Can I vent?

[turtle51]

I am 22 years old and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years. I am starting to get frustrated with people telling me i should already be engaged and married. I mean yes 6 years but it was in high school. We are enjoying our lives. We do not have alot of money to have the wedding of our dreams yet. and after all of this time I want my WDW honeymoon that I have always dreamed of. Is there someone wrong with me? I dont understand why people are so into getting married before your ready. I want to get my degree and have our home before i worry about going into debt 20,000. At least we will have someone to live lol. Thank you all for listening to me.

 

[JoD]

I went thru the same thing. My DH and I where together for 8 yrs before we got engaged and it was 10 yrs when we got married. I am so greatful that we waited, our relationship is much stronger than most people we know who have been married for years. My advice to you is don't listen to other people, listen to your heart and do whats right for you and your boyfriend and you will have the happiest relationship.

 

[PrincessMo]

Hi there.

I agree with JoD, don't listen to others. I know, I know, easier said than done and trust me, I wish I could do that too. I have many people who tell me things like that constantly. My cousins got engaged in August of 2004 and they were dating for like 2 years and Michael and I had been dating for 5 and still not engaged. Well, this didn't bother me because we bought a house first and I knew it would be coming eventually. Well, everyone then looked at me and said "when are you gonna get engaged?" And it always comes off so rude, like you are doing something wrong.

Well, now that we are married, and my cousins who got married in August of 2005 (we just got married on December 7th) and want to have kids now, they think i am ready and should be thinking about kids. AHHH!! I am only 24 so i am not much older than you and I need to go back to school and get settled a bit. Enjoy myself before I dive into that. But people just don't think sometimes, they think because they did something a certain way that everyone should. I think waiting until you are ready is totally best. that is what we did, and plan to do with having kids. My husband is not rushing me, and he is 9 1/2 years older and probably ready soon for kids, why should others? Ya know!

So, I feel for you. I know that feeling but don't let it get you down. Try to enjoy this time of dating cuz once you do get engaged you won't be just dating anymore. And dating sure is a fun time! The decision to get married is for you and your boyfriend. Forget everyone else, even if the others are close family. Most people think everyone should fit into a mold: Get engaged under 5 years, get married in 1 year, have kids right after. Well, I certainly don't think that is the best for everyone. don't doubt yourself, you have to make the right decisions for the both of you. If you do that, you can't go wrong!! That is what I tell myself when I am confronted with people who make statements like that without considering your situation or feelings.

Take care of yourself. Keep us posted with things and feel free to pm me if you ever want to vent!!!

Have A Disney Day!!!!

 

[groomtb]

positive side of this is that people around you sees that you two are right for each other. it's usual people would say that to you, and great that they're not saying the opposite. hey, maybe they're just jealous of you two love birds
you're still young and got long road ahead of you. marriage is just part of enjoying life and you decide when to combine them. don't worry what others say and don't let it get to you.


venting is good.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

I always think that you should do what is best for you and not what others think is best for you. When we get married, I will be 22 (fiance will almost be 24) and we will have been together for nearly 6 years. We had some people saying we were too young and, the opposite of you, saying that our years together didn't count since some were in highschool. I love my fiance and know we will be together, but that doesn't mean that all highschool sweethearts should get married right away. I know how you feel, you just need to forget what other people tell you to do and do what you think is right and best!

 

[Jax]

I completely understand your situation. My fiance and I were also high school sweethearts and everyone has been telling us that we should already be married and having kids. We just got engaged this past year (after 8 years together) and we aren't rushing into any wedding plans just because everyone thinks we should.

I know it is hard when everyone around you has thei own "helpful suggestions" just hang in there and make sure to follow your own path.

Plus everyone here is so great that when you need to vent, you will always get a lot of support here.

 

[turtle51]

Thank you so much. It feels good to know about people in my similar situation. I mean i'm still finding out stuff about him.We just moved intogether a year ago and that was a new adventure. I kinda just like being in love and being myself everyday. Its alot different then getting ready to meat him for a date. I figure i can wait to get what i want when the time is right. I can get my mickey engagement ring and My at home cinderella wedding and my WDW honeymoon

 

[MrsTink04]

You are 22 and people think you should be engaged/married?!?!?!?!

