BUSH PROPOSES IRAQ RESOLUTION IN MAD LIBS FORMAT
Daschle Blasts Fill-in-the-Blanks Document
President George W. Bush surprised the U.S. Senate today by submitting an Iraq resolution written entirely in the format of the classic Mad Libs novelty game.
The resolution, with blank spaces indicating where adjectives, nouns, and place names could be added by the President at a later date, may face a rocky road to passage, with some leading Democrats finding the seventy-nine empty spaces in the document problematic.
While Mad Libs has entertained my family on long car trips for years, it has no place in a resolution authorizing the use of force in Iraq, Majority Leader Tom Daschle told reporters.
Deriding the Mad Libs resolution as a fill-in-the-blanks document, Senator Daschle singled out the following sentence for being too broad in its scope: The President shall have the authority to [destructive verb] and [another destructive verb] any locations in [country name] if there is evidence that they contain [plural noun] or [plural noun].
On the other side of the aisle, however, Senator Richard Lugar (R-IND) voiced strong support for the Mad Libs resolution, saying that he and his staff had enjoyed filling in the blanks of the document.
In our version, the President has the right to nuke Iran, North Korea, and France, Senator Lugar said. Its awesome.
In other news, White House press secretary Ari Fleischer apologized for saying that the Iraqi people should rise up and assassinate Saddam Hussein, saying that in retrospect his recommendation had been too specific.
What I should have said was, the Iraqi people should [violent verb] Saddam with a [sharp object] in his [body part], Mr. Fleischer said.
*****Borowitz Reports****
Daschle Blasts Fill-in-the-Blanks Document
President George W. Bush surprised the U.S. Senate today by submitting an Iraq resolution written entirely in the format of the classic Mad Libs novelty game.
The resolution, with blank spaces indicating where adjectives, nouns, and place names could be added by the President at a later date, may face a rocky road to passage, with some leading Democrats finding the seventy-nine empty spaces in the document problematic.
While Mad Libs has entertained my family on long car trips for years, it has no place in a resolution authorizing the use of force in Iraq, Majority Leader Tom Daschle told reporters.
Deriding the Mad Libs resolution as a fill-in-the-blanks document, Senator Daschle singled out the following sentence for being too broad in its scope: The President shall have the authority to [destructive verb] and [another destructive verb] any locations in [country name] if there is evidence that they contain [plural noun] or [plural noun].
On the other side of the aisle, however, Senator Richard Lugar (R-IND) voiced strong support for the Mad Libs resolution, saying that he and his staff had enjoyed filling in the blanks of the document.
In our version, the President has the right to nuke Iran, North Korea, and France, Senator Lugar said. Its awesome.
In other news, White House press secretary Ari Fleischer apologized for saying that the Iraqi people should rise up and assassinate Saddam Hussein, saying that in retrospect his recommendation had been too specific.
What I should have said was, the Iraqi people should [violent verb] Saddam with a [sharp object] in his [body part], Mr. Fleischer said.
*****Borowitz Reports****
