Called into the Teacher's Office- New Update Page 6

[RitaE]

nobody could do any testing without your consent.

They are probably calling you in to tell you that they would like you to sign the forms to perform the testing.

If it bothers you that much, simply tell them you don't want her tested.

 

[redshoes]

If it's stressing you out so much, why not just call the school and ask exactly what they want to see you for? Maybe I'm naive, but I would assume that as a parent you have a right know what the meeting is about. I would rather have a little background information before I go into something.

The only other advice I'm going to give you is stop worrying about every little thing with your daughter (that is not to say that the skipping a grade is not a big one). I'm a worrier so I speak from experience (this is as much for me as it is for you), it's alright to worry about you kids, it's alright to want the best for them- that's your job as a Mom. I tend to over analyze every single little detail of youngest son's life (he had a very rough start as a baby and we had a lot of health scares in his short four years), but I have had to let things go. It's not good for your well being and the lives of both of your children, if you're stressed out all the time about the little details. You're the parent, she's the child- do what's best for your family (your husband and your other child included) and save the real stress for the important stuff. Because here's what I know as a Mom, there will be situations and decisions that will be worth the stress and worry- there always is. The issue is when you've spent so much time worried about the little details there's nothing left in you to deal with the big stuff .

 

[disykat]

Why, yes as a matter of fact I do sit my kids in front of the tv and walk away. Of course, they are 6 and 9, but I don't remember the last time I felt compelled to watch a program with them.

If my kids want to watch tv, I do let them, provided they've done their homework and other activities.

But, really, do you honestly expect parents to sit and watch cartoons with their kids? Not everything has to be an learning experience. Sometimes a cartoon is just a cartoon.

Honestly, why are people picking on the OP? Obviously you do things with your kids and they do some things other than watch tv. To me it's just as obvious that people who don't parent and let their kids watch tv 24/7 are missing out on some learning time. Geez people - My kids watch tv pretty much whenever they want, but it's not all they do so I don't see how she was insulting me. I agree with her!

I'm sure someone will respond "are you calling me fat?" to my post as well.

OP, you have every reason to be upset if you feel your daughter's school is pushing to have her placed somewhere you don't want her. You are her parent and know her best. Just stick to your guns. I also have a bright child I NEVER would have allowed in gifted because of the pressure he puts on himself. The school doesn't see that side of him, but I do. My child who is more laid back thrives in those sorts of classes, but not my perfectionist!

 

[ilisao]

Honestly, why are people picking on the OP? Obviously you do things with your kids and they do some things other than watch tv. To me it's just as obvious that people who don't parent and let their kids watch tv 24/7 are missing out on some learning time. Geez people - My kids watch tv pretty much whenever they want, but it's not all they do so I don't see how she was insulting me. I agree with her!

I'm sure someone will respond "are you calling me fat?" to my post as well.

OP, you have every reason to be upset if you feel your daughter's school is pushing to have her placed somewhere you don't want her. You are her parent and know her best. Just stick to your guns. I also have a bright child I NEVER would have allowed in gifted because of the pressure he puts on himself. The school doesn't see that side of him, but I do. My child who is more laid back thrives in those sorts of classes, but not my perfectionist!

I am refuting one of her statements. She said she didn't imagine the people on this board would just put their children in front of a tv and walk away. I am letting her know that is not quite accurate. I never said she was insulting me; my skin is thicker than that.

 

[disykat]

I am refuting one of her statements. She said she didn't imagine the people on this board would just put their children in front of a tv and walk away. I am letting her know that is not quite accurate. I never said she was insulting me; my skin is thicker than that.

My point is when she said that, she most likely was talking about people who never supervise their children and let them just sit and watch tv all day without any parental involvement.

Turning it into an argument that you sometimes let your kids watch tv without supervision and how dare you say that makes me a bad parent is an "are you calling me fat?" moment IMO.

 

[AmazingGrace]

Oh she is allowed to tell me and my DH that she is bored. Just no one else. Dance mom's will grab on to stuff like that and then go pester their children (Aren't you bored? Why is Cat bored and you aren't? Blah, blah, blah) Its like they cannot help comparing their children every living second.

How do you know what the dance moms will say? It almost sounds like you think the other moms are jealous of your child and are trying to compare. I'm glad you're not a parent in my kids' school. The other moms would eat you alive and put you in your place real quick.

