Bully/Punk kid - long

jen0610

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jul 22, 2005
Messages
4,708
I posted here 2 years ago when DD had an issue with a boy in her 4th grade class. Short story, just before Thanksgiving break, in a 4 hour time period the boy went from threaten to break my DD's fingers to taking the gun from his house, stealing their car, running her over, then shooting her dead. We made the school put restrictions on this boy for the rest of that year as well as the following year. We had no further issues with him.

Until the last month. When DD started middle school, I told her that I didn't know if we would be able to have the restrictions put on him that we did at the old school. Told her, that with luck, she wouldn't have any classes with him or only one. Start of the year, she didn't have him in any. Yea!! But half way thru Sept, due to the over crowded classes for the 6th grade, the school was able to add two teachers and move kids. Well, she went from zero classes to 4 classes with him. I didn't say anything to the school, as we truly hoped that during the last 2 years he had matured and learned that what he did is not acceptable.

Sadly it is becoming very clear, that the boy was just waiting and testing the waters. Since the first of Oct, he has started to make rude comments to her and negative comments about her to classmates. When they are working in quads, he will leave his and go to hers and take stuff away from her. He threw his used tissues at her. He has now, pushed me to my limit - he physically touched her.

He was walking behind her, when he "sneezed" into his hands. He then turned and wiped his hands up and down her arms, starting at her shoulders. She doesn't know if he faked the sneeze or not, the 2 kids who sit facing her, said it sure looked like he really sneezed, but nobody knows for sure. As he was wiping his hands on her, he said here you can get really sick now.

The teacher didn't see any of the touching happen, so nothing was done at the time. The teachers who's class this took place in, if she saw it, she would have taken care of it. Lucky for DD, this teacher makes me feel old, as I use to change her diapers, that is how long I have known her. She was so glad to get DD assigned to her room.

I talked to the principal. And this really upsets both DH and I, the middle school had NO NOTIFICATION of what occurred back in the 4th grade. There is nothing in either DD's file or the boys. The principal assured me, that if they had been aware of if, DD and he would not have been placed in the same class. And as no real surprise, all I had to do was supply the principal with the boys first name and he knew exactly who I was talking about, as they are having major issues with him not including what I just brought to the forefront.

In the classroom, they moved the boys seat closer to the teachers and they are to keep a closer eye on him. And this is where I am at a lose as to what to do. DD says he’s still making comments and kids who don’t know what occurred two years ago are now giving her grief. One of her friends, did pull one of the kids aside and told them would you want to be around someone who threatened to shoot you?? The school said if it keeps up, they will move the boy out of her classes. But while that makes it better for my DD, it just moves trouble from one room to another.

DH talked to the boy’s mom. He’s on 4 different meds and he’s still outta control – her words. Both the boy and his mom were told by DH, that if he keeps up with his verbal attacks on our daughter, we will push to have restrictions placed back on him. And if he touches her again, the police will be called and another police report will be filed. If we have to, we will make it so that he can’t be anywhere near her. The school did talk to all the kids who saw him touch her the last time and it’s in their files at school and we have a copy of what was said while talking with the kids.

I don’t think it got thru to the boy that we aren’t playing a game with him. Since the talk, he’s flipped our house off when he walks by, didn’t see me standing at the window or DS outside with the dog and he yelled “witch” at the car when DD and I drove by him last night.

The boy needs help and while it seems like mom is trying, either it’s all talk or he is just that defiant and nothing short of sending him to a facility/school for wayward kids is going to make a difference.

If you read all this, thanks. This was more of a I need to talk to someone, other than DH on this, because he just sees red as soon as you mention the boys name, then looking for suggestions. But if you have any, please feel free.
 
The school needs to hold him accountable for his actions. I'd insist that they move HIM out of her classes (not her out of his). He's the one who is causing the problem, and they need to protect your daughter.

If he's a troublemaker like he seems to be, perhaps suspension when he touches someone again will help him learn. If not, expulsion should be next.

I'm sorry this is happening. It must be so hard to see your daughter hurt and scared by this bully. :hug:
 
I posted here 2 years ago when DD had an issue with a boy in her 4th grade class. Short story, just before Thanksgiving break, in a 4 hour time period the boy went from threaten to break my DD's fingers to taking the gun from his house, stealing their car, running her over, then shooting her dead. We made the school put restrictions on this boy for the rest of that year as well as the following year. We had no further issues with him.

