Can't belive she said this! - VENT

[srferson]

OP, I totally get the venting thing here. It's good that you don't want to talk to your friend when you're so annoyed with her. However, if you can't wait until you run into one of the other girls so you can talk about it behind this woman back then you're not really being fair or helpful to the situation. Calm down a little and then talk to your friend. Ask if she's managed to make arrangements so she can go along. Ask why she doesn't want all those extra people along. Stop assuming it's because she is catty or wants to be the center of attention. Ask her. Like a grown up. If I went to great lengths to arrange things so I could go on a trip with close friends and then they said 'hey, we're going to invite along a bunch of other people that you don't know without being concerned about what you think' I'd be annoyed too. You guys changed the trip. You really did. Not everyone agrees with the more the merrier for any and all occassions.

I'm getting really long winded here but my main point is that you should act like a friend. Talk TO her instead of talking ABOUT her. And understand that she may see things differently and that doesn't mean she's looking at it the WRONG way.

 

[1stluvispooh]

Ok I think things have gotten muddied. Probably my fault. At our last pow wow we were concerned that there was going to be an uneven number of people. To keep cost down we were going on double occupancy. I said I had a friend that I was sure would go with us and we could ask at the last minute if necessary. Other friend responded to the e-mail that 1 of the girls can't make it for sure by saying that she had 4 friends that were interested in join us if they could. Not that she had invited them without clearing it with the rest of the original group. Now I think this all boils down to expectations. I feel that the I don't want to go with strangers friend has the exception that we will do everything together. This sounds very much like her based on another friend who has gone on vacation with her. I on the other hand do not. (Hey A do you want to go to the pool? B, C and I are going to dinner at the buffet wanna come?)

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, I might be in the minority, but I wouldn't want to share a cabin with a stranger. At my age (42), I'm over let's all squeeze in together, unless it was with a group of women I'm very close too, and know very well. Now, if someone said "I have a group of 4 friends who would love to go on a cruise," that's fine.

 

[luvmy3]

Ok I think things have gotten muddied. Probably my fault. At our last pow wow we were concerned that there was going to be an uneven number of people. To keep cost down we were going on double occupancy. I said I had a friend that I was sure would go with us and we could ask at the last minute if necessary. Other friend responded to the e-mail that 1 of the girls can't make it for sure by saying that she had 4 friends that were interested in join us if they could. Not that she had invited them without clearing it with the rest of the original group. Now I think this all boils down to expectations. I feel that the I don't want to go with strangers friend has the exception that we will do everything together. This sounds very much like her based on another friend who has gone on vacation with her. I on the other hand do not. (Hey A do you want to go to the pool? B, C and I are going to dinner at the buffet wanna come?)

I still don't get why its a problem that your friend just wants a trip that is just "us girls" So if during your entire trip, there isn't going to be moments where you are all together, then why exactly are you all planning on going together? Is it just for a discount?

 

[Scurvy]

I still don't get why people are being so hard on this woman. She doesn't want to go since it is no longer just a close group of friends going. What's the big deal? At this point it sounds like it's down to 6 people she knows and 5 people she doesn't? Why is it so "wrong" for her to not want to go under those circumstances?

Originally she was probably envisioning lots of time spent together. Now it is becoming more realistic that everyone will go off with the friends they brought and maybe all meet for dinner. This is a whole different trip. Why is it not okay for her to no longer be interested since the trip plan has changed?

Or maybe she just doesn't want to spend her money on a vacation she knows she won't enjoy as much as a close friend only vacation. I wouldn't. I'm not saying the OP is wrong for being OK with the current plan, she should get her money's worth for her vacation dollars too. But just because she thinks the plan change sounds fun, doesn't mean the other girl thinks it sounds fun.

I agree. I would probably enjoy a "girls only" vacation with my close friends, but I wouldn't at all enjoy a trip where I didn't know a big chunk of the group. It has nothing to do with being a Queen Bee, and everything to do with the fact that I'm not terribly social and I wouldn't enjoy spending my vacation being forced to socialize with people I don't know. I'm not going to be willing to spend my vacation money on a trip that I don't think I'll enjoy.

