Child-free, but not by choice?

Hey guys,

I don't know if any of you are out there tonight, but I really need some support. My DH came home tonight and told me that he was leaving me. He took off his ring and laid it down and left. He took off down the street and disappeared. I believe he might be at a neighbors house, but I am not sure. He left his keys, his cell phone, and the car. I don't know what to do. I don't know what happened.

Suzanne

:grouphug: Suzanne!

I'm so sorry! I really don't know what to say...when the pain can translate through a brief bulletin board message you know that it's strong.

I'm also here, if you need to talk, or need some virtual hugs.

I tend to be a problem solver, by nature, so I can try talking through the "I don't know what to do" part of your message. But, you may just need to sit with this for awhile. Let us know what we can do. :grouphug:
 
Suzanne,

I feel so bad for you - I hope you know that we are here to chat and listen - my thoughts and prayers are with you tonight......Wendy:grouphug:
 
suzanne,
I haven't been around here much at all but something just told me to come here and check in. And man am I glad I did. I'm soooo sorry to hear about your husband leaving you and not really giving you an indication as to what is up. I can't imagine how I would feel and how I would cope if my husband left me all of a sudden like that. :scared1: My thoughts and prayers are with you! :hug:
 
Suzanne, great big hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.. I'm so sorry to hear that. I was going to come on last night but I was just too tired from this cold. Now i'm really sorry I didnt come on. If there is anything I can do, a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to just let me know. I'll be on and off all day today send me a private message if you'd like. Great big hugssssssssss with extra strength for you!!!
 

Hi Suzanne,

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this on top of everything else. Has he given you any indication recently that something has been bothering him?

Janet

Oh Suzanne! I am so incredibly sorry to hear that! I'm sorry that your DH didn't stay and talk about what he's feeling. That is pretty crappy because I can only imagine that you are sitting there wondering "what have I done?" It isn't fair to you.

Send me a private message if you want to talk more. HUGS!!!!

Missie:grouphug:

Suzanne,

I'm sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you.

:grouphug: Suzanne!

I'm so sorry! I really don't know what to say...when the pain can translate through a brief bulletin board message you know that it's strong.

I'm also here, if you need to talk, or need some virtual hugs.

I tend to be a problem solver, by nature, so I can try talking through the "I don't know what to do" part of your message. But, you may just need to sit with this for awhile. Let us know what we can do. :grouphug:

Suzanne,

I feel so bad for you - I hope you know that we are here to chat and listen - my thoughts and prayers are with you tonight......Wendy:grouphug:

suzanne,
I haven't been around here much at all but something just told me to come here and check in. And man am I glad I did. I'm soooo sorry to hear about your husband leaving you and not really giving you an indication as to what is up. I can't imagine how I would feel and how I would cope if my husband left me all of a sudden like that. :scared1: My thoughts and prayers are with you! :hug:

Suzanne, great big hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.. I'm so sorry to hear that. I was going to come on last night but I was just too tired from this cold. Now i'm really sorry I didnt come on. If there is anything I can do, a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to just let me know. I'll be on and off all day today send me a private message if you'd like. Great big hugssssssssss with extra strength for you!!!


Thank you all so much, I finally found him this morning, he had had one of he guys from work take him out to stay in one of the little apartments at the driving school where he works. This guy lied to me last night and said that he didn't know anything. I am so mad at him. I just don't know what to do right now. This is the second time he has done this, but last time he had been on a medication that we can blame this on, but I don't know why this time. I don't think I got much sleep last night. After I found him this morning I called his mother to tell her I found him, then I called his step-mother and she talked to me for almost an hour. Apparently, he is just like his father and she said that if I would gie him some space and let him think I didn't care, then he would come back. I just don't know what to do, I love him so much :love:. I really need him right now, too. I don't know how I will make it at work tonight, but I can't call out again today.

He knows I love him. He knows I care about him, he just told me last week that he wouldn't have all he has if it wasn't for me. He said that he never imagined he would find anyone that would love him and want to marry him and give him all he has. He said that he was tired of me controlling him, but it really isn't control. It is really hard to explain. His step-mother understands because his dad is the same way. I hope she is right. She thinks he might have gotten scared about the responsibiltiy of the house. He said something about a guy at work that is divorced (and has been for 3 years). I would like to know who he is talking about because I would have a few choice words for him, he has no business sticking his nose in our business.

