Bridezilla email and Bridesmaid response!

[WDSearcher]

I don't know ... I think it's actually not a bad letter (beyond the obvious spelling errors). The bride is making it very clear exactly what she expects of every single bridesmaid -- everyone is equal, everyone gets the same speech. If you don't want to be a bridesmaid, you can easily opt out, and it doesn't appear as though the bride is going to take it personally. She wants the wedding she wants, and she's setting the groundrules up front. I'd much rather have someone send me a letter like this and give me a chance to really decide if I want to take all that on than to have a whole bunch of surprises and commitments pop up as the planning progresses.

I think she's being a smart bride. "Here's what I expect of you. Take it or leave it." If a bridesmaid says "yes", then she knows exactly what she's getting herself into and won't go to the Community Board somewhere and complain that her BFF asked her to be a bridesmaid and is now "suddenly" putting all these conditions on things and expecting X, Y and Z. How many times do we see those types of posts here?

I imagine that anyone getting that letter has known the bride for a while, and the tone / expectations aren't going to surprise them.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I guess I was just a more laid back bride. I had my sister as my MOH and my bridesmaids were my two sisters-in-law to be, one friend I have had since I was born, and a good friend from college who was also a good friend of my husband and was married to a groomsman.

I told my bridesmaids what my colors were, what color I wanted their dresses to be, and to go down to David's Bridal and pick out something that they liked. Oh, and told them the date of the wedding. I told them that they could choose to have their hair done or not. They could choose to have their hair done or not. They could choose to come to my showers or not. Basically, my request was that they got a dress in the color I requested and showed up at the church on my wedding day.

 

[jen0610]

I would love to see what would happen if one of those TEN bridesmaids gets pregnant between now and the wedding! I bet she'd fire them for being too fat for the pictures.

Years ago, my best friend and I both showed up to bowling with big news to tell each other. She went first. It was we're getting married and I want you as a bridesmaid. My reply was, sure as long as the wedding is some time after this baby is due, because I am NOT waddling up the isle pregnant.

Not an issue, I had DD in June and she got married in Sept.

 

[lovin'fl]

I imagine that anyone getting that letter has known the bride for a while, and the tone / expectations aren't going to surprise them.

Well it must have surprised someone since the letter went public.

 

[2girls4me]

Gotta loves brides like this. The wedding is more important then the marriage.

I'm sure there is someone on my family that this is going to happen to, when or IF they ever get engaged.

Then you just sit back and watch the show,

 

[design_mom]

So many thoughts!

I agree with everyone else about the awful grammar! My favorite line was "Not all the bridesmaid need to be CC'd unless its coming from me or L—, if it something everyone needs to see then well do it."

I assume she means: Not all the bridesmaid need to be CC'd unless its coming from me or L—. If it's something everyone needs to see, then we'll do it. However, it could also be read as: Not all the bridesmaid need to be CC'd unless its coming from me or L—. If it's something everyone needs to see, then, well, do it. That would make a BIG difference in meaning.

The bride definitely sounds like a total Bridezilla. I think her expectations are absolutely ridiculous. However, at least everyone knows early on that she's going to be a Bridezilla and knows what they're in for. Having been the bridesmaid of a girl who turned into a Bridezilla (my husband's only sibling), it would have been nice to know up front. In my case, every ridiculous request was topped by an even more ridiculous request. And the mother of the bride just kept saying "It's her big day. It's her day."

 

[WDSearcher]

Well it must have surprised someone since the letter went public.

Or they posted it as a joke. Or ... the letter itself is a joke from the bride to her bridesmaids and we're all the patsies!

But still ... I think too many people take on the bridesmaid role thinking it'll be this big romantic thing like you see in "The Wedding Planner" or some other wedding movie. Oh ... it'll be fun!

And then the date of the event approaches and suddenly what seemed like a good idea a year ago is starting to cost time and money because no one thought to really ask "So ... this bridesmaid thing ... what kind of commitment are you looking for here?"

At least the bride knows that every bridesmaid who does show up is there because she really thought about it and really wants to be. And if it turns out that none of the "top 10" accept the role, then the bride gets a little reality check while there's still plenty of time to rethink her requirements. It's not a bridesmaid throwing a fit and walking away two days before the wedding or a bride saying, "well ... I figured you'd know you had to do that ... you're a bridesmaid!"

Still a good plan, IMO.

