Cheerfully child-free. Anyone else?

[eclectics]

How about something to lighten the mood?

This exchange is from Little House on the Prairie, Season 9, episode "Hello and Goodbye." Almanzo is asking Mr. Montague about marriage and children.

Almonzo: Why didn't you ever marry?

Mr. M.: I never had the desire.

Almonzo: Oh. You never wanted a family?

Mr. M.: I don't like other people's children, I don't see why I'd like my own any better. *all said in a deadpan way*

I'm sorry, but every time I see this episode I am totally

I loved Mr. Montague and his deadpan!


Nancy: Everyone hates me!

Nancy (to Mr. Montague, who just met her): You hate me too don't you?!!

Mr. Montague: Not yet, but I probably will.

 

[chobie]

With that, I will unsubscribe to this thread and leave you childfree folks to your cheerful thread . I'll see most of you around the parenting threads !

That's the truth. Yes there are a lot threads for people with children AND there are a lot of threads complaining about children and bashing parents that many of the posters on this thread have/ will post on.

And since all the child-free people who feel compelled to give parenting advice because "they were once children" well all of us parents were once child free.

 

[RC Fan]

That's the truth. Yes there are a lot threads for people with children AND there are a lot of threads complaining about children and bashing parents that many of the posters on this thread have/ will post on.

And since all the child-free people who feel compelled to give parenting advice because "they were once children" well all of us parents were once child free.

I started the thread because I thought it would be interesting to hear the point of view of others who had chosen to be child-free. I did not start the thread so it could turn out to be an 'us vs them' thread. I did not stipulate what type of replies would be acceptable, nor did I desire to categorize people into any sort of group. Certainly at no point did I say that the replies or advice of those with children would be unwelcome or unwanted. I certainly cannot ascertain the value of a complete strangers advice, and neither can you. I can only take it at face value, which is how I would wish others to take any advice I might give. After all, good advice is good advice, regardless of the source.

I have enjoyed the thread, and if anyone wishes to continue the conversation in a pleasant manner, that would be great.

 

[Hixski]

That's the truth. Yes there are a lot threads for people with children AND there are a lot of threads complaining about children and bashing parents that many of the posters on this thread have/ will post on.

And since all the child-free people who feel compelled to give parenting advice because "they were once children" well all of us parents were once child free.

Well, I for one have never posted on the familes board. Why would I? I don't have children. I don't feel compelled to give parenting advice. What exactly is it you are trying to say to us. Are the childfree not supposed to talk with each other. I don't lurk on the familes board so what kind of bashing are the childfree doing over there?

 

[plgrn]

This is such a touchy subject. People in general can be too thin-skinned I think.

guess you would categorize me as a fence sitter since I'm not ready to burn the bridge completely by getting my tubes tied. Don't want any kids right now though, and am loving having DH to myself these past 4 years. Cheerfully "childless" and plan on being that way for a while...maybe forever.

 

[hiwaygal]

This is such a touchy subject. People in general can be too thin-skinned I think.

guess you would categorize me as a fence sitter since I'm not ready to burn the bridge completely by getting my tubes tied. Don't want any kids right now though, and am loving having DH to myself these past 4 years. Cheerfully "childless" and plan on being that way for a while...maybe forever.

me too...(especially the bold stuff)

 

[chobie]

Well, I for one have never posted on the familes board. Why would I? I don't have children. I don't feel compelled to give parenting advice. What exactly is it you are trying to say to us. Are the childfree not supposed to talk with each other. I don't lurk on the familes board so what kind of bashing are the childfree doing over there?

There are plenty of parenting threads on the Community Board that many of the child-free posters on this thread have put their two-cents into. That's all I'm saying.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Robin - I think what others are saying is that truly living childfree is a commitment to that lifestyle. So yes, I know of two couples who had an oops pregnancy (one was told they would never concieve, one had a tubal and still got pregnant), and decided to abort.

Whereas you can be happily childless and one day pregnant and be happy about the situation - for the cheerfully childfree it would be like being sentenced to life in prison without parole. Or at least thats how I view parenthood. Like jail.

I would never get to sleep 20 hours a day if I wanted, could never make love all over the house, spend a whole day eating nothing but ice cream, go to all the theater/opera/ballet, or stay out until 4:00am drinking and dancing. Nope, my life would be run by a warden who was two feet tall and demanding.

