Can't belive she said this! - VENT

[Mermaid02]

I still don't get why people are being so hard on this woman. She doesn't want to go since it is no longer just a close group of friends going. What's the big deal? At this point it sounds like it's down to 6 people she knows and 5 people she doesn't? Why is it so "wrong" for her to not want to go under those circumstances?

Originally she was probably envisioning lots of time spent together. Now it is becoming more realistic that everyone will go off with the friends they brought and maybe all meet for dinner. This is a whole different trip. Why is it not okay for her to no longer be interested since the trip plan has changed?

Just seems like Queen Bee behavior to me. It's her way or she's taking her toys and going home.....

 

[1stluvispooh]

I still don't get why people are being so hard on this woman. She doesn't want to go since it is no longer just a close group of friends going. What's the big deal? At this point it sounds like it's down to 6 people she knows and 5 people she doesn't? Why is it so "wrong" for her to not want to go under those circumstances?

Originally she was probably envisioning lots of time spent together. Now it is becoming more realistic that everyone will go off with the friends they brought and maybe all meet for dinner. This is a whole different trip. Why is it not okay for her to no longer be interested since the trip plan has changed?

To me it's more like she is the one who is causing all the problems. I'm going, I'm not going, I'm going, I'm not going if they are. Everyone else is go with the flow. I'm afraid that she is going to want us all to be attached at the hip. I personally do not. I know that there is an excursion that I want to do that I know for a fact someone else would rather have her toenails pulled out with a rusty pair of pliers. Lets meet up for dinner or a cocktail.

 

[bumbershoot]

I heard through the grape vine ie other friends that once she left last month that she called her mom and her mom said she would watch the girls for her. I however DID NOT HEAR THIS FROM HER. My evil twin wants to e-mail her and say "I thought you weren't coming."

Sounds like you don't like her very much.

Because if I had a friend that said she wasn't coming, and then it sounded like she was, I would say "I thought you weren't coming", and that wouldn't come from any evil twin in my head, but from my heart, because, you know, I thought she wasn't coming.

I think you hit the nail on the head. To me as of late, the past 8 months or so she seems to want to be the center of attention. But that is JMO

All groups have someone who is the center of attention. So this is new, that she wants some focus? Who is the normal center? Who is being pushed over for her to get some more attention?




Listen. Sounds like she wants to go. She isn't sure she can. And all of a sudden the plans are changing.

My friend from college was celebrating her birthday in San Diego by seeing Madonna. She made it sound like a great time, when selling it to me and another college friend. We decided to go. Then we realized that it was NOT just her old solid friends, but it was also a bunch of newer acquaintances.

And it turns out that the acquaintances are VERY different from the two of us from college, and our friend behaves VERY differently than how she used to, when she's around them.

So the other college friend and I basically stayed to ourselves, being really grossed out by the nonsense these married women got up to. I mean, our friend brought a guy home (to one of the rented condos we all shared)! We were in her wedding, we love her sons...but she brought a guy home and then acted like it was no big deal when we tried to ask her if she and her husband were having problems.

And the other college friend has NEVER been a prude, but she was actually leaving situations before I was, it was all so bad!

We really wish that we'd known that it would be a bunch of much newer friends in this group, because I'm not sure we would have gone. And it wouldn't have been about being the center of attention. That would have been the birthday girl. And we were fine with that. But we didn't recognize her as our old friend, because she was so so different around the others.

If I'd realized this ahead of time I wouldn't have had my husband stay home to be with DS (costing vacation time) or spend all the money. I wanted a trip with FRIENDS, not with random women.

And this might be behind your friend's email. She wanted to make these sacrifices to go with the women she thinks are her friends; not with a very different group.

 

[Magic Mom]

Just seems like Queen Bee behavior to me. It's her way or she's taking her toys and going home.....

Or maybe she just doesn't want to spend her money on a vacation she knows she won't enjoy as much as a close friend only vacation. I wouldn't. I'm not saying the OP is wrong for being OK with the current plan, she should get her money's worth for her vacation dollars too. But just because she thinks the plan change sounds fun, doesn't mean the other girl thinks it sounds fun.

 

[disykat]

Just seems like Queen Bee behavior to me. It's her way or she's taking her toys and going home.....

Okay, if that's the case, why would anyone want her on the vacation? Why the cattiness? It's my understanding no money has changed hands. NOW is the time to be working this out. The trip is evolving into a different kind of trip than was originally planned, ALL involved should be allowed to change their minds accordingly.

I may be the minority in this thread, but I'd bet money on there being someone else in this group who is thinking "hey, wait a minute, I thought it was our group going on a trip and now it's turned into a random group of women who happen to be on the same cruise ship."

