WOW! First off, thank you all so much for all of your ideas!
CONGRATS TO THEM! (i will keep them in my prayers!) Adoption is such a great thing! I love the frame idea!
Thank you-prayers are always appreciated!
I wouldn't spend a dime on any sort of momento to break the news on an adoption that may or may not go through.
Have your friend gather her family around and have a bottle of something to toast with. Break the news with the toast and allow each family member to make a toast. That's special and won't leave a haunting little souvenir if it does not go through.
It's either my family or their family taking the baby home from the hospital so they've got a pretty good chance since we've only committed to taking the baby if they can't for some reason.
I do like the toast idea!
Actually when we got pg with DS we went in the woods and broke off a branch off the tree and gave it to MIL and FIL. They didn't understand until we told them we were adding a branch to the family tree.
They loved it! I know it's not the "same" thing, but they are still added a branch to the family tree right? And if HEAVEN FORBID everything doesn't work out there's isn't anything really just staring them in the face and reminding them.
I will keep them in my prayers too!!
Thank you for the prayers!!
LOVE the branch idea!!! I'll have to remember that!
What is the BirthMom's due date?
We only had 2 weeks notice, and DD was due 12/22. We stopped at DMom and DStepDad's and announced, "We just wanted to let you know that we might not be here for Christmas." Of course DMom was like "Why"? "Well, we might be out-of-state getting our new baby!" Not a dry eye in the house!
Baby is due at the end of Feb. What a great way to share with your family! What a fun Christmas!!
I love the branch idea!
When we told our families that we were in the adoption process we just did the old fashioned thing and said "we have some pretty big news to share...". My parents were in town visiting, so we told them in person and we called his parents to share the news. That certainly was the budget way to go
For folks at work I just brought in DS's referral picture and kept it on my desk...so when people asked who the baby was I told them!
Love having the picture on your desk-what a fun way to share the news!!!!
When I found out about DS coming, we were talking to my parents about Christmas shopping so I told DM not to buy me clothes. She knew I loved to get clothes, so that stunned her!! When she asked me why, I just told her they wouldn't fit for a while!!! Then she got it!!
How fun!!!
Congratulations to your friend! What an exiting time for everyone involved.
With the holidays coming up, it seems like the perfect time to make the big announcement. Some how the holidays make us value "family" so much more.
If the due date is arriving soon, then I'm sure they will want to break the great news as soon as possible. My SIL's parents always called the dogs thier "grand-puppies", so she put a t-shirt she made on the dog (a lab) that said something like "Will you love me as much when the baby comes?"
This would be perfect for them too since they have a little dog named Minnie who is truly their baby!
How fun...I couldn't wait to tell my parents either if it were me.
Just off the top of my head, why not go to the Christian Book store in your area and buy one of those nice prayer journals and write on the first page, " Praying all goes well for our baby blah..blah".
It's a nice way to keep a record of first thought and feeling and excitments and later on in life it will become very special to the child as an adult, to see her arrival in print.
And then as time draws near and everything is set you can get them a grandparents photo album.
Godspeed on everything going great!!!!!!!
This is a great idea as well! My DIS friends never cease to amaze me!
I think it would be a lot more fun to show up with the
actual baby and watch their jaws drop when they say she's theirs
.
This is probably what I would do!!
When we wanted to announce that we (I) were pregnant, I gave my parents a card to grandparents....they got it! It was a fun way to announce the good news.
In this case, I think I would be careful how many people I told until the legal process was started. This sounds a bit tricky.
It is but my friend (the foster mom) cannot financially handle another child and the girl who's pregnant doesn't want the child. Foster mom's other daughter had a baby just over a year ago so she's fully aware of what she's going to be getting herself into and wants no part of it.
Our adoption was a lengthier process. So first we informed our families that we were thinking about adopting. Then we informed them that we'd put in our application and were working on our homestudy. Then we were able to tell them we had a referral - because we adopted from Korea we didn't have a lot of concerns about it not going through - so when we had a referral and photo we pretty much let everyone know. Then when we got the call, we called all our relatives.
We did host a brunch when we got our referral with a mimosa toast for our immediate families with "Its a Boy" balloons and frames with the referral photo in it for the grandparents.
I know so many people who have had their hearts broken in domestic adoption - I'd treat this like a risky pregnancy - let only immediate family know, and in such a way that they keep their hopes at a cautious level - and not spread the news around to someone who will spring "where is the baby" on them six months from now if it falls through. Agree on no momentos. There will be plenty of time for celebration when things are more sure.
We have other friends who have been through three failed adoptions so we're fully aware of the pain it can cause-I can't tell you how terrible it is to be tearing down a nursery before they get home to have to take it down themselves. This adoption (barring any major complaints from the birth father's family, which there haven't been to this point) should be pretty straight forward thankfully.
With a private adoption...well, you need to know the laws in your state. I think if I were them I'd just tell them face-to-face: Hey, here's the situation. Keep us in your prayers.
I worked with a man who had gone through 2 failed adoptions before he and his wife had a successful one. In the first one they had even paid for medical care...and had taken the baby home from the hospital. The state they were in (I think it was Oklahoma and this was back in the early 80's) allowed birth moms some time even after giving the baby up physically to reneg on the deal.
So, while for right now it appears all is well and there won't be a hitch, I wouldn't do anything that looks like celebrating.
