Child-free, but not by choice?

[debbiet1]

I think we should all go with Suzanne and help celebrate the birthday!! lol

 

[hematite153]

I thought you had all gone to Disney and left me at home, well I am, we leave on Wednesday for DH's birthday trip.

Have a great trip! Hope your DH has a happy birthday.

Luv2Roam -- I'm glad to hear that you are at peace, and have a happy and fulfilling life with your DH and furbabies! Congrats on your 31 years of marriage!! That's an accomplishment in itself these days!!

Agreed. Congratulations!

Hematite -- Best of luck with IVF, and with your liver tests. If you do IVF with your DW's eggs, have you thought of transferring some embryos in her, and some in you? Just wondering if it was something you've considered. I have done IVF twice, but both times my leftover embryos didn't make it to freeze. My mom has actually offerred to be a gestational carrier for me in the past, and I've toyed with the idea of splitting my embryos between the 2 of us (to increase our chances). Of course this is all just an idea at this point, and I haven't even talked to a doctor about doing this, but it's always in the back of my mind!

Thanks. It is definitely something we'd consider. The catch would be that they want you to take drugs to prepare to receive embryos, right? So, if I'm told that I cannot take any fertility drugs then I'm probably out of luck.

I like the idea of splitting your embryos with someone who has better statistical odds. My question though, how old is your mother? (I don't remember if I know how old you are, so I can't even guess.) Our doctor told us that there is a serious decline in success past 38. So, would your mother increase your chances? Is there anyone else who might do it? (Yes, I know, how do you broach the topic? But, if I'd already managed to have kids it is something I would definitely consider for a friend.)

 

[Who'syourMickey]

Hi, just in some new research in the field of epigenetics, which is looking into how our environment effects our genes when it comes to autism and chronic illness. Through controlling your environment you can effect health and that health is not only just from the genes. It's all coming off of the human genome project.

http://www.alternet.org/story/58482/?page=1

I just want so badly to get the word out on this important research, to people BEFORE they have children. Even though it's kind of hard to understand. You'd probably have to make reading about it a little project if anyone was interested...Like you all need more homework with all you are going through. The end result of this research could help you make the children you are going through so much to have, be healthier children.

Happy Birthday!

 

[Nennie]

I think we should all go with Suzanne and help celebrate the birthday!! lol

I'm all for that! Hang on, and I'll go pack my bag! We leave tommorrow, right? LOL!!

Hematite -- I wasn't even thinking that you can't take ANY fertility drugs. I was thinking that you just couldn't take the stims, but wasn't thinking about the other drugs you'd need to take. I guess that blows my great idea, huh?My mom is 54, so I don't even know if the RE would go along if I asked. I know of someone on another (infertility) board that used her 52 yr old mom as a GC, so I guess it depends on the doc. Like I said, just an idea, and probably one that won't ever come to fruition! My sister is only 25, but she's single and being pregnant might put a damper on her dating life! LOL!!

 

[debbiet1]

pfffffffft its only 9 mos.. she'll have lots of time to date afterwards lol PLUS she'll be back to dating by the time she's 27. Lots of time. Are you packed yet to go with Suzanne? I am.. is she picking us up on the way??? lol

 

[hematite153]

I'm all for that! Hang on, and I'll go pack my bag! We leave tommorrow, right? LOL!!

Are you packed yet to go with Suzanne? I am.. is she picking us up on the way??? lol

She hasn't shown up yet.... I know that swinging by here to pick me up is a little out of the way, but....

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait until my originally planned trip in Sept.

Hematite -- I wasn't even thinking that you can't take ANY fertility drugs. I was thinking that you just couldn't take the stims, but wasn't thinking about the other drugs you'd need to take. I guess that blows my great idea, huh?

Yeah. I'm mostly hoping that the elevated levels are from the clomid since I don't want to worry about other possible liver issues. However, if it is the clomid then there is no guarantee how I'd react to other fertility drugs.

My DW actually said that she hopes my levels don't go down because then the cause would be something else and once we get that straightened away I ought to be able to do super-ov (with injectibles) or IVF. I get the logic in some ways, but I also don't want there to be something wrong with my liver!

On the issue of using my DW's embryos.... It might be possible for me to use them without drugs since I do ovulate on my own and seem to grow a solid lining, etc. However, I suspect that this approach would lead to lower odds than just using my DW. Plus, I think the main reason the doc says that we have better odds with me is connected to the way our ovaries react and thus to egg quality. Argh! This whole thing is just frustrating!