 

[disykat]

To me it's more like she is the one who is causing all the problems. I'm going, I'm not going, I'm going, I'm not going if they are. Everyone else is go with the flow. I'm afraid that she is going to want us all to be attached at the hip. I personally do not. I know that there is an excursion that I want to do that I know for a fact someone else would rather have her toenails pulled out with a rusty pair of pliers. Lets meet up for dinner or a cocktail.

You obviously don't like this person. Why not let her back out without nastiness? She wasn't sure she was able to make the sacrifices required to go and now that the trip is changing she really no longer wants to. I think it was best for her to be upfront with you. Would you have rather she pretended it was all good, counted on her, and had her back out at the last minute?

 

[Mermaid02]

Okay, if that's the case, why would anyone want her on the vacation? Why the cattiness? It's my understanding no money has changed hands. NOW is the time to be working this out. The trip is evolving into a different kind of trip than was originally planned, ALL involved should be allowed to change their minds accordingly.

I may be the minority in this thread, but I'd bet money on there being someone else in this group who is thinking "hey, wait a minute, I thought it was our group going on a trip and now it's turned into a random group of women who happen to be on the same cruise ship."

Do men have these problems? My husband and his buddies go on hunting trips, ice fishing trips etc and guys are bringing other dudes all the time.... I NEVER hear any of them say, "I thought it was just going to be US!"

 

[disney4us2002]

I think I'm more along the reasoning of disykat. Would I want to spend money on a vacation to be with longtime gf? Absolutely. Would I want to spend money to be with strangers? Probably not. It's hard unless you're loaded not to have some guilt about spending vacation money on one person when there are 4 or 5 in a family and the others get nothing but if it's a once in a lifetime or once every 10 yrs kind of thing with very special people, then you live with the guilt and maybe the hubby plans a special fishing or golfing, etc. trip with his friends. What is the cabin situation? Are you looking at two women per cabin or 4? If 4, would this friend be staying with strangers or someone from the group? Are you cruising to cruise or to have a special vacation with some special friends?

Something to remember: If you and friends talk about someone when she's not around, you can bet those friends are talking about you when you're not around.

 

[1stluvispooh]

You obviously don't like this person. Why not let her back out without nastiness? She wasn't sure she was able to make the sacrifices required to go and now that the trip is changing she really no longer wants to. I think it was best for her to be upfront with you. Would you have rather she pretended it was all good, counted on her, and had her back out at the last minute?

Didn't think I was being nasty.

 

[disykat]

Didn't think I was being nasty.

Nah, you're upset - but the thread is kind of nasty IMO, with the name calling and all about how horrible she is.

 

[Disney Doll]

I still don't get why people are being so hard on this woman. She doesn't want to go since it is no longer just a close group of friends going. What's the big deal? At this point it sounds like it's down to 6 people she knows and 5 people she doesn't? Why is it so "wrong" for her to not want to go under those circumstances?

Originally she was probably envisioning lots of time spent together. Now it is becoming more realistic that everyone will go off with the friends they brought and maybe all meet for dinner. This is a whole different trip. Why is it not okay for her to no longer be interested since the trip plan has changed?

If I understand the situaton correctly, she put the idea out there to go on the cruise. Others agreed. Then she determined that she might not be able to go. Others who could still go decided to try and expand the group. Idea Originator then seemed to think she could tell the group that they could not include others, even though she herself was not ging, so why would it matter to her? Then there was a possibility she could go. Lots of "yes I can, no I can't" behavior which, in reality, is attention-seeking, keeping everyone on the edge of their seats waiting for her to decide.

I am a cranky old thing. When people start pulling this crap, my response is usually "Here are the details of the trip, here is who's coming. We'd love to have you join. Oh, you have an issue with some of the people coming? Oh, well, we'll miss you on this trip. Maybe the next trip will be a better fit for you".

 

[disneyjunkie]

I agree that if she isn't going, she doesn't have a say. If she is going, can she still back out since the circumstances have changed so much? Maybe I'm the minority here, but if I were going on a cruise with friends (which would be a huge deal to me, financially and otherwise) and all of a sudden it turned into going with a group of strangers - I would not be happy and would consider backing out if there was still time to do so. I guess I feel like I could go on any cruise I want with strangers, I thought the point was going to spend time with your friends?

Going on a cruise with 7 close friends sounds fun to me. Going on a cruise with with a large group, half of whom I don't know, is a whole different thing IMO. I probably wouldn't have chosen to make the sacrifices required to go under those circumstances.

You're not alone

Why would someone invite others on a trip without clearing it with the core group?

Can you imagine the uproar if a DISer posted a vent about her husband inviting his parents, sister, brother... on their trip to WDW? Many here would tell th poster to make her husband univite his family, change her dates, change resorts... Not many would point out the fun side of traveling with large group.


