Can marriages survive Nursing School?

[VirtuallyMe]

Doing school like that can be tough- and your schedule is a rough one...

I attended school during the week and was off on weekends- and dh worked in the morning before he had school and again in the evenings- I still to this day have no idea how he managed to survive without sleeping.

I went into nursing school with one child and came out with two- and 15 years after graduating I have four kids lol- and still married to same person

I would suggest you take a breath- share your fears with your husband and start counting down the days until your life will be back to normal.

anyone with a schedule like yours would have stress for themselves and stress in a marriage too... just try to keep the lines of communication open.

One thing my husband and I do when we both seem really busy and keep missing each other as will happen from time to time with his current job- is that we will send each other email messages with our thoughts- sharing what happened with the kids or just rambling about things we'd like to get accomplished- nothing truly poetic but it is nice to continue to communicate.

It is also important that if you can manage some free time you make time for you and your husband without the kids even- they will be happier in the long run for it if you can strengthen your relationship a bit...

Good luck and hang in there- you are almost done

 

[Soubrette]

I am really nervous that I made a poor decision to go back to school. I really, really hope it ends up being worth it.

Just one person's opinion, but someone going back to school to do something they love is rarely (if ever) a mistake. You're gaining skills and self-confidence with each step of your education...you just need to work to create balance and get the rest of your life to catch up. You'll figure it out.

 

[taximomfor4]

Doing school like that can be tough- and your schedule is a rough one...

I attended school during the week and was off on weekends- and dh worked in the morning before he had school and again in the evenings- I still to this day have no idea how he managed to survive without sleeping.

I went into nursing school with one child and came out with two- and 15 years after graduating I have four kids lol- and still married to same person

I would suggest you take a breath- share your fears with your husband and start counting down the days until your life will be back to normal.

anyone with a schedule like yours would have stress for themselves and stress in a marriage too... just try to keep the lines of communication open.

One thing my husband and I do when we both seem really busy and keep missing each other as will happen from time to time with his current job- is that we will send each other email messages with our thoughts- sharing what happened with the kids or just rambling about things we'd like to get accomplished- nothing truly poetic but it is nice to continue to communicate.

It is also important that if you can manage some free time you make time for you and your husband without the kids even- they will be happier in the long run for it if you can strengthen your relationship a bit...

Good luck and hang in there- you are almost done

Thanks a lot. Got me crying again. No, seriously, I really appreciate the advice.

It is nice to get some perspective, which I have lost.

Beth

 

[ZachnElli]

You probably don't want to hear a negative one, huh? Let's just say, stay away from the male students you are attracted to! My brother's now exwife's boyfriend was just a "friend" from school for far too long! And she has another year left of school (and 3 kids with my brother!).

Oh and my brother was fine with the stress of school, he cooks, cleans, does laundry (he does laundry everyday, he lives with me now so I know this for a fact!) and he loves anything outside, mowing, washing the car, etc. My ex-sil is an idiot!

 

[minkydog]

thanks everyone. I am much calmer than I was this morning, but still feel just sick. Nervous and nauseous.

I should specify that we have 4 kids (not all schoolaged yet), and dh was in school as well up till this past September, getting his Masters. He likes to throw that at me, about how he only half-heartedly did a lot of his assignments because of family obligations. He often complained that his homework was mostly a joke -- simple and useless (Education). I tried to explain that in Nursing School half-doing assignments will get you failed really quick (77.9% is failing)-- and THEN where would we be! I don't get straight A's on purpose, I just do the assigned work, go where I am told to be when I am told to be there, etc. I just am a lucky person who has always been good at tests.

I have clinicals tonight, and dh has his spring musical thingy...we'll be ships passing in the night for a few more days. I hate not knowing if he is staying or moving out. I know I heard him leave the house at 1am this morning to "drive around."

I am really nervous that I made a poor decision to go back to school. I really, really hope it ends up being worth it.

First of all, going to nursing school was not a mistake. In the long run, it will lead to the most fulfilling career you've ever had. Working as a nurse is not like being in school. It's hard work, but it's less demanding than school. I graduated 30 yrs ago and I well remember how many times I had to give up things because I had care plans or clinicals or some other school thing to do.

When my hubby & I have been faced with similar situations it helps me to remember Abigail Adams, the wife of John Adams. They were crazy in love for each other, but he was trying to help form a new nation so he was called to be in Philadelphia for long periods, leaving her back home in New England to run the farm and raise the kids. Sometimes they only saw each other for 6wks out of the year. One time all the kids got sick with the measles and nearly died. She nearly worked herself to death caring for them alone. Her letters to him are very enlightening--she let him know how much she missed him and how hard her life was. He missed her too, but they both recognized that what he was doing had historical importance. Neither one could fix the situation immediately. They had to bide their time.

Your hubby is comparing apples to oranges. He doesn't realize how intense your program is. Most nursing schools will boot you for one low grade, low meaning less than 80. It's only 2 more months. You both just have to hang on that long. It's not forever. Start by allocating whatever time you do have to focus on him. Yes, he's throwing a tantrum and your both exhausted. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can't afford to slack off now and lose everything.

It's gonna be alright.

 

[Mono~rail]

Our marriage was never in danger while I was in nursing school.

I was in nursing school, and I worked full-time as an ER Tech. Dh was a full-time student and worked a full-time job with over-time (12 hr rotating shifts). We both look back at those days and say to each other "How in the world did we do it all?"

 

[ilovepcot]

Sorry, just feeling sorry for myself (and DH I will (hopefully) finish nursing school in May.

