Breathalyzer brands & college teen discussions

[mjkacmom]

you're the second person with a child in college who told me about how prevalent Adderall and Ritalin abuse are, that is so scary. We are taking care of all of our children's expenses while they were in school in the hope that a lack of added pressure and more time might curtail the stress that leads them to using these drugs out of exhaustion. I have no idea if that's the right answer or not but it's what my gut is telling me to do. We were talking about this stuff last year and my friends 20+ college student son shared about how it helps him concentrate which is just bananas. First, it's insane that this kid would do it because he doesn't have to; second, and even more alarming to me, is the fact that he is comfortable enough in his choice to share that indiscretion with me.

I'm not surprised with the ADD drugs. Dd19 even asked for some of ds19's, out of desperation (she's in a tough business program, and barely ate, showered, or slept during midterms, but she puts a lot of pressure on herself - and aced them all). I don't know if she was even serious, because she knows that it's illegal, it's harmful, it's taking something from her brother that he actually needs, and that it's not necessary - she's the opposite of ADD.

But there is a lot of pressure. I remind her that a couple years into her career, no one will care what her GPA was.

 

[Southernmiss]

He could see you as being the overprotective, helicopter mom who doesn't trust him...who thinks he's still a little kid who needs everything spelled out for him in 100 different ways like a little kid. If he feels this way, he may start to shut you out, rather than let you in, as he faces adulthood.

Not saying it's gonna happen that way or you are that parent, but you asked how it could backfire...so there it is...

To those of us looking in, op you are getting close to boarding the helicopter.

 

[PlutoPony]

OP, think about what you really want for him when he goes off to college and if there's anything you can do from home to help him accomplish that
And in most cases I'm afraid the answer is going to be no.
I'm not sure how you can keep them from making life altering mistakes from 100 miles away

Let's say (for discussion sake) he parties a lot, goes to class with a hangover more often then you'd like AND gets great grades.
Would you want/need to know what he does socially if he does ok in class? It's that type of thing that you answer to decide how much you want to try and influence him once he leaves for college.

Also - college kids are SMART. If they don't want you to know something, there's a really good chance you won't find out (although I do remind my son that speeding tickets and some specific messages from the University DO get mailed to the home address )

Based on my experience with a junior in college, I'd say following a GPS tracking system is not helpful both from a trust standpoint and just generally not being able to accurately interpret the data. So what if he's in a bar, it doesn't mean he's drinking.... many allow under 21's up to a certain time. Or just because the GPS shows he's in his room doesn't mean he's studying lol. Personally I think following the money track is a better indication of what's going on. A lot of cash going out (as opposed to seeing the money go to a specific business like Kroger, Chipotle, or Starbucks) could raise a flag it it's a lot and/or on a regular basis.

 

[LuvOrlando]

He could see you as being the overprotective, helicopter mom who doesn't trust him...who thinks he's still a little kid who needs everything spelled out for him in 100 different ways like a little kid. If he feels this way, he may start to shut you out, rather than let you in, as he faces adulthood.

Not saying it's gonna happen that way or you are that parent, but you asked how it could backfire...so there it is...

thanks for your concern

 

[LuvOrlando]

To those of us looking in, op you are getting close to boarding the helicopter.

Maybe that's true, it's a tough line to walk. we are moving into a new phase and I'm trying. Seems as soon as I get one thing down something new shifts the ground.

 

[LuvOrlando]

OP, think about what you really want for him when he goes off to college and if there's anything you can do from home to help him accomplish that
And in most cases I'm afraid the answer is going to be no.
I'm not sure how you can keep them from making life altering mistakes from 100 miles away

Let's say (for discussion sake) he parties a lot, goes to class with a hangover more often then you'd like AND gets great grades.
Would you want/need to know what he does socially if he does ok in class? It's that type of thing that you answer to decide how much you want to try and influence him once he leaves for college.

Also - college kids are SMART. If they don't want you to know something, there's a really good chance you won't find out (although I do remind my son that speeding tickets and some specific messages from the University DO get mailed to the home address )

Based on my experience with a junior in college, I'd say following a GPS tracking system is not helpful both from a trust standpoint and just generally not being able to accurately interpret the data. So what if he's in a bar, it doesn't mean he's drinking.... many allow under 21's up to a certain time. Or just because the GPS shows he's in his room doesn't mean he's studying lol. Personally I think following the money track is a better indication of what's going on. A lot of cash going out (as opposed to seeing the money go to a specific business like Kroger, Chipotle, or Starbucks) could raise a flag it it's a lot and/or on a regular basis.

