Cash wedding presents vs. honeymoon fund?

[Patience]

My oldest daughter married this past November. She and her husband had a gift registry at Target and at BB&B but no honeymoon registry. They received almost everything on their registries but also received a lot of gift cards and cash/checks. The physical gifts were given mostly before the wedding. I know they opened some of the envelopes given at the wedding on their wedding night and took some cash with them on their honeymoon for extras like resort excursions. Their honeymoon had been booked and paid for well before the wedding. I'm old school and would have been embarrassed if they had a honeymoon registry, to be honest, but I mostly wonder why anyone would pay fees to use a honeymoon fund? Cash or checks don't require a fee and the couple receives all of the money given instead of just a portion of it.

 

[mjkacmom]

Totally off topic of the thread, I bought a Roomba before the holidays and omg I don’t regret spending an absolutely obscene amount of money on a “vacuum” at all! I love that I have to do nothing of course lol, but it’s actually a good vacuum. I mean, my dog and I both shed a lot, but I have no idea where it keeps finding so much fur, hair, and dust!! I’m afraid it’s going to get fed up and launch itself down the stairs but I’m not sure how I got by without it!

I’m on my second, both were Christmas gifts, run it every day.

 

[nkereina]

I mostly wonder why anyone would pay fees to use a honeymoon fund?

I reckon most guests don't even realize the honeymoon registry web site takes a cut before turning the remaining funds over to the couple. A lot of the web sites are set up in such a way that it appears you are purchasing a snorkeling excursion for the couple (for example), but really your $100 (or however much) is just sent over to the couple less the % fee in a lump sum payment. I believe the couple can see what you chose for them, but in reality, they are just getting the money.

I think the bigger question is why a couple would choose to use these web sites. I'm not against them, but if you're looking for money towards your honeymoon because you don't need household items, perhaps a more effective option is to not have a registry at all. I would assume many people would just give cash since people wouldn't know what the heck else to buy.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I reckon most guests don't even realize the honeymoon registry web site takes a cut before turning the remaining funds over to the couple. A lot of the web sites are set up in such a way that it appears you are purchasing a snorkeling excursion for the couple (for example), but really your $100 (or however much) is just sent over to the couple less the % fee in a lump sum payment. I believe the couple can see what you chose for them, but in reality, they are just getting the money.

I think the bigger question is why a couple would choose to use these web sites. I'm not against them, but if you're looking for money towards your honeymoon because you don't need household items, perhaps a more effective option is to not have a registry at all. I would assume many people would just give cash since people wouldn't know what the heck else to buy.

In my area or circles or whatever cash as a wedding gift just isn’t done. Maybe the parents of the B&G give a check or grandparents if they’re still around but not other guests. If you don’t register they will just pick out something typical to a registry like a kitchen aid or china or whatever. They won’t give cash/check in the absence of a registry.

I think people do the funds specifically because people “like to know where their money is going.” Even if the company just cuts a check I think couples often pick excursions they want to do. So while your $100 may not be the specific $100 for the snorkeling vs scenic boat ride, it’s still going to the excursions shown. Obviously there are some exceptions where people just take the cash for whatever, but typically it’s a way to share experiences with guests.

 

[HopperFan]

In my area or circles or whatever cash as a wedding gift just isn’t done. Maybe the parents of the B&G give a check or grandparents if they’re still around but not other guests. If you don’t register they will just pick out something typical to a registry like a kitchen aid or china or whatever. They won’t give cash/check in the absence of a registry.

^^And herein lies the answer ...

Every region, every culture, every age group etc does gifts differently!

Some only physical gifts
Some only cash
Some cash gifts are modest
Some cash gifts are HUGE
Some find registry helpful
Some find it asking for money
Some ship to couple in advance
Some bring to the wedding

Just like ceremonies and receptions are all different ...
When I moved to the south I went to my first punch & cookie reception
When we got married many guests were shocked there was a buffet and bar

Some things have changed over the years
but I think the basics have remained for each group of people.
While there is no actual right or wrong,
there are expectations when in the context of each group.