Are you speaking of finishing nursing school *this* May...as in 2007? If so, you're practically there now! Of course you can do it!

 

[DISUNC]

To ALL of you who have/had small children, work, are going to school, and DIS!

YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!​

Just reading about this, I want a nap!!!

 

[taximomfor4]

To ALL of you who have/had small children, work, are going to school, and DIS!

YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!​

Just reading about this, I want a nap!!!

OP here, I want a nap too...and I NEVER nap.

To answer some questions in pp: I have 4 kids. I had two jobs when I started nursing school. Then DH decided it was the perfect time to go for his masters, so I quit one job -- then eventually quit the other as well. He finished last August, and I will, in fact, be done *THIS* May. I am about as frazzled as frazzled can be. But alas, no nap for me, gotta get dinner ready before MIL gets here to babysit...then off to Clinicals till 11pm.


Beth

 

[tinkerrn]

You are almost done!!!! Why don't you and your hubby, set some time aside after you graduate to 'reconnect'. Go on a vacation without the kids. Please, no flames here. They need some time together, no one else. It is so important to have that time that is just the two of you. This sounds like a serious situation. Email him and ask him what he thinks, or leave him a note.

 

[denisenh]

You are almost done!!!! Why don't you and your hubby, set some time aside after you graduate to 'reconnect'. Go on a vacation without the kids. Please, no flames here. They need some time together, no one else. It is so important to have that time that is just the two of you. This sounds like a serious situation. Email him and ask him what he thinks, or leave him a note.

Very good advice. DH and I have been "ships passing" too....not as bad as others but we are not together as a family at supper time, or in the evenings. I don't like it at all! (BIG time changes in job/money etc.)
I thought that we hated each other....a lot of resentment. We are both pooped and the house is always a mess. I liked it when I was home more and he came home at 5pm. Our whole lives seem to have turned upside down. WHINNNNE.

Then we went on vacation last month. I remembered how much I love my husband and how much fun we have with our kids.
I was just so relieved that we didn't hate each other after all. DH seems much happier now too.

I bet things will improve soon! Good luck with school and the boards!! Hang in there!

 

[Judy from Boise]

I think you need to gently remind him that the reason nursing programs demand high grades is because people's lives are in nurse's hands ! Ask him if he would have been ok with the nurses who helped birth your children....if she had skated by with c's! Does he want his parent's CCU nurse to have skipped that pesky homework on cardiac output!
Nurses don't have the luxery of OJT as new graduates....they must come out if not competent, then at least safe! That can only be accomplished by rigorous educational programs! Do not let him deter you from serving all of your future patients and families RIGHT NOW, by learning what you will need to critically think through giving them excellent evidence based care.


OK, off of my soapbox now.....

 

[tiggersmom2]

My marriage thrived during nursing school but my hubby was in engineering school during that time..... I guess it should have been double stressful but we made it work. Sorry, I was no help..lol.

 

[Forevryoung]

I'm not married but I understand your situation- My boyfriend and I are 300 miles apart while I get my masters degree from a program that is probably as demanding as nursing (clinicals, research, classes). Originally it was working out ok because we were seeing each other every two weeks and talking on the phone nightly. Now boyfriend took a second full time job. He works Job A from 7-3:30 and Job B 7pm-5am. He's been exhausted and very cranky. Combine our exhaustion and frustration towards the situation and it's been horrible. I was seriously considering how this might be the end of our relationship.

Here is the point- before "life" got in the way I never once considered walking away. I can close my eyes and remember how peaceful and happy I felt with him. We can't end things because we haven't changed as individuals, it's only the crap that's gotten in the way. And things will change again. He still loves me and I still love him. One more hurdle in life.

Good luck with finishing, you are so close. I have 14 months left and I can't wait.

 

[DawnCt1]

LOL. HOW?! DH threw that question at me last night -- how OTHER PEOPLE do it. I suppose if I were "other people" I would know the answer.

Taking one day at a time and realizing that no matter how difficult, everything is temporary and it will all pay off one day.

 

[froglady]

Let me get this straight.

You are married with 4 young children. Your husband decided that it was the perfect time to go back to school for his master's AFTER you had already started nursing school? And he VOLUNTEERED to direct/produce the school musical during your LAST semester, knowing that you are facing not only finals, but state boards immediately (at least in our state) following graduation?

Sounds less than supportive to me, but I really don't have enough insight into your particular relationship to know what's going on.

 

[Tiziminchac]

First I'll say I have't read all of this thread so forgive me if this has been said already, but... Try wearing the nurses outfit for your hubby in private. If ya know what mean.

 

[azgal81]

I believe marriages can survive anything if both parties are willing.

 

[minkydog]

First I'll say I have't read all of this thread so forgive me if this has been said already, but... Try wearing the nurses outfit for your hubby in private. If ya know what mean.

Well, considering that most nurses wear scrubs these days, I'm not sure it would have the intended effect. BTW, just so you know, your intended joke is offensive to most nurses.

 

[Longsx3]

Ships passing in the night....I just wish there was another ship in my house. Dh is currently in Korea and won't be home until mid April then gone again the beginning of May ...DD and I leave for the states May 17...wewon't see Dh until July 25 when he joins us in the states. He will be in Australia all of June and part of July so even if we stayed home he would not be here.

When he is home he works 12 hour days plus has his Master's Degree (in Engineering) which must be completed Dec 2007 and his Professional Military Education which hopelly he will finish in July. There definitely is not a lot of family time let alone time for the 2 of us but we make it work. After 14yrs we don't question our commitment to each other and we are both undertanding when one of us gets cranky!