car & driving fear? please reply!

[luv4u859]

ok so here's my story.

Here's the beginning. My first car accident, 3 yrs ago, not my fault either, someone ran the stop sign, no injuries. Went to the hospital the next day for a little pain but other than that I was fine. Took me about 5 or 6 months to drive again after that, then I got a car. Then, January 6th, 2011 I got into a car accident, not my fault. I was driving straight down the street and this car made a quick turn in front of me and basically you can say they didn't make the turn. Car was totaled, only had it a little over a year. Foot was broken, very bad break, needed surgery. Still 4 months later walking with a little limp. Was out of work for 4 months, long process.

Here is my problem now. I really do want a car. for 4 months I was being drove around, had to ask everybody to take me places & etc. I was used to just getting up and going, not having to worry about asking to go anywhere or people telling me no i can't take you right now. I am ready for a car, but there are 2 things that are making me scared.

1. I am scared because I had a 30-40 minute drive to and from work everyday and I don't know if i'm ready for that drive all by myself again.

2. I am scared that I will get into another car accident, much worse than the 1st and 2nd one and die this time.

there was a 3rd one, but i forgot right now.

Anybody else every have fear of driving? What did you do to cease it? Any advice for me?

Thank you for you replies before hand.

 

[Uncle Remus]

ok so here's my story.

Here's the beginning. My first car accident, 3 yrs ago, not my fault either, someone ran the stop sign, no injuries. Went to the hospital the next day for a little pain but other than that I was fine. Took me about 5 or 6 months to drive again after that, then I got a car. Then, January 6th, 2011 I got into a car accident, not my fault. I was driving straight down the street and this car made a quick turn in front of me and basically you can say they didn't make the turn. Car was totaled, only had it a little over a year. Foot was broken, very bad break, needed surgery. Still 4 months later walking with a little limp. Was out of work for 4 months, long process.

Here is my problem now. I really do want a car. for 4 months I was being drove around, had to ask everybody to take me places & etc. I was used to just getting up and going, not having to worry about asking to go anywhere or people telling me no i can't take you right now. I am ready for a car, but there are 2 things that are making me scared.

1. I am scared because I had a 30-40 minute drive to and from work everyday and I don't know if i'm ready for that drive all by myself again.

2. I am scared that I will get into another car accident, much worse than the 1st and 2nd one and die this time.

there was a 3rd one, but i forgot right now.

Anybody else every have fear of driving? What did you do to cease it? Any advice for me?

Thank you for you replies before hand.

I don't have any advice, just want to encourage you to live your life to the fullest.

 

[Cantw8]

I think what you are feeling is perfectly natural. I do wonder though, if your fear is perhaps taking over your judgement when driving so that you may not be reacting to situations as quickly as you should. I found this, see if it helps




http://www.driving-fear.com/

 

[luv4u859]

I don't have any advice, just want to encourage you to live your life to the fullest.

thank you!!

 

[luv4u859]

I remember the 3rd now, its that I have to drive past the spot where the accident happened to get home, there's no other way I can avoid passing it with going home. I drove twice, in my moms car, with her in the car, but haven't worked up the courage to drive past the accident spot. I was supposed to go to a defensive driving class saturday, the 21st, but it was cancelled because not enough people had signed up for it.

 

[JLTraveling]

Aw My father and I have both been through really bad car accidents--he had less than a 10% chance of making it through emergency surgery after his, I was miraculously unhurt after mine, but the paramedics said they never saw one so bad that nobody died

In both cases, driving back through the scene of the accident was critical to us getting through it. I still developed a bit of a driving fear after mine, and to this day I don't *like* to drive, but I can when I need to. But I don't think you can really get started working through it until you face the scene. Take someone supportive with you, go at a less-busy time of day, and just make yourself do it. Then go get ice cream or something to reward yourself.

