Bridesmaid torture.

[krcit]

Ever heard the saying "your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for me?" If the bridal store gave her a deadline, she needs to be on top of that.

I have done my due diligence in hunting her down. At this point it is her responsibility to respond. I do not care how busy you are as the bride, after you have gotten numerous messages from someone, you need to take responsibility and take care of the details. I am not willing to go drop a ton of money on a dress only to have it be the wrong one. That would just be stupid. If she has changed her plans again (she has waffled on the actual date of the wedding a few times) she needs to let me know. This is a 36 year old woman we are talking about here.

I agree with you. It would take 30 seconds to email you so I call bull on the 'busy bride' nonsense. You've done your part so now it's on her.

 

[Kellydelly]

What kind of "friend" dodges all those efforts of contact? I would cut your losses and have no worries about participating in her wedding. Of course you can't order a dress when you have no clue which one she chose . Did you do something to tick her off ?

 

[JaneBanks]

I said this before, but I'll say it again.

Why don't you ask another bridesmaid about the dress? There are other ways to find out.

As you have said, you really don't want to be in the wedding and it shows since you haven't tried another avenue to find out about the dress.

If it were me, no matter the actions of the bride, I would feel that I'm also somewhat responsible about this dress since I said yes to being a bridesmaid. I would try anything I could to find out about it. I would feel awful if I didn't do enough and made the wedding even more stressful for my friend.

 

[RadioNate]

Ever heard the saying "your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for me?" If the bridal store gave her a deadline, she needs to be on top of that.

I have done my due diligence in hunting her down. At this point it is her responsibility to respond. I do not care how busy you are as the bride, after you have gotten numerous messages from someone, you need to take responsibility and take care of the details. I am not willing to go drop a ton of money on a dress only to have it be the wrong one. That would just be stupid. If she has changed her plans again (she has waffled on the actual date of the wedding a few times) she needs to let me know. This is a 36 year old woman we are talking about here.

Can you just call the bridal shop? Shouldn't they have a record of which dress to order?

 

[disykat]

I'm amazed that people are acting like the OP is doing something wrong here. It's like people give brides free reign to be unreasonable.

 

[Gisele]

It sounds all very medieval and painful too....

 

[indimom]

My best childhood friend asked me to be in her wedding. The wedding is in April. She sent me a pic end of October of 3 dresses that they were trying to pick between but never told me which one they selected. She left me a voicemail Nov 21 telling me the dress had to be purchased NO LATER than end of November. Short notice, but didn't tell me which one she picked. I responded asking WHICH ONE had they picked. She replied on Thanksgiving saying I need to go buy the dress ASAP still didn't tell me which one. I have left her several voicemail messages, facebook messages, and sent emails. I have gotten no response. What the heck? I don't feel I should have to chase after her. I give up!!!!

Does she NEVER answer her phone??? Seems like messages are not cutting it, try calling her on her home phone at 2 a.m. every night for a week or so, she's bound to answer eventually...


Okay, I kid. I'd call her mom, she's bound to know.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd do this one more time.

Via every avenue you have to contact her, I'd send the following message:

"Dear Bride. I have tried to contact you on numerous occasions in numerous ways (List ways here...FB, email, text, phone, carrier pigeon) with regard to which bridesmaid dress you have chosen so that I can order it. You have not responded,therefore I have not ordered a dress. Please advise...would you like to tell me which dress I should order or would you prefer I bow out of being a wedding attendant? If I don't hear something definitive from you, I will assume you do not wish for me to be in your wedding".

I agree with you OP. This is a grown woman, You shouldn't have to be calling her mother, another bridesmaid or every bridal venue in town to figure out what the heck she was doing. I was a bride too...it's not a full time job unless someone is a spoiled idiot or a bridezilla. I managed to plan my wedding, work full time as a nurse doing shifts AND be nice to my friends.

 

[Swan4Me]

I also would not order a dress unless i had been in the shop and had myself measured-sizes for different lines are different

I also vote for getting out of the bridal party

 

[dimimi]

Hasn't she given you a number to call? The bridal store she is working with with know which dress she wants. All you need to do is call the store.

Is it odd/rude/unacceptable...that she hasn't sent you a picture of the dress? Yes! But she isn't giving you a choice of dresses, she only wants you to order one.