I did some things at my wedding that were gasp worthy,
but nothing that put a guest on the spot.
I'm at the point that I go to few weddings for multiple reasons,
but if I go I will continue to do gift cards for the couple to use however.

* And good luck to the couples that come from two different wedding style backgrounds. Been to a few, and sometimes it is quite obvious there are two teams of people that don't mesh, and two points of view of what is appropriate and not.

 

[QueenIsabella]

In my area or circles or whatever cash as a wedding gift just isn’t done. Maybe the parents of the B&G give a check or grandparents if they’re still around but not other guests. If you don’t register they will just pick out something typical to a registry like a kitchen aid or china or whatever. They won’t give cash/check in the absence of a registry.

I think people do the funds specifically because people “like to know where their money is going.” Even if the company just cuts a check I think couples often pick excursions they want to do. So while your $100 may not be the specific $100 for the snorkeling vs scenic boat ride, it’s still going to the excursions shown. Obviously there are some exceptions where people just take the cash for whatever, but typically it’s a way to share experiences with guests.

I do this so much of this is regional/cultural/etc. I got married 32 years ago--my BFF got married 3 weeks after I did. At her reception, she did the Polish tradition of collecting money from men to dance with her--she even had a special little satin bag for the money to go in. I thought it was tack-o-rama! Logically, I recognize that it was a Polish tradition, and it's meant to give the wedding couple a little something extra. It still was cringe-worthy to me. And she's about as non gift-grabby as you can get.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

In my area or circles or whatever cash as a wedding gift just isn’t done. Maybe the parents of the B&G give a check or grandparents if they’re still around but not other guests. If you don’t register they will just pick out something typical to a registry like a kitchen aid or china or whatever. They won’t give cash/check in the absence of a registry.

Yeah I haven't been to a wedding yet that didn't have a gift registry. Even my sister-in-law had one it was just a pared down one (mostly for the groom's family benefit who lived out of town) from Wal-Mart (where they shopped a lot). We ended up giving restuarant gift cards because we knew they would really appreciate that from us in particular. People do get cash for weddings (often those closer to the couple) but they also get actual gifts.

But the gift registries I've seen have a wide variety of things from what you may expect the couple to ask for to things you may not expect and I've honestly never thought "oh that's a need" "ohhhhh that's a want" I just perused the registry and got something that was within my budget and what I thought the couple would appreciate.

I don't think people would assume to exclusively give cash if there wasn't a registry included (though I could be wrong) not unless the couple made notation of it somewhere somehow what they were looking for (which of course given this thread would leave some people thinking they were tacky to mention anything related to what they want).

It's not totally the same thing but we went to a baby shower last year where instead of cards they requested (via the shower invite) no cards and instead books. Without that notation people would have given cards.

 

[skyblue17]

Here's another reason I like the honeymoon registry. MY thing is having trouble coming up with how much is the "right" amount to give a couple. I went to three weddings over three months this summer/fall. My relationship with the bride/groom in each was different. One was a coworker who was having a mini-destination wedding, one was an old friend who was getting married in her hometown and one was my cousin, who got married four minutes from where my parents live. I had given shower gifts to the latter two but the first did not have a pre-wedding gift-giving event for anyone but close family and friends. This is the couple that had the Honeymoon Fund though! So for me, I was able to give something a little more thoughtful than a check, did not have to bring a physical gift with me to the wedding AND I got to avoid what I find the kind of awkward "how much money do I cut this check for" question, since the amounts were pre-decided. And maybe it's a generational thing but I don't really mind that there was a $5 fee for the convenience of their registry, both on their end and mine.

 

[Floridaman999]

Get your registry off my lawn!!!

