BUSH ADDS ALASKA TO AXIS OF EVIL
Asks World: Are You With Us, or Are You With the Puffins?
President Bush today named Alaska to the Axis of Evil, putting the U.S.s northernmost state in the same category as Iraq, Iran and North Korea.
Political observers considered the move to name Alaska to the Axis of Evil extraordinary, since no other U.S. state had received such a nod from the President before.
But the President defended his decision in a speech to Congress today, declaring that there is only one word to describe Alaskan wildlifes determination to prevent oil exploration and drilling in their habitat: evil.
The President reserved his harshest words for such arctic birds as puffins, plovers, and phalaropes, calling the winged creatures super-evil.
It is time for the nations of the world to ask themselves: are you with us, or are you with the puffins? the President said.
In a sign that the President may be ramping up the U.S.s military presence in Alaska, Mr. Bush announced that the United States would deploy an anti-ballistic missile system at Fort Greely, Alaska by 2004, a move some analysts believe is intended to intimidate the arctic birds into submission.
Im a patient man, Mr. Bush told Congress, but those puffins are really starting to piss me off.
While the President did not indicate plans to add any other U.S. states to the Axis of Evil, White House aides say that Mr. Bush is leaning towards including the state of California, home to both Yosemite National Park and the actor Sean Penn.
**** THE BOROWITZ REPORT ****
Asks World: Are You With Us, or Are You With the Puffins?
President Bush today named Alaska to the Axis of Evil, putting the U.S.s northernmost state in the same category as Iraq, Iran and North Korea.
Political observers considered the move to name Alaska to the Axis of Evil extraordinary, since no other U.S. state had received such a nod from the President before.
But the President defended his decision in a speech to Congress today, declaring that there is only one word to describe Alaskan wildlifes determination to prevent oil exploration and drilling in their habitat: evil.
The President reserved his harshest words for such arctic birds as puffins, plovers, and phalaropes, calling the winged creatures super-evil.
It is time for the nations of the world to ask themselves: are you with us, or are you with the puffins? the President said.
In a sign that the President may be ramping up the U.S.s military presence in Alaska, Mr. Bush announced that the United States would deploy an anti-ballistic missile system at Fort Greely, Alaska by 2004, a move some analysts believe is intended to intimidate the arctic birds into submission.
Im a patient man, Mr. Bush told Congress, but those puffins are really starting to piss me off.
While the President did not indicate plans to add any other U.S. states to the Axis of Evil, White House aides say that Mr. Bush is leaning towards including the state of California, home to both Yosemite National Park and the actor Sean Penn.
**** THE BOROWITZ REPORT ****
