Cash wedding presents vs. honeymoon fund?

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by leebee, Jan 3, 2019.

  1. leebee

    leebee DIS Veteran

    Sep 14, 1999
    Spring's coming, time to crank up the wedding threads! DD is getting married in June. She and her fiance have been living together for almost 3 years, so have a lot of their housekeeping things already. They are registering at Target and Bed/Bath/Beyond, but the lists are short as they have most of the things they need already. They are talking about setting up a honeymoon fund, but I know sometimes people think this is tacky, as it is basically asking for money. However, it seems to be "the thing" to do. Do you think this is generational, that the younger folks think it's a great idea but older people think it's tacky? I personally am mixed; not crazy about being asked to donate to something specific, but I also like knowing what my money gift is going towards. I am not sure how to advise her. I do know that most people of our acquaintance will give money as a wedding present, but am not sure how they'll take being asked to donate to a honeymoon fund (and pay a fee to do so). Opinions?
  2. sonnyjane

    sonnyjane DIS Veteran

    Mar 11, 2009
    I think the aversion to honeymoon funds is absolutely generational. I am 35 and have had several friends make one. Many people my age and younger push the “experiences over material gifts” trend so I fully support it.
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  4. clh2

    clh2 <font color=green>I am the Pixie Stick NARC at my

    Jul 15, 2003
    Personally, I think a honeymoon fund is tacky. As far as my age, mid 50’s, and my DD will Be celebrating her 1st anniversary this weekend. So yes, this is a generational thing, in my opinion. (Our DD did not do this.)

    We always give a cash gift for weddings. I would prefer to think I’m helping them get started on a house down payment, not going on a trip that I personally could probably not afford to go on.

    But at the end of the day, the bride and groom will spend on what they want, so why not just use the cash gifts for the Honeymoon fund, without calling it that?

    BLAZEY DIS Veteran

    May 29, 2006
    We tend to give cash especially if travelling to the wedding, just easier than taking or sending a gift. North American culture is one of the few that gives gifts instead of money. Many European and Asian cultures would look down at a gift rather than an envelope of money. What the newlyweds DO with that money is up to them.
    jerseygal likes this.
  6. ronandannette

    ronandannette I gave myself this tag and I "Like" myself too!

    May 4, 2006
    I don't like the vibe of specifically asking for money. It just seems wrong even though most people give money as a wedding gift. If I was attending a wedding with this scenario I wouldn't even consider contributing to the honeymoon registry - in fact it would incline me more strongly to choosing an actual item off the other registries.
  7. Saiahma

    Saiahma Earning My Ears

    Feb 27, 2018
    I have no problem with the honeymoon money. I'm 43 and my MUCH younger half brother 25 got married last summer and just asked for money for the honeymoon. I think it is generational and I'm kind of on the cusp of the different ages.
    VAfamily1998 likes this.
  8. tarheelmjfan

    tarheelmjfan Proud Redhead

    May 10, 2001
    In my experience, this is totally dependent on the customs where you live. DH & I always give money, but most of the weddings we attend are a long distance from us. Cash is the easiest gift.

    Where I'm from, couples with a limited registry would most likely get things they didn't register for instead of cash or money on a honeymoon registry. People there are usually very generous, but they want to buy gifts. If they gave money, it would be much less that what they would have spent on a gift. They'd be more likely to give cash that pay toward a honeymoon. In that area, a couple that has most household items would need to think outside the box. Would they like outdoor furniture, a grill, utensils for the grill, etc?

    That said, all areas aren't the same. Basically, it comes down to knowing your audience. For most weddings we attend, we are among a very few people giving cash.
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2019
    HopperFan and PollyannaMom like this.
  9. powellrj

    powellrj DIS Veteran

    Mar 2, 2003
    Midwest, almost 60 and I think asking for money is tacky. We were just asked for money for a wdw trip for our last wedding. We gave money, but I felt it was tacky.
    jerseygal, rajak73 and Owlpost23 like this.
  10. barkley

    barkley DIS Veteran<br><font color=orange>If I ever have a

    Apr 6, 2004
    my default gift if there's no registry or nothing on the registry within my price range is money anyway but i would probably pass on giving money through some kind of registry that charges me to do so and just gift the money directly.