My mom is 54, so I don't even know if the RE would go along if I asked. I know of someone on another (infertility) board that used her 52 yr old mom as a GC, so I guess it depends on the doc. Like I said, just an idea, and probably one that won't ever come to fruition! My sister is only 25, but she's single and being pregnant might put a damper on her dating life! LOL!!

pfffffffft its only 9 mos.. she'll have lots of time to date afterwards lol PLUS she'll be back to dating by the time she's 27. Lots of time.

I don't know if you've tried asking your sister, but it might be worth it. Or perhaps you could designate someone else to ask for you. I had a friend who was looking at transplant surgery and the process involved having the doctors contact his family members directly. If they tested as possible matches then they had to go through extensive counseling to determine whether or not they really understood the risk to their own health that could arise from transplant surgery. Only after they had gone through all of this (and enough time had passed for all family members who were interested) was he given any information about matches. He was told about a possible match only if the person had also agreed to proceed. In the end, roughly half of his family members told him of their own initiation what had happened. But, the others maintained the confidentiality of the system.

So, is there anyone in your life (mother, minister, counselor, best friend) who could fill this role? You could identify which people you might ask and they could ask those people in private with a promise of confidentiality. At the end you'd have to trust the person to have at least asked a few people knowing that they probably wouldn't have asked everyone you might have identified. (I don't know, this sounds awfully complicated. But, I know how much I want to have a child and thus I assume that others must feel similarly.)

In terms of using your mother...it might be a good idea to evaluate her fertility and her status as a surrogate sooner rather than later. My reading of statistics suggests that IVF has good odds (if you work with a good clinic) but that the odds for frozen embryos aren't nearly as good. So, if you were thinking of splitting your eggs (assuming you get enough) it might be worth implanting them at the same time. (Btw, the comment about choosing a clinic seems important. As I read stats sheets I find a LOT of variation from clinic to clinic. Your decision to go to a different RE seems like it could make quite a difference. If you can get numbers before you give them money I'd advise it.) I'm going to be crossing my fingers for you to have a successful third round!

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

We are leaving about 10:00 in the morning, I expect you to be packed and in the car no later than 9:45. You might be a little crowded in my Saturn, but that is the price you pay if you want to go wih me. No touching, slapping, name calling, and no looking at each other or I will have to seperate you . I do not pack lightly, so some of you might have to hold something or let someone sit on your lap .

Wouldn't that be great if we were all at the World at the same time ?

Cruddy thing is that we have to go back to the lawyers office in the morning for DH to sign some papers to go to the judge, before we can even leave town. They don't open until 9:30 EST, so we have to drive to their office 30 minutes away and double back to town to go on our trip, so I am not really happy about that, but what can ya do? With the time line I have set, we should only be about 15 to 30 minutes off schedule. I know, but that eats into my WDW time

See ya'll when I get back.

Suzanne

 

[debbiet1]

I promise to sit quiet, look out the window and not say a peep the whole way. lol

 

[Cinderella Fan]

Good evening to everyone.

A friend told me about this thread, and I can't be more in awe of every woman and man in here. DH and I got pregnant while we were in Disney for our wedding (the date is listed below). On Valentine's Day, I had a miscarriage.

My question to you all is this - how do you get over it? I have been so overwhelmed with this loss, I haven't had the heart, or the want, to try again. DH would like to wait until next summer to try again, but I don't know if I want to. Or, if I can. How do you learn to go on with your daily life?

I feel so guilty - when we found out we were pregnant, I can say that it wasn't the best time for us. FIL has passed away 1 month before our wedding, we were having to live with MIL to help take care of her - we had just gotten married. DH was the one who took it the hardest. It took me very little time to become excited. We wanted that baby. Granted, it did take DH longer to come around than it did me. I feel like God knew how we, or DH, felt and took my baby from me. Sometimes, I feel that we won't be given another baby because it took us a while to "want" this one.

I just don't know what to do. It is so hard to talk to someone who has never been through this.

Please don't take this the wrong way - I am in no way asking anyone to relive their pain. I feel for everyone here on their journey to becoming parents. I send you all loads of thoughts and prayers that your journey ends soon - with beautiful, healthy children.

 

[hematite153]

...On Valentine's Day, I had a miscarriage.

My question to you all is this - how do you get over it?

Welcome to our thread. I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.

I don't really know how you get over it. I think grief is different for everyone.

