Cheating friend - WWYD?

[bumblebee]

This is my sister's friend. I don't know any of the people involved. This situation has been bothering me since she told me about it and I'd like to hear your opinions on this.

You have a friend, let's call him "Bob". Bob has a girlfriend "Susie". Bob cheats on Susie multiple times with various partners while they are together. Susie doesn't know. After they've been together for a while, Bob and Susie decide to get married. Bob continues to cheat on his soon to be wife, Susie. Then Susie finds out she's pregnant. He decides to stop cheating because of this.

After you question him about it, he tells you he isn't going to tell Susie about his cheating because "she is emotional and dealing with a lot because of her pregnancy", he "hasn't cheated in 6 months", and he "doesn't want to ruin their 'happy family'".

I told my sister that she needs to push him to tell Susie or tell Susie herself (If I put myself in Susie's shoes, I would want to know.), but she doesn't feel like it's her business to tell and feels that it should come from him.

What would you do?

 

[RadioNate]

I have told. And I wish I was told when it was happening to me.

It will be devastating for Susie. Hopefully they did STD testing as part of her pregnancy screenings because there could be trouble for the baby if she is carrying something from his activities.

 

[Robinrs]

This is sister's my friend. I don't know any of the people involved. This situation has been bothering me since she told me about it and I'd like to hear your opinions on this.

You have a friend, let's call him "Bob". Bob has a girlfriend "Susie". Bob cheats on Susie multiple times with various partners while they are together. Susie doesn't know. After they've been together for a while, Bob and Susie decide to get married. Bob continues to cheat on his soon to be wife, Susie. Then Susie finds out she's pregnant. He decides to stop cheating because of this.

After you question him about it, he tells you he isn't going to tell Susie about his cheating because "she is emotional and dealing with a lot because of her pregnancy", he "hasn't cheated in 6 months", and he "doesn't want to ruin their 'happy family'".

I told my sister that she needs to push him to tell Susie or tell Susie herself (If I put myself in Susie's shoes, I would want to know.), but she doesn't feel like it's her business to tell and feels that it should come from him.

What would you do?

???

Like he was REALLY gonna tell her. Yeah RIGHT.

She should stay out of it and he needs to keep his mouth shut. He's made her an accessory to his lifestyle.

"Susie" will find out on her own time. He will NOT volunteer this information no matter how many lies he tells your sister. Let them live their lives. Crap like that always comes to the light eventually.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I would mind my own business and ask them to keep me out of it.

 

[disneyfreakk]

I would not tell if Bob was my friend. I believe you should always have your friends back, good or bad.

 

[FredinFL]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The one who let's them self get stuck in the middle is the one that gets crapped on. Tell her to drop this jerk and have nothing more to do with him. Do not get involved.

 

[lillygator]

I would stay out of it. Chances are she already knows.

 

[katesorad]

I'm not saying it's the RIGHT thing to do, but I would tell. I couldn't watch her sit there being lied to.. I'm not sure what the right thing to do in this situation is. I think a lot of people will say to keep yourself out of the situation. But could everyone really do that? I don't think so. I sure couldn't. If it was me, I would feel even more betrayed if people knew and didn't tell me.

 

[The_Alice]

My DH was in the same predicament as your sister due to a bachelor party. Then he told me about it and made me swear I wouldn't tell the wife since we hung out occasionally as couples. Sometimes oversharing is not a good idea.

Honestly, I agree with the others the less involved you or your sister are in breaking this woman's heart the better. The messenger often ends up getting the blast versus the guilty party.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I'm not saying it's the RIGHT thing to do, but I would tell. I couldn't watch her sit there being lied to.. I'm not sure what the right thing to do in this situation is. I think a lot of people will say to keep yourself out of the situation. But could everyone really do that? I don't think so. I sure couldn't. If it was me, I would feel even more betrayed if people knew and didn't tell me.

If it was my sister being cheated on and I had proof my BIL was doing the cheating, then I might (and I said might) say something to her. And even then, I'm still not sure that I would get involved at all because...

It's

none

of

my

business.

I swear I just don't get why people have such a hard time figuring out what is their business and what's not their business. If it doesn't directly have a detrimental affect (and I'm not talking about "Oh, it bothers me") on your kids, your husband or yourself, then butt out.

Friend Bob is cheating you out of money. Your business.
Friend Bob is beating up your kids. Your business.
Friend Bob is cheating on his wife. None of your business.

 

[Robinrs]

I'm not saying it's the RIGHT thing to do, but I would tell. I couldn't watch her sit there being lied to.. I'm not sure what the right thing to do in this situation is. I think a lot of people will say to keep yourself out of the situation. But could everyone really do that? I don't think so. I sure couldn't. If it was me, I would feel even more betrayed if people knew and didn't tell me.

