Calling all parents

[java]

i'm using the phrase 'clean her room' for you guys - i don't tell her to clean her room.

i'll aske her to put xx back where it belongs, make your bed while i make your breakfast or lunch (on a school day)

i am specific when i ask her to clean up not vague and say go clean your room. i know that's not a concept she;ll understand but she should know - make your bed (we've done it for weeks) and she knows where her toys go she just doesn't care

wen't to preschool for 2 years and is not in jr kindergarden so she's spent the last 2+ yrs being told "it's time to clean/tidy up" and she does it there - just not here.

Try music! Put on a cd that she likes that gets her moving. And say let's see how much you clean up before this song is over. - it's a limit. Plus it's a challenge. I resort to this when I can't get the help I need. A song always gets things going.

Also do it alongside her. My 4 year old won't pick up his cars unless I start with him. Once he gets going he's good. But he needs that side by side to get going. And if I say "I'm going to get more than you" He really moves! A little competition goes a long way.

 

[Pumbaa_]

hear is a question for you - does her father pick up around the house?

My brother does nothing and my niece ssees this and does the same. Now she is refusing to go to church cuz it is more fun to stay home with daddy and veg on the couch or play games

 

[Lachesis00]

I have my and 2.5 year old help me pick up. I had to laugh. Today Daddy brought in a small trash can and the 2.5 year old and was finding stuff to pick up. He asked me "Trash?" Sister found a roll of TP and went to town. He helped me pick it all up. If it was a toy, he picked it up and put it where it goes. Sister helped until she dumped the small trash can when my back was turned.

I agree with helping them or the count down timing. Even if it is the small stuff. We pick up or try to, several times a day. I also often have their room blocked off (more b/c it gets too hot and they don't get to play in their room often) with a gate and so they only have so many toys in the living room.

Reading what you've asked her to do, doesn't seem like too, too much, but I would still work beside her at age 4.

 

[KAMKIM]

I'm not understanding why some think its wrong to expect a 4 year to pick up, my kids picked up from the time they could walk. Nip it in the butt now - it's much harder at an older age.

 

[KAMKIM]

I think you're stressing over silly things. I never had my kids at 4 "clean". They had a toy room and it was ok for that room to be a mess.
From your pic, you look like an older Mom-maybe expecting too much from such a little one?

Even if we had a toy room it would not be okay for that room to be a mess. If kids are not taught to respect their things from a young age you are asking for trouble later on.

and about OP's age...I wouldn't go there

 

[C.Ann]

I'm not understanding why some think its wrong to expect a 4 year to pick up, my kids picked up from the time they could walk. Nip it in the butt now - it's much harder at an older age.

I'm with you on this one - and have to admit that I'm amazed that people think 4 years old is "too young" to learn the concept of keeping things tidy and picking up after themselves..

Like your children, my kids and my DGD were all learning this concept as soon as they were walking..

They weren't scrubbing down the walls; vacuuming; polishing furniture; etc. - but they put their things away and "attempted" to make their beds.. (The beds looked pretty funny, LOL, but the object was to instill in them what is required for a room to look tidy..)

With the "Beat The Clock" method, it was fun - they were playing a game - so the job got done and everyone was happy..

 

[HelenePA]

I'm with you on this one - and have to admit that I'm amazed that people think 4 years old is "too young" to learn the concept of keeping things tidy and picking up after themselves..

Like your children, my kids and my DGD were all learning this concept as soon as they were walking..

They weren't scrubbing down the walls; vacuuming; polishing furniture; etc. - but they put their things away and "attempted" to make their beds.. (The beds looked pretty funny, LOL, but the object was to instill in them what is required for a room to look tidy..)

With the "Beat The Clock" method, it was fun - they were playing a game - so the job got done and everyone was happy..

since they learned to walk? seriously? Maybe I'm a pushover mom but I am not asking my 1yr old to help me clean up. For now that's my job. When he's a little older I'll ask him to "help" for now I'd like him to be a toddler play have fun. I'll worry about the mess he makes. I dont mind picking up after him. He's a baby.

 

[C.Ann]

since they learned to walk? seriously? Maybe I'm a pushover mom but I am not asking my 1yr old to help me clean up. For now that's my job. When he's a little older I'll ask him to "help" for now I'd like him to be a toddler play have fun. I'll worry about the mess he makes. I dont mind picking up after him. He's a baby.

It's an excellent way to strengthen their motor skills, hand-eye coordination, etc. - so it really serves a dual purpose..

 

[mrsklamc]

since they learned to walk? seriously? Maybe I'm a pushover mom but I am not asking my 1yr old to help me clean up. For now that's my job. When he's a little older I'll ask him to "help" for now I'd like him to be a toddler play have fun. I'll worry about the mess he makes. I dont mind picking up after him. He's a baby.

Every parent has to decide for themselves but if OP had done this when her kid was a baby, no battle now.

