Can I go to WDW without DH? *Update post #37*

[jbdreamer]

Our family started making plans to go to WDW for Free Dining this fall. Unfortunately with so many people we couldn't all agree on dates. My DH is in grad school and can't go anytime in September. Most of the family can't go in August. My mother suggested I go with her and my sister & sister in-law and make it a "girls" trip in September. Everyone is ok with this idea but my DH. He is jealous because he really wanted to go. He said if I want to go I could, but I know he is bitter. Am I being selfish for leaving him behind?

 

[PooohBear]

Heck no ! Come on the ladies dis trip with all of us Sep.28-Oct.2

 

[jbdreamer]

Heck no ! Come on the ladies dis trip with all of us Sep.28-Oct.2

That's when we'd be going!
I am just feeling really guilty.

 

[PooohBear]

Hop on over to the dis meet thread and chat with us, you'll get over it

 

[Christine]

No you are not being selfish. He's being selfish for making you feel bad.

 

[minniecarousel]

How long have you been married? He's going to have to realize that you two will occasionally vacation apart. I don't like travelling without my husband, but have done family weddings without him, girls' weekend away, etc. He needs to "get over it" and tell you to go and enjoy!

 

[Disneyrsh]

No you are not being selfish. He's being selfish for making you feel bad.

Totally agree.

Maybe you can work out a vacation with just him at the same time you work out a 'girls' vacation, that way he's got something to look forward to as well?

 

[disneymac]

How would you feel in his place? And how will you feel after you get home? For me, that's what it's all about - you have to live with your decision (and your DH!), not any of us here. Is he really bitter or are you thinking that because you feel guilty? I ask that because that's what I'd be feeling if DH was being so generous! Not to say that I wouldn't go, but I'd be feeling a little guilty leaving him at home.... Good luck with your decision!

 

[LOVETHATMOUSE]

Leave him home - have a great time - don't feel guilty!! The other posters are right - he's being selfish.

 

[Skywalker]

My opinion? You're married and so you should plan your vacation time around your husband, not around your mother. When you say "our family" I really think that should be you and him, first.

He DOES want to go to Disney for a vacation, if he can't go in September someone else is going to have to be put out, perhaps, but not him. And, of course, it should work both ways.

That is just my take.

 

[ChibiJones]

My two cents a law school student, but yes I would be very hurt if my DH chose to go to do this. It seems that your trip is completely foreclosing any trip with your DH. So not only is he now not going to WDW, he's getting no vacation at all. I know I miss spending time with my DH when I'm busy with classes. He's probably feeling the same way.

DH has gone home to see his mom without me. But, those trips don't take away from our vacations together. Plus, she needs him to do chores around the house so it ends up not being much of a vacation.

 

[Disneyrsh]

My opinion? You're married and so you should plan your vacation time around your husband, not around your mother. When you say "our family" I really think that should be you and him, first.

He DOES want to go to Disney for a vacation, if he can't go in September someone else is going to have to be put out, perhaps, but not him. And, of course, it should work both ways.

That is just my take.

I also agree with this, but I don't think it has to be an 'either or' situation-you should be able to manage two vacations, one for your mom, one for your husband-just stay at a cheaper place and eat out more, go over the weekend so you don't take as much time off from work, etc.

Marriage is about compromising and making each other happy, there has to be a way you can get what you want without making him feel bad.

Yeah, he's being selfish about you going without him, but it stems from him loving you and not wanting to be without you, certainly not because he's in love with Disney!

So, instead of saying, the heck with you, I"m off, which will probably make him love you a little less, plan two vacations, one with your mom, one with him, so he doesn't feel left out or less important.


There's a way to make it work without punishing him for wanting to be with you.

 

[sajetto]

I'm a grad student and I know that if my DF left for a WDW trip without me I'd be very hurt and he would feel the same if I did that to him. Sorry, but there is no way I'd go. Your DH comes first not your mom.

 

[Brier Rose]

I did this once when DD was about 5. Went to DW with my sister and a friend, and honestly I did not enjoy myself at all!

DH and I never vacation apart. Not saying it's wrong to do otherwise, just pointing out that things like this are all about how YOU feel, rather than what someone else thinks is ok.

Some couples love to have time apart, others don't...WE don't.

DH did not make me feel guilty about going AT ALL! In fact he wished us a great time!

Just being there knowing how much fun he would be having if he was there...I just couldn't stand it. I couldn't wait to get home. That's the one and ONLY time I've ever wanted to leave WDW!

 

[mrsltg]

Hmmmm... funny you should mention this. I booked DH a trip to Key West - by himself - because he is so stressed. He has time off, I don't. It's much cheaper for one person to travel than four. I'll miss him and wish I were with him but he needs the trip. Now, this August I planned a mommy and me trip for older dd and I to WDW. He'll be at home with younger dd (who, before she begins kindergarten, will be given the same alone time with me at WDW). At any rate, he's bummed he won't be with us but he'll get over it. Sometimes you do need to do things seperately. I threatened DH telling him he shouldn't bother coming home if he doesn't have a piece of key lime pie for me, and I plan to bring him an Expedition Everest shirt. Give and take...

 

[threeboysmom]

I say go without him! I've gone on many trips without my DH, and he sounds like your DH - he doesn't like it... BUT I also plan trips for just he and I. So maybe plan the fall trip without him, but let him know you will plan a trip WITH him when he has the time to do so...

An all girls trip sounds like fun!! I am debating whether I should come down for the Ladies Only Meet in September... Sounds like a blast, and with free dining to boot!

 

[PooohBear]

I am debating whether I should come down for the Ladies Only Meet in September... Sounds like a blast, and with free dining to boot!

Quit debating and jump in !!

 

[laura001]

Heck No! If your DH doesn't mind, forget the guilt and go!!!

I really wanted to go on the Ladies Only Trip and have been practically falling all over myself to get DH to say "why don't you go". If he did......WOW I would be out the door

So.......please GO!!! and have a great time!

 

[luvmydogs]

Check your guilt at the door and have a great time!

Dh and I are doing separate trips to the beach and to NYC this summer, and I'd never even think of begrudging him this time with his friends--heck, I'm happy that he gets a chance to get away from the routine (and this routine includes me!) and be 'just a guy' for a while. And honestly, there's nothing like having the house to myself for a little while--peace and quiet and microwave popcorn for dinner!

Join up with The DIS ladies if you can, and have fun!

 

[HaleyB]

I disagree with everyone that is saying he is selfish. I think it is pretty clearly selfish to want to go to WDW even if it means your SO gets cut out of the deal.

But wait, I am not finished. I also think you should go.

I have been married a long time and call it what you want, selfish works, sometimes you have to put yourself first. Sometimes he has to do the same thing. And both of you should try to recognize this and instead of anyone feeling badly, either guilty or bitter, feel joy.

Your DH should feel happy for you even as he feels sad for himself. You should be able to feel joy at the thought of a girl's trip, while at the same time feeling badly that DH can not go.

You don't have to pick one or the other, emotions are not an all or nothing kinda thing. That is why we have terms like "bittersweet"

I was just reading his post and He wants you to go, and you should. Of course he is sad that he can't go and that the expense will put off a vaction he would rather take. How else should he feel? His feelings are just honest. But he also wants you to go. He is giving you a gift, accept it as such and with grace. Of course you feel a little bit guilty, but you will still have fun. If he in a momunt of bitterness throws the trip in your face give him the gift of over looking it. He sounds like a wonderful guy, a real keeper.

Go, and have fun.