Until the last month. When DD started middle school, I told her that I didn't know if we would be able to have the restrictions put on him that we did at the old school. Told her, that with luck, she wouldn't have any classes with him or only one. Start of the year, she didn't have him in any. Yea!! But half way thru Sept, due to the over crowded classes for the 6th grade, the school was able to add two teachers and move kids. Well, she went from zero classes to 4 classes with him. I didn't say anything to the school, as we truly hoped that during the last 2 years he had matured and learned that what he did is not acceptable.

Sadly it is becoming very clear, that the boy was just waiting and testing the waters. Since the first of Oct, he has started to make rude comments to her and negative comments about her to classmates. When they are working in quads, he will leave his and go to hers and take stuff away from her. He threw his used tissues at her. He has now, pushed me to my limit - he physically touched her.

He was walking behind her, when he "sneezed" into his hands. He then turned and wiped his hands up and down her arms, starting at her shoulders. She doesn't know if he faked the sneeze or not, the 2 kids who sit facing her, said it sure looked like he really sneezed, but nobody knows for sure. As he was wiping his hands on her, he said here you can get really sick now.

The teacher didn't see any of the touching happen, so nothing was done at the time. The teachers who's class this took place in, if she saw it, she would have taken care of it. Lucky for DD, this teacher makes me feel old, as I use to change her diapers, that is how long I have known her. She was so glad to get DD assigned to her room.

I talked to the principal. And this really upsets both DH and I, the middle school had NO NOTIFICATION of what occurred back in the 4th grade. There is nothing in either DD's file or the boys. The principal assured me, that if they had been aware of if, DD and he would not have been placed in the same class. And as no real surprise, all I had to do was supply the principal with the boys first name and he knew exactly who I was talking about, as they are having major issues with him not including what I just brought to the forefront.

In the classroom, they moved the boys seat closer to the teachers and they are to keep a closer eye on him. And this is where I am at a lose as to what to do. DD says he’s still making comments and kids who don’t know what occurred two years ago are now giving her grief. One of her friends, did pull one of the kids aside and told them would you want to be around someone who threatened to shoot you?? The school said if it keeps up, they will move the boy out of her classes. But while that makes it better for my DD, it just moves trouble from one room to another.

DH talked to the boy’s mom. He’s on 4 different meds and he’s still outta control – her words. Both the boy and his mom were told by DH, that if he keeps up with his verbal attacks on our daughter, we will push to have restrictions placed back on him. And if he touches her again, the police will be called and another police report will be filed. If we have to, we will make it so that he can’t be anywhere near her. The school did talk to all the kids who saw him touch her the last time and it’s in their files at school and we have a copy of what was said while talking with the kids.

I don’t think it got thru to the boy that we aren’t playing a game with him. Since the talk, he’s flipped our house off when he walks by, didn’t see me standing at the window or DS outside with the dog and he yelled “witch” at the car when DD and I drove by him last night.

The boy needs help and while it seems like mom is trying, either it’s all talk or he is just that defiant and nothing short of sending him to a facility/school for wayward kids is going to make a difference.

If you read all this, thanks. This was more of a I need to talk to someone, other than DH on this, because he just sees red as soon as you mention the boys name, then looking for suggestions. But if you have any, please feel free.

I am so sorry for you and your DD. I dont have any advice because I am at a loss for words. Stories like this terrify me. You sound like a great mom that is rightfully concerned about her daughter. :grouphug:
 
You're doing the right thing. I agree that he needs to be the one moved - not your daughter. I also would make sure to notify the principal that the boy has continued to try to stir up trouble for her with other classmates (that's bullying too).

It's a shame that this boy is like he is. Makes you wonder what he'll turn out like as an adult... :sad2:
 

What a horrible story!

I would ask to meet the principal and demand that he not be in the same classes with your DD. I agree with a PP that it's not really fair to have your DD moved out of her classes, but in the long run, getting her away from him is what matters most.

The sad thing is that he'll probably find a new victim.
 
