Can marriages survive Nursing School?

[taximomfor4]

Sorry, just feeling sorry for myself (and DH and the kids) today. I will (hopefully) finish nursing school in May. I knew things were bad here at home, but hoped everything would be better after I graduate. Well, I just don't know that we will ever get there.

I had heard the stats on last year's evening/weekend Nursing Program's high divorce rate...but didn't it would happen to us. I just don't know now. We have been tag-team parenting throughout nursing school -- He works days, I go to school evenings and do clinicals on weekends since not all our kids are schoolaged yet.

We took a family trip to WDW last summer, trying to prepare going into this school year -- and were hoping to eek another one out this summer after I graduate. I just don't know anymore.

Sorry, I am rambling. I'm sad today, and brought this all to a head last night with DH...perhaps past the point of no return. We won't even see each other to talk again, until Sunday night. We're like ships passing in the night. I think sometimes, we resent the heck out of each other.

I shouldn't be posting this here, I guess, but have nobody to talk to -- everyone is busy. I just want to know HOW MARRIAGES SURVIVE NURSING SCHOOL.

Beth

 

[DawnCt1]

Our marriage survived my last year of nursing school, college AND medical school, in addition to internship, residency and fellowship. And did I mention the US Army?

 

[Jen_in_NH]

No advice on nursing school, but our marriage has survived my physician assistant program with all of the rotations involved with that, as well as my husband and I working rotating 24 hour shifts. Admittedly, we don't have kids (for another few weeks )

It takes a lot of patience from both of you, and a good understanding of just how much each of you is going through (and trust me, I think he went through more while I was in clinicals than I did - I at least had something to focus on)

Good luck

Jen

 

[taximomfor4]

Our marriage survived my last year of nursing school, college AND medical school, in addition to internship, residency and fellowship. And did I mention the US Army?

LOL. HOW?! DH threw that question at me last night -- how OTHER PEOPLE do it. I suppose if I were "other people" I would know the answer.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Marriages survive if both parties are "on-board". If I went back to school my dh would be there for me.I think marriages surviving small children however is a problem that I do see ALOT!

 

[Soubrette]

No advice, just good wishes. It's difficult, to say the least. I just finished a graduate program, and my DH and I still trying to work through the distance it created between us.

 

[MagicalMom]

Mine as well as many of my co-workers & classmates made it through & remained happily married. As long as your spouse understands that sometimes careplans have to come before dishes, you'll be fine.

 

[taximomfor4]

Mine as well as many of my co-workers & classmates made it through & remained happily married. As long as your spouse understands that sometimes careplans have to come before dishes, you'll be fine.

See, I think that is where we are having issues. He screamed at me pretty thoroughly last night, which is shocking (for him) as he is just NOT Like that, but has been like that lately. Went off about how I should "JUST GET A (insert profanity here) B ALREADY." Guess he is sick of me having careplans to do?

So has anyone seen a marriage get TO THE EDGE and then survive successfully?

Beth

 

[hentob]

Something simple to try:

Keep a notebook somewhere in the house. Kitchen, bedroom, by the family room sofa, near the toilet Make sure there is a pen with it at all times.

Keep a running journal with your spouse.

Example-

"Hey Sweetie! What an exhausting day yesterday! I miss you so much. This will be over soon and then we will move forward. There is a light! I can see it. Haha. I love you. Please remember that. We will be normal again. I hope you have a great day. What are you hungry for? I am taking requests for dinner."

Always ask a question so he has to write back and keep up the communication.

Write in this any chance you get.

I hope this helps

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So has anyone seen a marriage get TO THE EDGE and then survive successfully?

Beth

Oh...many, many times. DH and I are going on 20+yrs with each other, 16 married.

Here is the secret....lots of ...I wish I knew that way back when.

 

[MdmMim]

Our marriage survived nursing school.

DH was the student--not me! He worked nights at a nursing home, went to school days, and took care of our DS when I was working evenings. I don't know how he managed all that, but he did. I was/am very proud of him.

It wasn't easy, but we survived.

Lots of understanding -- on both sides-- helped get us through!

 

[tinkerrn]

Nursing school is a very intense tme and is very stressfull to everyone involved. When you are finished with school, thngs will slow down. It is a very important part of your life right now.

Balance is paramont as a nuse. This will continue after you graduate and enter the nursing field. I just finished an inservice with our nurses, on leadership and the charge nurse role. Time management, priortizing, and delegation are key aspects you will need now and on the floor. Try and determine the things in your life that must get done Now, can be done later, and those that might have to be given to someone else to accomplish. Every day you need a 'game plan'; the night before or even the week before try and make a schedule that you and your husband can agree on. Make tme for each other, set an hour or 2 each week for yourselves.

Good luck, if you need any help...let me know!

 

[taximomfor4]

Nursing school is a very intense tme and is very stressfull to everyone involved. When you are finished with school, thngs will slow down. It is a very important part of your life right now.

Balance is paramont as a nuse. This will continue after you graduate and enter the nursing field. I just finished an inservice with our nurses, on leadership and the charge nurse role. Time management, priortizing, and delegation are key aspects you will need now and on the floor. Try and determine the things in your life that must get done Now, can be done later, and those that might have to be given to someone else to accomplish. Every day you need a 'game plan'; the night before or even the week before try and make a schedule that you and your husband can agree on. Make tme for each other, set an hour or 2 each week for yourselves.