I just really don't know what to do and I am having a hard time doing anything except cry right now. I guess I just sit back and wait and see. You know we have all these plans for our Disney trip next month, maybe he will be back before then.

I will probably be in and out all day.

Thank you again,
Suzanne
 
Well, DH emptied out his checking acct, he only had $36.00, but he did it. Then mom asks me if I am going to cancel our December Disney trip, I was already upset enough, I didn't need her asking that. I hope that he will be back by then and ready to go. I really don't know what I want to do. I want mom to quit hovering, she would be just fine if he didn't come back, but not me, I am miserable. My two BFF's think he will get lonesome and bored and come back in a few days, we'll just wait and see. I hope he is at the house when I get off tonight, but I won't hold my breath (huh, maybe an idea) No, I wouldn't do that, nothing is ever that bad, but it sure makes you feel like it. One of my BFF's left in August and went home to Maine because of a very similar situation, she got back 2 weeks ago.

He left once, I think he will be back. I left him alone and one night, really late, he called and said he was ready to come home, so I will just sit back and wait, the man can't take care of himself and I don't know anyone else that will do it either, certainly not the guy who told him to leave me. It sure is hard with the holidays coming up, I don't like Christmas anyway, but was getting a little excited since we would be coming home from a Disney trip just 2 days before. If he doens't come back, I don't know how I will get through Thanksgiving, then our Anniversary is December 8, then Christmas. Last time he left, he was back in about 6 weeks.

I am supposed to be working, but I can't seem to concentrate. At least I'm not at home with mom nagging me to quit crying and eat. Dang it, I am an adult and if I want to cry alot and not eat, then that is my business. I just have to roll in my pity for a few days. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to turn off my love for him, even if I could I don't want to. I know he drives me crazy, but he is my husband and I love him, I love him like crazy. I haven't loved anyone this much since my grandfather died. I feel like I'm rambling, but I just think if I do, he will feel my love and want to come home.

I really need your opinions too, and lots and lots of hugs.
 
Great Big Hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!! I hope that he wakes up and sees what he has in a great person like you. You're not rambling and you've every right to feel the way you do. People cant just turn off their feelings. I wish you the best my friend and remember that you've always got friends here that will lend an ear or a shoulder whichever it is you need. Biggest hugsssssss I can give you!!
 
/
Great Big Hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!! I hope that he wakes up and sees what he has in a great person like you. You're not rambling and you've every right to feel the way you do. People cant just turn off their feelings. I wish you the best my friend and remember that you've always got friends here that will lend an ear or a shoulder whichever it is you need. Biggest hugsssssss I can give you!!


Thank you soooo much Debbie, you can't imagine how it feels to have such wonderful people to lean on right now.

I can be a real B----, but I have to be hard on him, or he would just sit around and do nothing and I mean nothing, but he turns it around and uses it against me. His step-mother, bless her sole, says that she has to do the same thing for his dad, except that his dad is willing to work for a living, DH wouldn't if I didn't make him. I just keep thinking that maybe if I hadn't asked him to go to the store and get me some sweet tea, this wouldn't have happened. I miss him sooooooooo much :sad1: .
 
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Suzanne -- I want to respond more thoroughly but I don't have enough time right now to give it the focus it deserves. So, I'll respond more tomorrow. But, for now....
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
Can you make a decision to spend 24-48 hours (decide how many up-front) focused solely on what you need for you right now. Ignore what your DH may need, tell your mother that you aren't discussing anything with her for that period of time, etc. If what you need to do is cry, then cry. If what you need to do is go out to dinner with a friend, then go out to dinner. Etc.
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
By giving yourself a fixed window to focus on only your own needs you can easily stall anyone putting pressure on you and you may be able to come back to everyone else's problems with more energy.
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
I will be around, if needed -- I'm exhausted but here in brief snips in order to check up on you.
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Suzanne -- I want to respond more thoroughly but I don't have enough time right now to give it the focus it deserves. So, I'll respond more tomorrow. But, for now....
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
Can you make a decision to spend 24-48 hours (decide how many up-front) focused solely on what you need for you right now. Ignore what your DH may need, tell your mother that you aren't discussing anything with her for that period of time, etc. If what you need to do is cry, then cry. If what you need to do is go out to dinner with a friend, then go out to dinner. Etc.
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
By giving yourself a fixed window to focus on only your own needs you can easily stall anyone putting pressure on you and you may be able to come back to everyone else's problems with more energy.
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
I will be around, if needed -- I'm exhausted but here in brief snips in order to check up on you.
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:


Thank you so much. I don't feel like words are enough, but that is all I have right now.

