BUSH DEMANDS BOOKS-ON-TAPE VERSION OF IRAQI REPORT
Accuses Saddam of Making Document Way Too Long
Just days after the Iraqi government delivered a 12,000-plus-page accounting of the weapons it claims not to possess, President George W. Bush rejected the report, saying it was way too long for him to read.
If Mr. Saddam Hussein thinks Ive got the time to read a book this long, he shouldnt just have his weapons inspected he should have his head inspected, Mr. Bush told reporters at a White House press briefing today.
Im a patient man, the President added, but not patient enough to read a 12,000-page book.
Mr. Bush demanded that the Iraqi strongman produce a books-on-tape version of the document immediately, or face the consequences.
While Mr. Bush said he doubted the report contained any new information, he said he would be happy to give it a listen while working out on his treadmill.
The U.S. has submitted a list of readers whom the President would approve to record the books-on-tape version of the Iraqi report, including actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, former NFL quarterback-turned-commentator Terry Bradshaw and country singer Faith Hill.
White House aides cautioned, however, that Mr. Bushs demand for a books-on-tape version should not be taken to mean that the President does not like to read.
No President has enjoyed reading as much as George W. Bush does, one White House aide said, adding that the President had just finished reading a chapter book based on the popular TV series Sabrina, The Teenage Witch.
***Borowitz Reports****
Accuses Saddam of Making Document Way Too Long
Just days after the Iraqi government delivered a 12,000-plus-page accounting of the weapons it claims not to possess, President George W. Bush rejected the report, saying it was way too long for him to read.
If Mr. Saddam Hussein thinks Ive got the time to read a book this long, he shouldnt just have his weapons inspected he should have his head inspected, Mr. Bush told reporters at a White House press briefing today.
Im a patient man, the President added, but not patient enough to read a 12,000-page book.
Mr. Bush demanded that the Iraqi strongman produce a books-on-tape version of the document immediately, or face the consequences.
While Mr. Bush said he doubted the report contained any new information, he said he would be happy to give it a listen while working out on his treadmill.
The U.S. has submitted a list of readers whom the President would approve to record the books-on-tape version of the Iraqi report, including actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, former NFL quarterback-turned-commentator Terry Bradshaw and country singer Faith Hill.
White House aides cautioned, however, that Mr. Bushs demand for a books-on-tape version should not be taken to mean that the President does not like to read.
No President has enjoyed reading as much as George W. Bush does, one White House aide said, adding that the President had just finished reading a chapter book based on the popular TV series Sabrina, The Teenage Witch.
***Borowitz Reports****