This is useful. We have a shared debit so I can put money in and see where it's going. Big cash deductions $100 ^ would warrant questions but I ignore the static even now. I don't check where he is too often, only if it's 2am or if I haven't heard from him in 3 hrs or so.

Really what I want is for him to have a blast, go to every party and meet every new person he can manage without losing himself or getting hurt, figure out who he wants to be on his own without us giving him hints because it's not about me, him figure out what sort of person he wants to share his life with, learn enough to provide for himself & graduate without any permanent problems like addiction, STD or a baby. Hopefully happy permanent stuff will be friends, memories, self awareness, contacts and self confidence. Pretty basic but it's the lottery for a happy life in my experience.

 

[Anthony1971]

Unless your Husband downs the bottle I would see a breathalyzer as an experiment of how much he can drink without appearing to be drunk.... also tolerance is an issue your husband may be able to have 4 drinks your son only 2 and not at all appear to be drunk but his blood level may show different BUT this is only used for driving and if he commits a crime..... so backfire it may....and it is pointless.... there are many other things that can effect tolerance as well.. how much you ate, enough sleep, your mood in general, all bodies react differently to alcohol to name a few.
I would agree with those who serve alcohol... you can teach responsibility and simply if they are allowed to drink at home it takes the fun out of going to a party where they are doing something that is not allowed anywhere else... Watch Footloose a few times again to teach responsibility......Drink they will but teach only enough to have a good time...and if they are home and get drunk and throw up they have learned a very lasting lesson around those who will take care of him or her..

 

[supersnoop]

My father volunteers with the local police department. He helped them with their field sobriety training. They picked him up and gave him drinks until he blew above the limit. It took 13 shots of vodka. And he still passed the field sobriety test. Your plan might backfire; the results may not be what you expect.

It's pretty simple, really. Getting caught with any amount of alcohol in his system is going to get him in trouble. So, if he's going to drive, don't drink. And if he's going to drink, don't drive.

 

[onenursebrandy]

I don't try and control every move my college-age son makes. I trusted we raised him right and have no reason to keep tabs on him or track him via his phone. He is an adult and has the right to privacy. I certainly hope he doesn't get involved with a girl whose mother thinks there is nothing wrong with literally tracking her every move.

LOL that you read my entire post and the only thing you were "offended" by was that I have the ability to verify her location to see if she's lying to me!!! Just so you know...I have a brother in the Special Forces, he can track ANYONE with a cell phone!!! Your cell phone company tracks you, the apps that you download track you, but you took time out of your day to comment on my parenting!!! (I hope it wasn't YOUR son who offered my daughter the cocaine....see how that works. Its not nice. Not a good look.)

She has the privacy of a paid for apartment, a few yards from an extremely sought after college campus. I'm 3 hours away, I'm not peeking in her windows. I do everything I can to make sure she's safe in a VERY UNSAFE WORLD. Just for the record, I've used her GPS twice....once to tell HER where her phone was when she thought she lost it (it was in her roommates car) and the second time was the night after the first party she told me about (to verify she was indeed sound asleep in her bed). Knowing I CAN check, keeps her in check. It keeps her in class on days she may not want to go. It keeps her from calling me at midnight to tell me she's home, when she's really doing god knows what. (btw, verification is something employers do all the time, to ensure their employees are doing what they should....you may want to warn your son about those too, God forbid anyone ever hold him accountable)

I'm sure every parent thinks they've raised them right. Every time a child gets arrested their parents are all over TV spewing "not my child", "He was raised better than that"!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

LOL that you read my entire post and the only thing you were "offended" by was that I have the ability to verify her location to see if she's lying to me!!! Just so you know...I have a brother in the Special Forces, he can track ANYONE with a cell phone!!! Your cell phone company tracks you, the apps that you download track you, but you took time out of your day to comment on my parenting!!! (I hope it wasn't YOUR son who offered my daughter the cocaine....see how that works. Its not nice. Not a good look.)

She has the privacy of a paid for apartment, a few yards from an extremely sought after college campus. I'm 3 hours away, I'm not peeking in her windows. I do everything I can to make sure she's safe in a VERY UNSAFE WORLD. Just for the record, I've used her GPS twice....once to tell HER where her phone was when she thought she lost it (it was in her roommates car) and the second time was the night after the first party she told me about (to verify she was indeed sound asleep in her bed). Knowing I CAN check, keeps her in check. It keeps her in class on days she may not want to go. It keeps her from calling me at midnight to tell me she's home, when she's really doing god knows what. (btw, verification is something employers do all the time, to ensure their employees are doing what they should....you may want to warn your son about those too, God forbid anyone ever hold him accountable)

I'm sure every parent thinks they've raised them right. Every time a child gets arrested their parents are all over TV spewing "not my child", "He was raised better than that"!!!