For me, I know that I want a child and this struggle is simply something that I am going to have to find my way through.

You'll know better than anyone else when (and if) you are ready to try again.

One thing I'll caution you on (based on my own experiences), don't get too caught up in the timing; it's too hard to control. If you can, try to decide whether or not you are ready to be parents. If the answer is yes, then you'll probably end up happy with things even if the timing seems tough.

One other thing.... If you can, don't beat yourself up about your feelings. Supposedly 75% of fertilized eggs spontaneously miscarry. Most of them happen early enough that people aren't aware of the pregnancy unless they were actively focused on it. I know this doesn't really help, but it does mean that it is common enough that you shouldn't blame yourself. A friend of mine told me (when her son was about a year old) that one of the hardest things about being a parent was that it isn't okay to express feelings of frustration. Yet, in the first months of his life the amount of work accompanied by the lack of sleep added up to a question of "why did I want this?" I think that it is possible to want to be a parent and yet still have moments when you think negative thoughts about it.

Good luck! Keep us posted on your plans and feel free to come here to rant if the grief becomes overwhelming.

 

[jjk1107]

Hello. I'm a fairly new poster but a long time lurker. But this is the first time I have seen this thread. When I have more time I want to go back and read every page but for now I just read the first couple and the last page. My wife and I are both big Disney fans and have been ever since we got together in 2000. We live less than 30 minutes away in the town of Auburndale so we come over quite often. We even had our honeymoon at the AKL in 2002. In September of 2003 we found out we were pregnant with our first child. The pregnancy went problem free for the first several months. Then in January 2004, during a sonogram, the doctors found a cyst on our childs umbilical cord. Apparently it is a rare occurrence and we were sent to Arnold Palmer's Hospital in Orlando. For months we were monitored there every couple of weeks. As it got closer to the due date in June though the doctors felt sure that the cyst would not hinder the delivery at all. We were turned back over to our regular hospital, Heart of Florida in Haines City. We were monitored there twice a week, every week for the duration of the pregnancy. My wife and I would joke that we maybe set the record for most sonograms during a pregnancy. We basically watched our child grow up in the womb. Because of the unknown complications that the cyst might cause, the doctors scheduled a c-section delivery for June 11th of 2004. On the night of June 5th, just 6 days until delivery day, my wife got worried when she noticed she hadn't felt the baby kick in a while. We did all the normal procedures to make the baby active and nothing worked. We went to the hospital and that was when our worst nightmares were confirmed. Less than a week to go and we had lost our child. We delivered on June 8th and the ironic thing is, the cyst ended up being no issue at all really. He had just gotten tangled up in his cord and cut off his air way. We asked the doctor if everything had gone as planned would the cyst have been a problem and she said absolutely not. It was just one of those freak things. We haven't been able to get pregnant since then. Right now we are in the process of adopting a little girl from China. We are in the waiting phase now. In the meantime, if we get pregnant again, thats great too......Ever since that day Disney has played a big role in our recovery process. It's our place where we can get away from everything and be guaranteed of having a good time. As a matter of fact, just today we joined the Disney Vacation Club. It was something we have considered for a while and finally went through with it today. We often bring our nieces, nephews and cousins with us when we visit and they always have a great time. In a small way it is like having our own children there. I just cant wait for the day when we can bring our own children there. I know its coming one day.

My husband and I are also in the very long waiting process of adopting from China. Our log in date is Oct 27, 2006. We live near UCF and just wanted to let you know about a great support group that is in Orange County. They meet the 3rd Monday of every month. I know that it would about an hour from your house, but sometimes it is very helpful to have a group that is going through the same ups and downs that you are going through. What is your log in date?

 

[jjk1107]

Good evening to everyone.

A friend told me about this thread, and I can't be more in awe of every woman and man in here. DH and I got pregnant while we were in Disney for our wedding (the date is listed below). On Valentine's Day, I had a miscarriage.

My question to you all is this - how do you get over it? I have been so overwhelmed with this loss, I haven't had the heart, or the want, to try again. DH would like to wait until next summer to try again, but I don't know if I want to. Or, if I can. How do you learn to go on with your daily life?

I feel so guilty - when we found out we were pregnant, I can say that it wasn't the best time for us. FIL has passed away 1 month before our wedding, we were having to live with MIL to help take care of her - we had just gotten married. DH was the one who took it the hardest. It took me very little time to become excited. We wanted that baby. Granted, it did take DH longer to come around than it did me. I feel like God knew how we, or DH, felt and took my baby from me. Sometimes, I feel that we won't be given another baby because it took us a while to "want" this one.