 

[bedogged]

I saw that lunacy the other day.

Her self-absorbtion and snotty little demands are bad enough, but the atrocious grammar and spelling are the cherry on top of the delusional sundae. If you can't use the correct 'role,' you're not high class.

Amen!

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Gotta loves brides like this. The wedding is more important then the marriage.

I'm sure there is someone on my family that this is going to happen to, when or IF they ever get engaged.

Then you just sit back and watch the show,

I have absolutely no doubt that, should my sister-in-law ever find a man who is actually willing to marry her, she will be very much like this. She will tell us how to wear our nails, how to wear our hair (and if it is too long or too short for the style, we will no doubt have to cut it or get extensions), that we need to be present at every function, exactly what kind of bachelorette party she wants that we will be paying for, how we are to act at said party, what we should wear to said party, etc.

 

[design_mom]

I have absolutely no doubt that, should my sister-in-law ever find a man who is actually willing to marry her, she will be very much like this. She will tell us how to wear our nails, how to wear our hair (and if it is too long or too short for the style, we will no doubt have to cut it or get extensions), that we need to be present at every function, exactly what kind of bachelorette party she wants that we will be paying for, how we are to act at said party, what we should wear to said party, etc.

My Bridezilla SIL did exactly that. She told me that I had to grow my hair out so that I could wear it in the style of her choosing. (I complained, to which my MIL replied "It's her day, she gets what she wants. She's giving you a year to grow it out, so I don't see what the problem is!")

To preserve family harmony, I grew my hair out to the length she determined, and I paid to have it styled at the place she selected for all the bridesmaids to go. However, my hair is very thick and dark. The cute little basketweave bun style she chose did not look the same on me as it did on the other girls. It looked like a big ol' black beehive on the top of my head. She was *still* mad at me for not looking the same as everyone else. (I should have put my foot down about growing it out in the first place. I got it cut the day after her wedding.)

To be fair, I think that weddings are "different" in their family and Bridezilla-ness is accepted. DH and I got married first and I was not a Bridezilla at all. However, all of his aunts, cousins, etc. (not in the wedding party) kept calling to tell me what they planned to wear and asking "Does that sound okay?" To which I always answered "Sure. Sounds fine." or "If you like it, I'm sure it will be great." Meanwhile, I kept thinking "Why are you asking me?!" After going to a few family weddings from that side, now I know why they called. (Still think it's silly though.)

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

My Bridezilla SIL did exactly that. She told me that I had to grow my hair out so that I could wear it in the style of her choosing. (I complained, to which my MIL replied "It's her day, she gets what she wants. She's giving you a year to grow it out, so I don't see what the problem is!")

To preserve family harmony, I grew my hair out to the length she determined, and I paid to have it styled at the place she selected for all the bridesmaids to go. However, my hair is very thick and dark. The cute little basketweave bun style she chose did not look the same on me as it did on the other girls. It looked like a big ol' black beehive on the top of my head. She was *still* mad at me for not looking the same as everyone else. (I should have put my foot down about growing it out in the first place. I got it cut the day after her wedding.)

She sounds like a real peach to be around. I'm dreading SIL's wedding. Luckily, she is 22 and has yet to keep a guy around for a second date, so we should be safe for a bit.

 

[design_mom]

She sounds like a real peach to be around. I'm dreading SIL's wedding. Luckily, she is 22 and has yet to keep a guy around for a second date, so we should be safe for a bit.

Mine found a guy who thinks she walks on water and enables her craziness. The pregnancies made the wedding seem like a cake-walk!

 

[Wishing on a star]

OMG!!!!

I am betting that this is somebody just looking for their 15 minutes of fame on the cable networks.

But, you know what...
That email reminds me in SO many ways of the email that I recently received from the planner of next year's annual reunion, for a large group of families that I have been a part of.
( I planned it a few years ago - had about 150 people... )

Her email was just SO annoyingly overly excited and 'proud', etc. Just sickeningly sweet, as they say.
This woman was just so happy to announce that she was planning the reunion to be for a FULL week, and at a very expensive beach house, at an exorbitant cost per bedroom... in a fairly remote location, with no amenities, activities, services, etc for a group of any size... with absolutely NO consideration for the families with children (which is what the group is supposed to be ALL about).... AND asked everyone to please let her know right away if you wanted one of the few coveted bedrooms... And all others who wanted the 'honor' of participating in the reunion and sharing with everyone else in the group were certainly welcome to get their own accommodations in the surrounding area, and 'visit'.