    that said-i'm much less offended by this than the weddings i've gone to and brought (or advance sent) a gift only to come face to face at the guest book table with money trees asking me to 'help send us on our honeymoon' and 'help furnish our new home' complete with photos of the high end resort/barren empty rooms in the new home.
    PollyannaMom and kaytieeldr like this.
  11. morgan98

    morgan98 DIS Veteran

    May 29, 2010
    I only give cash at weddings, so I do not find a honeymoon fund tacky at all. I assume the cash is used for the honeymoon, to pay off miscellaneous wedding items, for things around the house, savings, or whatever.
  12. jerseygal

    jerseygal DIS Veteran

    Jan 1, 2008
    Our newlyweds had a registry for DIL's shower. There was no registry for the wedding purposely since they had all the household items that they needed. They happily received almost all checks and interesting, guests who could not attend sent checks as gifts. They literally received about non cash 3 gifts sent to their home, rather than checks. They never set up a honeymoon fund in advance. Like Blazey said above, what the couple winds up doing with the checks is up to them. I personally do not like the idea of a honeymoon fund. SO, I believe they subtly sent the message since they did not set up a registry that they preferred checks. Good strategy because it worked! ::yes:::goodvibes HAPPY PLANNING!
    elaine amj and PollyannaMom like this.
  13. Kathryn Merteuil

    Kathryn Merteuil Barden Bella

    May 11, 2012
    I know somebody who had a "honey fund" page...everybody thought it was tacky.
    chattadisser and HopperFan like this.
  14. QueenIsabella

    QueenIsabella DIS Veteran

    Jan 17, 2016
    I think it's tacky to set up a honeymoon fund. OTOH, I would just give cash, and whatever they used it for is on them.
  15. AppleDumpling

    AppleDumpling DIS Veteran

    Apr 8, 2015
    Around here, almost everyone gives cash gifts. Registries are typically only used for showers. (And there’s always a few who give material items not on the registry, for example, a Lenox vase, or something like that.)

    I wouldn’t mind contributing to a honeymoon, although it seems easier to just give cash with no strings attached, for the couple to spend as they wish. I dislike the idea of a third party charging a fee.

    That said, I also don’t think a couple should plan an extravagant trip they can’t afford, with the expectation that their guests will fund it.
    mombrontrent, klacey1, Mto3 and 6 others like this.
  16. Christine

    Christine Would love to be able to sit on

    Aug 31, 1999
    Never outright ask for money. I just went to a wedding of a very young person (22) who did not set up a honeymoon fund. OP, like your own daughter, this bride set up a very short-list registry that was mainly used for people attending the shower. People will get the message and will send or show up with money for the wedding itself. This is what happened with the bride I'm referring to--about 95% cash received at the wedding.
    ronandannette and jerseygal like this.
  17. rajak73

    rajak73 DIS Veteran

    Oct 1, 2002
    Also Midwest here, but I too think it's tacky to ask for money for a honeymoon. If they get cash, spend it on whatever they want, but why do you have to put "cash for Honeymoon fund"on it?
    Searc and jerseygal like this.
  18. LSUmiss

    LSUmiss DIS Veteran

    Sep 8, 2014
    I’m one who thinks it’s tacky too & am almost 40. I’ve seen younger ppl do it around here lately, but it’s always been from couples who I tend to expect it from b/c they to do other tacky things so I’m not surprised.
  19. Lilacs4Me

    Lilacs4Me DIS Veteran

    Aug 31, 2015
    What is wrong with having a small gift registry as an option for those who want to buy a physical gift, leave it at that....and NOT saying anything about "honeymoon funds" or whatever?

    The people who want to buy a gift will go to the store (or amazon) and buy a gift. If there isn't anything on the registry they want to buy, they will just give cash. The bride and groom are free to use it however they want, right?

    What's the big deal? Too much ado about nothing, IMO. People need to stop making things harder than they are.
    dreamer17555 and runwad like this.
  20. Soldier's*Sweeties

    Soldier's*Sweeties DIS Veteran

    Apr 3, 2009
    I don’t have a problem with the suggestion of cash or the honeymoon fund and here’s why:
    Many couples these days are already living together and have all of the household items usually given as wedding gifts. I’d much rather give my loved ones (I’m assuming people aren’t attending the weddings of people they don’t like) gifts they’re actually use and appreciate. I know we had thrown an actual wedding I would have much preferred money to use toward our honeymoon than China or a KitchenAid.
  21. tzolkin

    tzolkin DIS Veteran

    Jan 3, 2008
    In my family, the norm is to give money so there would really not be a need to set up a “honeymoon fund”. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest since I’m going to give money regardless.

    I do know one person who did this about 10 years ago (my best friend). They did it because both of their families were big on gifts and would not normally give money because they wanted to see the actual item they were gifting. So in that situation the online honeymoon fund was really more for the guests’ benefit since the relatives enjoyed picking out the “experience” they were giving them.

    I think their families would have found it extremely tacky (asking for money), but the couple was moving across the country immediately following the wedding and were bringing as little as possible (sold/donated most of their stuff). The families recognized that receiving a bunch of gifts that they would then have to pay to move was not really practical so they were more receptive to the idea of monetary gifts.

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