 

[dreamer17555]

How do you know what the dance moms will say? It almost sounds like you think the other moms are jealous of your child and are trying to compare. I'm glad you're not a parent in my kids' school. The other moms would eat you alive and put you in your place real quick.

I know these women (she is going into her 5th year of dance). Some are not like that. Some are sweet and brilliant moms but a lot of them at our studio are constantly trying to compare children to make sure theirs is the best. They measured for costumes and someone got a list of the measurements and were all "OMG. Look at Jenny's waist! Its so tiny. I need to stop letting Sally have ice cream." No, I am not kidding.

Her dance teachers are outstanding, the kids are wonderful but its a group of moms that really puts me off her studio. There is a small wonderful subset that loves to encourage all of the girls but the others... they are always worried about why so and so got a spotlight part and not their child. Why this one was able to go into AIG and not their DD (who they tell you is so much smarter than so and so).

I have lived in Texas for years (Houston and San Antonio) and I never came across parents that are harsh or would "put me in my place". I really feel bad that you live in an area like that. How is that healthy? I came her for advice because I do worry and I do feel pressured. I am sorry that I somehow made you upset.

-Becca-

 

[dreamer17555]

An update:

My DH came home today at lunch brought me some very yummy Mexican food and then convinced me that I could not spend my weekend stressed about all of this. I called the school and they just called me back. I spoke with the principle. She knows Cat rather well (especially after the bus bullies incident). She said she had spoken with her teacher yesterday.

She said she is concerned because Cat can already pass all the end of year requirements. She mentioned again moving her up a grade. I told her why we were not comfortable with that. She said she understood but she also didn’t want Cat to spend a year bored. She said she is sweet and that one of the school’s counselor asked her if she was bored and Cat became very quiet and then finally said that saying you are bored is rude but that it was all baby stuff. (Oh well. She was trying to be polite.)

The principle recommended that Cat be tested to see exactly where she is. I said I don’t want her to skip a grade. She said that she understands why I am hesitant but she rarely suggests that students be moved up a grade. She explained the testing would give the school more options about her education. She will be going in for testing at the end of the month.

I am still meeting with her teacher. The principle said we needed a game plan to make it through the end of September.

I know I worry a lot. I am a rather young mom. I had her at 18 and raised her on my own until I meet and fell in love with my DH. She was born premature (32 weeks) and I often feel like I don’t know what I am actually doing. All of her friends’ parents are ten years older than me. I feel a lot of the time that she deserves a better parent than me, someone who knows what to do with a child that is so very driven. I am not trying to insult any parents on here. I am just a mom doing my best in a situation that is overwhelming to me.

She has been a perfeconist since she was a toddler. We constantly tell her that all we care about is her trying her best but she never seems to care about whether or not we think she did a brilliant job. She only cares about what she thinks about her own work (whether in school or dance or anything really). And like I said I am worried. I don’t know if that is normal or not. And I tend to feel like a better parent would know if it was or wasn’t.

-Becca-

 

[phorsenuf]

I know these women (she is going into her 5th year of dance). Some are not like that. Some are sweet and brilliant moms but a lot of them at our studio are constantly trying to compare children to make sure theirs is the best. They measured for costumes and someone got a list of the measurements and were all "OMG. Look at Jenny's waist! Its so tiny. I need to stop letting Sally have ice cream." No, I am not kidding.

Her dance teachers are outstanding, the kids are wonderful but its a group of moms that really puts me off her studio. There is a small wonderful subset that loves to encourage all of the girls but the others... they are always worried about why so and so got a spotlight part and not their child. Why this one was able to go into AIG and not their DD (who they tell you is so much smarter than so and so).

I have lived in Texas for years (Houston and San Antonio) and I never came across parents that are harsh or would "put me in my place". I really feel bad that you live in an area like that. How is that healthy? I came her for advice because I do worry and I do feel pressured. I am sorry that I somehow made you upset.

-Becca-

Why stay there then. It can't be a good atmosphere and I would imagine it could have negative effects on your daughter. You said yourself in the other thread that if the dance moms weren't helpful then run.

I am glad you got some clarification from the school. If you don't want your daughter moved than tell them so and be done with it. Stand firm.

 

[mickeyboat]

Becca -

You do sound like you are very insecure as a parent. Don't forget that most parents, no matter how confident they seem, don't have a guide to parenting that you don't have. We are all simply doing the very best we can and making the best decisions possbile for our children.

