Cheerfully child-free. Anyone else?

[LisaZee]

Do I have any pics of Zoe??? Silly girl...

And feel free to visit her mycatspace page: http://www.mycatspace.com/me/LisaZee

 

[goofygirl]

Awwwwww!! She's beautiful. Is she a Maine Coon?

 

[goofygirl]

Ah, I just checked the profile, she's Siberian, goregous!

 

[Mischa]

Zoe is adorable!

We have a main coon (he was sort of a stray my parents adopted and now we have him.) I'm pretty sure he's a main coon mix but I'm not sure. He's over 16 years old now and just as fiesty as a kitten!

Here are a few of him being his cute bad self:

 

[goofygirl]

16?! wow, I wouldnt have guessed it!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww pretty kitties!! I want one so bad!

On the subjact of CCF, is anyone glad they don't have to buy toys this time of year?

 

[LisaZee]

Thanks for the compliments, guys! Of course, I take full credit... Hee hee. Goofygirl, wasn't that website a *gas*?

Mischa, I do think your kitty is at least part maine coon. They are cousins to the Siberian, along with the Norwegian forest cat. (Oh my god, I am a crazy cat lady!) And BTW, I *love* the devil horns!

Yep, I love not having to walk into a Toys R Us in December! I have a godson in Arizona who deserves those devil horns more than any kitty (hee hee) but he is now on a strictly gift card basis with me. Last year I spent hours picking out the "skater" clothes he specifically requested, and he ripped the boxes open and walked away. No more. Never again.

 

[goofygirl]

Oh I buy Xmas toys....cat toys!!

So I was watching this repeat of Dr. Phil and he ticked me off. He had a couple- the man was 48, and she was in her 30's. She wanted a baby, he didn't. He wasn't CF- he already had kids from his first marriage and got snipped. When they married, she said she was sure she didn't want kids, then she turned on him, and now all she thinks about are babies. She even said she thought about cheating on him so she could get pregnant! She kept making all these *I* statements: "I want..., I want....". It was all about her.

I don't understand why he would still want to stay with her. If anyone told me, "I am thinking about cheating on you..." for whatever reason, I'd be out the door!!
He said at 48, he feels too old to have a baby and raise it. She says, "Age is not a reason."

Whaaat??! Sounds like a legit reason to me!


Dr. Phil then goes on to tell how he overheard his wife Robin say she wanted another child, so then he reversed his vasectomy without telling her first. The camera then cut to Robin, who was shedding emotional tears. Looked kind of staged if you ask me!

Umm..you'd think he would have a discussion on this topic with his wife first before taking action. It's ironic that he has a show where he encourages couples to talk about issues and important topics, yet he did not discuss this important topic with his own wife.

It seemed like Dr. Phil was playing the "if you really love your partner, you'll give them a baby" card. He lost a lot of credibility with me.

 

[LisaZee]

I usually love Dr. Phil. "You're fat cuz you wanna be fat" is a favorite phrase around my house... hee hee. I like that he is usually a fan of the whole "you control your life, no one else controls it for you" outlook. I'm not good with people who play the victim and pout that they are stuck in whatever situation they find themselves in.

See, now I am surprised at him! For me, kids has always been what I'd call a "dealbreaker." I don't think that those that don't want them should have them, nor should those that do want them have to give up that dream, either. Religion is something that would also fall into that category for me.

How long had they been married? Was she really young when they did? I can understand that people change their minds. Like I posted earlier, I NEVER heard any kind of biological clock when I met my husband at 22, and never heard any kind of ticking for the past decade, and now I hear something. (Of course, then I hear a small child throwing a tantrum in the grocery store and it promptly passes!) She has every right to want a baby. But he also has every right not to want one. And age is as good enough as a reason as any, to me. Hell, I'm 34 and I can't imagine starting NOW. I could be almost done - I have friends with teenagers. A baby, now? I can't fathom starting in another 14 years that the guy on the program.

The only way that marriage will work is if whoever "gives in" can go through the rest of his/her life not resenting the other person that they "let win". And it doesn't sound like she could do that. Soooo... as much as I believe in "til death", I don't think there's any hope for that relationship. So shame on Dr. Phil for suggesting that someone give up their personal happiness for someone who obviously is flippant with their love and wedding vows.

