Bridal Showers

Ciao Mickey

<font color=brown>Kind of makes you want to run th
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Mar 16, 2007
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Do you feel that it's tacky for someone to throw a large bridal shower for a woman who has been living with her S.O. in a home they have owned together for the past 8 years?

After living together they have finally decided to get marry and the girl's parents are doing the whole nine yards for them (engagement party, showers and a big wedding reception).

I always thought bridal showers are for young ladies who are leaving their parent's home and are going into a home of their own. Isn't that why you would throw her a bridal shower? To help her start-up her new home?

Don't you think the couple who has been living together for years already have most things for their home? So what's the point in a bridal shower?

Would you spend less on a gift for the one who has been living with her SO?

Just looking for some different opinions on the matter. :rolleyes1
 
Well, I know my mom's generation would certainly say that. (At least my mom would! LOL, I know this because she has!) I can see it both ways. Yes, she probably doesn't need anything, but she's a bride to be, and deserves the same attention as any bride to be.
 
No, I'm not going to judge someone on how they want to celebrate their wedding just because they've lived together. I don't think it's tacky at all to have a full shower.

There is no expectation of gifts at an engagement party. It's merely a way to celebrate the good news. If we're being callous, it's the guests who benefit because they get free food and drink in exchange for merely their presence and good wishes. The wedding reception is the couple and their parent's perrogative.

The point of a bridal shower is to honor and celebrate a woman you love and care for. There are all kinds of showers these days--spa showers, bar showers, etc.

What exactly would be deemed acceptable? If you're 23, you're allowed to have 30 people love you and want to celebrate with you, but if you're 35 that number should be restriced to 10 or less? :confused3

Parties aren't about keeping a tally and judging whether the bride has lived her life to your standards. If you loved her and cared about her you'd want to do anything in your power to make her wedding celebrations happy. If you're worried about whether she "entitled" to the celebration, stay home!
 
I don't see anything wrong with it.
 

My sister and her boyfriend lived together for a few years before they were married. They did have "stuff" but most of it was my mismatched hand-me-downs. They now have nice, matching towels, dishes etc....
 
If it's her first wedding I don't see anything wrong with it, I'm sure the bride and the bride's parents want to experience the whole wedding hoopla.
 
My sister and her boyfriend lived together for a few years before they were married. They did have "stuff" but most of it was my mismatched hand-me-downs. They now have nice, matching towels, dishes etc....

That was my situation. DH and I lived together about 3 years before getting married, and most of our stuff was parental hand-me-downs (towels, furniture, etc.). We had a really small wedding (17 guests), so we certainly weren't trolling for gifts. But we did get some new towels, silverware, and a microwave! :thumbsup2
 
My DH and I lived together for 3 years before tying the knot. I dont think you should hold that against the couple for making their own way before getting assistance. Everyone deserves a bridal/baby shower. Its as if saying since they already have anything no since in giving them stuff.

Instead i like seeing themed parties like where each person picks a room and gives them stuff for each room--
 
I'll be honest, for me it depends. I had a friend who lived with her b/f for about 5 years after she graduated before getting married. They had a huge new build house with brand new kitchen ware, dining, furniture, towels... etc. They had just moved into their house about a year before getting engaged and they went all out on everything. Did I think it was a bit tacky that htey had the parties, showers and all that even though they literally had everything? Yep... did I tell that to anyone who knew them? Nope. I went to the showers and the wedding and all that. So yes, it can be tacky depending on the situation, but it doesn't keep me from going.

Now if they lived together and had had nearly nothing, or a bunch of hand me downs, I wouldn't have thought twice. But their stuff they had before they got engaged was much nicer and newer than what we had that we got at our wedding in the first place :rotfl:
 
I don't see anything wrong with it either. I lived with DH before getting married and I had a bridal shower. It was the first "nice" stuff we got in several cases, as opposed to salvation army finds and things DH got from flea markets and pawn shops while in the air force.
 
what does it matter if they have nice things to begin with? They had to make their way on their own? What happens when you give ppl shower gifts who havent lived together and yet they have tons of money in the bank and go blow it on big vacations and stuff? is that okay? Do you go ask for your stuff back? I dont understand it....you dont just give because they need it-- you give in celebration. Though they may already have a nice house and fine china sometimes the acknowledgement of them having done it on their own is nice-- give them some gift cards to go out to eat or something!
 