I just don't know what to do. It is so hard to talk to someone who has never been through this.

Please don't take this the wrong way - I am in no way asking anyone to relive their pain. I feel for everyone here on their journey to becoming parents. I send you all loads of thoughts and prayers that your journey ends soon - with beautiful, healthy children.

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Please do not blame yourself or your husband (or for that matter God) for this happening. What you were feeling is completely normal for a first time parent. I know that it is easier said than done to not blame yourself or God, because I do everyday even though I try not to. When I start feeling that way though I just try to remember that my time will come to be a mother, and yours will to. I have a friend who had a miscarriage and she was able to get pregnant again within 6 months and had a healthy baby girl. Just allow yourself to grieve and talk about how you feel.

 

[Who'syourMickey]

I just read an article that I thought you might be interested in off of the mercola site on a common chemical that they have found to cause reproductive problems.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/a...e-dangers-of-a-chemical-found-in-plastic.aspx

Cinderella Fan

I have had three miscarriages too. My cousin has had very late miscarriages and stillbirths. She had the babies footprint's tatoo'd onto her leg. She is going to tatoo their birthdays on her chest. My dh brought me flowers right after my miscarriages. For our twins he brought me two pink roses in the middle of a dozen red ones. For myself, not so much do I want to remember the dates of our misscarriages since they were early ones but to some women like my cousin, it hurts her when people do not remember the dates. It is estimated that one out of every three pregnancies end in a misscarriage. I always felt that maybe there was a reason that the babies didn't make it, usually some kind of abnormality.
Our first son has Aspergers and he was followed by three misscarriages and it was while we were living in a very toxic unhealthy house (toxic mold). So, I would be looking at environmental reasons to the misscarriages. I recommend to my children that they chelate through the Andy Cutler method of chelation before childbearing, and that is what we are focusing accomplishing as a family. Chelation claws out all of the toxins out of your body. Pregancy dumps toxins from the mom to the fetus. It is one of the best ways to unload a bunch of mercury that is in your body. But we don't want to dump toxins into our babies, and that is why so many women are chelating before getting pregnant. This toxin dump that occurs in pregnancy could be a reason for high levels of autism and miscarriages but your doctor will never tell you that. I would avoid chemicals, eat organically, etc. because of this.
If I had to do it all over again I would get my amalgam fillings removed before childbearing and breastfeeding because they leach mercury into the breastmilk too. So that is how I deal with miscarriage, find the cause, try to prevent future ones, and if it is environmental, isolate and remove the chemicals that are potential hazards.

 

[Cinderella Fan]

Thank you all for your welcome and for allowing me to come here to vent. I try to keep all of the anxiety and pain bottled up inside, mainly because DH has a hard time talking about the baby at all. He deals with it in a way that basically refuses that it even happened. I am not like that.

As for environmental reasons - I am pretty healthy and in shape. I already eat organically, and am very careful with putting things into my body. I don't know why I had a miscarriage, but I don't think it was our home or what I eat. But thank you for the information.

It seems as if a bond has been formed here by the sharing of the grief and pain. Thank you all again. It has helped more than you know just to know that I have someone to talk to that has dealt with this before.

 

[hematite153]

Thank you all for your welcome and for allowing me to come here to vent.
.... It has helped more than you know just to know that I have someone to talk to that has dealt with this before.

Come vent, despair, celebrate, hope, etc. anytime you wish! We look forward to hearing more from you.

 

[Nennie]

Hello Ladies!

I hope everyone is having a great weekend! We are in the process of packing and moving, fun, fun, fun. I've said it before, but this time I really mean it: I'm never moving again!! Ha ha!! It's so time consuming!

In TTC stuff, I have my consult with the new RE on Tuesday. I just picked up a copy of my file from my current RE, and of course decided to read it, and it turned into a little pity party! It doesn't help that tommorrow (August 26th) is the one year anniversary of my son's birth/death. I miss him so much. At least the packing is keeping me busy, and I'm glad his birthday falls on the weekend, rather than having to be at work at that day. Sorry for the "Poor Me" post, just had to get it out!