I honestly don't know of any parent who has their child, away at college, call when they get home. I talk to dd19 about once a week, maybe. Having her on GPS to make sure she attended class? Honestly, I have no idea what classes she is taking half of the time, and have no idea what days or times. I don't know what she's doing at 3 am, midnight, where she is sleeping, same as back in the day when I was away at college (and my mom definitely didn't want to know - lol). I get that you think you aren't hovering, but you kind of are.

Did has even gone away for the weekend (Boston, NYC, the beach) without me knowing. I'm sure that if I happened to call her, she'd tell me where she was, but it's really none of my business.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Unless your Husband downs the bottle I would see a breathalyzer as an experiment of how much he can drink without appearing to be drunk.... also tolerance is an issue your husband may be able to have 4 drinks your son only 2 and not at all appear to be drunk but his blood level may show different BUT this is only used for driving and if he commits a crime..... so backfire it may....and it is pointless.... there are many other things that can effect tolerance as well.. how much you ate, enough sleep, your mood in general, all bodies react differently to alcohol to name a few.
I would agree with those who serve alcohol... you can teach responsibility and simply if they are allowed to drink at home it takes the fun out of going to a party where they are doing something that is not allowed anywhere else... Watch Footloose a few times again to teach responsibility......Drink they will but teach only enough to have a good time...and if they are home and get drunk and throw up they have learned a very lasting lesson around those who will take care of him or her..

Isn't over 2 drinks going to cause it Togo over the legal limit? How in the world did he have 13? Was it a timing thing? confused

 

[unrequited23]

I don't think you should worry about tolerance/sobriety issues. A more important lesson is what to do in case of alcohol poisoning--this can be a life or death issue in college when kids are worried about being prosecuted for underage drinking. Or the consequences of DUI-insurance costs, more difficult to get job, suspended license, etc. Then, I would focus on reinforcing the idea of doing the right thing even when it sucks--taking someone's keys, not letting an obviously intoxicated friend go off with a stranger, discussing birth control, etc.

It sounds like you raised a good kid with a good head on his shoulders. There will be a learning curve when he gets to college but I think he will make good choices overall.

 

[Livvie]

LOL that you read my entire post and the only thing you were "offended" by was that I have the ability to verify her location to see if she's lying to me!!! Just so you know...I have a brother in the Special Forces, he can track ANYONE with a cell phone!!! Your cell phone company tracks you, the apps that you download track you, but you took time out of your day to comment on my parenting!!! (I hope it wasn't YOUR son who offered my daughter the cocaine....see how that works. Its not nice. Not a good look.)

She has the privacy of a paid for apartment, a few yards from an extremely sought after college campus. I'm 3 hours away, I'm not peeking in her windows. I do everything I can to make sure she's safe in a VERY UNSAFE WORLD. Just for the record, I've used her GPS twice....once to tell HER where her phone was when she thought she lost it (it was in her roommates car) and the second time was the night after the first party she told me about (to verify she was indeed sound asleep in her bed). Knowing I CAN check, keeps her in check. It keeps her in class on days she may not want to go. It keeps her from calling me at midnight to tell me she's home, when she's really doing god knows what. (btw, verification is something employers do all the time, to ensure their employees are doing what they should....you may want to warn your son about those too, God forbid anyone ever hold him accountable)

I'm sure every parent thinks they've raised them right. Every time a child gets arrested their parents are all over TV spewing "not my child", "He was raised better than that"!!!

You can try to justify it however you want. What my adult child does at college is none of my business. If he wants to skip a class, that is on him and his responsibility, not mine. I don't keep tabs on him and never will. He's an adult.

 

[Livvie]

I honestly don't know of any parent who has their child, away at college, call when they get home. I talk to dd19 about once a week, maybe. Having her on GPS to make sure she attended class? Honestly, I have no idea what classes she is taking half of the time, and have no idea what days or times. I don't know what she's doing at 3 am, midnight, where she is sleeping, same as back in the day when I was away at college (and my mom definitely didn't want to know - lol). I get that you think you aren't hovering, but you kind of are.

Did has even gone away for the weekend (Boston, NYC, the beach) without me knowing. I'm sure that if I happened to call her, she'd tell me where she was, but it's really none of my business.

Exactly. He took a road trip to Detroit this weekend with some buddies to watch NCAA basketball and we found out about it because we texted him and asked how his week went.

 

[Hikergirl]

I'm sure every parent thinks they've raised them right. Every time a child gets arrested their parents are all over TV spewing "not my child", "He was raised better than that"!!!