I write about phobias for About.com. I haven't done an article on driving phobia yet, though you've inspired me to write one. But I wonder if this might help:

Psychology of Fear

It talks about how fear is generated, the physiological and emotional responses to it, and ways of working through it.

Good luck! You can do it!!

 

[luv4u859]

thank you JLTraveling.

I have ridden past the accident site, but haven't actually drove past. The first accident someone ran the stop sign and hit me in the passenger side and now even when we're driving past someone coming to a stop i get anxious. I don't want to live my life being afraid to drive but I can't help it. I've also developed severe anxiety because of it. My surgery wasn't emergency surgery, I had it about 7 days after my accident.

 

[Handbag Lady]

My then-young aunt was in the car when my grandma had a horrible accident. My aunt, to this day, refuses to drive a car. She's now 53 and has yet to sit behind the wheel.

She manages in her life just fine, so you don't have to drive if you don't want to. Me? I would want to get behind the wheel right away after an accident. I hate riding the bus.

The last accident I had scared the poop out of me. I was sitting at a dead stop on the freeway and I was driving my niece's boyfriend to the 2nd of two family functions. He was thrown into the dash and bonked his head.

I had minor back pains. It hurt. We were hit very hard. The last thing I wanted to do was drive, but you have to or you'll build up so much fear, much like you have.

You CAN do it!! Do you want to be dependent on others? I assume you like your freedom as much as I do.

In both of your crashes, it was someone else's fault. You didn't do anything wrong, so you need to have faith in your driving first and foremost. Is there a happy song you can sing each time you need to drive past the scene of the crash?

 

[bumbershoot]

I developed a serious fear of driving (and being a passenger) in 2002 after driving to Montana. Frightening. It was really difficult, and sad too, because I had LOVED driving...

What's helped is time. But, and here's the difference, I've been driving this whole time. No choice.

I would recommend a series of driving *lessons*, so you know you can handle yourself on the road. A group course might be OK, but really a private course is going to be best for you.

If it were me I'd also probably finally look into hypnosis, to help with the fears, and probably (definitely) some counseling to work through your very valid concerns. I would also be using (and I did when my anxiety was the worst and I *had to be* in a car for long periods of time) the flower essence semi-homeopathic remedy called Rescue Remedy. It's at most stores nowadays, but definitely at health food stores.

That's what I would do.



In the 90s I got into a series of single-car accidents, and one accident where no one touched my car, but I was run off the road all the same...not fun.

 

[hereyago]

OP

I know what that's like. The last accident I was in-last year Memorial day weekend-not my fault, my car was t boned and I had my DD and her friend in the back seat and so fortunate that no one was really hurt. However, when I go past the place I was hit, I do go in the next lane over as silly as it sounds.

When I was 17 I was in a accident -not my fault again-where I spent 8 days in the hospital. My fear after that was that I can't control what other people do around me, it just takes time.

I do like Bumbershoot's suggestions as well.

Good luck, OP, you can do it!a

 

[hereyago]

delete double post, sorry

 

[Diva of Dragons]

I have been in several accidents, none of which were my fault! One was really horrible, right after high school. I couldn't start college for 2 years due to my injuries. At first I was afraid to drive again but my Mom absolutely made me drive. .... Once I was driving again, I actually developed a phobia of being a passenger. Since the accident had not been my fault, I just did not trust anyone else behind the wheel. I wanted to be in control. So, you could try looking at it as taking control, by driving again.

Start small, running little errands. As for the accident site. I suggest going there one day and just hang out for a little while. Once you realize that the place holds no power over you, you will be fine. I actually did that. I needed to be there and see that life had gone on from that moment. Sounds weird, I know, but it really worked.

Good luck! It does get better!!