Glad your life is still "happy".

 

[maddhatir]

And since all the child-free people who feel compelled to give parenting advice because "they were once children" well all of us parents were once child free.

Wheneven I say I dont like kids- my mother will say to me "you were a kid once" - yeah- but that was YOUR choice not mine!

OK then.......Soooo.......tomorrow is Friday! YAY........

 

[lucas]

Dh and I are happily in the child-free clique.

 

[Aidensmom]

Robin - I think what others are saying is that truly living childfree is a commitment to that lifestyle. So yes, I know of two couples who had an oops pregnancy (one was told they would never concieve, one had a tubal and still got pregnant), and decided to abort.

Whereas you can be happily childless and one day pregnant and be happy about the situation - for the cheerfully childfree it would be like being sentenced to life in prison without parole. Or at least thats how I view parenthood. Like jail.

I would never get to sleep 20 hours a day if I wanted, could never make love all over the house, spend a whole day eating nothing but ice cream, go to all the theater/opera/ballet, or stay out until 4:00am drinking and dancing. Nope, my life would be run by a warden who was two feet tall and demanding.

Glad your life is still "happy".

Thank you for clarifying, I guess I misinterpreted. I thought it meant not having children, nor any plans to have them. I didn't realize the qualification that if an oops happened (despite using very effective birth control), that you couldn't keep the child. I am sorry for intruding on this thread, I didn't mean to cause a problem.

 

[KristaTX]

Whereas you can be happily childless and one day pregnant and be happy about the situation - for the cheerfully childfree it would be like being sentenced to life in prison without parole.

I'm cheerfully without children, but if I got pregnant I would do my best to not see it as a prison even though I think having a child doesn't sound like fun now. I hope I would make the best of the situation and see it as just how things happened for me.

I just wanted to say that so that everyone reading this thread does not think we all don't want children so much that we would abort if we did get pregnant. I don't even like using the term "child-free", because so many people who proudly proclaim it are overly zealous about it. I visited that No Kidding site a few months ago, and I found some of the stuff a little over the top for me. I don't really want kids, but I'm not going to go march in the "Child-free and proud of it" parade (if indeed such a thing exists).

We are all different. Those with kids are different from each other, and those without kids are different from each other.

 

[RC Fan]

Here is my take on the whole 'fencesitter' issue:

I have thought a great deal about whether or not I would like to have a child, and I have always come to the conclusion that I emphatically do not want to have a child. However, were I to find myself with child, it is difficult to know what choice I would make. While I agree that the option of abortion should be open to all women, I am not sure that I could live with the consequences. While I think it is great that women can decide to put a child up for adoption should they for some reason be unable to properly provide for a child, would my child be properly cared for and loved by the adoptive parents? I know I would always wonder if the child was OK. So, does my inability to know what I would do should I find myself with child make me a fencesitter? I say no. I think it is impossible to know what you would do in a certain situation unless you are in that situation.

Some have spoken of taking extra precautions. Yes, I could get my tubes tied. However, I am reluctant to undergo surgery unless it is absolutely necessary. As a surgeon recently told me, all surgery involves risk. Would it still be worth if my bowels were nicked during the surgery? The surgeon also told me I would still have to take BC, as the surgery of course is not always successful. I guess what I am trying to say is there are no guarantees.

 

[Tarheel Tink]

DH and I have been married for 26 years and never wanted children. I am happy for those who do and are able to have them- way to keep the planet populated!

I never have had any urges at all to have a child and like others never wanted to hold, cuddle, coo, etc. any baby. I find my friends' children pretty fascinating for short periods of time and admire the parent's 24/7 work. I wish more parents accepted the responsibilty they took on and really parented them but since I didn't want to dip my toe in that particular gene pool I try to not judge.(boy, hard to do...)

So many of you seem to have felt the same way at a young age like I did- I never got a Barbie, had to get Skipper (Barbie's little sister) because my father thought Barbie was "too mature looking" i.e. breasts, LOL! I ended up breaking Skipper's legs off when I forced her on one of my numerous horse statues! I did have a ton of stuffed animals and have always had dogs (show, breed, field trial, judge, obedience,etc.).