Well, I know my mom's generation would certainly say that. (At least my mom would! LOL, I know this because she has!) I can see it both ways. Yes, she probably doesn't need anything, but she's a bride to be, and deserves the same attention as any bride to be.

I agree.

I do question the parents throwing the shower though. I always thought that was supposed to be done by the brides friends/bridesmaids?

Anne
 
what does it matter if they have nice things to begin with? They had to make their way on their own? What happens when you give ppl shower gifts who havent lived together and yet they have tons of money in the bank and go blow it on big vacations and stuff? is that okay? Do you go ask for your stuff back? I dont understand it....you dont just give because they need it-- you give in celebration. Though they may already have a nice house and fine china sometimes the acknowledgement of them having done it on their own is nice-- give them some gift cards to go out to eat or something!
Goodness, you need to relax. I was being honest. I got married at 23, we didn't have anythiing at all or anything nice. We barely had jobs. I just didn't get why my friend had to make a huge deal about her wedding and getting married when she had been with him for about 7 years and living together for 5. She acted like the virgin bride and got pissy when people didn't give her nice gifts.

They OP asked and yes, I find it a little tacky to ask for something huge for weddings when you are established, been living together and then years down the road decide you want to tie the knot. IMO that is out of order.

It's really my opinion and nothing to take personally. I am sure many object to me getting married young and being against living together just as much too. It's what I feel is right... doesn't mean I have to hold all others to my opinions. I am sure others found me irresponsible to marry so young. It's their opinion so what do I care?

8 years is a LONG time to live together. In Ohio it used to mean you were married per law because of that.

So yeah, I find it a little tacky to ask for tons of gifts if you have it all. We did only ask for what we didn't have. It really is my opinion only, and as I said in my post it doesn't mean I won't give them a gift or celebrate with them. I just find it a bit tacky (just as I find it tacky to put registry cards in invitations). I do celebrate all unions, but you have to admit you yourself will find things tacky that others do that you wouldn't dream of. It's not that big of a deal. Like I said, I DO give gifts and I DO celebrate. So don't worry, I don't go around judging what people do with the gifts once I give them :rolleyes:

I do agree though, that gifts should be given out of celebration. If I really do NOT agree with what someone does, I wouldn't give a gift. I have never been that "repulsed" by an idea that I wouldn't celebrate a union yet.

I did forget to say, I find it the most tacky that the immediately family is throwing the shower. That sounds like it is money grubbing.
 
I don't think it's tacky if it's their first marriage (or even just her first marriage). If it was a 2nd plus marriage, I would hope it would be a much smaller affair.

As for who throws the shower..yes, her parents really shouldn't be throwing it, but there is nothing wrong with his parents, her siblings, or another of her less immediate relatives throwing a shower for her. My MIL threw my shower because all of my family and friends live out of state and she wanted to have something for DH's family, and my DH's aunt thre a shower for her future DIL so that the groom's side of the family could attend.
 
I would say it depends on the situation and if the bride would like a shower...like others have said maybe they would like new special things that loved ones gave them instead of the hand me downs...

Like I said, it depends. Some questions...is this a first wedding for the couple? Are they registered? Have either one of them mentioned a shower?

I know in my case, I am getting married in June, it is my second marriage, we live together and do not want for anything...I feel bad that people would give us gifts for the wedding...therefore, I am contemplating asking for charity donations.

Everyones situation is different...maybe an engagement party or a girls get together would be fun...

I am babbling again...sorry!
 
Goodness, you need to relax. I was being honest. I got married at 23, we didn't have anythiing at all or anything nice. We barely had jobs. I just didn't get why my friend had to make a huge deal about her wedding and getting married when she had been with him for about 7 years and living together for 5. She acted like the virgin bride and got pissy when people didn't give her nice gifts.

They OP asked and yes, I find it a little tacky to ask for something huge for weddings when you are established, been living together and then years down the road decide you want to tie the knot. IMO that is out of order.

It's really my opinion and nothing to take personally. I am sure many object to me getting married young and being against living together just as much too. It's what I feel is right... doesn't mean I have to hold all others to my opinions. I am sure others found me irresponsible to marry so young. It's their opinion so what do I care?

8 years is a LONG time to live together. In Ohio it used to mean you were married per law because of that.