22 is SO young!!! Live your life, get your degree, settle into a career...do what YOU want to do!!! DH and I got married the day before I turned 28 and I would not have it any other way. Yes, you have been together a LONG time, but you both still have some maturing to do. Not saying you are immature...not by a longshot, especially since you know you are not ready for marriage (kudos to you!)...there's just still a lot of unmarried living to do when you are 22!!!

Love, luck and Pixie Dust to you!!!

Lauren

 

[Stacerita]

Take your time and dont let yourself be so rushed into what others think you should be. Only you and your BF know when the time is right. I can totally empathize with you though. I constantly get the "when you get married?" or "so you thinking about settling down yet?". And thats weather or not Im seeing anyone. Hollidays are the worst about that though. My mother is just as bad. She sees me not being married, let alone engaged as being a personal attack on her. Once even went as far as to say that I was purposely not getting married to spite her. I just try to smile and let everyone know that Im happy as it is and dont see the need to rush into things. My best friend used to back me up on that, but those days are gone. She met someone and within a month got engaged. Makes me and my BF look like we are laggin. Dont let it get to you. When the time is right, its right.

 

[princessblueeyzes]

I am 22 years old and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years. I am starting to get frustrated with people telling me i should already be engaged and married. I mean yes 6 years but it was in high school. We are enjoying our lives. We do not have alot of money to have the wedding of our dreams yet. and after all of this time I want my WDW honeymoon that I have always dreamed of. Is there someone wrong with me? I dont understand why people are so into getting married before your ready. I want to get my degree and have our home before i worry about going into debt 20,000. At least we will have someone to live lol. Thank you all for listening to me.

I too feel your pain. My DF- which we've been engaged for a year now- his family tried pressuring us for a long time. I too am young just like you and still want to live my life a little. Now that we are engaged, all of his family and my family want us to have kids and get married right away. We're going to get married in December of 2006, but I had to make the choice of what was right for me, and what I wanted, and when I wanted to get married.

I hope things go a little better and you two will stay happy and not let people pressure you into something that neither of you want so fast. Take your time and when it's right you'll know when to get married.

 

[2BWEDDNDIS]

turtle51, I first want to apologize for taking this thread another way. I am afraid if i start a new thread of my own my mom will be more likely to see it than if i did it on yours and I thought, can i vent, would be perfect!!
Ok I am having a sort of cultural differences problem right now with my wedding. A couple days ago my FDH and I were on the computer planning our honeymoon my mother was also in the room and overheard my FDH tell me that his dad was thinking about renting a hall and having a reception for us here when we got back from florida for those who could not make it. I thought it was a very sweet jesture, but all of the sudden my mom up and walked out of the room. I had no idea why she did this. I could tell something was wrong and went after my mom. She then told me that this wasnt how things were suppose to be. She said we all mutually agreed that we would be ok with those who could not make it or not afford to go, be there. and that the reception would be down in disney (i am a custom bride). I told her all he wanted was for like a gathering sort of party for us thats all nothing fancy casual and his family would take care of it all. In a way she is upset that what we are doing is not good enough for them and that they are going behind her back changing things. I am having a hard time understanding why she is sooooo upset. she will hardly even talk to me or my FDH now and its very uncomfortable. My FDH has even informed me that in his mexican culture the parents of the groom normally pay for the whole wedding unlike our traditions of the bride family paying for everything. He said this is bc the parents of the daughters pay for their quinciera(? sixteenth birthday). So his parents feel like they arent doing enough to help us out for the wedding and want to throw us a party when we get back, but my mom still is upset??!!
I just wanted to vent and see if anyone has any positive feedback for me???
THanks for "listening"
Kammie

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

turtle51: I understand your situation completely. I was 16 (going on 17...) when DH and I started dating (he was 19 going on 20). We dated for 4 1/2 years before becoming engaged and were married on our 5th anniversary. The ENTIRE time we were dating people asked when we would be getting married, but we didn't really have plans to. We lived together almost the entire time (that's another story all together) so we felt like we were already married.
Now, we have been married almost three years now and people keep asking when we are going to have kids (no plans at all; I'm only 24!) You can never please people. I have learned to just ignore them, as I am living my life the way I want.

