Cant decide

[flying_babyb]

My mom wants me to move home and help take care of my grandmother. Shes in pretty good health but needs help getting to apoiments. At home, I have a huge family and one good freind. I would have a tiny room in the basement (all finished off) and would be spending about $100 for rent. I wouldnt be able to see my freind as often. I would get more sleep and go to concerts and community events. On my pros and cons list this came out on top.
If I stay here, I have a job that I dont like so much and will have cut hours. I have 3 decent freinds, one that I hang out with alot. Shes one of the main reasons Im considering staying. Shes got 4 kids that I love alot. I pay 475 for rent plus utilities. I see my freinds at least twice a week and go to concert in the park and Trolly night. I also stay up late alot helping this freind with work,

There is two hours between here and my orginal home town.

If You were me, what would you do?

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

How old are you? That might make a difference in the responses you get.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

if you really can't decide, then you have answered the question already.

asking others is just stalling.

 

[HelenePA]

arent you going to school? (I could be mixing you up with someone else) would you still be able to commute if you moved home?

 

[barkley]

i would want to have an understanding of what "helping" with your grandmother means to your mom/grandmother, and what the extent of her "appointments"/help getting her there realisticly entails.

the appointments and the degree of help a senior needs can be allot more than someone not experienced with it on a regular basis realizes. with my mom even though she is in fairly good health she has her regular doc, heart doc and foot doc. with the regular and heart she only sees them three times a year-but each require multiple pre-appointment lab trips and other testing. if they detect something in that testing it can trigger more testings. with the foot doc she goes at least once a month if there's no problem. add in the yearly eye exam and any specialists or "seasonal" appointments (flu, pnumonia vaccines, colds that toggle into bronchitis and such...) and they add up. "helping" her get to her appointments means driving her there, waiting with her, helping her schedual her next appointment (and making sure we know up front what pre-tests she will need/who to sched. with/how far out to make that appointment) and getting her back home (after possibly running to the pharmacy to get anything she's been told to). our rule of thumb is to plan an entire morning or afternoon for any single appointment (not knocking her docs but when they are dealing with a largly senior patient load it's not unusual for an emergency to arrise that delays the appointment schedual an hour or two).

your expectations and theirs may be drasticaly different-and you might not be getting the extra sleep you anticipate. also, unless your intent is to permanantly live at home and care for your grandmom it seems that such an arrangement would have to be entered into on your part reccognizing that the ability to do work outside the home or attend school (if that's an interest) could be severly restricted (i suspect any job would have to work around grandma's schedual which in this economy could be very difficult to find). so unless the $100 per month in rent and any of your other normal expenses/costs of attending the concerts/community events you seem interested in will somehow be covered by some kind of wage or compensation from your grandmother/your family i'm not sure exactly how it would work out.

 

[flying_babyb]

Im 25, I can take classes online, so schools not a issue. Right now they just need someone to run grandma to appoiments (like 4 a month) and to take 2 hours once a month to set up her pills. I think I know what I want to do but Im just looking for more thought on the matter. I know moms asking me to help because Ive done seinor care before.

 

[crz4mm2]

My mom wants me to move home and help take care of my grandmother. Shes in pretty good health but needs help getting to apoiments. At home, I have a huge family and one good freind. I would have a tiny room in the basement (all finished off) and would be spending about $100 for rent. I wouldnt be able to see my freind as often. I would get more sleep and go to concerts and community events. On my pros and cons list this came out on top.
If I stay here, I have a job that I dont like so much and will have cut hours. I have 3 decent freinds, one that I hang out with alot. Shes one of the main reasons Im considering staying. Shes got 4 kids that I love alot. I pay 475 for rent plus utilities. I see my freinds at least twice a week and go to concert in the park and Trolly night. I also stay up late alot helping this freind with work,

There is two hours between here and my orginal home town.

If You were me, what would you do?

If your ticker is any indication, you have already made up your mind

 

[JESW]

Take the opportunity and spend some time with your Grandmother while she is still alive. I lost the last of my Grandparents when I was only 7 or 8 so I have very view memories of them at all. If it is something you are comfortable with then move back "home". How old is your Grandmother??

Jill

 

[OctMtnWoods]

Im 25, I can take classes online, so schools not a issue. Right now they just need someone to run grandma to appoiments (like 4 a month) and to take 2 hours once a month to set up her pills. I think I know what I want to do but Im just looking for more thought on the matter. I know moms asking me to help because Ive done seinor care before.

Are you prepared or willing to give up everything you've worked for? Your apartment, job, friends, and lifestyle to "go back"? If yes, then go. If not, they can easily hire someone to fulfill just 4 car rides & 2 hrs a month.

How old is she? Would you be like live in help? Are you prepared to put your own life on hold (dating, getting married, having kids) while she's still here?

Its up to you. Is it something you want to do for your grandmother or are you being pressured into it?

 

[happygirl]

I don't want to sound heartless what happens if your grandmother suddenly passes and you give up your life.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

My advice to you is the same I give to every adult who considers moving back in with their parents for any reason.

You can't go home again.

Please don't ruin the relationship you have with your family in an attempt to please your family.

 

[MosMom]

So, your mom wants you to come home to take care of your grandma but is going to charge you rent? I would think if you're giving everything up to help her out with you grandma you could at least get a tiny room in the basement free of charge.

 

[Minnie_me]

So, your mom wants you to come home to take care of your grandma but is going to charge you rent? I would think if you're giving everything up to help her out with you grandma you could at least get a tiny room in the basement free of charge.

Hey - you posted my exact thoughts! I'd be a little annoyed with my mother if she was asking so much of me and then charging me rent.

 

[HM]

I don't think I'd do it.
I'd tell mom that I'd be happy to come home a couple times a month to help out with things but that you can't give up on making your own life right now.
I think at 25 its important to be working on your own life, not working on someone else's.
Keep your job for now, be on the lookout for something you might like more, spend less time staying up late helping your friends. and start spending more time with school and work and transforming your life into one you want.
This is not selfishness (in case you are thinking that). You will still help out, but on your terms on time you can put aside. I'm afraid once you are pulled back home, you'll be losing yourself to your grandmother's (and mother's) needs. It will get harder and harder to pull away as she gets older and needs more care.

Good luck with whatever you decide!!