I was in about 9 weddings. Every wedding the bride chose the dress. Most of the time I went in and tried on dresses and had a little input, but not all of the bridesmaids were always there. Many times the other bridesmaids would just call in their measurements to the Bridal Shop.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'd do this one more time.

Via every avenue you have to contact her, I'd send the following message:

"Dear Bride. I have tried to contact you on numerous occasions in numerous ways (List ways here...FB, email, text, phone, carrier pigeon) with regard to which bridesmaid dress you have chosen so that I can order it. You have not responded,therefore I have not ordered a dress. Please advise...would you like to tell me which dress I should order or would you prefer I bow out of being a wedding attendant? If I don't hear something definitive from you, I will assume you do not wish for me to be in your wedding".

I agree with you OP. This is a grown woman, You shouldn't have to be calling her mother, another bridesmaid or every bridal venue in town to figure out what the heck she was doing. I was a bride too...it's not a full time job unless someone is a spoiled idiot or a bridezilla. I managed to plan my wedding, work full time as a nurse doing shifts AND be nice to my friends.

I think that's reasonable. The more I think of it, the stranger it is. Either she wants you in the wedding or she doesn't.

I do wonder, is the bride updating/responding to her FB while ignoring your question? If so, I think you have your answer. I'd just send the message Disney Doll has above. That would put the ball in her corner one final time. Then you are off the hook.

She is being beyond rude.

 

[goofinoff]

I'd call her one more time and leave her a final message...."I'm out!" That is such bull! Being in a wedding is more of a pain than an honor! I know that a bride is "very busy" but so is everyone else. This is HER wedding!! The OP said that she took the time to send a message saying that it was time to order the dress and even when the OP asked which dress she didn't bother to answer. I'd be done if I were you! This is such a crazy time of year as it is. You don't need to be chasing down a bride to find out what dress SHE chose for HER wedding!!!

 

[Nancyg56]

If this was my dilemma I would decide if I really wanted to be in the wedding and how I felt about the bride. If I wanted to participate or if I wanted to maintain the relationship I would try one more time. I would call the Mom or the bridal shop.

If I decided the entire thing was just more stress than the relationship was worth and that if i continued to participate in the wedding this was going to add up to a nightmare I would send an email and a VM to the bride saying that it was too bad that I missed the final date for dress purchase but that since she had never returned any of my pleas for a return call I had no choice but to opt out.

This is not your fault and you do not need to use extraordinary measure in order to spend money for a bride who cannot take 30 seconds to clarify which dress you need to buy.

 

[dakcp2001]

I'd do this one more time.

Via every avenue you have to contact her, I'd send the following message:

"Dear Bride. I have tried to contact you on numerous occasions in numerous ways (List ways here...FB, email, text, phone, carrier pigeon) with regard to which bridesmaid dress you have chosen so that I can order it. You have not responded,therefore I have not ordered a dress. Please advise...would you like to tell me which dress I should order or would you prefer I bow out of being a wedding attendant? If I don't hear something definitive from you, I will assume you do not wish for me to be in your wedding".

I agree with you OP. This is a grown woman, You shouldn't have to be calling her mother, another bridesmaid or every bridal venue in town to figure out what the heck she was doing. I was a bride too...it's not a full time job unless someone is a spoiled idiot or a bridezilla. I managed to plan my wedding, work full time as a nurse doing shifts AND be nice to my friends.

OP here, I took your advice! It was great advice as I got almost an IMMEDIATE response from the bride. It is a panic filled email with OMG you didn't buy it yet? And then a million excuses about why she has not had time to get back to me and that I need to buy the dress TODAY. I called the store chain, there is one about an hour from here, the first day I can go is Wednesday. They said that would be fine.

I responded with an email saying that is is extremely important to LET ME KNOW if there is something I need to do and that I need NOTICE to get things done since I work full time. I told her that if she sees numerous messages and emails and voicemails from me there is probably a reason. I told her if it is too much trouble I would be happy to bow out and she can find a local replacement. I told her that this is going to be difficult from out of state and that I would totally be happy just being a regular guest at the wedding, and then she would not have to deal with contacting me with all the info each time she makes a decision.

She sent me back another email begging me to stay in the wedding party and saying she is sorry,and it will not happen again.

So I guess we will see. Let us hope she is sincere.

 

[krcit]

I'm amazed that people are acting like the OP is doing something wrong here. It's like people give brides free reign to be unreasonable.

And that is why we have those horrific shows like Bridezilla etc.