What would I do if DH wanted a baby tomorrow? I just don't know... FWIW, he told me that if I ever changed my mind and if it was that important to me, he'd want me to have a baby and we'd do it. But he is a much better person, more forgiving and more accepting, than I will ever be. Seriously. He doesn't have a resentful or begrudging bone in his body. I don't know if I could do it... I love him so much, and I will give of myself to him, but I don't know if I'd want to mess up someone's life who didn't ask to be born. And with my "written all over my face" emotions, I don't know if the kid wouldn't know I wasn't sure I wanted it to be born either...

 

[goofygirl]

If memory serves, I think they were married 5 years- she was 30 or so when they married and she's 35-38 now.


What you said is very logical.

You said a dealbreaker with you is religion- how do you mean? Does this mean your partner must be the same religion as you, or does it mean he must not practice any religion (I don't know what your beliefs are- or aren't).

That's not so much a dealbreaker with me- a potential mate can be religious or nonreligious as long as he is not extreme about it. I wouldn't require him to join my church, but he'd haveto be ok with me going.

 

[LisaZee]

I guess religion would be a dealbreaker if the 2 parties involved practiced non-compatible faiths. "If my religion is right, yours has to be wrong", etc. Or if children were involved and both parents could not compromise on how to raise the child. I think everyone has the right to practice what they believe, without the influence of others. No one should feel that they have to convert to be with someone else. Just like you can't have a baby and not have a baby at the same time, you can't be devoutly Jewish and devoutly Catholic at the same time (just using those 2 as an example). Did I make sense?

Wow, we are getting pretty heavy for a Friday night, huh? Someone tell a joke or something, quick!

 

[Aunt Michelle]

I guess religion would be a dealbreaker if the 2 parties involved practiced non-compatible faiths. "If my religion is right, yours has to be wrong", etc. Or if children were involved and both parents could not compromise on how to raise the child. I think everyone has the right to practice what they believe, without the influence of others. No one should feel that they have to convert to be with someone else. Just like you can't have a baby and not have a baby at the same time, you can't be devoutly Jewish and devoutly Catholic at the same time (just using those 2 as an example). Did I make sense?

Wow, we are getting pretty heavy for a Friday night, huh? Someone tell a joke or something, quick!

Let me apologize first! You asked for a joke to lighten the mood... but I have just got to get this story out. It looks like you have a kitty called Zoe as I have. Let me tell you about my week!
I took my Zoe (that's her reading) to the vet Monday morning to have a tooth pulled. Simple, routine, right? The vet called me an hour later to say that they had given my sweet kitty a "large dog's dose of anesthesia" - enough to kill an 11 pound kitty! Apparently they realized it soon after it happened, called the manufacturer (of course by now I am in tears on the phone with the vet) because a dose that large will cause KIDNEY FAILURE among other things. To make a long story short (I know.. too late) - they put her on an IV drip to flush her system. She's been on the drip all week. I went to visit once brought her a tee-shirt of mine and her little stuffed bear - but I just couldn't bear how she looked at me when I left (like "how could you abandon me in this cage with a needle stuck in my paw!). Good news - the vet called tonight and said they did bloodwork and everything is back to normal levels and after another 24 hours I can bring her home, still with the bad tooth of course!
Libby, my other sweetie, has been absolutely lost. She has stuck to me like glue and cries for Zoe. <sigh>
Ok, thank you, thank you, for your indulgence. Sorry to be off-topic and I don't know any good jokes!

 

[LisaZee]

Michelle!

You must have been out of your mind! I would have been hysterical, for sure. I can imagine what it took to leave her at the vet - they just break your heart, can't they? All my Zoe has to do is sit in front of the door defiantly in the morning before I go to work and I lose it. How do people with kids do it? And *sick* kids, to boot!

I am so glad your Zoe is going to be ok. "Kidney failure" are two very scary words. Your baby must be a fighter!

We had an FIP scare a few months ago - Zoe had a 106 degree fever and lost 1.5 lbs in a week. The ER vet said FIP, which is 100% fatal. I left work early, went to my mom's, and cried for hours. I especially lost it when mom said to go home and start taking lots of pictures. We took her to our regular vet, who thinks the diagnosis was wrong (vets tend to diagnose FIP when they have no good answers.) It has been a few months and she is symptom-free, after responding to short term steriods. So I know how you must have felt, thinking you were going to lose her. I'm so sorry you went through that.

Won't your Libby be happy this weekend when her "sissy" comes home!!!!

 

[2bemarried]

Childfree related news story

http://www.local6.com/family/13614007/detail.html

Hi all....I just found this thread and have surfed several pages (but not all). Goofygirl thanks so much for posting this link.

