Called into the Teacher's Office- New Update Page 6

[Rora]

Boy, OP, some people are sure kicking the crap out of you, huh?

I will preface my remarks by saying I am not a parent, nor do I play one on TV. I have observed parents, the good, the bad and the ugly, for about 30 years.

I understood your TV comment. For years, all we have heard about is how bad parents are who let their child sit in front of a TV constantly. Of course, you pass a comment on it, and suddenly we have parents coming out of the woodwork saying that they let their kid watch TV and you wanna make something of it???????. For those of you who felt like the OP was directing a negative comment at you...get over yourselves. There is no one who thinks that you letting your kid watch TV for a prescribed period of time every day is going to turn your kid into a dunce, including the OP. I watched TV as a kid. I turned out to be a contributing member of society. So don't all be so touchy, for crying out loud. FWIW, if you are a parent hat lets your kid watch TV for 16 hours a day, you may be doing them a disservice, and sorry if the truth hurts.

OP, your child may be scholastically gifted, but I agree that being scholastically gifted doesn't mean she is developmentally, socially or emotionally ready to be moved up a grade. I would share my concerns with the powers that be at the school...that while you want her to be academically challenged, you want her to be socially & developmentally well-placed as well. Perhaps they can keep her in her grade so she socially and developmentally in an age-appropriate setting, and offer a lot of additional "enrichment" type learning. Perhaps you can hire someone to work with her on enrichment learning, or you can continue to do so yourself...it sounds to me as if you have been doing a good job so far!!!! I would listen to the professionals for suggestions, but keep in mind that you do ultimately hold the cards.

As far as dance....if she loves it, I see no reason for her not to do it. It doesn't seem to be negatively affecting her. As far as the other parents...I have watched various children I love (nieces, nephews, godchildren, friends' children) at pretty much every type of extracurricular activity know to mankind in the last 30 years (I had a friend who had a child at 16, so I have literally been an "aunt" for 30 years). For all that has changed in childrens' extracurricular activities, there is one thing that has remained constant...parents that feel the need to compare their child to everyone else's, and to sometimes be catty and nasty about it. I have often said that the worst thing about childrens' activities is the fact that, by virtue of the fact that there are children involved, parents have to be involved. Because some parents see their children as extentsions of themselves, rather than their own little person. Some parents "replay" the slights, the failures, the successes of their own childhooods through thier children.

I can recall when I was going into 4th grade, my school was trying an e"educational experiment"..hey, it was the 70's, what can I say? Anyhow, they took 15 4th graders that they thought were academically advanced and put them into a classroom with 15 5th graders. We had a very "avant garde" (for her era) teacher who did things like enrichment programs, a reading area which consisted of a bright orange rug and a bunch of floor pillows that you could lay all over while you were doing your reading. She was very artistic so we did a lot of pretty advanced arts and crafts projects. I thought it was fun. My parents agreed to let me into the class. The parents of the kids who didn't get into what they considered to be this "special"class were upset..."Why wasn't my Johnny chosen?". Throughout history, parents have been the same...competitive where their children are concerned. The parents of the kids NOT chosen started ragging on the parents of the kids who were chosen that being in that type of school environment was going to "ruin" us and so forth. Meanwhile, here I am. I survived.

You were young when you had your DD, but it doesn't mean you were stupid. You sound like you are doing a great job, you sound like a concerned involved mother who wants a nice all-around kid. You sound like you get wonderful support from your DH. It sounds like your DD knows she is well-loved. Kids are pretty resilient. You are going to make some parenting mistakes...believe me, she won't die. She probably won't even need lots of therapy. If she knows you love her and want what's best for her, she'll be fine.

I had parents. They are great people. They were good parents who I always knew loved me. Did they always do the absolute right thing?? Well, probably not, but they always did what they thought was the best thing, and I always knew, no matter what, that they loved me. And I'm OK...I am a nurse, a contributing member of society, still love them and all that, despite being allowed to be in the split 4th/5th grade class.

So relax..you're doing great.

I agree with this post 100%.

I sound a lot like your daughter. I've danced since I was 4. When I was 8 I was on pointe and my ballet instructor told me that I had a good chance of being in an elite Ballet Company by the time I was 12. When I was 11 other parents convinced my mom that it was time for me to stop dancing because "middle school would be stressful". Dancing was my passion and I still haven't gotten over the fact that I was forced to quit. I am 22 and plan on starting a ballet class this fall (if you love something, you will always come back to it! ). Please don't make your daughter quit or dance fewer hours. Let her make that choice on her own.