2BWEDDNDIS: I can't imagine why your mom would be upset. Is it because she thinks she's being left out? My MIL was the one that paid for our wedding (although it was VERY small).
I think it's a nice idea to have a separate party after the wedding. DH and I were married in FL (not WDW though) and had very few people there. We didn't even think to have a separate party after returning home. You should just do what you want to and try not to worry about your mom. Hopefully, she will realize that she is making a big deal out of nothing. Good Luck!

 

[Ember]

I can completely relate to this. I started dating my FH when I was 17. We just got engaged last year, after 8 years of being together. People loved to nag about when we were going to "settle down" and it used to drive me nuts! When we finally do get married we will have been together almost 10 years.

Already people are on to asking, "when are you going to start a family?" This question annoys me even more. We are a family. Children don't magically make a family, they only add to one. When I tell people I'm not sure I want children then they look at me as though I'm an alien.

So I've learned to just ignore people and their opinions on my life.

 

[allisonswonderland]

Hey- I am 31 and just got engaged in August. We have been together, well it will be 7 years in May. I kept hearing When are you going to get married? Blah blah blah. I felt like it was no ones business! And it is not. Personally I am so glad that I have waited, so many of my friends married what I would consider early at19-24 many of them, well all but 1 are divorced some with several divorces and kids from several marriages. I just wanted to scream at people who would say why are aren't you married and say I do not want to end up like all of these people. In my opinion, you need to go at your own pace, if you are truly meant to be, then why rush into something, just take your time and enjoy your life as a single person, you have so many years ahead of you to be married and worried about money and kids. The best years of my life was when I was working on my 1st masters degree 22-24.....don't ever let what other people say influence your life and decisions, just tell you are not ready!

 

[janine]

Same here, but we just ignored them.
Damian and I are just getting married now, 19 years after we started dating!!
We did it when we were ready to!
stick to your guns. It's your life, not theirs.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Ember, I know how you feel. DH2B and I are 99% sure that we don't want children (we both admit that it could change once we are 30 or so and have travelled a lot) but people do the same thing, they look at us like we are crazy and then tell me that we should have kids. I've gotten to the point where I either say "Why would I bring a child into a family (on purpose) where it is not 100% wanted" or "You want children right? Would you NOT have them just b/c people said so?" My fiance and I are a family on our own, you are right, if we had children, they would only add to it. Try not to let those people bother you, even though I know how annoying it can get!

 

[ahutton]

I wonder sometimes if it is a projection of the askers dissatisfaction with their own life? Before we were engaged, everyone wanted us to be. Once we were, then when was our wedding, why so long (it wasn't that long - 15 months), then why no kids yet... Why just one DD? Oh, another DD - going to try for a boy? Pregnant with DS - are you guys done yet? How can you afford them?

That string of questions never seems to end from certain people. We've tried over the last 12 years to just keep smiling and saying "if or when we want to" and hope that it stops the questions!!! So far, it has only stopped a couple but we just keep smiling!

 

[Laurafoster]

I had the same situation, im Only 20 and for about the last 2 years people have being asking when im going to be getting engaged and when are we getting married tc. We have now decided to get marrie next year which alot of people will think is too young etc etc.

However over the last few years ive had a pretty crap time, ive lost several close family members including my sister. My parents have had 2 cancer scares in the last year and one of my friends really put things into perspective for me, she and her husband went to Sri Lanka for Christmas last year (they got married a few days before) and tragically he was killed in the Tsunami. She made me realise that your neer going to know whats around the corner, "life never asks you what you want" is what she said and to do whatever makes you happy and who cares about what other people think, do what ever makes you happy!

 

[umaangel00]

I completely agree with everyone else. Do what is right for you and not what is right for everyone else. What was right for DH and I may not be what is right for you. We only dated for 8 months before we got engaged and then we were together for 1 yr 4 months when we got married. I was 19 and he was 20. We are very happy and could never imagine it another way.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

I think the problem is that a lot of people say "age is just a number" when it applies to themselves, but when it comes to other people, they are always too young, too old. I've heard "you're too young to get married" and "you're too old to like Disney". I agree, do what will make you happy, you never want to regret waiting b/c someone told you so!