Brief update on my DD and the passing of her friend..Update Pg.2

[avdeane]

Continued prayers coming from me too C. Ann.

 

[KimRaye]

Definately more prayers for your DD, C.Ann, and ALL of you as well.

I also think Froggy's idea is wonderful.

 

[mt2]

I'm so sorry for your and your DD loss. All of you will be in my prayers.

Happy Thoughts to all,

mt2

 

[Tigger&Tink]

I do not understand these people being so mean to you DD,,their DD may not have even made it as far as she did with out your DD,,, takes all kinds in this world I gues,,but i feel WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND,,they will get what they have coming to them in the end,,,,no need for hate at a time like this,,GOD BLESS your DD and I hope this does not take to much out of her ,,and God Bless you too!! A prayer has been said for your DD friend,,may she be at peace..

Tink--Linda

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm keeping you all in my prayers. Your dd's friend was so lucky to have her. Have to say that I am even including the friend's family in my prayers...hoping they get some compassion and insight into their dd's friendship. Peace and blessings to you all.

 

[C.Ann]

Well - information went out in regards to the services to a select few - and guess who was excluded?

Doesn't matter.. DD's DH is LIVID and says he WILL be bringing her to the services - invitation or not.. He said they (he and DD) will stay in the background, behave in a respectful manner, and if the "family" wants to cause a scene - well - "it's their party and they can do whatever they want " - but DD is going to be there and that's all there is to it.. As far as he's concerned they have stolen enough from my DD and they will NOT rob her of the opportunity to be there when her best friend is laid to rest..

The services are still several days off and my DD asked me this morning if I thought the "body" was still here in town.. I didn't have the heart to tell her that if the services have been pushed off to almost 7 days after the death, her friend has probably been cremated.. (There is going to be no viewing at all - nor have they even posted a death notice or obituary anywhere..) DD's friend had told her on more than one occasion what type of service she would want and she specifically stated she did NOT want to be cremated - but how would her family know that? They knew little to nothing about her life for the past 11 years and obviously didn't care enough to ASK if she had made her wishes known to anyone.. If DD arrives at those services and sees an urn rather than a coffin, I can't even imagine what her reaction is going to be.. I'm just SOOOOOO glad that her DH is standing firm by her side and refusing to allow these people to hurt her anymore than they already have.. Although her DH is extremely angry, at least he's able to keep that anger in check.. Wish I could say the same for myself, but it's going to take some time.. Right now I feel like Sally Fields in "Steel Magnolias" when she was standing in the cemetery - "I just want to hit someone.. Hit them really hard!!"

 

[Serena]

 

[CJK]

Continued hugs and prayers for you and your dd...... While I'm saddened to hear about the family and how they've treated your dd, I have also been touched by the wonderful people surrounding this young woman (ie. dd's husband, the nurse who snuck phone calls to your dd and of course, YOU C. Ann......) You're an angel for being so kind and supportive. Prayers to all.

 

[Growin'upDisney]

C.Ann - this must be a tremendously difficult time for you and your DD. I wanted to let you know that just becasue the service is 7 days or so after the death, it doesn't mean that the body was necessarily cremated. My Dh's best friend passed away nearly 2 years ago and his funeral was almost 9 full days after his death. So hopefully your DD's friends wishes were granted.

I agree your DD should be prepared for the worst. But her DH sounds like he can take care of her and himself.

Sends hugs and good thoughts your way.

 

[wickey's friend]

C. Ann --

I've also been sending prayers to this young woman and your DD, but not posting. I am so sorry for this young woman, your DD's suffering and you and her DH having to deal with the situation. May you all be granted strength and peace from God at this time.

Your DD's thoughtfulness, kindness and caring for her friend is more of a memorial and testament to her friend than any service her "family" might have.

 

[jeleebeene]

This whole situation has just been one bad nightmare for your poor DD. My heart and prayers go out to her during this horrible time.

For a family to act like that, it just breaks my heart. There is more that family in this world when someone passes on - sometimes friends become your family, so to be excluded like that is really so sad and selfish on their part. Your DD has been there for her, while her family only cared in the end.

I praise your DD and her DH for standing their ground and going to the service - she deserves to be there and pay her respects to a wonderful friend that she loved.

Lots of hugs to you!

 

[ckr]

I have been following this tragedy, but haven't yet posted. I've kept you all in my thoughts and prayers, but have had something nagging at me, but didn't want to add any more pain. Now that you say your DD will be at the service, and that she needs to be prepared for the worse, I can't NOT speak. I'm afraid "the worst" may not be seeing the urn.

I can't help but wonder what makes this family act the way they have. Sure, they may be hateful evil excuses for human beings, but I just cannot comprehend that. From the events you've described, I worry that they may BLAME your DD for their daughter's death.

How long were they friends? Could the family's (however misplaced) feeling be that their DD's friendship was part of why they were estranged? Or that it was part of why she was obese, which ultimately caused her death? Or worse.

You've stated that the day she was admitted to the hospital, your DD went with her. She was fine and thought she had a bug. "Then everything went haywire." Could the family be blaming your DD for not taking her in sooner? Instead of blaming themselves for not being there for her themselves, have they found a scapegoat for their shame/guilt in your DD?

Or perhaps something even more sinister. (Now this may be too many made-for-TV-dramas, but...) You've alluded to the notion that perhaps the hospital did something wrong, with the way they folded under to the demands of her father. Is it possible that the hospital has covered their own <you-know-what> by letting the family believe that your DD and/or her friend were somehow to blame?