 

[nkereina]

In my area or circles or whatever cash as a wedding gift just isn’t done. Maybe the parents of the B&G give a check or grandparents if they’re still around but not other guests. If you don’t register they will just pick out something typical to a registry like a kitchen aid or china or whatever. They won’t give cash/check in the absence of a registry.

I agree with PP that the regional/cultural, etc. differences shine on this topic, so there's no right or wrong answer. I live in upstate NY and most brides I know have registries, of which we use to buy shower gifts. For the wedding itself, the registry isn't even mentioned again with the invitation and most people give cash or check. Brides and grooms here expect (respectfully) cash as gifts, and often use it as a down payment on a house. Every wedding has a "card box" that is stored securely after guests have arrived, because its filled with cards that contain cash (or check). DH and I got married in 2016 and the only tangible gifts we received at the wedding were photo frames or personalized pieces, but it was in addition to a cash gift as well. I did get a mix of cash, gift cards, and registry gifts for my shower. Where do you live out of curiosity?

 

[Patience]

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[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

A lot of it was given at the showers but some gifts were delivered to the house in advance of the wedding.

This is what I find interesting.

My bridal shower consisted of 3 out of 4 of my aunts, 2 cousins, my mom, my future mother-in-law, and my 2 future sister-in-laws (edit: my grandmother as well oops) or a total of 10 (edited: number) people. We invited over 100 people to the wedding total. I guess for some people there's a lot larger percentage of people that get invited to the shower maybe? All I know is vast majority of gifts, whether cash/check or actual gift was from people NOT at the bridal shower. And if I had only given notice of the registry to those invited at the shower a lot of people would have had no clue. Our registry (along with our wedding website) was listed on the Save the Date sent out.

Maybe there's also multiple showers people do even couples showers (I know of only one couple that did that though) but I def only had 1 bridal shower. All the showers I've been too the number there is not a very large amount with respects to the overall guests.

I did appreciate the 'ship to home' part both for being the bride and for being the guest. I've enjoyed doing that myself for wedding and baby showers. Def. easier.

Here registries are def. not used for showers only not by a long shot at least at any of the weddings I've been to.

 

[Patience]

I deleted my post because I realized after the fact that the question about where I lived was directed to someone else. Anyway, there were 215 people invited to my daughter's wedding and she had 2 showers. As far as I know, nobody was invited to more than one shower. One was given to her at her workplace. I did not attend that one. The one I attended had probably 30-35 people, mostly family and her high school and college friends.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Anyway, there were 215 people invited to my daughter's wedding and she had 3 showers. As far as I know, nobody was invited to more than one shower. One was given to her at workplace. I did not attend that one. The one I attended had probably 30-35 people.

Yup that would make a difference.

 

[Patience]

Yup that would make a difference.

That was a typo. She had 2 showers, not 3

 

[HakunaMoscato]

Hi everyone, I'm leebee's daughter, the one who's getting married in June. (By the way, thanks for your help with this, Mom!)

Don't worry everyone, we've decided NOT to do a honeymoon registry. My fiance and I need things that really can't be put on a registry, like new living room furniture and a headboard for the bed. Let's face it, no matter how much a rich aunt might love me, no one's going to pop $1000 for a wedding gift. We are currently saving money for a new set of living room furniture. If we get cash gifts, that's what we'll likely put the money towards. We have some items on registries, but we also don't want to end up with 7 blenders because guests feel like they have to give us physical things.

Personally, I have an issue with blindly giving people money as a gift because I don't know what they're using it to buy. If I give someone money, I want to know what my money is being spent on. Is there a tactful way to tell people how you'll be spending cash gifts if they choose to go that route?

 

[jerseygal]

Hi everyone, I'm leebee's daughter, the one who's getting married in June. (By the way, thanks for your help with this, Mom!)