So yeah, I find it a little tacky to ask for tons of gifts if you have it all. We did only ask for what we didn't have. It really is my opinion only, and as I said in my post it doesn't mean I won't give them a gift or celebrate with them. I just find it a bit tacky (just as I find it tacky to put registry cards in invitations). I do celebrate all unions, but you have to admit you yourself will find things tacky that others do that you wouldn't dream of. It's not that big of a deal. Like I said, I DO give gifts and I DO celebrate. So don't worry, I don't go around judging what people do with the gifts once I give them :rolleyes:

I do agree though, that gifts should be given out of celebration. If I really do NOT agree with what someone does, I wouldn't give a gift. I have never been that "repulsed" by an idea that I wouldn't celebrate a union yet.

I did forget to say, I find it the most tacky that the immediately family is throwing the shower. That sounds like it is money grubbing.

I appologize if you thought I was being defensive. However, I speak from experience. My DH and I decided to live together before marriage. It wasnt something either of us had planned on doing-- but sometimes situations make it to where you need to. We lived together and to this day have very nice things. DH makes great money. Thats not something we should be punished for by any means. We didnt have a wedding shower because I felt as though we didnt need the stuff... but that didnt stop me from accepting gifts that were laid on the gift table at my wedding reception! Most gave money, which was very generous-- others gave beautiful hosting bowls and whatnots. I am very appreciative. Although my DH and I might have done things 'out of order'-- we also can pat ourselves on the back for having got married when we were financially capable of doing so-- with our own money, our own house, and our own bank stability. Marriage is a big step and I dont think showers are just for those who have less than others.

As for who is throwing the shower. Sometimes a parent of the bride/groom or cousin/aunt whatever is the person who feels the need to take the initiative. I believe everyone is intitled to a shower/celebration regaurdless of who is throwing it. I would question a parent throwing a shower for a daughter with 3 different groups of people-- all expecting to get great gifts.. But one shower hosted by a parent isnt completely out of line if it is the only shower that is being given. If a girl has no friends who think out of the box she should still have ever right to a shower. JMO

I appologize if you thought i was being defensive or touchy. Im sorry :)
 
I appologize if you thought I was being defensive. However, I speak from experience. My DH and I decided to live together before marriage. It wasnt something either of us had planned on doing-- but sometimes situations make it to where you need to. We lived together and to this day have very nice things. DH makes great money. Thats not something we should be punished for by any means. We didnt have a wedding shower because I felt as though we didnt need the stuff... but that didnt stop me from accepting gifts that were laid on the gift table at my wedding reception! Most gave money, which was very generous-- others gave beautiful hosting bowls and whatnots. I am very appreciative. Although my DH and I might have done things 'out of order'-- we also can pat ourselves on the back for having got married when we were financially capable of doing so-- with our own money, our own house, and our own bank stability. Marriage is a big step and I dont think showers are just for those who have less than others.

As for who is throwing the shower. Sometimes a parent of the bride/groom or cousin/aunt whatever is the person who feels the need to take the initiative. I believe everyone is intitled to a shower/celebration regaurdless of who is throwing it. I would question a parent throwing a shower for a daughter with 3 different groups of people-- all expecting to get great gifts.. But one shower hosted by a parent isnt completely out of line if it is the only shower that is being given. If a girl has no friends who think out of the box she should still have ever right to a shower. JMO

I appologize if you thought i was being defensive or touchy. Im sorry :)
No worries, and I am sorry if I sounded like I was being too judgemental. What each of us finds tacky is our own thing, kwim? I wouldn't sit there and whine about giving someone like you a gift for a shower. Both my brother and sister lived with their SOs before marriage at one point and I never held it against them at all. I agree that pretty much all should be celebrated (I won't say all, because there could be the case where abuse is happening prior to the wedding, and I cannot celebrate that) and I give gifts w/o and judgement when I do.

Okay I whined about my friend, but if you were in her wedding, I bet you would've whined too. If she hadn't been such a bridezilla, I probably wouldn't look back and pick on her so much ;)

Personally I still think that if a parent wants a shower thrown, they can talk to *someone* to help. If they know of no one who could help and technically host it, IMO, then they don't have anyone close enough they should be inviting in the first place. I hope that makes sense. Like my sister's wedding, technically her MOH hosted it, but I helped out and paid for a ton. Sometimes for me, it is about appearance and trying to make it look right.

Now truthfully if it were an engagement party in general being thrown, I don't care who does it. That is a total celebration to begin with. I hope that all makes sense :)
 













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