I have been a perfectionist my entire life and have always throw myself into whatever I'm doing. This is where I differ from your daughter: in elementary school and middle school, I had tons of friends. Then I hit High School and just didn't care for that many people. I prefered to be alone, to read a book, etc. Friends would always invite me out on the weekends but I opted to stay home and watch movies with my boyfriend and my parents (yeah, I was pretty exciting ).

Having friends doesn't make you the happiest person on Earth. Yes, it is so necessary to have friends but it's perfectly fine for your DD just to have a handful. If your DD is bored in 1st grade, then maybe, depending on the results of these tests, you should let her go on to 2nd grade..? But if your gut is telling you not to let her go, don't let her, despite these tests. Like another poster mentioned, have you considered home schooling?

You are a good parent. I promise, and I don't even know you. The fact that you are so concerned tells me a lot about you (in addition to your upbringing). As cliche as this is: everything happens for a reason and works out for the best.

Keep us updated!!

 

[Disney Doll]

If the studio owner/teachers allow it to happen then it will. I can honestly say that I nip it in the bud IMMEDIATELY when I hear anything like this.

I have taken time out of class to sit my students down & tell them, "I will not tolerate that kind of cattiness (sp?) & if I see it continue you will be asked to leave." I have told them that not everyone will be best friends, but we will all get along & we will all be kind to each other.

Last week when a mom approached me & began bad mouthing another student I told her in no uncertain terms, "We don't talk about the other students here. If you would like to speak about your daughter we can do that, however, I will not talk about any other student that attends my school."

I am sure she was embarrassed as other parents were around, but I will not have a studio with caddy moms or students. I am the person that can stop it & I do.

OK - off my soapbox now!!!

 

[barkley]

just want to say that no matter the best efforts on your part to counteract it or shield your dd from it-if she's in a studio where she been exposed for over half her very young life for upwards of now 12 hours per week of parents and kids who DO strive for perfection, DO set unrealistic goals for themselves, DO judge themselves on an unrealistic basis-that mindset is going to affix itself to her.

as much as we as parents are the primary teachers to our children of healthy and realistic behaviours and standards by virtue of our own actions and words, putting a child into a regular environment where those actions and words are not practiced-and are in actuality constantly contradicted can greatly influence a child.

i cannot count the number of friends i have who are prone to perfection that talk of how while their parents always encouraged them to just do their best, not to stress out over trying to be perfect, to just enjoy a given activity vs. obsessing over it-their parent's words fell on deaf ears when what they were inclined to do (their perfectionist's nature) was not only accepted in some of the environments they were in (dance classes, gymnastic classes, theatre groups, sports) but was the agenda/lifestyle they overheard other parents, kids, coaches, teachers encouraging and positivily reccognizing on a regular basis. more than one friend will say 'mom and dad may have said it was'nt necessary for me to do it that way but they were'nt there with me in class, in the changing rooms, at rehearsals and practices and performances hearing everyone else say and do otherwise. the norm was to push and keep pushing-i just kind of figured that ALL those other parents could'nt be wrong and since this was the place mom said was the best place for me to go and learn from, maybe she just did'nt realise that what i was doing was the the norm'.

i would worry that an enviornment where my young child is seeing other kids (and likely hearing from them) that their parent's are pulling them out to school to ready for or rest up for performances or competitions is one in which those parents are placing a very high priority on that aspect of their child's life. they are going to modeling behaviours and expectations that their own children will model-and your child will be exposed to and learn from. she may adopt opinions and habits that despite your best efforts you cannot change.

 

[dreamer17555]

I met with Cat’s teacher. She and I came up with a plan to last at least until Cat gets tested.

Cat will not be in any reading groups but will instead be allowed to go down to the Media Center and work on her own research projects. Something challenging and fun, she will have a teacher assistant with her. She will be started on the 2nd grade spelling words and work on those, she will take two spelling tests, one with her class (1st grade words) and one to test her words (she will skip the research project on Fridays so they can do this)

With math I will just keep working with her at home, but Cat is amazing with numbers and will be fine. As for class time Cat will always have a book with her so when she finishes she can read quietly or if they are at their desks she can work on her writer’s workshop (Writing Stories) which Cat enjoys.

The teacher is being really sweet about everything and is obviously willing to work with us. She mentioned that the principle was not thrilled with our set up and would prefer her to skip a grade. Why I have no clue. I think it has to do with cost and resources but I am not sure.

