Burned out parent..

[tcufrog]

What do you do when you're so burned out from parenting that you are all out of patience? I could use some suggestions because I feel that way right now. It doesn't help that I feel tired due to my sinus infection and I'm really behind on getting ready for Christmas and our trip right after.

The latest was that I asked DS14 to take out the trash. In our house taking out the trash means you put the trash bag in the outdoor can and then put a new liner in the inside can. I was in a hurry and my hands were full of trash I was trying to throw away before I left. When I got to the trash can and there was no liner, I was very short with DS14.

 

[piccolopat]

Take a deep breath and count to 10. Then calmly explain to DS14 that his job included adding the liner and he has to clean up the mess now. Look at your to do list and find things that you just don't need to do or that your kids and DH can help do. We put so much pressure on ourselves to get ready for Christmas and don't realize that cutting back can make the holidays so much ore pleasant.

 

[MICKIMINI]

Wrap up a box of trash bags and put a nice bow on it!

Humor may be the best way to go...and find a way to let it go. Mom of 33 yo with lots of initials after his name...been there, done that and he now shares cooking and cleaning with his wife. Parenthood is a marathon not a sprint. It all works out LOL!

 

[robinb]

Oh, man. The mid teens are the worst! He probably just had a brain fart and didn't do it on purpose. Take some time for yourself. Maybe a nice long shower for your sinus infection with some music and a glass of wine.

I hope you feel better soon!

 

[neverlandsky]

(((HUGS))) Yep mid teens. It gets way better at 16. Yet still pulling teeth at that age to get things done. For now, just take a timeout and do something you enjoy. Just breathe. The switch flips when they turn 18. It's awesome. They go from not wanting to help or complaining when asked (ages 13-17) to always wanting to lend a hand at 18.

Hope you feel better. I'm sure your Christmas & trip will be great.

 

[Kitty 34]

 

[kerry1379]

It has been a crazy few months here and just earlier this week I slowed down enough to realize just how down to the bone tired I was. So for the last week I made myself go to bed early-like 9pm early (which for me is very, very early). That has made a world of difference to me. I am not sure if that would help you, but maybe? I know that it seems like you don't get as much done when you go to sleep early, but I find I am much more productive this way.

 

[HeatherC]

Don’t try to do it all. The holidays are exhausting for moms. Scale back. If you bake 10 types of cookies, make three. If you shop at stores, order from Amazon. Frozen pizza is ok for dinner. Take a long bath or a cup of tea or walk….whatever helps YOU relax. And make everyone else help. Delegate as much as you can. Even if they don’t like it, they live there.

I hope you can catch your breath and take a break.

 

[mom2rtk]

We've all been there. I hope you find a way to lighten the load and have time to make some wonderful peaceful memories with your family.

 

[JimMIA]

It has been a crazy few months here ...

It's been a crazy TWO YEARS and we all need to recognize and remember that. It's been crazy for everyone -- not just parents. The kids have suffered greatly, both with school and socially.

In addition, we have to remember that a 14 year-old boy is 15-18 years away from starting to mature into an adult. We boys are boys for a LONG time!

 

[evilmommie]

I can't believe I'm now in the position to give parenting advice, but now that all of my 4 kids have flown the coop and are out saving the world, I may have a few nuggets for you. And believvvvveeeeee me they all have tested my patience many times over the past 28 years.

1. Prioritize an hour a day for yourself. Walk, workout with GF's, read at a local coffee shop, bath time...
2. Love the idea of another poster suggesting getting quality sleep. Absolutely!
3. Don't feel like you have to do everything for Christmas. Stick with family traditions that the kids will remember. No one is going to remember if the red bows on the packages are tied all the same way, etc.
4. Don't ever take any of it personally and remember what it was like to be a teenager. I had my own moments of less than perfection w/parents.
5. Not to minimize the trash incident, I totally get it. At the same time, you won't remember this stuff when they are graduate from HS/College/Leave the house. Keep the big picture in mind.

 

[Lumpy1106]

I said this with both of my older two kids and I'm sure I will also say it about my youngest; I would GLADLY trade ALL of the poopy-diaper years for the age 14, every single time. The eye-rolling, the dissent - so much fun. They won't be 14 forever. It gets better.

As for how YOU handle it; I convinced myself that MY yelling was only adding to the noise. I don't yell - ever. You might think that will allow things to spiral out of control, but it does not. Control what you can, brace yourself for what is outside your control, and yes, that includes your 14 yo.

 

[martikus]

such a hard age. Just turned 15 year old boy for me. Pretty sure I opened the car door “wrong” today

Taking me time is only way. I try to go to bed 30 min early and read which really distressed me. Or I will take a long shower after work.

this time of year I take a “sick” day to wrap. Makes me feel so much more organized.

when really bad I drop him at school and go home and veg all day and give myself permission to be lazy.

I also try to pick my moments. Instead of the 5 outings I want I decide which one matters to me the most and ask him to humor me.

hang in there!

 

[barkley]

chardonnay and chicken tenders, alone watching a pay per view movie at the holiday inn express that was a few blocks from our then home. dh stayed at home with the kids. no one to deal with, no one to interrupt my tv or my sleep. best sleep i had in ages. it was like hitting a reset button.


if you can swing this-ask for a late checkout.

 

[tcufrog]

I knew y’all would understand and would have awesome words of wisdom and advice. My DH is very hands on when he’s home and I don’t know what I’d do without him. I’ve tried to back off but it seems like every time I drop something, something necessary takes it’s place. I’m typing this during a band concert break so I plan to reread all of the advice tomorrow.

 

[StephMK]

Your health has to be first or it will be really difficult to enjoy the holiday or trip. Sinus infections take awhile to recover from in my experience. Go rest, bring a drink and snack with you, and make a list of what you need to do. Delegate, order online, and cut the less important stuff. Then put it aside and rest completely. Take care and hope you start feeling better.

 

[lisaviolet]

3. Don't feel like you have to do everything for Christmas. Stick with family traditions that the kids will remember.

Just highlighting. So true!

 

[Lilsia]

14-year-olds are the worst. I'm shocked more people don't kill their offspring at that age. LOL I guess the best thing you could do is to try to not let it bother you or give the child over to another adult either the other parent or grandparents if that's possible for a while. Whenever my kids started getting on my nerves at that age I would just tell my husband that I'm done for the day and decompress by myself. Sometimes you just have those days.

 

[NAB]

I would have probably just thru the garbage in the can without the liner than have him clean that up. At least he emptied the garbage…lol my son took would let the garbage over flow and have to be told to take it out period.

I sure don’t miss those days. I agree with everyone take some time for you. We all need to depress. No one is prefect all the time.

 

[jdb in AZ]

"Grand kids are our reward for allowing our children to survive to become responsible adults."

When I'm overwhelmed I read about someone who has a harder life than what I'm going through. I don't have to look far to find such a person.