OP, I have to agree with bumbershoot, it sounds like you don't like your friend much.

 

[luvmy3]

There's nothing wrong with that, it's just not something every person wants to spend their vacation doing.

ITA. I wouldn't mind meeting new friends at the home a friend when they are having a party, or a night out, but I wouldn't want to spend my 4 day cruise vacation with *new friends" especially if the original arrangement would have just been the group of us girls. Not everyone is a more the merrier type person

 

[disykat]

Do men have these problems? My husband and his buddies go on hunting trips, ice fishing trips etc and guys are bringing other dudes all the time.... I NEVER hear any of them say, "I thought it was just going to be US!"

LOL - That may be true, but I'm betting those men aren't feeling guilty about leaving their families, spending money, asking others to take up the slack for them, etc. and wondering if this is the ONE event they want to call in all their favors for!

Those men are not going on a "trip with close friends," they're going "hunting!"

It would be a HUGE deal for me to go on a trip without my family. I would only do it under the best of circumstances. To me, while taking a "trip with close friends" might, just "going on a cruise" wouldn't make the cut!

 

[glitterkittyy]

Wait, wasn't this an episode or two of the last season of the Housewives of Orange County? This woman is playing the role of Vicky who wanted a girlfriends only trip or nothing at all. lol

 

[luvmy3]

If I understand the situaton correctly, she put the idea out there to go on the cruise. Others agreed. Then she determined that she might not be able to go. Others who could still go decided to try and expand the group. Idea Originator then seemed to think she could tell the group that they could not include others, even though she herself was not ging, so why would it matter to her? Then there was a possibility she could go. Lots of "yes I can, no I can't" behavior which, in reality, is attention-seeking, keeping everyone on the edge of their seats waiting for her to decide.

I am a cranky old thing. When people start pulling this crap, my response is usually "Here are the details of the trip, here is who's coming. We'd love to have you join. Oh, you have an issue with some of the people coming? Oh, well, we'll miss you on this trip. Maybe the next trip will be a better fit for you".

If she is the one who put the idea for a girls trip on the table then the girls in the group should have gotten confirmation that she wasn't coming before they decided to change the plan of the trip. It shouldn't have mattered if she kept saying I can or I can't, sometimes real life gets in the way alittle bit and things can't be planned like we want. Even the OP said that we are all moms, we should support eachother, how come that courtesy doesn't seem to extend to one of her friends

 

[disykat]

Then she determined that she might not be able to go.

My understanding is that she wanted to go but wasn't sure if she could. Now she doesn't even want to under the new circumstances. No harm no foul IMO. The changes clinched her decision. I'm not seeing the big "I'm going, I'm not going" drama here. The trip plan is still in the "decide who's going" stages.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Something to remember: If you and friends talk about someone when she's not around, you can bet those friends are talking about you when you're not around.

 

[Mermaid02]

Wait, wasn't this an episode or two of the last season of the Housewives of Orange County? This woman is playing the role of Vicky who wanted a girlfriends only trip or nothing at all. lol

In my best announcers voice-

The role of Vicky is now being played by _______.

 

[Wishing on a star]

... Someone else said ..... Hey I have 4 friends that want to go with us. Will this give us enough people for a group discount??

Now the originally girl who didn't know if she was going to make it because of kids and DH vacation e-mails everyone saying she does not want to have other people to go with us!!

Okay, lets simplify things here...
Based on the information from the OP's original post, quoted above.

First, to answer the one friends question.... if every one of the eight original friends, plus these four extras... then, assuming everyone wants to split a double-occupancy cabin (because cruise lines charge at least two full adults for each stateroom, no matter what) Then, no, there are still nowhere near enough to get a group discount.

Second, while this lady may be acting all 'Queen Bee'... in this case, it simply had not been decided within the group whether outsiders were welcome. ( Obviously, there are some who would not be happy with that, and they would have a right to their feelings! ) I know that one should never go on assumptions - but in this case, I feel like the over-riding assumption was, as mentioned in the OP's original post "Just US girls".

So, IMHO, in this case, Ms. Queen Bee truly does have a valid right to voice her opinion/vote on whether outsiders should be welcome.

Also, it is just early Feb., right... WAY, WAY to early to be expecting a firm commitment for November...
Now, if the cruise was being planned, and it was near the 90 day cancellation mark, then I might be calling this woman on her waffling back and forth.

The problem here does not necessarily seem to be Ms. Queen Bee... It seems to be a severe lack of planning and leadership skills.... Like I said earlier... Herding Cats!!!

PS: I too seem to detect a dislike or real personality-conflict between the OP and this other woman.