Anyway Thanks for the Support. I am hoping Cat will have an amazing school year.

-Becca-

 

[scottishduffy]

Glad to hear the update and that the teacher is so willing to work around Cat's needs. Keep us updated after the testing is all done! I hope she has a great school year.

 

[Rora]

I'm so happy the teacher is willing to work with you so nicely!! This set up honestly sounds better than her skipping a grade... and the principle sounds sketchy. I hate it when school administrators are more concerned about finances than a student's education.

Regardless, I hope Cat has an AMAZING year. Keep us updated about your decision after these tests!

 

[Mickey&Donald]

I guess I'm woefully ignorant, but how in the world would a student skipping a grade be beneficial to the principal's wallet?

 

[dreamer17555]

I guess I'm woefully ignorant, but how in the world would a student skipping a grade be beneficial to the principal's wallet?

The school has to pay for a teacher assistant to work with her. If she moved up a grade they wouldn't need to offer that service.

-Becca-

 

[Totally Tink]

The school has to pay for a teacher assistant to work with her. If she moved up a grade they wouldn't need to offer that service.

-Becca-

I find this highly ununsual. How are they getting an assistant for a child who hasn't been tested in any capacity? The school doesn't need to offer any service unless a student qualifies for it. I teach students who have moderate mental impairments and have never heard of anything like this. I'm curious to hear more.

 

[dimimi]

I hope the testing works out for your daughter. I have enjoyed reading what the other posters have said. The gifted posters who were in accelerated programs really gave you interesting advice and thoughts to ponder.

I really can't see how taking 2 spelling tests and having a book to read will challenge your daughter. Also, I can't see how working independently in the library will be helpful socially or educationally. Heck, you could do that yourself. It would be nice if she could attend math with the 2nd or 3rd grades. I know of many schools that do that as a norm with their gifted kids.

Good luck, you really have a huge responsiblity to meet the unique needs of your daughter. You are doing a great job of trying to do the best thing for her.

 

[barkley]

I find this highly ununsual. How are they getting an assistant for a child who hasn't been tested in any capacity? The school doesn't need to offer any service unless a student qualifies for it. I teach students who have moderate mental impairments and have never heard of anything like this. I'm curious to hear more.

i'de be facinated to learn as well. i've got a child with learning disabilities that does'nt qualify for any services BECAUSE despite public school testing proving he meets their criteria for assistance-he is ineligible because he has managed to develop coping mechanisms that allow him to perform at and above grade level in all subject matter.

so far as we have researched we have never found that any public school has any mandate (or willingness)to provide personal assistant for an individual child who has not demonstrated through testing that they meet the criteria necessitating an i.e.p..

 

[RitaE]

I've also never heard of a student being provided with a Personal Aid or instruction without going through the entire process of Testing and an IEP meeting. My children have been in several different schools and I've never heard of anybody being provided services outside of the General Education curriculum without an IEP, be it for Advanced classes or modified classes for a LD or other disability.

Will the other families be aware of this? School Districts provide funding for special services when it is demonstrated that regular services will not meet that individual's requirements for an appropriate education. If your daughter is being "just given" special instruction, you can bet other parents will also soon be asking for it. Let's face it, all students could benefit from one on one time with their own personal instructor, not just those who are ahead in their reading skills. That sure could get very expensive for your school district.

Who is going to devise her goals? Monitor her progress?
Was there even an IEP meeting? How strange.

 

[mumom95]

Count me in as another person/former teacher/current sub who has never heard of a student assigned an EA without going through the proper testing channels first. Most school districts (at least in my state) are hurting for money these days and cutting services. As others have asked, is this person going to have a written education plan for your daughter and monitor her progress? You are very, very fortunate if your school district is spending this kind of money on your daughter.

 

[dreamer17555]

I find this highly ununsual. How are they getting an assistant for a child who hasn't been tested in any capacity? The school doesn't need to offer any service unless a student qualifies for it. I teach students who have moderate mental impairments and have never heard of anything like this. I'm curious to hear more.

She is a teacher assistant already working at the school so really I don't know. I am just fitting together what the teacher told me.

Edit To Add: Really I have no clue about how any of this is going to work. I just met with the teacher yesterday and she suggested this plan. I am not going to question any of it since it is perfect for us. She did say the principle was slightly opposed to the plan but not going to block it.

-Becca-

 

[gladstoneganderfan]

The school has to pay for a teacher assistant to work with her. If she moved up a grade they wouldn't need to offer that service.