I can see why the school is pushing right now for your DD to advance. They want her to get immersed in the classroom as soon as possible so she doesn't fall behind the second graders. Now is the time to make the decision, so I think it is a good time to move forward with the testing and make a decision once you have the results. Even if you don't choose to advance her to the next grade, the teacher can assign appropriate work in her current classroom.

How is Cat socially? 2nd grade was a big year for making friends and for cliques to form. Do you think she will handle that well - especially since much of her free time is devoted to dance?

My DD8 (9 on Tuesday) is a perfectionist, and is very hard on herself, too. She is bright, hardworking and a stickler for following the rules. She will try something over and over until she gets it 100% correct. It puts her in a tough spot though. She gets frustrated and upset with herself when she can't figure something out and she hesitates to ask for help.

One thing we have tried to do with her is to have her try lots of different things - soccer, baseball, girl scouts, karate, swim lessons, gymnastics and ice skating to name a few. (Not all at the same time, of course, but over the years.) She understands that she is not going to be an expert at any of those things right off the bat, which opens up the opportunity to have space in her life for something that might be just for fun, and forces her remember that she isn't perfect, and that no one expects her to be. This year I am encouraging her to try skiing.

Good luck to you. It isn't easy!

Denae

 

[dreamer17555]

Why stay there then. It can't be a good atmosphere and I would imagine it could have negative effects on your daughter. You said yourself in the other thread that if the dance moms weren't helpful then run.

I am glad you got some clarification from the school. If you don't want your daughter moved than tell them so and be done with it. Stand firm.

There are some that are wonderful- just not enough of them. They are all willing to help out, tie hair up, adjust tights, help the girls change but the second the girls are out of earshot all they want to do is compare children.

Personally I don't play that. They are mad that their child got passed over for Lil Sally but when Sally's mom comes in they are like "She is so much better than my DD" and then Sally's mom will say "Oh no I think your DD should have gotten it over Sally." And so on... its a BS fest sometimes.

Personally we are there for one reason. The teachers. The company director is amazing, tough yet fun, and really knows how to make the girls be the best they can be. Also in generally all of the girls are well behaved sweethearts. For instance we had some flooding and this one girl's house flooded. They all came in with cards they had made. They are 6-8 years old. When learning new stuff, like back handprings, instead of giving some girls a hard time they are all so supportive. "You almost did it! You are getting so good!"

I think their parents could learn a few things from their children. The girls never seem upset with being in the back or not getting a spotlight part- the parents get upset. All those girls want to do is dance and have fun.

I am not going to let my child be someone else for these parents to use to measure their own child against. She has her own gifts and so do the other girls. Each child is different, why bother comparing at all?

-Becca-

 

[ilisao]

An update:

My DH came home today at lunch brought me some very yummy Mexican food and then convinced me that I could not spend my weekend stressed about all of this. I called the school and they just called me back. I spoke with the principle. She knows Cat rather well (especially after the bus bullies incident). She said she had spoken with her teacher yesterday.

She said she is concerned because Cat can already pass all the end of year requirements. She mentioned again moving her up a grade. I told her why we were not comfortable with that. She said she understood but she also didn’t want Cat to spend a year bored. She said she is sweet and that one of the school’s counselor asked her if she was bored and Cat became very quiet and then finally said that saying you are bored is rude but that it was all baby stuff. (Oh well. She was trying to be polite.)

The principle recommended that Cat be tested to see exactly where she is. I said I don’t want her to skip a grade. She said that she understands why I am hesitant but she rarely suggests that students be moved up a grade. She explained the testing would give the school more options about her education. She will be going in for testing at the end of the month.

I am still meeting with her teacher. The principle said we needed a game plan to make it through the end of September.

I know I worry a lot. I am a rather young mom. I had her at 18 and raised her on my own until I meet and fell in love with my DH. She was born premature (32 weeks) and I often feel like I don’t know what I am actually doing. All of her friends’ parents are ten years older than me. I feel a lot of the time that she deserves a better parent than me, someone who knows what to do with a child that is so very driven. I am not trying to insult any parents on here. I am just a mom doing my best in a situation that is overwhelming to me.

She has been a perfeconist since she was a toddler. We constantly tell her that all we care about is her trying her best but she never seems to care about whether or not we think she did a brilliant job. She only cares about what she thinks about her own work (whether in school or dance or anything really). And like I said I am worried. I don’t know if that is normal or not. And I tend to feel like a better parent would know if it was or wasn’t.

-Becca-

Perhaps she need to cut back on dance a bit. That may be the best way to incorporate what she needs in school and what she likes to do.