We love the freedom that others mentioned- sleeping in, go somewhere at the drop of a hat, disposable income, theater and concerts, etc. We really love our lives and have never regretted our decision in any way- no family member has ever said anything to us (to our faces) about it because, well, I would not suffer silently and they know it!

Child-free and DVC (let me write a rap for that!)

 

[goofygirl]

I visited that No Kidding site a few months ago, and I found some of the stuff a little over the top for me. I don't really want kids, but I'm not going to go march in the "Child-free and proud of it" parade (if indeed such a thing exists).

I just wanted to share my personal experience as a member of NK and an attendee to NK conventions:

NK is all about having fun- not parading and not recruiting. At the Nk convention I went to we were all about FUN- sightseeing, dining and socializing. We are a *social* group, not a *political* group. NK exists because often childfree people feel alone , it is common for a NK member to be the only CF person among their friends and family, and so NK gives them an opportunity to meet people just like them. Its human nature to want to bond with people like yourself.

 

[goofygirl]

You are correct about other options for an unwanted pregnancy and permanent birth control solutions. However, I have to disagree about your assessment of "fencesitters" and their ability to prevent pregnancy v/s "the childfree". Stuff happens. Unless you or your partner has permanent BC you run the risk of an unintended pregnancy. Please do not look down your nose at previously childfree or childless people whose birth control failed.

I can only speak for myself, but in the almost 30 years I have been sexually active the only time that I was not vigilant was when I wanted to become pregnant. I managed to prevent pregnancy just fine for the other 28 years of being childfree, then a "fencesitter" and now a parent.

With that, I will unsubscribe to this thread and leave you childfree folks to your cheerful thread . I'll see most of you around the parenting threads !

I do not understand why you'd have a problem with being called a "fencesitter" since you just said after 28 yrs that you *wanted* to get pregnant (therefore you were not 100% opposed to having children in your future).

Sorry, but if you are trying to get pregnant, you are not, nor have you ever been, committed to living childfree by choice.

"Stuff may happen" to some people, parenthood may "sneak up" (your words) on some people- BUT I will not ever, ever be one of those people. I know myself well enough to know this.

 

[goofygirl]

There are plenty of parenting threads on the Community Board that many of the child-free posters on this thread have put their two-cents into. That's all I'm saying.

There's plenty of parenting threads on the CB that the CF do *not* comment on as well.

Take the post about "I Hate Being Pregnant- am I Evil?"- I mean, there's a *lot* I could have said, and believe me, I would have been flamed- but I did not post there at all. I have, however, lurked there for entertainment/curiousity reasons. Same goes for a lot of the parenting topics.

 

[goofygirl]

but she may have reasons that she can't use hormonal birth control (family history, smoking, etc.).

Smoking. Ah, yes I just looove when people use *smoking* as an excuse not to take BCPs. I mean, how about, gee I dunno- *QUITTING SMOKING" instead of using it as an excuse not to take BCPs??

Yes BC is not 100%, but the rate of so-called "accidents" far exceeds the rate of what the birth control manufactuers predict. Why? Because people are not using the bc properly.

There are legitimate cases of "Fertile Myrtles"- women who are so fertile that NO birth control works, and even 2 methods do not work on them- but these people are few and far between and do not account for the large number of "accidents" you hear about.

 

[HollisterSweetie]

I do not understand why you'd have a problem with being called a "fencesitter" since you just said after 28 yrs that you *wanted* to get pregnant (therefore you were not 100% opposed to having children in your future).

Sorry, but if you are trying to get pregnant, you are not, nor have you ever been, committed to living childfree by choice.

"Stuff may happen" to some people, parenthood may "sneak up" (your words) on some people- BUT I will not ever, ever be one of those people. I know myself well enough to know this.

Are you kidding me?? You couldn't possibly "know yourself well enough" so that your not going to get pregnant. The only way for you to be 100% positive that your going to stay "cheerfully childless" for the rest of your life is to not be sexually active. I hope you never "accidentally" get pregnant because I couldn't help but pity the poor child.

On a side note, I couldn't help but read this thread when I saw the title. Once DBF and I are married and out of med school we definately DO want children. Thought i'd throw that in so I wasn't mixed in with the "cheerfully childfree"

 

[grlpwrd]

Wow, some sure don't seem very cheerful and seem to be consumed with thoughts of children and pregnancy.

carry on lol