I used to tell when I was your age, too. I found out that they would get madder at me than at him. Years later they find out on their own, it always comes to the light. It's not your concern, it's theirs. They just end up resenting you.. the Oh NO not My baby syndrome.

Stay out of it. All relationships run their course.

 

[Jennasis]

Normally I'd say to stay out of it, but I would be SO concerned about STD's. She should know and get herself tested.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This is my sister's friend. I don't know any of the people involved. This situation has been bothering me since she told me about it and I'd like to hear your opinions on this.

You have a friend, let's call him "Bob". Bob has a girlfriend "Susie". Bob cheats on Susie multiple times with various partners while they are together. Susie doesn't know. After they've been together for a while, Bob and Susie decide to get married. Bob continues to cheat on his soon to be wife, Susie. Then Susie finds out she's pregnant. He decides to stop cheating because of this.

After you question him about it, he tells you he isn't going to tell Susie about his cheating because "she is emotional and dealing with a lot because of her pregnancy", he "hasn't cheated in 6 months", and he "doesn't want to ruin their 'happy family'".

I told my sister that she needs to push him to tell Susie or tell Susie herself (If I put myself in Susie's shoes, I would want to know.), but she doesn't feel like it's her business to tell and feels that it should come from him.

What would you do?

I would MIND MY OWN BUSINESS!!!!

It is up to the Bob to tell Susie. I make it a policy to stay out of people's bedroom's.

My younger self might have blabbed. My older self knows you damn well keep your mouth shut UNLESS asked. I would be truthful if my friend asked me.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It is THEIR business...

You can't control or change other people's attitudes and actions.
But, you can, and should, control your own.

Your decision should be limited to whether you continue to be such 'friends' with this type of person.

You've known and enabled this for a long time now.
You really have no right to suddenly speak up and make any demands.

 

[Wishing on a star]

PS: I wouldn't use any possible STD's as a justification to open my mouth.

These days, any doctor who wants to keep his license to practice medicine and who follows 'protocol' will have already tested for any STD's that could be a problem for the unborn baby.

 

[Jennasis]

PS: I wouldn't use any possible STD's as a justification to open my mouth.

These days, any doctor who wants to keep his license to practice medicine and who follows 'protocol' will have already tested for any STD's that could be a problem for the unborn baby.

I am unfamiliar with prenatal protocol, having no kids of my own. It's reassuring to know they do test...or should. Do they usually test for everything?

 

[Christine]

Stay out of it.

Also, there's mixed evidence that confessing your sins regarding cheating accomplishes anything.

Surely, if caught, the cheater should come clean. But if he's stopped cheating, what purpose does it serve to tell Susie at this point. I realize she could have STDs so there's that, but emotionally it will do nothing for that relationship.

I think if Bob tells or you tell, be prepared for that relationship to end (which it probably should) or for Susie to live in distrust and anger in the relationship.

 

[bumblebee]

It is THEIR business...

You can't control or change other people's attitudes and actions.
But, you can, and should, control your own.

Your decision should be limited to whether you continue to be such 'friends' with this type of person.

You've known and enabled this for a long time now.
You really have no right to suddenly speak up and make any demands.

Those involved aren't my friends. I don't know them nor have I ever met them before. It's my sister's friends.

She brought it up to me one day and I suggested that she tell Susie. She had no intention of telling her then and she still is not planning on saying anything. She feels it's their business.

I posted this to see what others would do in her situation.

Like I said, if these were my friends I would have felt conflicted as to what to do.

 

[Andtototoo]

I'll be honest. I would have already dropped Bob as a friend like the STD-bearing pustule he is.

Aside from other issues, a guy who has no hesitation in repeatedly cheating on someone, including someone to whom he made vows would obviously have no hesitation in screwing over a friend either. He's not good friend material.

ETA: I had a friend who was in the wife's position. She wished someone had told her.

 

[cm8]

I'll be honest. I would have already dropped Bob as a friend like the STD-bearing pustule he is.

Aside from other issues, a guy who has no hesitation in repeatedly cheating on someone, including someone to whom he made vows would obviously have no hesitation in screwing over a friend either. He's not good friend material.

ETA: I had a friend who was in the wife's position. She wished someone had told her.

To tell or not to tell that is the question. I would have to say that I would most likely tell. Friends are friends for a reason. Having someones back comes into play here. She could be emotionally damaged if she contracts something from him. Not all Doctors TEST married people and basic test for sti's are conducted based on risk factors. Since she has a cheating /husband, she needs the complete workup. She has a right to know. Whether or not your sister should be the one is up to her. She is the one that will have to live with losing a friend, or saving a life