You are the parent. You can tell her no, she can't dance as much. She's only 6.

 

[dreamer17555]

Perhaps she need to cut back on dance a bit. That may be the best way to incorporate what she needs in school and what she likes to do.

You are the parent. You can tell her no, she can't dance as much. She's only 6.

But why I dont want to skip her is much more than dance. She is not socially ready for the cliques that start in 2nd grade. She has friends but she has a hardtime relating to children who aren't driven. She does not want to hang around and watch a movie. She wants to be doing something.

I don't know how I feel about her as a teen being younger than all of her friends. When they can date or drive or whatever and she cannot (because we have certain standards on that sorta thing)

Trust me I have no problems telling her no. That is why she is so well behaved. She isn't a spoiled brat because she has a lot of dance. She is polite and sweet. She is not one of those kids that runs around asking for stuff. She just doesn't.

I am going to see what the tests say and then think about it but in my heart I don't think it is what is right for her.

-Becca-

 

[MELSMICE]

Why stay there then. It can't be a good atmosphere and I would imagine it could have negative effects on your daughter. You said yourself in the other thread that if the dance moms weren't helpful then run.

I am glad you got some clarification from the school. If you don't want your daughter moved than tell them so and be done with it. Stand firm.

We are on the same page today, as I was thinking the same thing.

As a studio owner, this is not a healthy place for your DD to be. Regardless of whether you say that you do or don't buy into all that garbage, it's difficult to stay away from it. It's especially difficult for your DD to stay away from it.

I must ask (again, as a studio owner) what type of studio has 6 year olds dance for 12 hours a week? My youngest group of competition students are 7 & 8. They will dance 4-5 hours per week this year. That is more than enough for them to handle at such a young age. I will enter them in competitions that are appropriate for their ability and for what they have learned this year.

This is just my opinion from what you've written on these boards, but it sounds to me like this studio is very concerned with the trophy they will receive that they can put in their window showing that their 6 year olds won a championship. Again - JMO. I'm making an assumption that could be totally wrong.

As far as your DD skipping a grade. If you don't want her to skip, just tell them no. If you feel she will be bored & should skip a grade, then have her skip the grade. Is there another school in your area that would be better suited to her individual needs?

 

[mickeyboat]

But why I dont want to skip her is much more than dance. She is not socially ready for the cliques that start in 2nd grade. She has friends but she has a hardtime relating to children who aren't driven. She does not want to hang around and watch a movie. She wants to be doing something.

-Becca-

Think about it in a different way. If she does not like to be around children who aren't driven, if you keep her in the grade she is in with all the other "undriven" children, she will alienate them. When it is time for 2nd grade, she won't have any friends, and it will be socially more difficult. Maybe if she was in 2nd grade now, she might be able to relate better to those who are at the same academic level.

Also, my kids are not geniuses, and aren't as driven as your daughter seems to be, but they don't hang around and watch movies. I don't think they really have ever sat down and watched an entire animated movie. They are both very active and always want to be on the go. I think you have a convoluted sense of what other kids your daughter's age are like.

Denae

 

[Wishing on a star]

Becca, you sound like a wonderful and intelligent mom!!! You may have been young at 18, but I think motherhood makes most young woman, such as you, mature pretty quickly!!!!

As you know from that one group of dance-moms... (could be cheerleader moms, theatre moms, ANY moms...) Yes, those claws can come out a little bit!!! Mom's are always willing to stab another mom in the back. Unfortunately, many of us can admit that many women in general can be a little catty like that, just in general, re: other woman. (A few recent posts here on this thread will serve as yet another example of this... don't know why these other woman posting the way they are???) I applaud the way you are distancing yourself from this and desiring to do what is best for your child!

I think you are on the right track!!!
I think it is a good time to get some good, thourough, objective testing!!!

That doesn' mean that they will automatically be demanding that your child be moved up to the next grade... But, it will be a starting point... It is always best to be a well informed parent regarding our children!

You need to know if your child does indeed have all of the skills required to pass her grade already, NOT just if she is bored with the busywork that is being given at this very beginning of the school year.

Do they offer any enrichment opportunities other than outright moving a child up a grade?

It does sound as if your daughter is very bright!

I am sending you my support and my best wishes as a fellow parent...

Like one poster said, nobody has some secret manual...
You sound like you are doing a better job than a lot of other parents!!!

