BUSH IN TWELVE-STEP PROGRAM TO STOP BLAMING CONGRESS
Will Be Tough Habit to Lick, President Acknowledges
With his party now in control of both the House and the Senate, President Bush revealed today that he had entered a twelve-step program to help him stop blaming Congress.
I have a problem, the President said in a White House briefing. A big problem.
The President said that blaming Congress would be a tough habit to lick, acknowledging that he had done it every day since being elected President, sometimes even before breakfast.
White House press secretary Ari Fleischer said that the President first became aware of the seriousness of his problem the morning after Tuesdays midterm elections, when he gave a speech excoriating Congress and daring them to pass his tax cut proposals.
An aide whispered in the Presidents ear to remind him that Republicans were now in control of Congress, but the President persisted in attacking Congress nonetheless.
When your own party is running Congress but youre still ripping it a new one, thats a big-time wake-up call, said White House aide Karl Rove. We all knew at that point that the President needed help.
White House aides used an afternoon Cabinet meeting to stage a so-called intervention with the President, after which Mr. Bush voluntarily entered the twelve-step program to beat his Congress-blaming habit.
After just one day in the program, Mr. Bush said that he felt great and that he looked forward to finding other people besides Congress to blame things on.
In a speech to the National Chamber of Congress later in the day, Mr. Bush came out swinging, blaming the nations flagging economy on actress Winona Ryder, Princess Dianas butler, and the winless New York Knicks.
***Borowitz Reports***
Will Be Tough Habit to Lick, President Acknowledges
With his party now in control of both the House and the Senate, President Bush revealed today that he had entered a twelve-step program to help him stop blaming Congress.
I have a problem, the President said in a White House briefing. A big problem.
The President said that blaming Congress would be a tough habit to lick, acknowledging that he had done it every day since being elected President, sometimes even before breakfast.
White House press secretary Ari Fleischer said that the President first became aware of the seriousness of his problem the morning after Tuesdays midterm elections, when he gave a speech excoriating Congress and daring them to pass his tax cut proposals.
An aide whispered in the Presidents ear to remind him that Republicans were now in control of Congress, but the President persisted in attacking Congress nonetheless.
When your own party is running Congress but youre still ripping it a new one, thats a big-time wake-up call, said White House aide Karl Rove. We all knew at that point that the President needed help.
White House aides used an afternoon Cabinet meeting to stage a so-called intervention with the President, after which Mr. Bush voluntarily entered the twelve-step program to beat his Congress-blaming habit.
After just one day in the program, Mr. Bush said that he felt great and that he looked forward to finding other people besides Congress to blame things on.
In a speech to the National Chamber of Congress later in the day, Mr. Bush came out swinging, blaming the nations flagging economy on actress Winona Ryder, Princess Dianas butler, and the winless New York Knicks.
***Borowitz Reports***