I'm not meaning to stir the pot or make you more upset. I just have these fears of the "scene" that your DD may face at the service. I would not want her to be blindsided by accusations (however false they may be) if my fears were to be true.

Just something I had to share, hoping it may help prepare you all for what's sure to be a very difficult near future.

So sorry this has happened.

ckr

 

[EsmeraldaX]

 

[scarlett873]

i'm so sorry you're all going through this...you have been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[Keli]

C.Ann, this whole thing is a nightmare for your dd to go through, especially at this time in her life. I am sorry for all that has happened.

 

[Disneylvr]

Prayers, prayers and more prayers are going out to you are your DD.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by ckr

I can't help but wonder what makes this family act the way they have. Sure, they may be hateful evil excuses for human beings, but I just cannot comprehend that. From the events you've described, I worry that they may BLAME your DD for their daughter's death.

How long were they friends? Could the family's (however misplaced) feeling be that their DD's friendship was part of why they were estranged? Or that it was part of why she was obese, which ultimately caused her death? Or worse.

You've stated that the day she was admitted to the hospital, your DD went with her. She was fine and thought she had a bug. "Then everything went haywire." Could the family be blaming your DD for not taking her in sooner? Instead of blaming themselves for not being there for her themselves, have they found a scapegoat for their shame/guilt in your DD?

Or perhaps something even more sinister. (Now this may be too many made-for-TV-dramas, but...) You've alluded to the notion that perhaps the hospital did something wrong, with the way they folded under to the demands of her father. Is it possible that the hospital has covered their own <you-know-what> by letting the family believe that your DD and/or her friend were somehow to blame?

ckr

-------------------------------------------

I would give a million dollars - if I had it - to be able to answer the "why" of the actions of this family, but I honestly don't have a clue - nor does anyone else who is familiar with the situation..

They have been friends for 11 years.. They both worked at the same place and that is how they met.. There would be no reason for the family to blame my DD for the "enstrangement" because it wasn't an actual "enstrangement" - as in no communication whatsoever.. The young woman communicated with "them" as much as possible - it was "they" that had no time for her - chose not to maintain a close relationship - chose not to come to town to visit with her, etc.. My DD never interfered or said anything bad about these people - even knowing the horrible family history that this young woman lived through.. (Of course that right there may be at least part of the answer - they KNOW that my DD knows all the ugly, sorted deatails of what this young woman had to live through and they just don't have the nerve to face her - not that my DD would EVER actually say anything to them about this information she has or try to embarrass them with it in any way, shape or form)..

As for them blaming my DD because their DD was obese - that would be pretty far fetched because she was obese long before she ever met my DD - actually, since she was a small child.. My DD is a little spit of a thing and eats like a bird, so it's not like they sat around eating themselves silly.. From what my DD has told me, this young woman's entire family is obese and have always used eating as a way of dealing with emotional pain.. So - I don't think that's the answer behind their reasoning either..

Could they be blaming my DD for not talking this young woman into going to the doctor sooner? Sure they could - but if they would simply ASK they would find out that my DD had been trying to get this young woman to go to the doctors for MONTHS prior to this and even went so far as to initiate an "intervention" of sorts with some other co-workers and this young woman just about a month and a half ago in hopes of getting her in to see a doctor about her weight, as well as seeing a counselor to deal with the personal issues that played a large part in her weight problems.. Again, if anything it's "their" guilt that may be motivating this peculiar behavior on their part and it's probably too painful for them to have to look at someone who DID try to help when they themselves were too busy to be bothered..

My best guess is that all of this has been motivated by guilt and jealousy.. Guilt that they were NOT there for this young woman for the past 11 years and jealousy that someone else - my DD - WAS.. Sadly, they themselves have paid the ultimate price - haven't they? She's gone now and no amount of "we-should-haves" will ever bring her back.. I - for one - would NOT want to have to live with what they will have to live with for the rest of their lives....

 

[Microcell]

I am so sorry things have developed the way they have. Maybe this is happening so your DD can appreciate even more the importance of surrounding yourself with loving people, not hateful jerks!

 

[C.Ann]

Two more days to go until the services.. I'm SOOOO thankful that her DH is going to take her because there is no way he will allow anyone to give her a hard time.. It's going to be very hard for her to say goodbye, but I'm hoping that being at the services will give her more closure than what she's feeling right now..

I can't even imagine losing one of my best friends, let alone at the age of 31..

 

[Princess_Aurora]

I am sending my best wishes.

I would also like to add that, just as you were hoping this would be a wakeup call to other overweight young people, that this could also be a wakeup call to get people to go out and have an official will drawn up. A lot of young people don't think it's something that needs to be done until you're like 60 or something. Nothing bothers me more than people not respecting people's last wishes. I have had a few family members pass away without wills and it only leads to arguments about funeral arangements, where the body will be laid to rest, etc. It doesn't seem to matter if so-and-so says that so-and-so wanted to be laid to rest here...there's always another so-and-so that seems to think it would be better/easier if we just laid so-and-so to rest over here.

Young people need wills. Even if you think it's pointless because you don't own anything of importance, you still have to consider your final wishes and if you have specific wishes you need to make them official so there is no fighting. Personally, I'm going to be creamated. Even when I'm dead, the thought of being put into the ground in a tiny box slowly rotting away scares the crap out of me. If people were to disobey my wishes, I've already told them I'm coming back as a ghost to haunt them.