After hearing that our room was indeed ready, much to our surprise and relief, we gathered up the luggage and went in the direction of the “Inn” side at Boardwalk. We had bellmen offer to bring our stuff up but we declined the service. Only having one rolling suitcase each, it was not too much to haul on our own. The hallways at Boardwalk are so long and expansive that I always feel like I am walking to the end of Versailles. It also makes we aware of how loud I talk at times because you can hear your voice echo down the mile long corridors and hit you smack in the face like a boomerang, before you have time to inhale for a second sentence.
Our room was listed as a, "garden," view and indeed we had foliage outside of our window. When you hear the term, “garden,” and it is associated with one of the few places on earth that actually have an entire fleet of gardeners to pull from, many people, including us our first time, expect rose bushes sculptured into an amazing likeness of Cinderella’s castle. While it is true that some, ”garden,” views indeed have an expansive gallery of flowers and topiary to look at, ours did not. Our view from the balcony had very nice trees and dense grass cover, to gaze over.
This caused me to giggle. It also had my mind contemplating the possibility of when I did finally settle into a home and have an actual lawn to tend, I could rent rooms out as a side business and charge them a bit higher, explaining that yes, an evergreen and cut grass is technically a garden. If they do not like it, they can bring it up to Disney!
Derrick asked what I was laughing about and when I told him, he laughed too. He said he did not know what was making him feel better, to hear me actually talk about getting out of a condo or thinking of ways to offset the expenses of a house by venturing into rental by owner properties! Like I said, the banker gene runs deep in those veins, no matter what the title in front of his name says on a business card!
It felt good to hear his booming laughter. There is a richness to his deep chuckles that have always filled whatever space we were in, with love and given me a belief that we could get through anything. Sometimes, if it was a really funny joke or situation, his shoulders would shake and he would place his arms up, lock his fingers behind the back of his head and bend over at the waist, trying to catch his breath. This was not one of those times that required any of that but he still had laughed and I took it as a good sign.
It was not even noon yet and I was tired. I usually run every morning. Due to the early flight, I had not and when exercise is not part of my routine, I notice a direct correlation to how sluggish I feel. Lack of sleep from the night before was obviously a contributing factor but I actually wanted to slide on some running gear and head out for a bit. This was our no plans day and thus, anything went.
Derrick had always been more of a strength training guy and I tended to lean to endurance sports. Although we both liked to stay in shape and eat healthy, our exercise regime has never coincided and we usually worked out alone. In fact Derrick often joked that since man had invented the gun, there was no need to run since anything chasing him could be shot. It was not his fault he was higher on the evolution chain than most of society! Give him a row machine, a bike or even swimming to get his cardio in. A smooth course and great temps mean nothing to his day, where it is the best way, to start mine. So of course, when I suggested he could rest a bit or hang out by the pool and I would join him in an hour, the last thing I expected was him to say he would like to come with!
He said he had noticed a thin tire developing around his belt line and maybe some running would work his oblique’s better. That it could not hurt anyway and it would be a nice way of breaking into this trip by starting something new. I tried not to let my enthusiasm show as I quickly put on some shorts and a running tank. My fingers though were shaking and it took me four times to lace my shoes up just right. This was an amazing start to a vacation I was worried about and I would not screw it up by asking a rapid fire list of questions, which I normally would have done. I was going to just accept the fact he wanted to go and the reasons why did not matter. Trying to not over-analyze things for me, is like asking a fish not to swim but I knew if he could change up his routine, so could I.
If you have ever stayed at Boardwalk, you know it is a fantastic place to run or walk and sight-see. There is a paved route that will take you past Yacht and Beach as well as Swan/Dolphin and if you want more distance than that, you can always head on down the path to DHS and back. I suggested we simply run the lagoon loop twice and then also offered to head to the weight room after. The benefit and curse of any deluxe accommodations, is that they have a decent workout room right on property so there is no excuses for not maintaining your, "at home," routine. I figured if he could give in and try something I liked, I could do the same. He was in the middle of tying his shoes when I suggested the weight room and he had tilted his head towards me, smiled with a simple statement of, “That would be nice.“
We were both trying. Giving a bit of our selfish habits up to see if it could impact each other in a positive way. Willing to see where it might take us.