Yeah the laws all over are VERY different! It's amazing. We had friends be there for the birth and when the baby was ready to be sent home the mom changed her mind but didn't say anything...just left with the baby and called the adoption agency. Imagine our friends standing in the hospital (because they didn't get contacted before leaving) with no baby to take home...
We are going through a domestic private adoption right now - in fact we just got the call that our Home Visit will be in 1 week and then we are, finally, officially waiting - YAY!!
Like crisi, DH and I have had time to prepare our families and told them we're going to adopt; we chose an agency; we're in the Home Study. As PPs have said, sometimes even the most seemingly committed birthmom can change her mind after a match is made and that is scary. Having said that, I will not hesitate to tell our family and friends when we get that match. It will be very exciting and we'll want to share the news. If, God forbid, it falls through, well, it will be heartbreaking (having been through infertility treatments for 2+ years we're getting used to heartbreak). But I wouldn't not tell them because it may not happen. IMO, think positively and be excited about it!! I think they should just tell them in person. We aren't planning any momento or event to tell our families, we'll just tell them and I know they will be thrilled for us. My BFF already wants to throw me a baby shower but I won't let her until we have the baby in our arms and everything is legal.
Prayers to you guys!! Hope all goes well.
I'll be throwing our friends a shower in January so they can get everything together. That's one of the "conditions" (kind of, in a round about way). The birth mother just wants to be sure they've got everything and we all know how expensive going out and buying everything could be. So I'm throwing them a shower so they'll get the "basics" to be able to bring her home and build on.
I agree with the PP who said to treat this like a risky pregnancy. I think I would treat this the same way I treated my second pregnancy after I miscarried the first. I told my parents in person and asked everyone to think positive thoughts until we were more confident that everything would be okay. We saved our big celebration until after DD safely arrived.
Not too be too glum, but I miscarried on Dec 21st. Nothing was worse then seeing the unopened presents for "Baby X" under the tree X-mas day.
Now that I think back on it, my family was super excited when we told them even though we didn't make a big deal about it.
How terrible-so sorry for your loss
Again not wanting to diminish any excitement, but I am an adoption attorney and handle primarily children in foster care. Please make sure she has already hired and spoken with an experienced adoption attorney. In some states it can really make a difference that the birth mom is in foster care and it can really complicate things. Even if the birth mother and adoptive mother agree. You did not mention the birth father, but that is a further complication. Additionally, these things do fall through. Young mothers, especially those who are in foster care, have been known to go back and forth on raising the baby. I have had clients fly across the country, attend the birth, and then had the birth mother change her mind. My advice would be to be cautiously happy for them and just to share the news through a personal conversation. I would not have any sort of celebration/announcement until she is in the home and all legal revocation periods have ended.
Thanks so much for the advice. The birth father's already committed to signing over his rights. He doesn't want the child so there's no concern there. Birth mother has already made her decision and is ok with that. I've talked to her several times-both before and during pregnancy-and knows what she's in for. She's sharing this experience with others so she can continue to go to school and even attend college. She does know this is all possible with a baby but isn't interested in the added responsibility right now. Our friends have talked to an attorney here but we're in different states so that's not too helpful for them. The birth mother is also already working with an attorney to move things along on her end. Thanks for the tips!
I am an adoptive mother, so I've been through the adoption process (international adoption). I think under these circumstances, and because nothing is set in stone, I would just tell the family the story the way it stands now.
Congratulations!
Ha! That actually happened to us!
Our second daughter is adopted, and we had kept if very quiet, not knowing what was going to happen (plus we had all of 5 weeks knowing she was coming!). We also moved into a new house 9 days before she was born, and she was born 2 days before my oldest daughters 1 birthday (she actually came home on her birthday!!)
So, we have a one year old, brand new house...and a new baby, lots on our plate! We called my MIL and asked her to spread the word to my husbands family about the new baby. We had the big huge 1 birthday party the day after she came home from the hospital (my head is spinning thinking about it all now!!).
Some how, one of my husband brothers got left out of the shuffle, him and his wife show up at the party, I am holding this itty bitty little baby, and he walks over and says who are you holding? I laughed (thinking he was joking), and said your neice!! I swear he almost fell over, I wish we had a camera it was too funny. Most people that showed up to the party had no idea she had been born (she was only 4 days old anyway). We had kept if fairly quiet, not many people had known we were adopting (we had an adoption fall through, so we told as little as possible, just in case)
As for a way to announce it, if they are telling family, I think that is great (that way if something happens and the adoption does not go through, they will be there to support them with that as well), I am not so creative, but maybe baby balloons, or something like that.
Good luck, I hope all ends well! I am thinking happy, wonderful new baby thoughts for you!!!!
Wow-nothing like when it rains it pours huh?!!
Glad to hear that all worked out well!
Just wanted to offer you a hug, I also have an angel born at 21 weeks on Dec 21st. She would be 10 this year.
So sorry for your loss
) My mom then had to clarify that this was indeed a human baby. As I became older different relatives shared different bits and pieces of stories with me. I learned that some were truly offended because they thought they were so close to my parents and felt that my parents had kept such a major part of their life from them. Some felt lied to. Others that are more religious felt that they would of benefitted had prayers been raised regarding the situation. All in all looking back I do understand my parents need for privacy but think that perhaps it should of been handled a little differently. When certain family members and or friends are particularly close I would advise cautiously at least letting them know there is a possible adoption upcoming. It really is quite easy to see why feelings were hurt and upset was caused. I myself can think of several people in my life whom I feel so close to that a secret like that would be devastating. I'm not saying blab to everyone, just that certain people should be considered.
