Can you stand another wedding question?

[Jennifer S]

My sister is getting married this summer. My parents are divorced. Dad is remarried , mom lives w/ her SO. Grooms parents are married.

My mom wants her SO to wear a tux- she will be in a long gown.
Grooms dad is having a fit> He said only my dad and him should wear a tux because my mom is not married.
My mom is hurt grooms dad is mad.
Sister is siding with her future FIL only because he has $$$.

What is the propper ettiquitte?

BTW the wedding is in July and I'm sure I'll have more questions. This is turning into a war.



I got tons of questions on the quest list but I'll save that for another day.

 

[Hedy]

Honestly? I don't think it's that big of a deal (it's not like if your mom was wearing white). IIRC from my brothers' weddings, often times nonfamily people (eg ushers) wear tuxes.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If it is a formal wedding--groom's dad is incorrect.

If it is any other kind of wedding, groom's dad needs to get over it.

I did not get any flack for my yet to be remarried mother for her SO's outfit choice.

It is rediculous and her date, SO or otherwise, should dress to compliment her. If he is more comfortable wearing a tux while she is wearing a gown--then it is nobody's business.

Sister is dishonoring her mother IMHO.

The proper etiquette is to dress in proper attire for the event and the only "off limits" thing etiquette-wise that I am aware of..you don't upstage the bride and you don't wear white.

 

[kpm76]

I am not sure what is proper but I think it's fine to have your mom's SO wear a tux. I had an uncle wear a tux at my wedding because he was someone special and he was helping with the coordination. I'm not sure there are any "rules" on who wears a tux and who does not. Not sure why your sister's FIL is making such a big deal about it but I hope it all works out

 

[sugarpie]

I don't see what the big deal is. Let him wear a tux if he wants to.

 

[Linzybrooke]

If it is a formal wedding--groom's dad is incorrect.

If it is any other kind of wedding, groom's dad needs to get over it.

I did not get any flack for my yet to be remarried mother for her SO's outfit choice.

It is rediculous and her date, SO or otherwise, should dress to compliment her. If he is more comfortable wearing a tux while she is wearing a gown--then it is nobody's business.

Sister is dishonoring her mother IMHO.

The proper etiquette is to dress in proper attire for the event and the only "off limits" thing etiquette-wise that I am aware of..you don't upstage the bride and you don't wear white.

Exactly!

 

[Christine]

Well, I don't know what is "proper" but I don't understand your FIL getting bent out of shape.

I can see your mom's side because she will be wearing formal attire so it seems like her "escort" should be dressed similarly. If they are going to be hanging out together through the evening, being in photo's together etc.

A think a good compromise might be if your mom's SO gets a very nice black suit and really dresses it up with the shirt and tie.

 

[Jennifer S]

That's what I thought. The grooms dad is just so controlling and being a pain the the butt.

I wasn't sure if it was an ettiquitte thing?

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I would think a lot of people would be in a tuxedo. At my wedding, about 1/3 of the male guests wore tuxes. And when we are invited to a formal wedding, my husband usually wears his too!

I love a man in a tux!

 

[salmoneous]

First of all, I'm stunned that the groom's dad has an opinion as to what some other guy wears to the wedding. I think he just lost his man card. What an idiot. And the son gets loser points for not telling his dad off.

But that's all water under the bridge. How do you get past this?

What you sister needs to do is - while sucking up future FIL and saying how right he is - point out that his opinion - no matter how correct - is causing trouble for the marriage. Can he do her a huge favor, be the bigger man, etc. and let it go?

 

[wendy46001]

wow of all the things to get bent out of shape over...he needs to get off his high horse....its not like two moms wearing the same gown...its a tux....I’m sure the whole bridal party will be in one (if its that type of wedding)

If he's a real pain...why not just say he's wearing a black suite...and rent a tux that looks more suit like days.... dad probably wont know the difference

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

The grooms father needs to stay out of it. period. Who care who wears a tux? Geesh, the things that people let bother them. Give him some valium, or maybe yet one of Charades new pills.

 

[korbbec]

You and the groom should set one thing clear right away. It is YOUR wedding. You make the call. Screw what the rule books say. The two of you decide, let the others know, and end the conversation. If they are starting this now it will only get worse- nip it in the bud.

 

[Jennifer S]

Thanks guys. I'm blown away that everyone agrees. Happy though. It's my sister's wedding not mine. The grooms father is very vocal in what he wants. Now my sisters DH - to be is in the boat w/ his dad. I just feel so bad for my mom. Why should the future FIL dictate to her how her date should dress?

Anyone have a link to proper wedding ettiquite that might address this question? I'd love to email it to her just as an FYI

 

[Christine]

Now my sisters DH - to be is in the boat w/ his dad.

I think she should call off the wedding.

 

[Laura]

First of all, I'm stunned that the groom's dad has an opinion as to what some other guy wears to the wedding. I think he just lost his man card.

I think EVERYONE should be in a tux! How's that for a problem-solver?

 

[Beth76]

How is this any business of the groom's father? Even if he's paying for the wedding he can't dictate what people wear.

 

[Laura]

Anyway, according to etiquette, the invitation/time of day/location of wedding and reception should specify to guests what to wear. My FIL and step-FIL did not wear tuxedos to our wedding. It was an afternoon, non-formal affair. The groomsmen, groom and my father all wore tuxes. Etiquette does not say that the father of the groom can wear a tux while the boyfriend of the bride's mother cannot. It is up to guests what is appropriate. Any of the male guests are allowed to wear a tuxedo if they want; it's not an indication of "rank" within the family. If your mom's boyfriend wanted to wear a wedding dress, that would certainly be uncouth.

http://weddings.about.com/cs/weddingguests/a/guestattire.htm

 

[rt2dz]

If it is a formal wedding--groom's dad is incorrect.

If it is any other kind of wedding, groom's dad needs to get over it.

I did not get any flack for my yet to be remarried mother for her SO's outfit choice.

It is rediculous and her date, SO or otherwise, should dress to compliment her. If he is more comfortable wearing a tux while she is wearing a gown--then it is nobody's business.

Sister is dishonoring her mother IMHO.

The proper etiquette is to dress in proper attire for the event and the only "off limits" thing etiquette-wise that I am aware of..you don't upstage the bride and you don't wear white.

Without reading a post past the first page, this is EXACTLY CORRECT!!!

Furthermore, if mom's SO had any hand in raising your sister, or they have been living together for any significant amount of time (1+ years) he really should be in the tux as a parent/step-parent.

 

[Maleficent13]

Two things. First,

First of all, I'm stunned that the groom's dad has an opinion as to what some other guy wears to the wedding. I think he just lost his man card.

Second, I know I am NOT the etiquette queen, but I'm with whomever said there is no clothes ranking system for families. WTH? I can only imagine what Miss Manners would say about this!