 

[mrsdon]

It is hard to et behind the wheelof a car after an accident
However, unless you live close to mass transit, we have to drive
Take it slowly,
Best wishes

 

[chager]

Taking short drives helps, going past the scene also helps. I was in an accident 20 years ago and sometimes even being a passenger would cause some panic. When my son started driving I started having full on panic attacks. I went to see my Doc and he gave me Celexa. I was amazed how well it worked! I took it for about 5-6 months. In that time I was able to start to ride with no panic attacks, handle heavy traffic, and even drive a mini van and small SUV!!! I am now off the meds and still able to do all these things! I don't even think about it now, I just drive where I need to. That worked for me. Not saying it will work for you, but it is something to consider. (We are even considering getting a Ford Escape now! Last year this time a vehicle that size would not even be a possibility!)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

thank you JLTraveling.

I have ridden past the accident site, but haven't actually drove past. The first accident someone ran the stop sign and hit me in the passenger side and now even when we're driving past someone coming to a stop i get anxious. I don't want to live my life being afraid to drive but I can't help it. I've also developed severe anxiety because of it. My surgery wasn't emergency surgery, I had it about 7 days after my accident.

Honestly you are probably going to need some good anxiety counseling and possibly meds. Anxiety runs in my family so we know it well.

If your anxiety is "severe" you have to get outside help. And this is the reason why....

Anxiety can lead to depression and that is not something that you want to tangle with either.

A counselor who is good at treating anxiety can help you with baby steps toward your goals.

 

[TaraPA]

I have no advice for you but just wanted to let you know that this is a very real fear, and probably more common than you think. Don't feel bad for having these feelings, it is natural. Go at your own pace, and if it's really paralyzing to you, or starting to affect other areas of your life, there's always professional help if you feel you need it.

 

[luv4u859]

The whole transportation issue isn't that bad right now because I still live with my mom and we work like 15 mins away from each other. So she takes me to work & my nana picks me up, but this is getting very old fast. I hate not being able to just go home at my time and having to wait for someone to pick me up.

Thank you all for your post. Car accidents are no joke and I'm really just scared. I think I would have possibly started driving sooner but I broke my foot, driving foot, and couldn't work so I had no choice being the passenger.

I do have anxiety mes, xanax, but I don't take it. I'm really not a huge fan of taking medicine. I was thinking hynosos (dsp) as well but I ont know where to go or even how to go about that.

Again thank you all.

 

[Skywalker]

I understand too - I was in 3 car accidents within the space of a year, none of them my fault either, all the other drivers were charged - and after the last one I did not drive for 3 years!

My husband drove me everywhere, I wouldn't even drive my kids to school. Finally I'd just had enough and started making little trips. But my anxiety was off the charts, I became convinced that every little trip to the grocery store was going to end up with me and my children dead!

But slowly I made longer and longer trips, just pushing those "what ifs" right out of mind until they hardly occur anymore. I am driving now like I always did.

You can do it! Just look at it this way, you've probably used up your lifetime supply of car accidents, lol.

And remember, no "What ifs"...all those worst-case scenarios the imagination conjures up can create tons of anxiety if you let it!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The whole transportation issue isn't that bad right now because I still live with my mom and we work like 15 mins away from each other. So she takes me to work & my nana picks me up, but this is getting very old fast. I hate not being able to just go home at my time and having to wait for someone to pick me up.

Thank you all for your post. Car accidents are no joke and I'm really just scared. I think I would have possibly started driving sooner but I broke my foot, driving foot, and couldn't work so I had no choice being the passenger.

I do have anxiety mes, xanax, but I don't take it. I'm really not a huge fan of taking medicine. I was thinking hynosos (dsp) as well but I ont know where to go or even how to go about that.

Again thank you all.

Well it is time to get serious about it if you want to tackle your driving issue.

Severe anxiety is something you WILL need counseling and possibly meds for.

Anxiety is something you learn how to manage throughout the rest of your life. Start with a good counselor and get the right skills to learn how to go about doing that. Good Luck.

 

[TaraPA]

You might want to go post this on the Coping & Compassion thread - lots of fellow anxiety sufferers over there that can give support. There's also a post traumatic stress thread over there you should check out!