 

[phorsenuf]

OP, have you considered homeschooling her? That way you could keep her challenged at all times, she can still keep with her dance schedule and with all the great homeschooling groups out there she would not suffer socially. Seems like the best solution all around.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This seems to be an excellent post about the dancing.
I just thought it deserved another read!

We are on the same page today, as I was thinking the same thing.

As a studio owner, this is not a healthy place for your DD to be. Regardless of whether you say that you do or don't buy into all that garbage, it's difficult to stay away from it. It's especially difficult for your DD to stay away from it.

I must ask (again, as a studio owner) what type of studio has 6 year olds dance for 12 hours a week? My youngest group of competition students are 7 & 8. They will dance 4-5 hours per week this year. That is more than enough for them to handle at such a young age. I will enter them in competitions that are appropriate for their ability and for what they have learned this year.

This is just my opinion from what you've written on these boards, but it sounds to me like this studio is very concerned with the trophy they will receive that they can put in their window showing that their 6 year olds won a championship. Again - JMO. I'm making an assumption that could be totally wrong.

As far as your DD skipping a grade. If you don't want her to skip, just tell them no. If you feel she will be bored & should skip a grade, then have her skip the grade. Is there another school in your area that would be better suited to her individual needs?

 

[diznygirl]

An update:

My DH came home today at lunch brought me some very yummy Mexican food and then convinced me that I could not spend my weekend stressed about all of this. I called the school and they just called me back. I spoke with the principle. She knows Cat rather well (especially after the bus bullies incident). She said she had spoken with her teacher yesterday.

She said she is concerned because Cat can already pass all the end of year requirements. She mentioned again moving her up a grade. I told her why we were not comfortable with that. She said she understood but she also didn’t want Cat to spend a year bored. She said she is sweet and that one of the school’s counselor asked her if she was bored and Cat became very quiet and then finally said that saying you are bored is rude but that it was all baby stuff. (Oh well. She was trying to be polite.)

The principle recommended that Cat be tested to see exactly where she is. I said I don’t want her to skip a grade. She said that she understands why I am hesitant but she rarely suggests that students be moved up a grade. She explained the testing would give the school more options about her education. She will be going in for testing at the end of the month.

I am still meeting with her teacher. The principle said we needed a game plan to make it through the end of September.

I know I worry a lot. I am a rather young mom. I had her at 18 and raised her on my own until I meet and fell in love with my DH. She was born premature (32 weeks) and I often feel like I don’t know what I am actually doing. All of her friends’ parents are ten years older than me. I feel a lot of the time that she deserves a better parent than me, someone who knows what to do with a child that is so very driven. I am not trying to insult any parents on here. I am just a mom doing my best in a situation that is overwhelming to me.

She has been a perfeconist since she was a toddler. We constantly tell her that all we care about is her trying her best but she never seems to care about whether or not we think she did a brilliant job. She only cares about what she thinks about her own work (whether in school or dance or anything really). And like I said I am worried. I don’t know if that is normal or not. And I tend to feel like a better parent would know if it was or wasn’t.

-Becca-

The test won't just judge their intelligence, the counselor will also be observing their personality and maturity. I think the test can help you learn more about your daughter, and how to handle someone who is so driven.

Take it one step at a time. After getting the test results back and hearing what they have to say, you can discuss options.

 

[redshoes]

OP-

Can I ask you an honest question? What were you like as a child? It just seems to me and please don't take this in a negative way at all, that you and your daughter have a ton in common. You seem to want to be the perfect Mom and you seem so stressed about making the perfect decision all the time.

I understand you're young, but by the time you get to be a Mom age really doesn't matter. Whether you're a 25, 30, or a 40 year old Mom- you've been peed on, thrown up on, and said things that you never thought would come out of your mouth. Age shouldn't matter. Just when you think your kid is the only one to do that, you turn around and find out you're not alone.

Your daughter is driven- great. She will do well in life, if she can hang out to that drive. But speaking from someone who was in the "got to be perfect all the time" club, I missed out om alot of things because I was afraid to fail. Now whether this is something your daughter will struggle with or not, remains to be seen.

I don't know how to tell you to help your daughter, but I will tell you this- I would not be comfortable exposing my child to alot of the things that you say go on at her dance studio. If her classmates mothers are comparing waist sizes, its just a matter of time before their daughters are doing it too. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Mean Moms usually breed mean girls. That seems like a very unhealthy and a possibly dangerous situation for a child who is trying to be perfect all of the time.

The best advice I ever got about parenting was this: Follow your gut.