Don't worry everyone, we've decided NOT to do a honeymoon registry. My fiance and I need things that really can't be put on a registry, like new living room furniture and a headboard for the bed. Let's face it, no matter how much a rich aunt might love me, no one's going to pop $1000 for a wedding gift. We are currently saving money for a new set of living room furniture. If we get cash gifts, that's what we'll likely put the money towards. We have some items on registries, but we also don't want to end up with 7 blenders because guests feel like they have to give us physical things.

Personally, I have an issue with blindly giving people money as a gift because I don't know what they're using it to buy. If I give someone money, I want to know what my money is being spent on. Is there a tactful way to tell people how you'll be spending cash gifts if they choose to go that route?

CONGRATS in advance! One person asked me if our son and DIL had set up a registry in an e mail. My answer simply was no, they did not set up a registry, no elaborate explanation like "they received many gifts at their shower and they are pretty well set". They received a check from this individual. People who know me well, know that I would have expanded on that answer, so by simply not setting up a registry meant that their preference was not gifts. Like I mentioned in a former post, they received very few gifts, so the absence of a registry gave the message that they preferred checks. Enjoy your wedding planning!

 

[QueenIsabella]

Hi everyone, I'm leebee's daughter, the one who's getting married in June. (By the way, thanks for your help with this, Mom!)

Don't worry everyone, we've decided NOT to do a honeymoon registry. My fiance and I need things that really can't be put on a registry, like new living room furniture and a headboard for the bed. Let's face it, no matter how much a rich aunt might love me, no one's going to pop $1000 for a wedding gift. We are currently saving money for a new set of living room furniture. If we get cash gifts, that's what we'll likely put the money towards. We have some items on registries, but we also don't want to end up with 7 blenders because guests feel like they have to give us physical things.

Personally, I have an issue with blindly giving people money as a gift because I don't know what they're using it to buy. If I give someone money, I want to know what my money is being spent on. Is there a tactful way to tell people how you'll be spending cash gifts if they choose to go that route?

When you write your thank-yous, you can say, "We so appreciate the money you gave us! We're putting it towards our living room furniture (or whatever)."

Back in the Stone Age, i.e., pre-internet, it was customary for the maid of honor or mother of the bride to have list of items that the couple wanted and needed. People were expected to call one or the other for gift suggestions or where the couple was registered. Of course, they could also say, "They're saving for a house (or furniture, or hope to pay for grad school, etc.). While registries have been around for a long time, things like "Save the Date" cards and websites with directions, links to hotels, and suggestions of things to do in the area--those are fairly recent developments. While I'm not personally a fan of all of the newfangled destination weddings and so forth, I do think it's nice for the guests to have a website they can go to and find a map and other information if they're traveling from out of town.

 

[mjkacmom]

This is what I find interesting.

My bridal shower consisted of 3 out of 4 of my aunts, 2 cousins, my mom, my future mother-in-law, and my 2 future sister-in-laws or a total of 9 people. We invited over 100 people to the wedding total. I guess for some people there's a lot larger percentage of people that get invited to the shower maybe? All I know is vast majority of gifts, whether cash/check or actual gift was from people NOT at the bridal shower. And if I had only given notice of the registry to those invited at the shower a lot of people would have had no clue. Our registry (along with our wedding website) was listed on the Save the Date sent out.

Maybe there's also multiple showers people do even couples showers (I know of only one couple that did that though) but I def only had 1 bridal shower. All the showers I've been too the number there is not a very large amount with respects to the overall guests.

I did appreciate the 'ship to home' part both for being the bride and for being the guest. I've enjoyed doing that myself for wedding and baby showers. Def. easier.

Here registries are def. not used for showers only not by a long shot at least at any of the weddings I've been to.

That is a small shower! I didn’t have the traditional restaurant/hall shower, so there were probably only about 30 guests, but most showers I’ve attended were definitely 50+, pretty much every female who is invited to the wedding is invited to the shower. The registry is pretty much for the shower, it’s rare for actual gifts to be given for the wedding.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

How about not dealing with the hassle of an expensive wedding and using that money for your honeymoon?