Good luck, if you need any help...let me know!

Wow, what wonderful insight! DH volunteered to write, cast, direct, and play music for the spring musical where he teaches -- so our life is led by the calendar. I bought a great big one, and EVERYONE has to write their schedules into it. The one thing that has never made it in: time for DH and I. I have completely neglected that, because we have very, very little time together as a whole family and I didn't want to cut into it at all.

I do remember when my mom was in nursing school -- I was 9, 10, 11 yrs old. She was always gone, or in her room with the door shut. At least, it seemed that way to me.

To the pp who suggested the journal, I think that is a great idea. Now if DH comes back (which I won't know till SUnday evening, I guess), I will have to try that. Better late than never, huh?

Beth

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I was single during nursing school, but DH and I were married when we both went back to school full-time to earn a second set of health degrees. It was really, really rough, and we didn't have children! So I can only imagine how tough it is for you and your family!

Your marriage can survive. You might need to explain to your DH (like I explained to my DH several times ) that you can't tell the difference between how much studying you need to do to get an A and how much studying you need to do to get a C or a D. (I had a 4.0 in nursing school because I just couldn't figure this out ). A B would have been OK, but everything in nursing school is SO NEW that you have to work really, really hard to learn it.

I love the idea of the journal! It's inspired!

 

[olena]

I'm sorry. I can feel your pain. My own marriage has been under the stress and strain of law school for nearly 3 years now and there have been some breakdowns and really tough moments. Somehow we make it through. For the most part, we have to grin and bear a lot and put needs and wants on hold. The one thing that really helps is knowing that this is not permanent and there is an end to it eventually. That's my biggest comfort.

Hopefully with your imminent graduation, you and your hubby can reconnect and rebuild any damage that has been done.

 

[Cindy B]

Now my DH and I are BOTH in school, both working and we have two kids.

I am in full time teaching program with tons of practicums and rotations at different schools. I study and do schoolwork ALL the time! I know its ok to get a B in a class, but I have a 4.0 for the past two semesters and I want to keep it as long as I can. I know eventually the 4.0 will go away, and I will be heartbroken when it does! (yes, I'm pathetic!)

How does my marriage survive? Well, we've been married 16 years so that says something. With DH in school now--that definetely helps, he understands deadlines and projects more that he is in school.

 

[believe]

While I don't attend nursing school, DH and I work opposite shifts and he does have to share me with other obligations I have made for the weeknights and weekends. It has worked for us 9yrs now, but it does take a lot of communications and patience. DH also recently found out that due to my job change we may not be able to take the vacation he has planned for next year. Just something he will deal with and he will. He is just that way

Advice....find time for yourselves and communicate. DH and I do our best to save time for each other when we are together. If this means the kids go to bed early as if on a school night, then so be it. Also, when I have something extra come up I usually give DH the option of the kids spending time with one of my siblings. This gives him a chance to have time to be him, not dad or husband. I enjoy this time also when he gives it to me. This becomes rare depending on our schedules but we do what we can. Most of our communication is via e:mail, phone or im. We have a 3pm call 'date' to update each other before the switch over.

 

[babynurse1]

we had a 2 yr. old and a newborn my last year of nursing school. It was very difficult to say the least. BUT we did survive, I think because we both made an effort to try and have some one on one contact every now and then.

I know these times may be few and far between, but try to see if you can squeeze some time together to air out the issues. let him vent, then you vent, then work TOGETHER to come up with a solution. Sometimes all my dh needed to hear was "I'm amazed at the job you're doing with the kids, the house, your job...whatever" and sometimes all I needed to hear was "I'm proud of you for doing this and we'll get through it"

You're so close to finishing, I hope you can hold on a little bit longer.

 

[taximomfor4]

thanks everyone. I am much calmer than I was this morning, but still feel just sick. Nervous and nauseous.

I should specify that we have 4 kids (not all schoolaged yet), and dh was in school as well up till this past September, getting his Masters. He likes to throw that at me, about how he only half-heartedly did a lot of his assignments because of family obligations. He often complained that his homework was mostly a joke -- simple and useless (Education). I tried to explain that in Nursing School half-doing assignments will get you failed really quick (77.9% is failing)-- and THEN where would we be! I don't get straight A's on purpose, I just do the assigned work, go where I am told to be when I am told to be there, etc. I just am a lucky person who has always been good at tests.

I have clinicals tonight, and dh has his spring musical thingy...we'll be ships passing in the night for a few more days. I hate not knowing if he is staying or moving out. I know I heard him leave the house at 1am this morning to "drive around."

I am really nervous that I made a poor decision to go back to school. I really, really hope it ends up being worth it.

 

[DMickey28]

HUGS ... I don't know how many kids you have but Marriage CAN survive Nursing school. Do you have family around you???

My best friend will also be done with Nursing school in May. She also just had her first daughter in July. It has been a challenge but you are almost at the end of the road ... things will get brighter then.

HUGS ...