I don't think it sounds like the trip was planned well at all. Obviously there's a big difference in how she sees the trip versus how the OP if this thread sees the trip. That's fine, because people don't have to enjoy the same things. But I think it's completely understandable if the friend wants to back out of the trip now that it's gone from including only one group of close friends to including "outsiders" as well, as Wishing on a Star said.

And I have to agree with previous posters- I get the impression, OP, that you don't like this person very much. Maybe it is better if she doesn't come on this trip, and instead plans a different one that only includes her close friends. Of course that could mean that other people will back out as well, to join your friend on her trip instead.

 

[disykat]

I feel that the I don't want to go with strangers friend has the exception that we will do everything together. This sounds very much like her based on another friend who has gone on vacation with her. I on the other hand do not. (Hey A do you want to go to the pool? B, C and I are going to dinner at the buffet wanna come?)

That is why you need to talk about expectations for the trip. Getting mad at her for not wanting to go on the kind of trip even you seem to agree she won't want doesn't make sense.

Is it that you want her to keep her mouth closed, pay her share, and go on the kind of trip YOU want?

That may sound harsh, but it is early days in the trip planning and NOW is the time to talk about these things! There is nothing "wrong" with her not wanting to have strangers along. There is nothing "wrong" with you wanting anyone who hears about the trip to join in the fun. However, both "sides" aren't going to be having their ideal vacation.

The way a dialogue works is she says "I don't want to go on a trip with all these other people." You reply "I think it sounds really fun, the more the merrier." Then other people chime in with their opinions and you decide what kind of trip it will be. Shutting it down by getting mad that people dare to have a different vision for the trip than you gets you nowhere.

 

[minkydog]

Ladies, come ride the Drama Lllama...Am I the only one here who wouldn't touch this trip with a 10-foot pole?

 

[SydSim]

I have a group of girlfriends that do weekend cruises every couple of years. It has been the same group for years, and I invited a few of my relatives to go with us one year (I am the planner). I didn't think much of it, but during the weekend, I saw how we were kind of separated into two smaller groups. Plus, i was kind of torn in between the two.

Looking back on it, I feel that I was selfish in including my family members onto a group of friends that had a groove already established. I didn't do it again

I can understand the Op's friend's hesitancy, in the beginning, about childcare. And once she resolved that issue, I can see her reservation about a new group of people being included in the plans.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

One of our Land/Sea trips morphed into a large group of 30 with every generation represented. Some people who came with us I'd never even met before, ie they were friends of friends. It wound up being a very diverse group, but we all had a great time. My only suggestion would be that individuals should feel free to do what they want to do within the vacation, that way everyone has a good time.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have planned events for groups before.
The largest was a big reunion, with over 100 persons.

It DOES take somebody who will be able to do the planning and legwork to pull together a group for more than just a handful... Somebody should establish a way for the planning to happen... (NOT just talking at a once a month lunch). Some strong leadership is probably needed.

Here are my suggestions.

1. Get together on a group email...

2. Send everyone a notice that says - we are looking forward to our Girl's Cruise. And, now we need to nail down some details.

3. If there are a couple of the friends who are comfortable being the leader/planner, then it is best if 2, or even 3, ladies get together and start this process. Then, it is a group effort, and not one 'queen bee'.

4. That group email should be very specific... Tentative Dates, etc.. Set real and specific deadlines.... etc... Ask for a soft commitment from those who hope to come. Establish the parameters as to the basics, such as - are outsiders welcome?, everyone will be making their own plans to travel to the cruise departure port? (My experience with this type of thing is that you can't herd cats... Everyone will have different time parameters... Some may want to arrive well in advance of the departure date, some may only be able to arrive at the last minute.)

5. For a group like this, I think that you need a balance of group togetherness, and also free time.... I would not 'overplan'.... I would make sure to link your reservations to all dine together in either early or late dining... Maybe a couple of other planned get-togethers (Drinks at this and such location upon Sailaway, etc...) Then leave it at that.