Cinderella Fan -- Hello and welcome!!! I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. It is such a heartbreaking thing to go through, and people who haven't been there just don't really get it. The reason I say that it is b/c your grief is very normal, and if anyone tells you that "it's time to move on" or any nonsense like that, just ignore them. Take as long as you need to grieve, and know that although it will get better, it never truly goes away. Whether you go on to have no children or 10 children, you will always remember that loss. With all due respect to Who'syourmickey, I don't believe that environmental factors or what you eat has anything to do with any of this. Miscarriages and infertility are hard enough without worrying whether we did anything to bring them on. If I thought I was to blame for the death of my son (or any of my other losses), I wouldn't be able to even get ot of bed in the morning. You did nothing wrong...none of us have done anything wrong. Sending you lots of hugs for what you have been through. I hope you will stay and hang out with us! It's a great group!

jjk -- I absolutely agree with your post on m/c. Best of luck with your adoption!!

Suzanne -- I think you forgot to pick me up!! LOL!! I guess NJ is a little out of the way, huh? I hope you are having a great time at WDW!

Debbie and Hematite -- Are you at WDW, or did Suzanne forget to pick you guys up too? LOL!!!!

 

[hematite153]

We are in the process of packing and moving, fun, fun, fun. I've said it before, but this time I really mean it: I'm never moving again!! Ha ha!! It's so time consuming!

Yuck! I sincerely hope that I never have to move again. You have my deepest sympathies!

In TTC stuff, ... Sorry for the "Poor Me" post, just had to get it out!

You are welcome to post as many "poor me" posts as you wish! We can't take away the pain, but we can listen.

Suzanne -- I think you forgot to pick me up!! LOL!! I guess NJ is a little out of the way, huh? I hope you are having a great time at WDW!

Debbie and Hematite -- Are you at WDW, or did Suzanne forget to pick you guys up too? LOL!!!!

Yes! She definitely seems to have forgotten me! I've been sitting in the driveway with my luggage for days now--it's a good thing I have wireless internet.

Nennie: Are you the person going to POR Sept X-21? (I can't seem to remember who it was.) If so, I'll try to remember to wave when we pass each other in the airport. (I'm heading down Sept 21-28.)

 

[billwendy]

hey everyone!!

i think loss is dealt with in so many ways and at so many different levels. some days or even weeks go by and i am totally fine etc...but then one little hug from my little nephew can send me over the edge into that "dark place" where i feel terrible and just want to cry. my DH doesnt really seem to understand that, but deals in his own way.

We just had 4 of our cousins kids (like neices and nephews) 15,14,5,2 over night at the beach, and just had a great time - if one more person pays my the "compliment" of " you would make such a GREAT mom" i'll just burst!!! i know people mean it in a very complimentary way, but whoo, it can surely cut like a knife....but little tim left me in tears - "im sorry i have to go aunt wendy, thanks for having me" - ugh, thank goodness we are at the beach together next weekend and then at disney for night of joy the following weekend!!!

i dont know, will i ever stop wanting to be a mom?

 

[debbiet1]

I've been sitting here crying for days.. guess she forgot me too.. I dont see the problem Canada is only a little out of the way! lol

I know I shared with you guys about the problems we faced getting pregnant and how after everything it finally happened thats why I say dont give up hope. Well on top of that I've also gone through what you have about a miscarriage. Not many know about it just close family. My dad, DH's parents thats it. The kids dont even know. I had a miscarriage 2 yrs ago. It hit pretty hard so I know how you feel. Great big hugsssssssssssssssssssss!!!

 

[Nennie]

Hello Ladies!

Figured I'd give us a bump, for those of us that aren't at WDW right now (boo!).

So it looks like I'm all geared up for IVF#3 with the new RE! I'll be starting at the end of September, with my ER and ET to take place mid October. Fingers are crossed! Of course the timing couldn't be better, as we get back from WDW on 9/17, and I start lupron on 9/21! It seems I'm always kicking off a new cycle by going to WDW, so this time hopefully I bring home some extra pixie dust!!

Debbie -- I guess Canada and NJ were too much out of the way! Hopefully she'll remember us next time!!

Wendy -- HUGS on the rollercoaster of emotions!! I know how hard it is! Sometimes I love being around children, other times it's just a painful reminder of what I don't have, but so deeply want. Have a great time at the night of joy!!!

Hematite -- I'm not the one at POR, but we are going to miss each other by a couple days! I'll be at BCV 9/14-9/17. We had originally planned a longer trip, but then decided to shorten it for IVF purposes, and b/c we are hoping that if we do get pregnant, that we'll bank our points and splurge on a Grand Villa next year!