I am going to go home to my empty (well, we actually still live there for now) old house, well except for the pets, so I don't have to look at anyone or talk to anyone except my pets. Maybe that will help. I have told mom to mind her own business, cause I just don't need her for right now. One of my BFF's works the same shift, so she has been right here with me all evening and she keeps checking in on me, but I will be glad to go home so I can cry, kick, and scream as much and as loud as I can.

I will be leaving in about an hour and won't have access to a computer until tomorrow, but I will be alright. I've been there done that, unfortunately, but at least this time he didn't go to California, or so I hope.
 
Thank you soooo much Debbie, you can't imagine how it feels to have such wonderful people to lean on right now.

I can be a real B----, but I have to be hard on him, or he would just sit around and do nothing and I mean nothing, but he turns it around and uses it against me. His step-mother, bless her sole, says that she has to do the same thing for his dad, except that his dad is willing to work for a living, DH wouldn't if I didn't make him. I just keep thinking that maybe if I hadn't asked him to go to the store and get me some sweet tea, this wouldn't have happened. I miss him sooooooooo much :sad1: .

Oh Hon!
Nope asking him to go to the store did not cause this problem. I agree with the post about taking time for YOUR needs. Not to sound like Mom, but you do need to eat something. Whatever the outcome from this, YOU need to be ok. Take the time to be angry and hurt. Take the time to be sad. Spend time with your pets (they are very non judgemental and they don't ask a lot of questions :)).

:grouphug: :grouphug:
 
Oh Suzanne!!!!!

I am so very sorry that you are going through this!!! I haven't been on the boards this past month, but something made me pop in today to see how everyone was doing.

I feel absolutely devestated for you. I hope and pray that your husband comes to his senses, and that you work everything out.

Please feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. I might not have the best advice all the time, but I'm a good listener, and a shoulder to cry on if you need me!!!!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Asking him to go to the store had nothing to do with this hun. You didnt do anything. I hope you're doing ok.. You're in my thoughts an prayers. Let us know you're ok when you get a chance to. Great big hugsssssssssssssss I hope things are ok with you.
 
Asking him to go to the store had nothing to do with this hun. You didnt do anything. I hope you're doing ok.. You're in my thoughts an prayers. Let us know you're ok when you get a chance to. Great big hugsssssssssssssss I hope things are ok with you.


I know that asking him to go to the store had nothing to do with him leaving, I am just trying to make sense of all of this.

I am doing better, I do still feel depressed and my system is really out of whack. I haven't been able to keep anything on my stomach. I have been eating, but I am suffering afterwards (severe cramps and stomach pains), so it is really hard to eat, but I am trying. I was up until about 2:30 this morning, so I wanted to sleep in this morning, but one of my stupid neighbors starts thumping music at 9:15. I was so mad, I can't put earplugs in because I couldn't hear the phone if someone calls or the door if someone knocks, and that seemed to make it worse any way. I finally called the police department about 9:40 and asked them to have someone come out. I guess they did because it stopped about 30 minutes.

I haven't figured out how I am going to get the yard cleaned up and the attic cleaned out, or the moving done, but I guess I will figure out something. Mom and I started cleaning out my bedroom in the new/old house, so I would have a place to start moving to, but I really need DH's help.

His stepmother called me on Friday morning to see how I was doing, she and my father-in-laws were worried about me. His dad is really, really upset with him, he said that DH should be here trying to work things out (I agree). They are great and on my side. I have worried about him, he hasn't come to get clothes or anything else since he left, so I called his mother to see what she would tell me. She said that she talked to him yesterday and all he would tell her is that he was still working and he is okay. I don't really trust her, so I don't know if she knows more and just won't tell me or what. I gave his stepmother his work number and she said that his dad might call and tell them that there is a family emergency to get him to call them and he will probably ream hiim a new one.