I'll admit that we're not child-free by choice. DH and I have been through two years of unsuccessful infertility treatments. We're done trying and we've decided that if we end of up child-free we'll be OK with it. Heck..we'll be more than okay. No daycare payments, no school fees and all that extra stuff.

I'm an only child so I've been more concerned about giving my parents grandchildren than having one for myself. I love babies but I do love giving them back DH is only mildly a kid person.

That link and this thread really helps to confirm that I'm not in this alone and that I don't need to have kids for them.

 

[LisaZee]

I love babies but I do love giving them back

Kristy, I hope you don't mind if I steal this line! Too fabulous!

I must be getting old. I was at my mom's surprise 60th bday party today, and NO ONE asked me or the spouse about kids. I have to say, it was nice not getting defensive in a social situation, for once!

 

[goofygirl]

Wow Michelle, if a vet did that to my cat I'll go out of my mind and I'd come pretty close to killing him! Glad your cat is better.

Kristy, I am on only child too, don't worry about giving your parents grandchildren. If grandparenthood is not in the cards, they will just have to deal with it.

 

[MouseJunkie]

Me me me!


I am 37, and have been declaring my childfreedom since about 15 yrs of age. Of course, I was told by many that I'd change my mind later- but the joke's on them

Yeah, me too except I'm 34. I've been saying I'm not having kids for as long as I can remember. They always say I'll change my mind too. I haven't yet and don't plan to!

I like being able to spend money on taking me on vacation. My kid is furry and that's how it's going to stay.

My brother married a girl who has a kid. So, I tell my parents they can give up on me now because they've got grandkids. It isn't going to happen here. I tell them to enjoy their granddog.

 

[Hixski]

I am 48 now so most people (especially the parents) have given up on us having kids. We were fence sitters and fate (nothing every happened) decided for us. I guess we did not want kids too bad because we never did everything possible to get them. We would have been better off declaring right off the bat we were never having kids because we had to listen to a lot when nothing ever happened. At that point you just start getting mad at people for butting in when they should be MYOB.

I KNOW I could not handle a small child at my age now!!!!

 

[Aunt Michelle]

Wow Michelle, if a vet did that to my cat I'll go out of my mind and I'd come pretty close to killing him! Glad your cat is better.

A friend of my mom's told her that I am lucky. She said the vet could have just let her die and told me she died during the procedure. I am grateful that they took care of her. She's home and seems ok, a little quiet. I'll take her in for a checkup later this week.

Now - the on topic stuff about me (in case you're wondering why I was reading this thread to begin with ). No kids! I am the oldest of three girls, coming up on 40 in April. Between them my sisters have 8 children under the age of 10, hence my screen name. My parents aren't lacking for grandchildren, and my sisters have repopulated for them and me! I do buy lots of Christmas gifts though - I have 7 nieces who love dresses and I have so much fun shopping for them. I look at it like this - I buy for the kids because I want to, not because they are mine and I have to. I am horrible sometimes, yesterday we decorated cookies and I got the four older of one sister singing caroles at the top of their lungs and laughing uncontrollably... then I left
Glad I found this thread.

 

[2bemarried]

Kristy, I hope you don't mind if I steal this line! Too fabulous!

I don't mind a bit

Kristy, I am on only child too, don't worry about giving your parents grandchildren. If grandparenthood is not in the cards, they will just have to deal with it.

Thanks goofygirl. I think my mom will be okay with it but my dad will be bummed. He loves kids. Thankfully most of my cousins have reproduced and he gets to spoil their kids.

I like being able to spend money on taking me on vacation. My kid is furry and that's how it's going to stay.

I'm already planning ways that I convince DH to buy DVC I've also been coming up with remodeling ideas for my scrapbook room

Now - the on topic stuff about me (in case you're wondering why I was reading this thread to begin with ). No kids! I am the oldest of three girls, coming up on 40 in April. Between them my sisters have 8 children under the age of 10, hence my screen name. My parents aren't lacking for grandchildren, and my sisters have repopulated for them and me! I do buy lots of Christmas gifts though - I have 7 nieces who love dresses and I have so much fun shopping for them. I look at it like this - I buy for the kids because I want to, not because they are mine and I have to. I am horrible sometimes, yesterday we decorated cookies and I got the four older of one sister singing caroles at the top of their lungs and laughing uncontrollably... then I left

That sounds like something I would do!!!

The idea of saving 12K a YEAR on daycare fees thrills me to pieces. Do you know how much scrapbooking stuff I could buy with that? Not to mention the theatre room my husband wants to build.