We walked out of our room, the packed water bottles in hand and filled them up when we found a drinking fountain by the lobby. Then proceeded out onto the large veranda that provides chairs and rockers for resting and viewing the busy coming and goings of others, on the backside of the hotel. We stood there for a moment, taking the scenery in and made a promise we would have to come back at least once and sit and enjoy this luxurious place before we left. So many times the beautiful extra’s of any Disney property do not get enjoyed and I wanted to slow down and actually feel like we had paid the extra for something more than just a cushier bed, by staying here.
Walking down the stairs and taking a moment to stretch a bit on the expansive lawn, I noticed the small tire Derrick had complained about. It did not bother me because he could gain a million pounds and I would always love him but it did upset me because I had not noticed it until now. Another change in him that had gone without even a glance from me. A sign of eating too late, snacking before I got home too many nights, waiting to have dinner until my meetings ended. A physical confirmation that something was not as it had always been for him and I had not even taken a moment to register anything was different. How long had it been there? How long had I not been noticing things? It used to be I would make a comment if I saw he had trimmed his beard slightly different. Not that it was good or bad, just different. It ranked right up there for me with not being able to pinpoint the last time he touched my neck or hand. Somewhere along the way, I had stopped paying attention to the details of our relationship. Stopped paying attention to us.
We started slow towards ESPN club, careful not to bump into the people milling around the bakery and ice cream parlor. It was warm but not too bad and the consistent rhythm of my feet became my music. My tempo. I usually ran with an Ipod in. That day I wanted to be free to listen or talk, whichever he preferred.
As we made our way towards the bridge connecting Boardwalk to Y&B, we saw a wedding party forming for pictures and a ceremony at the venue on the lagoon. The bride looked to be in her late twenties and the groom similar in age. They were smiling and so proud that they were finally at their happy day. We steered to the right, giving them plenty of room and privacy but could not help glancing over at them multiple times. It was absolutely breathtaking to see such a gorgeous location being the backdrop to a start of a family and I silently wished them happiness and a long future together.
Derrick broke into my concentration, asking if I regretted anything about our wedding? He was curious if it was something I looked back on fondly or after being in and attending many friends and families weddings since, if I would change anything? My first reaction was to want to know why he was asking it? Was there something he regretted and now he wanted me to answer first so he could evaluate whether he could be honest? That was my first instinct.
Then my brain tried to intercede my habitual big mouth and I replayed his question again, just answering what he asked rather than examining it like it was a strategic war game.
“Yes, I have some regrets.“ I then just let out how I felt without editing anything or gauging what his reaction might be in order to prevent me saying too much. I explained that our wedding became too much about his family and my family and not about us. That I felt I had spent a ton of time with everyone but him on our wedding day. There had been so many guests to visit with and photos to take every time we turned around, that I sometimes look back at that day and wish it would have been more intimate. In spite of having so many nice gifts to bring into our new life together, I would trade them all in for a more simple day. Minus a few priorities I would have if I could do it again, the life choking details that overwhelmed me before would be tossed aside and I would just have to find enough chutzpah to say no to anyone who did not like it.
We ran a bit more before he answered my comments. As we passed by the rental boats sitting outside the dock at Y&B, he finally opened up and said he had always felt the same way but thought I had been happy with our wedding so he did not want to upset me by mentioning it. That once the guest list had been accumulated and the reception size confirmed, he never felt like he had the right to input his objections. He felt the wedding style was set in stone and if I was happy, he would be happy.
As we ran on, past surrey bikes struggling to make it up the hill to Swan/Dolphin, I felt such a strong sense of our lives being played out in an analogy right before us. Those riders huffing and puffing did not plan on regretting any of the ride when they first stepped into the bike. They had only thought of the fun ahead, not the struggles for success in-between. There was one family arguing over who was not pulling their own weight. The more they fought the slower they became until it took two of them to jump out so they did not roll backwards and still they were arguing, saying they would walk and the rest could finish without them.
Then there was a family that had a Dad, cheering on his fellow bike riders to victory over the hill. Promising ice cream at the end of the journey and telling his daughter in the basket up front to do her part and ring that bell like crazy. Let everyone know they were going to make it and soon they would be heading downhill and the rest was going to be easy. They were all smiling even though you knew there legs were on fire. They had their focus on what was ahead, not what was in the moment.
Two families. Same start but a very different method once the tough part reached them. I told Derrick I wanted to always ring the bell. He knew exactly what I meant and said he had been waiting for me to say that because he had been afraid I was already one foot off the pedals, ready to jump.