Ummmm, yeah... right...

I was the first to respond with "Sorry, but we will not be able to come to next years reunion... these arrangements just will not work for us."

jeez!!!!

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Mine found a guy who thinks she walks on water and enables her craziness. The pregnancies made the wedding seem like a cake-walk!

I shall nominate your for sainthood.

 

[WDSearcher]

I have absolutely no doubt that, should my sister-in-law ever find a man who is actually willing to marry her, she will be very much like this. She will tell us how to wear our nails, how to wear our hair (and if it is too long or too short for the style, we will no doubt have to cut it or get extensions), that we need to be present at every function, exactly what kind of bachelorette party she wants that we will be paying for, how we are to act at said party, what we should wear to said party, etc.

Or you could just decline the invitation ...

 

[diamondpixienc]

I'm wondering how anyone would be willing to be married to her!

This...lol!

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

I am absolutely NOT defending this behavior, but I want to chime in and say that I have seen it in real life and it actually does happen like this...And it is just as ugly as you would imagine.

My DW went to a very elite all-women liberal arts college, and several of her friends came from truly wealthy families. In one wedding she was a bridesmaid and in another she was just a guest, but in both the conditions placed on her were extreme and not dissimilar to those set forth in this e-mail. At the one where we were just a guest, for example, we were given a schedule, more than a year in advance, of all events we would be expected to attend. To be fair, we simply notified her of conflicts, self-created, by the appropriate deadline, for many of them, but it was ridiculous. As a guest we were expected to attend two parties out of state, plus a very expensive Jack & Jill party a month before the wedding, and we were even given "suggested gift ranges" based upon her opinion of what we could afford. It was bizarre, and while DW dutifully put up with it, it did dramatically impact their friendship and they are no longer close.

 

[WDSearcher]

I am absolutely NOT defending this behavior, but I want to chime in and say that I have seen it in real life and it actually does happen like this...And it is just as ugly as you would imagine.

My DW went to a very elite all-women liberal arts college, and several of her friends came from truly wealthy families. In one wedding she was a bridesmaid and in another she was just a guest, but in both the conditions placed on her were extreme and not dissimilar to those set forth in this e-mail. At the one where we were just a guest, for example, we were given a schedule, more than a year in advance, of all events we would be expected to attend. To be fair, we simply notified her of conflicts, self-created, by the appropriate deadline, for many of them, but it was ridiculous. As a guest we were expected to attend two parties out of state, plus a very expensive Jack & Jill party a month before the wedding, and we were even given "suggested gift ranges" based upon her opinion of what we could afford. It was bizarre, and while DW dutifully put up with it, it did dramatically impact their friendship and they are no longer close.

I guess my question would be, why would your DW "dutifully put up with it"? Sounds like it was annoying from the start. If there's that much drama and "direction" involved, then decline the invite and send a card.

I really have no problem with people stating flat-out exactly what they want, as long as I have the option of saying, "Um ... no." And I'd rather know what's expected of me up front, so that if I DO say yes, I'm doing that with full disclosure.

But spelling does count. As does grammar.

 

[jujube]

The groom would get a reply from me, "Good luck".
Maybe she should spend the wedding money getting an education.

 

[avgeek81]

I have only been in one wedding. I was the maid of honor in my best friend from childhood's wedding. She lives in florida but the wedding was held in CT, where I was living at the time and her and her husbands family are from there. Thankfully she is the most laid back person and so am I. The bridemaids dresses were black, everyone else in her wedding party lived in florida and knew each other so they went picked out dresses at Davids bridal and then I checked it out and said it was fine with me.

My mom kept having me call and ask stuff like what shoes should I wear and how should I do my hair. And the bride kept saying whatever is fine, just black shoes, go to whatever hair salon you usually use. Her mom and the mother of the groom took care of the shower since I had limited funds but I helped with the planning.

i asked if she wanted a bachlorette party and she said no. She said "you dont want to make a speech at the reception right" I said "god no!" she was like thats what I told the planner.

I have one friend who i went to her bachlorette party and chipped in for a hotel room but it wasnt too much. We went to a piano bar downtown and I think we may have rented a limo and then went back to the hotel.

One of my other good friends got married on the beach here, before I moved here. There was maybe 6 people there and afterwards they went out to dinner and her and her husband payed for thier own meal