I am glad that you are taking steps to try to end this awful treatment of your DD and documenting it well. He sounds like he needs whatever meds he is on adjusted or a good psych eval. He clearly has issues. I don't like his obvious fixation with your DD at all, or the fact that it has lasted for over 2 years! As he gets older, if his apparent anger/bullying isn't resolved I'm afraid his anger/negativity towards her will grow and that scares me.

I really don't want to sound like an alarmist, but honestly, the first thing I thought of is what IF this kid DOES get his hands on a gun? And comes to school? And sees your DD? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE be vigilant about making sure that your DD tells you and the teachers each and everytime he even looks at her the wrong way. I truly hope this kid gets the help he clearly needs, but I would honestly feel better if he wasn't in her school at all!
 
Oh wow.....that's scary to me!! OP I would just ask he be removed from DD's classes, if possible they be put on different lunch schedules as well. It's very obvious this boy needs help and tho his Mom seems to be trying it's not working. I would also suggest calling the police and asking their advice, they will be able to give advice as well. I would be very worried about having this boy around my DD......
 
Have you considered getting a restraining order? I can not fathom why a 4th grade child would be so violent towards another student... and continue to assault her several years later.

I'm impressed that your dh has spoken with the boy and his mother. He (the boy) needs to be aware that you are on to him and that you won't put up with any crap.

Sadly, it sounds like this boy needs more help than what a public setting can provide. I feel for him, I really do. His mental illness/severe issues are heartbreaking. But I would take him down in a New York minute if he messed with my daughter.

(((Hugs))) for you. Please keep us posted.
 
The kid made a serious death thread against your daughter.

Also, assault with a bodily fluid is a high level physical assault.
Period.

Isn't there zero tolerance for this kind of thing.
You really need to look up policy and put this to work for you right away.
Demand that appropriate action be taken.

Now that the Middle School knows this,
it would either be him, or my daughter, outa there, immediately.

I wouldn't send her back to school until the school took appropriate action.

If it takes a restraining order for the school to take this seriously, then I would look into that option as well.
 
Also, this boy should be in a special program/school for severely disturbed adolescents. If he was talking about killing someone in 4th grade, and is still exhibiting comparable behaviors now (latching onto your daughter to abuse!) he is not 'over' his past behavior. A teacher should start the testing/referral process ASAP.

Note the red highlight - use that language when you discuss the situation with the school.
 
I agree with the posts that said something should be done now. He has already shown what he is up to and that he is still doing it. If the school is unwilling to act now, I would not send her back. I would insist on the school or the school board fixing the problem. If they won't act now, let them know you are getting a restraining order and they will have no choice. Your daughter shouldn't be going through this all over again. This is not a case where they don't know if he's really done it or if he means it. You only wait to act if it is unclear what has taken place.

Good luck. I would not want to be in your shoes.
 
OP, so so sorry to hear you have to go through this. When my DD was having problems with someone, though certainly not to this extent, after contacting the counselor who did nothing, I went straight to the school administrator. He then contacted the Principal and yes she took care of it THEN. I just wanted them to know that I wasn't going to have my DD worrying everyday at school and that I wanted this taken care of immediately. It's great that your husband has talked with the mom, if you can get a restraining order, I would not hesitate. Your DD should not have to go to school under these conditions.:hug: Good luck to you getting this taken care of and please keep us updated. :grouphug:
 
What an awful thing for your daughter to have to go through. I think I would go back and speak with the principle and demand the classes be switched so that they are not in any together.

I might also speak to a lawyer to find out if it's possible to obtain a restraining order against the boy. The situation just sounds so creepy, particularly that after two years of the boy not being allowed near her, as soon as he knows the ban is up, he goes right back to bothering her again. You'd think after 2 years the kid wouldn't have an interest in targeting her anymore. And with the things you mentioned that happened off school property......I don't know.......just creepy.

Good luck and hugs to your daughter.
 
I don't have any advice. It sounds like you are definitely on the right track. I'm sorry for what your DD and your family are going through. I hope he gets moved. I wouldn't take my eyes off of that kid. :hug:

Well, maybe one bit of advice. Have your DD take a really good self-defense class. Karate. Something of that nature.
 
I'm with the group that says do more and NOW :eek:

Having the info that you have given here it just seems silly to wait until it escalates.

Why should your child

1. be fearful waiting for it
2. be subject to a dangerous situtation
 



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