-Becca-

She is a teacher assistant already working at the school so really I don't know. I am just fitting together what the teacher told me.

-Becca-

Now I'm really confused. Do they have to pay for an extra one or not? If not, why is the principal mad?

 

[dreamer17555]

I hope the testing works out for your daughter. I have enjoyed reading what the other posters have said. The gifted posters who were in accelerated programs really gave you interesting advice and thoughts to ponder.

I really can't see how taking 2 spelling tests and having a book to read will challenge your daughter. Also, I can't see how working independently in the library will be helpful socially or educationally. Heck, you could do that yourself. It would be nice if she could attend math with the 2nd or 3rd grades. I know of many schools that do that as a norm with their gifted kids.

Good luck, you really have a huge responsiblity to meet the unique needs of your daughter. You are doing a great job of trying to do the best thing for her.

They had that program where the kids went to the higher classrooms and every parent found out about it and there were so many people insisting that thier child be put in it (whether or not they could cope with the work) that it became a really nightmare and the program was pulled. The Parents called it "Fly Up" but I am not sure if thats what it was actually named.

-Becca-

 

[dreamer17555]

Now I'm really confused. Do they have to pay for an extra one or not? If not, why is the principal mad?

She already works at the school. I am guessing because they pulled her most likely from another classroom (we are lacking Teacher Assistants right now). Like I said the teacher said the Principle was not supporting it and hinted about funding but never really explained anything to me so your guess is as good as mine. Really I am so not going to ask. It works for us for the time being and Cat is really excited about the research projects. Her first one will be on the Solar System.


Edit to add:Cat did go through some assesments last year to qualify her for the now debunked "Fly Up" and the suggestion to skip a grade but an IQ test I don't believe was part of it. It is all a blur. To be honest I think since my son was so sick (he kept bleeding internally until we found out he is allergic to soy) I barely paid attention. In fact I am nearly positive they did not do an IQ test more like a readiness assesment because it was not done by the school psychiatrist but a counsoler.


-Becca-

 

[RitaE]

Well you should get hold of those test results and keep them in a folder. I'm sure they gave you a copy at last years Team meeting, but maybe in the muddle you just misplaced it.

Regardless, if you ever her have her tested by outside services or some other sort of evaluation, you should have a copy of all her records handy.

 

[dreamer17555]

Well you should get hold of those test results and keep them in a folder. I'm sure they gave you a copy at last years Team meeting, but maybe in the muddle you just misplaced it.

Regardless, if you ever her have her tested by outside services or some other sort of evaluation, you should have a copy of all her records handy.

I have tons of papers on her. They all go into a giant rubbermaid box. It is not good. I need to start digging through everything and organizing. How come it is always so much easier to be OCD about Disney planning and not cleaning?

Right now I must go to bed. Actually I am so tired the first time I typed must I typed mush. This means either I plan to start a dog sledding team or I am just sleepy.

-Becca-

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

She is a teacher assistant already working at the school so really I don't know. I am just fitting together what the teacher told me.

Edit To Add: Really I have no clue about how any of this is going to work. I just met with the teacher yesterday and she suggested this plan. I am not going to question any of it since it is perfect for us. She did say the principle was slightly opposed to the plan but not going to block it.

-Becca-

She already works at the school. I am guessing because they pulled her most likely from another classroom (we are lacking Teacher Assistants right now). Like I said the teacher said the Principle was not supporting it and hinted about funding but never really explained anything to me so your guess is as good as mine. Really I am so not going to ask. It works for us for the time being and Cat is really excited about the research projects. Her first one will be on the Solar System.


Edit to add:Cat did go through some assments last year to qualify her for the now debunked "Fly Up" and the suggestion to skip a grade but an IQ test I don't believe was part of it. Honestly its all a blur. To be honest I think since my son was so sick (he kept bleeding internally until we found out he is allergic to soy) I barely paid attention. In fact I am nearly positive they did not do an IQ test more like a readiness assesment because it was not done by the school pyscratrist but a counsoler.


-Becca-

This really surprises me. While I am happy that your daughter is getting the extra help I can't stop wondering about the children the aide was pulled from to help your daughter.

I can see something like this working if it was a group of students but, for an individual student in a public school ---not so much.


OP -- you need to request an IEP meeting. Without all of this formally put on paper I would not hope it lasts long especially since the principal is against. The IEP process will help identify your daughters special needs and will help you and the school find the best way to address them.