Tracking your adult children's wearabouts isn't really raising them. If you raised them right, you wouldn't have to track them.

 

[SC Minnie]

OP- my DD21 graduates from college 2 months. She's 3.5 hours away from us. I can't worry about what she does every second of the day. I've had to take comfort in knowing we raised her right and if she makes mistakes they are her mistakes. She's seen friends and cousins make some and doesn't want to go those paths.

You need to have a serious, calm, grown up conversation with your son and tell him what you said below in bold. You've raised him to know right from wrong. Now it's his turn to put it all to use. You can't be there every second. You need to let him go and pray that he's heeded your advice.

This is useful. We have a shared debit so I can put money in and see where it's going. Big cash deductions $100 ^ would warrant questions but I ignore the static even now. I don't check where he is too often, only if it's 2am or if I haven't heard from him in 3 hrs or so.

Really what I want is for him to have a blast, go to every party and meet every new person he can manage without losing himself or getting hurt, figure out who he wants to be on his own without us giving him hints because it's not about me, him figure out what sort of person he wants to share his life with, learn enough to provide for himself & graduate without any permanent problems like addiction, STD or a baby. Hopefully happy permanent stuff will be friends, memories, self awareness, contacts and self confidence. Pretty basic but it's the lottery for a happy life in my experience.

 

[supersnoop]

Isn't over 2 drinks going to cause it Togo over the legal limit? How in the world did he have 13? Was it a timing thing? confused

Everyone's tolerance and metabolism is different. He blew .12 after those 13 drinks. An hour later, after he passed the field sobriety test, he was already down to .085. And we're talking 6' 180lbs. Everyone is different.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I don't think you should worry about tolerance/sobriety issues. A more important lesson is what to do in case of alcohol poisoning--this can be a life or death issue in college when kids are worried about being prosecuted for underage drinking. Or the consequences of DUI-insurance costs, more difficult to get job, suspended license, etc. Then, I would focus on reinforcing the idea of doing the right thing even when it sucks--taking someone's keys, not letting an obviously intoxicated friend go off with a stranger, discussing birth control, etc.

It sounds like you raised a good kid with a good head on his shoulders. There will be a learning curve when he gets to college but I think he will make good choices overall.

thanks for the compliment. My concern over tolerance is only about preventing poisoning, I don't care if he's out singing to Penn State squirrels, as long as he is within a safe range of consumption that's his call & his hangover LOL

 

[jenf22]

I really shouldn't get a say since my kid is only 8, but I did just watch my 26 year old sister go through detox after being addicted to cocaine and alcohol (an addition she had been hiding since she was a teen). She's now a year out and still struggles everyday to not drink. It's not something you want to see your kid (or anyone you love) go through. Could you just give your son a breathalyzer and let him do what he wants with it? Let him try it, let his friends try it... he can have it for when/if he needs it. And if he chooses not to use it, you can't really do anything about that. I know several people who have been shocked at what the breathalyzer shows vs. how they feel. You can pick one up at Walgreens for $50 or so.

I do not envy or look forward to what you're going through. And here in CO, pot is legal too. Ugh...

 

[LuvOrlando]

OP- my DD21 graduates from college 2 months. She's 3.5 hours away from us. I can't worry about what she does every second of the day. I've had to take comfort in knowing we raised her right and if she makes mistakes they are her mistakes. She's seen friends and cousins make some and doesn't want to go those paths.

You need to have a serious, calm, grown up conversation with your son and tell him what you said below in bold. You've raised him to know right from wrong. Now it's his turn to put it all to use. You can't be there every second. You need to let him go and pray that he's heeded your advice.

I tell him this all the time. Maybe its not evident from the question I pose here but I trust my kids implicitly. Both are smart, well grounded and solid young adults, in fact I generally advise my 2 to ignore their friends when they try to convince them of things because most of the time they are going to be the best judge in the room. Still, I've seen terrible things happen to plenty of kids like mine because they simply lack the world experience to match the dilemma.

My SIL was at a sleepover with a bunch of HS friends and a few girls started downing vodka like it was beer in big solo cups. Well 2 slipped into comas & most of the kids scattered out of panic & fear of getting underages. SIL didn't drink at all and had the sense to call 911 & save those girls lives. Can you believe she was charged too because in PA anyone within the premises of an illegal act like this is charged. Inlaws spent thousands on legal bills, SIL lost her Student Council Presidency & NHS standing plus had to make a humiliating speech about underage drinking and she didn't even drink- talk about a kick in the head. These weren't 'bad' kids, they just made a bad decision & SIL got caught up in their bad decision. My husband and I know many recovering addicts, and lost a few that never could recover. These weren't bad kids either.