DGS's birthday together. It is not easy but we have always wanted my "best buddy" to be number one for everyone and maybe now he will be. Sorry for the long winded story but I read these things and my heart breaks for the child stuck in the middle. I have always told DGS he was dealt a bad hand in life with his parents being so young but he knows that he has me and my mom to get away from it all and a trip to Disney with DH and me again in 3 weeks.

Ok, this is TOTALLY different, you DS wants to be in his childs life as do you.

 

[musclemouse]

OMG how wrong you are! It's not about the CHILD it's about the mother who wants something for nothing! Stop assuming and stop judging!

For Gods sake, that ain't gonna happen, she doesn't even want her Dh to throw the kids some peanuts for support much less actually spend any time with him.

 

[Amlee]

Child support is just enough to cover a childs living expenses, not the mothers. If he isn't paying alimony, there is no way that it is possible for her to live off it. She can have a good paying job for herself and make a nice for her life and still be entitled to have the father of the child contribute toward support. Why are you jealous she drives an Escalade? Perhaps she or a new husband earned it. Does that mean that the childs father shouldn't be legally resposible for feeding him anymore? Is she supposedto live poor for the rest of her life because she gave birth to your DH's kid.

You sound like a jealous wife that wants all of DH's money for your own kids and to pretend that his first child never happened. God help you if your marriage doesn't work out and your DH gets a new wife and has kids. Then try living off that "celebrity amount".

LOL yeah child support can be more than enough for people to live off of. I know at one point my dad had to pay $400 a month per child. When all 3 of his were under 18 that was a lot of money to shell out. Oh that didn't include medical cost that had to be paid on top of that. Yeah, his wife didn't work either.

 

[talulabelle]

Wow judge much?!

The OP went into very little background detail. But here you are calling him a dead beat dad? You know what assuming makes you look like.

The only thing that I am assuming is that any man that wants NOTHING to do with his own flesh and blood is dead beat.

 

[MushyMushy]

OMG how wrong you are! It's not about the CHILD it's about the mother who wants something for nothing! Stop assuming and stop judging!

Something for "nothing"??? She raised the man's child alone for 18 years and you call that nothing?

You sound worse and worse with every post. If I were you, I'd walk away.

 

[MushyMushy]

The only thing that I am assuming is that any man that wants NOTHING to do with his own flesh and blood is dead beat.

ITA.

I would walk through fire to keep my kids near me, as would any decent parent. I will never understand women who marry men who turn their backs on their other children. I don't think I could stand the fear of worrying if he'd do the same to my own kids!

 

[talulabelle]

LOL yeah child support can be more than enough for people to live off of. I know at one point my dad had to pay $400 a month per child. When all 3 of his were under 18 that was a lot of money to shell out. Oh that didn't include medical cost that had to be paid on top of that. Yeah, his wife didn't work either.

Do you have any idea what it cost to actually raise a kid? Let me assure you, it is way more than $400 a month. God, I spend more than that on milk alone for my growing teenager.

 

[hentob]

OMG how wrong you are! It's not about the CHILD it's about the mother who wants something for nothing! Stop assuming and stop judging!

Honestly--You said this:


"Oh and he is just a kid because neither one of us knows him. DH wasn't even around when he was born. "

What else is there to know? You said he is "just a kid". What an awful, sad statement to say about your husband's flesh and blood Sweetie--I must inform you that he is NOT "Just a kid".

Do you feel sorry for that "kid" at all? Does your heart break for that child just a tiny bit?

 

[musclemouse]

Where did I say the he didn't want anything to do with him??????????????????

He was born with DHs last name, she changed it. I don't think the child knew that he had a different father. I never knew until my step father adopted me, I was 12. DH isn't a cold hearted person, by any means. This is a long long long long and complicating issue that if you don't understand and you are just going to assume assume assume then don't reply to me, please. Just move on. Thank you to those that do have an open mind and a better understanding therefore not beating me down like "I" did something wrong.

The only thing that I am assuming is that any man that wants NOTHING to do with his own flesh and blood is dead beat.

 

[creativeamanda]

Guys, you aren't going to change the OP's mind. I will say this: my sil has a son and her husband has a daughter. When they got married, both custodial parents went to court and asked for a reduction in child support. They were both denied because regardless of the custodial parents' incomes, the noncustodial parent was still repsonsible for child support based on their income.

Again, OP, I suggest you find a good lawyer. Maybe one will take payments. Then find out for sure (not through Facebook) whether or not he is going to school. Since a court order makes you pay money while he is in school, you have a legal right to that information. If he is indeed going to school, you may be out of luck.