 

[HelenePA]

Every parent has to decide for themselves but if OP had done this when her kid was a baby, no battle now.

not true this is my 4th my others are fine cleaning up when I ask and I sure didn't start having them clean up when they were babies. My first is a neat freak she hates her room to be messy I don't even have to ask her to clean she does it herself

 

[disney1990]

i'm using the phrase 'clean her room' for you guys - i don't tell her to clean her room.

i'll aske her to put xx back where it belongs, make your bed while i make your breakfast or lunch (on a school day)

i am specific when i ask her to clean up not vague and say go clean your room. i know that's not a concept she;ll understand but she should know - make your bed (we've done it for weeks) and she knows where her toys go she just doesn't care

wen't to preschool for 2 years and is not in jr kindergarden so she's spent the last 2+ yrs being told "it's time to clean/tidy up" and she does it there - just not here.

At 4, I think you need to be in the room with her "helping" to get this job done. At this point, yes, every time. Such as, ok, let's pull the sheet up on the bed now, let's pull the blanket up. Here's Mickey, where does he go? Here's Minnie, where does she go?

I think that giving a 4 year old "what to do" and then leaving the room to do something else, is beyond what most 4 year olds can do.

And, if you think 4 is bad, wait until she is a teen. There are lots of threads on this board about parents complaining about their teens rooms. OH MY!

 

[mrsklamc]

not true this is my 4th my others are fine cleaning up when I ask and I sure didn't start having them clean up when they were babies. My first is a neat freak she hates her room to be messy I don't even have to ask her to clean she does it herself

The fact that you haven't always made your kids clean up, and your first is a neat freak doesn't mean that what I said is not true. I didn't say that doing it your way would lead to a messy kid. I said that if a four year old has always know that they have to clean up after themselves, you don't have to teach them at 4.

 

[Kurby]

well - i talked to dd today and told her we weren't going to try something different.

stickers worked when i was potty training her so we've gone back to that.

i made a chart with clip art with things like eating dinner (ya thats a big deal for us) cleaning, bath time (she loves this but it's a way to be positive and give her a sticker)

i think part of the problem was that once we gave her the nickle and it went in the maxie bank (max and ruby) she didn't see it or care about it but with the sticker chart on her door she'll see her progress throughout the week

here's a pic of what i did

a i know it looks like a lot of things for her to do but i'm trying to be positive and put things on there that i know she'll have no problems with to show her how good it feels to get stickers like

behaving and listening to daddy's story time, taking off her night pull up (ya this is still an issue that she pees through the night but i'm still trying to get her to stay in her bed so i'm ok with the night pullup) she goes to school and walks in without being clingy which she used to do but has become better at doing

putting her cloths in the laundry - not a problem - easy sticker
bath or wash - another easy sticker

i'm hoping that getting the easy stickers will help her with the eating dinner, making her bed and putting the toys away. which are really the only "issues" we are having

 

[Kurby]

ohhhh and i should say that the check marks are because the first 2 weeks in october are gone. what worked for cassie when potty training was to say do more then last week.

and now that she can count she can see that last week she didn't fuss with dinner 3 out of 7 nights but this week it was 4 out of 7 so she's getting better.

know what i mean

 

[npmommie]

It's an excellent way to strengthen their motor skills, hand-eye coordination, etc. - so it really serves a dual purpose..

so does playing

since they learned to walk? seriously? Maybe I'm a pushover mom but I am not asking my 1yr old to help me clean up. For now that's my job. When he's a little older I'll ask him to "help" for now I'd like him to be a toddler play have fun. I'll worry about the mess he makes. I dont mind picking up after him. He's a baby.

 

[disney1990]

I love the sticker chart.

I really suggest that you actually stay in the room and help guide her cleaning efforts.

Some children just need more guidance than others.

I know it's hard. You should see my 11 year old granddaughter's bedroom. You would probably cry. But, her mom and dad used to be really hard on her, as they tried to get her to keep her room clean. About 2 years ago, she almost died from childhood cancer. Keeping her room clean doesn't seem to at the top of the list anymore. It's amazing what, almost losing your child will do. They have readjusted their priorities.

 

[skuttle]

My DS is 6. I'm not sure the first time we did this, but one time we told him to clean his room and he just wouldn't do it. So finally, we warned him that he needed to clean his room. If he didn't, anything left out on the floor and not in its bin was going to be thrown out. We did that once. Never had to do it again. Now, after he says he has cleaned his room, we ask him if we can go check it out. Sometimes he says yes, other times he runs back in there to finish. We tried a reward chart for a while, but that never really worked so we had to figure something else out to try.

 

[KAMKIM]

since they learned to walk? seriously? Maybe I'm a pushover mom but I am not asking my 1yr old to help me clean up. For now that's my job. When he's a little older I'll ask him to "help" for now I'd like him to be a toddler play have fun. I'll worry about the mess he makes. I dont mind picking up after him. He's a baby.

Me and my kids always considered the picking up part fun and playing...no one said it had to be considered manual labor. Sing a song and dance while you're doing it. More quality time for me to spend WITH them instead of them watching me run around and clean up their messes.

 

[jasminesmommy1]

Wait till your child ia interested in something and take it away and say clean room and u can have back or clean room for her and all toys on floor take away for a week.

 

[MushyMushy]

Wait till your child ia interested in something and take it away and say clean room and u can have back or clean room for her and all toys on floor take away for a week.

A week? For a 4 year old? I don't even think they would realize what a week is!