Saturday, I got a letter and the deed from the title company, addressed to Mr and Mrs and it really hurt. DH said that the house was mine and not his and his name is not on anything (mine is the only one on the loan), but this came in his name. i am going to make a copy of it and mail it to him with a little note about who owns the house. Mom is worried now, since the house is in both names and in Alabama everything is 50/50, I told her not to worry, I will handle it like I handle most everything else.

Well this is where I am now, I am taking things one moment at a time, and we will see where it takes me.

I really appreciate each and every one of you, I hope you know this.
 
Hi Guys,

Just thought I would check in. We had to go to court today for my cousin's custody case and that didn't go so well. We got there at 8:00 am CST as we were supposed to and we waited and waited, then at 11:00 CST, they told us to come back at 1:00pm CST, so we went and had lunch and went back to court. We were the first case taken after lunch. Well, they wouldn't let me or my 16 year old cousin stay in the courtroom since her sister and my mom were the petioners, so we went to the waiting room, we were there for a while, then they did come and get her. I don't know what happened, but the judge said something about giving my mom custody and having them come back next month for f/u and my mom said something about our trip and the Judge tore up the petition and sent her back to her father. We will get to have her every other weekend until then. He has to go to counseling and they have to send reports to the judge, she has to get counseling and the reports have to be sent in. The 16 year olds sister was mad at my mom and went off on her, I think mom didn't hear him and didn't understand what was being said and she just opened her mouth as usual. Hopefully he will mess up and he will lose her next month, we will see. She can call us on Tuesdays and Thursdays. They go back to court on December 17, I probably won't go, since I will be off a few days later, but we will see.

On another note, when we got to the restaurant, I got out of the car and looked at my front left tire and it looked low, well these tires are only 1 week old, so I called DH at work and asked him to come by after work and look at it. I hadn't been home long when he came by, he was a little upset and said that there was nothing wrong with the tire, I told him I wasn't kidding (which I'm not), it could have been the way I was parked, but I wanted him to check it, since he is the car expert. We tallked for about 30 minutes and I think I may have gotten to him. I didn't act needy and didn't break down (almost did). He did hug me really tight and he told me that he loves me, but that he needs a little more time to think about what he wants. I told him that I really hadn't been fair to him and hadn't been there for him (I really haven't), since all these problems have been going on. I did mess up, too. I am not the only one, but I am determined that if he comes back, I am going to be more attentive to him and to us as a couple. I really haven't done that, except the few days we went to Disney together. He said that he missed the little spur of the moment trips we had taken a couple of times. He said that he really doesn't want to miss our trip next month, but he doesn't know what he will do. I think I saw a little spark. He said that he might call me soon, so now I will just sit back and see what happens.

Now I am at work, worried about mom and thinking about how to make my marriage better. I need to be selfish and spend more quality time with DH. I hate that it took him leaving again to realize that.

Here's to Hope

Suzanne
 
I have some wonderful, fabulous, incredible news :love: :cheer2: :yay::cool1: :thumbsup2 DH called me this morning and asked me to meet him for lunch on Saturday and said that if things went well, he would get his stuff and come home Saturday afternoon. I couldn't be happier, well if he came home tonight, I would be happier, but I am not pushing. There will probably be some fireworks on Saturday after lunch, though :rolleyes:.

He just called me at work and we talked for about 45 minutes. He said that his mom is really mad at his decision and this "former student" (the one who convinced him to leave) was kinda mad too, but I told him that he couldn't let other people make his decisions for him. I was one day short of finding this person and telling them off. I found him in a hotel in Oklahoma and he had just checked out the day before. I was going to ream him a new one, you just don't stick your nose in someone else's marriage like that. I know I listen to other people about things, but I make up my own mind in the end. DH is so nieve (sp?). But I am determined to make this work this time.

Suzanne
 
Suzanne,

My thoughts are with you-I hope this works out for you.:) Glad to hear things are sounding better.
 
Suzanne I'm glad to hear that you have some good news. Hugssssssssssssssssss I hope Saturday goes wonderful for you. Let us know. Best thoughts n wishes are with you!
 














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