 

[musclemouse]

Something for "nothing"??? She raised the man's child alone for 18 years and you call that nothing?

You sound worse and worse with every post. If I were you, I'd walk away.

Oh wow! No I don't. So it's not enough that he has to keep paying her $1500 a month for a "child" that doesn't want to go to school and wants to move out and go to college. Why should she continue to get child support? DH wouldn't have a problem helping him with college, if it would go directly to him. But this is where he is having a problem. Like I said,,, stop assuming and and stop judging "ME!"

 

[Amlee]

The only thing that I am assuming is that any man that wants NOTHING to do with his own flesh and blood is dead beat.

Yup you assumed he wanted nothing to do with his son. Which I have yet to see the OP say.

My adopted brothers and sister were told by their mother that our father didn't want to see them. She went out of her way to make sure those kids had nothing to do with their father while growing up. It was only after they got old enough and smart enough to go see court papers did they see the truth in it.

But you assume away!

 

[tazdev3225]

ETA:tazdev3225, you son sounds like a true man that you can so very, very proud of. He stepped up when he needed to and has been there for his son. I am so glad that it sounds like everything is beginning to work out for all of you especially your grand son

Thank you. I am very proud of my DS. He took on the role of an adult while he was still a child and has become an amazing man and father. I am glad for my grandson that things are finally working out. He didn't ask to be born and we all owe him everything we can give him to see that he grows up happy and healthy. He is truly an amazing boy who through everything has been a true joy.

 

[bunny]

It doesn't sound like her husband has been a deadbeat dad. He pays $1,500 a month for one child. Now as for not seeing the child no one on here knows the exact circumstances. I will also give an example- A good friend of mine told me a story about herself that kind of sickened. She is from Germany and met her husband when he was in the Air Force over there. She had a little boy from a previous relationship. After they were married, he was transferred back to the United States. They changed the baby's last name to his last name. Everyone ASSUMED the biological dad was off the scene since she never mentioned him and they had changed the child's name. They never told the child the stepdad wasn't his biological dad. Unbeknownst to everyone, she had left Germany without telling the biological dad. Up until that time he had been very involved with the child. After she left, he paid private investigators to track her down. Every time he would get her number, she would change it. He basically had a nervous breakdown over losing his child. Finally when the child was 5 years old, she told him never to contact them again. She said it would only confuse the child since he thought his stepdad was his biological dad. Perodically the biological dad would still call or send letters but she never told the child. However, she would go back to Germany every couple of years for a child support hearing to make sure the support kept increasing with any raises the biological dad received. Finally when the child was 16 he found out the man he thought was his biological father was really his stepdad. That was really hard on him. When he turned 18, the mom finally let the biological dad talk to him, but their relationship was really strange since they didn't know each other at all. Today the child(man) is almost 30 years old and essentially has nothing to do with his biological dad. In this case, the mother decided her new husband would be the child's dad no matter what the biological dad wanted. But, of course, she still wanted the biological dad to pay support.

So is the biological dad still a deadbeat?? Was he wrong for not continuing to pursue this legally? Or did he do the right thing by letting his child grow up in an intact family?

 

[Amlee]

Do you have any idea what it cost to actually raise a kid? Let me assure you, it is way more than $400 a month. God, I spend more than that on milk alone for my growing teenager.

Well one thing, cost of living isn't the same everywhere. What it might cost you, might not be the same in other places.

Also that $400 a month per child was done in the 70s and 80s. So yeah it went a LONG way back then. I would hate to know what that would be equal to know.

 

[hentob]

Yup you assumed he wanted nothing to do with his son. Which I have yet to see the OP say.

My adopted brothers and sister were told by their mother that our father didn't want to see them. She went out of her way to make sure those kids had nothing to do with their father while growing up. It was only after they got old enough and smart enough to go see court papers did they see the truth in it.

But you assume away!

Sorry—I have to disagree with you here.

If you want to be a part of your child's life, you fight every day. You stand outside of their home and scream "I LOVE YOU!" You make it a point to get to court every day of the year. You hire lawyer after lawyer. You call the news stations and have them report on the woman that is keeping your babies from you. You call the police. You go to their school. You go to their football games, their baseball games, their dance recitals, etc.

You don't wait until they are old enough to read the court reports.

Believe me, God himself could not keep my husband or myself away from our children. We would fight to the death to be with them.


And I certainly would NOT have the time to create another family. How do you get time to even meet people when you are fighting every day of your life to be with your child?


There would be no other purpose in life.